Let Me Be The Only One
Let Me Be The Only One [sequel]
Three months. One week. Five days. Still I can't move on. I tried to efface everything that happened. The poignant heartbreak. The countless tears. The endless pain. But no matter how hard I try, it keeps returning to me. So here I am again, drowning myself in tears. Regret is the best word that can explain this. I regret that I didn't treat you well. I failed to protect you. I failed to love you the way you deserve.
Why did I take things for granted? The person I never want to leave. The heart I never want to hurt. The love I never want to dispel. But everything is over. Now, they're just but memories I need to forget.
I decided to end this agony. Why should I cry because it's over? I should smile because it happened. Now, I shouldn't commit the same mistake again. I must know when to continue, to slow down or to completely stop. I must know how to respect others' feelings.
I quickly wiped the tears off my face and took a bath. Today, I'm going to change. I shouldn't lock myself in this filthy room. I change into decent clothes and went downstairs where my friends stood with a shocked expression. "Hyung!" Taemin ran towards me to give a brotherly hug. Key was looking at me in disbelief. "Is it really Jonghyun? I just saw you earlier in tears. You look--" I cut him off. "Handsome. I know." We all laughed. "It's been a long time." Onew stated. "How about let's all go out?" suggested Minho which everyone agreed on.
We went to an amusement park and rode the rollercoaster to shout our lungs out. I let out my anger and sorrow through yelling. Maybe this is the way to end all my dilemma. If you can't solve a problem, just leave it.
We did a lot of things. Eat. Play. Shop. But the main point is I had fun. We all did. Time passed so fast that it's already night and we decided to eat out. IN THAT RESTAURANT. The restaurant where a lot of things happened. It is where we started of a relationship and also where we put an end to it. I hesitated at first but knowing I had no chance of winning, I just followed them.
We took the seats nearest the small stage. Exactly where Jessica was when I confessed my feelings for her and also when we ended everything. "Are you okay?" Key asked with concern. I let out a sigh before answering. "To be honest, I don't know." Just as I ended my sentence the door opened and all our eyes went on the source of the sound.
"Jessica?" we whispered in unison. She didn't look at me. I think she didn't know I was there. "Sorry, Jonghyun. We didn't know." Onew apologized. I just nodded and looked at the floor. Seconds later, her friends came in. "Hi guys! How are-- Jjong?" Everyone was shocked. I knew that Jessica and I will soon meet each other but didn't expect this quick. It's just this morning when I decided to move on. "Hi" I greeted shortly. The girls sat on our table. No one talked. No one looked at each other.
"How are you?" I said, still not looking at them. "I'm fine." she whispered. Just as I thought. She's happier without me. She's living a wonderful life. Everything in her life is better without me. Why did I even ask that question if I knew I'll be hurt hearing the answer? I mumbled, "That's good to hear." But the truth is my heart is continuously stabbed by knives.
"Ahhh! I want to sing a song!!" shouted Onew to drop the awkwardness. He walked to the stage, grabbed the microphone and sang. Oh no! Not that song! I looked up and saw Jessica looking at me with shocked eyes. For the first time after our break up, our eyes met. But that only last for a second, since she looked away.
Why that song? Why our song? It just brings back memories of Jessica and me when we were still together. When this love was still mutual.
I couldn't take this anymore. I stood up and whispered my apology before leaving the place. I should forget everything. But I don't want to. I should move on. But it's hard to. And that song isn't helping me choose the right thing to do. I ran towards the park nearest to the restaurant. I need a quiet place for me to think.
Jessica, why did we become like this? If only I could turn back time and correct my mistakes. But I know it will never ever happen. We promised to stay by each others side. We promised to love each other forever. But it's all gone. Now, I believe in what they say; Promises are made to be broken.
Soon, it started to rain but I didn't move from my position. I just let the rain pour hard on me. I just let the rain fall as my tears do the same. I looked at my hands. My hands that used to hold yours. My arms that used to hug you when you cry. Having you happens once in my life but I let you go. I let go of someone that I couldn't live without. I admit that I am such a fool that thinks only about myself. I didn't notice sooner that you weren't feeling happy with me anymore so at the very least, I could do something to fix it. But instead, I only noticed it when there's a little chance to make it right.
I closed my eyes and wished I could die right now. At this very second. My life is useless without an inspiration, which is you. I couldn't go on with my life without your love. How am I supposed to take another breath if the reason why I exist is now away from me?
Then suddenly, the rain stopped hitting my back. I turn my head around to see why and saw Jessica holding an umbrella. My heart began to pound hard against my chest. I didn't waste another second and pulled her into a tight hug. A very tight hug that caused her to drop the umbrella. We got wet but we didn't care. All I cared about is having her in my hands and I am never letting go.
I heard her sob while hugging me back "I'm sorry" she started. I shook my head but still she continued. "I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry for being weak.. I'm sorry for not fighting for our love. Sorry for my foolishness. Sorry for not loving you the way you deserve. Sorry." I hugged her more tightly as I continue to shake my head. "No, Sica.. You shouldn't say that."
We just stood there hugging each other while the cold raindrops countinue to fall. Slowly, she whispered to my ear "I lied. I lied about being okay and happy. The truth is I'm not. I never was after we broke up. I've been longing for you. Your touch. Your warm hugs. Your sweet kisses. I want to be with you. I really want to stay by your side. Like this. Forever."
I froze there. Does she love me? Does she need me? What does that mean? "I love you, Jonghyun. I need you in my life. I couldn't live without you, Jonghyun. Please come back to me. Come back to my life." she answered my unspoken question.
Am I dreaming? If I am, don't wake me up anymore. She pulled out of our hug and faced me. She wrapped her arms around my head and whispered, "If you love me, if you want to be with me, kiss me." I smiled at her and slowly leaned towards her. I closed my eyes as I pressed my lips on hers. I kissed her passionately letting her know that I trully missed her. Tears of pure happiness flow out of our eyes. I never felt this happy in my whole life. We finally broke the kiss when we lack oxygen.
I picked up the fallen umbrella before we headed back to the restaurant, where our friends are probably worried.
"Jonghyun" she muttered as she tightened her grip on my hand. I looked at her to let her continue. "You said that you want someone who will be with you for the rest of your life, right?" I nodded, not exactly sure if I really said those to her. "Well, let me be the one. The only one."
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