Have you ever feel regret?

What do you feel? Do you want to come back to the past and change it? It’s like chasing clouds… You will never get it… It’s impossible…

***

I was a famous artist. My name is Park Jira. Today, I will go date with my boyfriend. His name is Baekhyun. He is also famous because he is a member of a group called EXO.

I went to the restaurant to eat lunch. I went there with Baekhyun.

“Ahhh.. Open your mouth!” said Baekhyun while giving a spoon with a cake.

“Don’t act childish Baekhyun…” I said. I take the spoon and eat the cake.

“You shouldn’t take the spoon, you supposed to take the cake with your mouth and don’t take the spoon” he said. I giggle.

Suddenly he touches my lips.

“Don’t eat like that, you’re an artist…” said him while wiping the chocolate on my lips.

I love him…

***

The Next Day…

I was practicing for my new album. Suddenly Baekhyun called me.

“Ring ring”

“Hello!” Baekhyun said.

“I’m practicing now, call me later” I said.

I hung up.

After the practice, I saw my cell phone. When I looked at my cell phone, it has 16 missed calls. When I checked it, it’s from Baekhyun. I send a message to Baekhyun.

Me: Baekhyunnie, why did you call me?

Baekhyun: Meet me outside now

Me: Now?

Baekhyun: Yes, hurry up!

I put the cell phone in my pocket and then I went to outside. But I didn’t found Baekhyun. He said that he’s in the outside.. But where is he?

“Geez~ Baekhyun… Where did he go?” I said while heading back to the practice room. But suddenly Baekhyun hugged me.

“Why did you go jira? You supposed to find me if you love me… Or maybe you didn’t love me anymore?” asked him while hugging me.

“It’s not like that… I love you, but it’s weird if I went here and there to search you… I’m a famous artist” I said.

“But, it has nothing to do with famous artist or someone else… Even if you were a famous person, you will find me if you really love me…” said him.

“But if I search you, my skin will become darker because it’s outdoor… It’s hot…  I’m a famous artist, I have to be pretty” I said.

“You always look pretty for me and you can just use body lotion or something… You have brain, you can think don’t you? I’ll ask you once again, do you love me?” asked him.

“I love you, but you don’t understand” I said.

“I’m a famous person too… I know it. I always search for you if you are not beside me, I always come here to meet you.. I always want to meet you, I love you” he said.

“Shut Up Baekhyun!” I don’t want to hear this again!” I said while walking through the automatic door.

“You changed…” he said. And looked back but there’s no one. Baekhyun is gone… I don’t really care, I just walked.

***

In My Home…

I sit on my bed. I grabbed my cell phone. Why is our relationship became like this? Before, it’s good, we don’t have any problem… Suddenly I remember when our first met.

Flashback

I was lost in the forest when my school going to field trip to the forest. I’m scared… I can’t even walk… But I tried to walk slowly.

It was dark… I’m scared… I heard a sound from the back…

“Who is that?” I said.

“Krsk.. krsk..” sound from the bush.. It’s even scarier… I ran and I bumped to someone.

“Ouch.. Who are you?” a boy that I bumped asked. I don’t reply.. I cried because I’m scared…

“Are you okay?” he asked.

“I’m lost” I said slowly.

“Me too… Do you want to walk with me?” he said.

“Okay” I said. We were holding hands while having a little chat.

“Hello, I’m Byun Baekhyun, I’m 15 years old” he said.

“Hi.. I’m Park Jira nice to meet you..” I said.

“Nice to meet you too” he said.

We were walking while holding hands. The sky is getting darker. It’s scarier…

I was tired… He carries me… He’s really cool… My heart beating..

I fell asleep…

When I awake, I was in the bed. Baekhyun is rightnext to me… He’s sleeping… I surprised.

“Baekhyun?” I said slowly.

I said it slowly but he woke up. “Thanks” I said to him.

“It’s okay, I’m glad you save” he said and hugged me.

Today we will go home. When we’re done packing, we sit on the bench in the park.

“Thanks.. I love you Jira since our first meet…” he said. I a bit surprised.. But I’m happy because I love him too…

“Can I have your number?” he asked.

“Sure, I love you too” I said. I give him my number and he gives me his number too. We live nearby… So we can meet sometimes… He was my boyfriend.

***

I really remember this…  Until this day, I still remember this… I don’t care about Baekhyun… It’s really mean.. If I remember my memories again, I remember that Baekhyun makes me famous…

***

Flashback…

“Baekhyunnie~ You will join a group called EXO?” I asked.

“Yeah..” he said.

“Wooaah! You will be really cool!” I said.

“Then, you can be a famous artist too… Let’s joined this audition!” he said while showing information about the audition.

“Ok!” I said.

***

And now I became a famous artist… It’s all because of Baekhyun… Really thanks… I send Baekhyun a message.

To: Baekhyunnie

I’m sorry for what I said…

Meet me in the park

I love you

-Park Jira-

I send it. I went to the park and wait for Baekhyun… I wait about 1 hour… but he isn’t coming…

Suddenly there is a boy coming. But it’s not Baekhyun.

“Hey, are you Baekhyun’s girlfriend?” he asked.

“Yes” I said.

“I’m Chanyeol, Baekhyun’s best friend.. Baekhyun is in hospital…” he said.

“Really?” I said.

“I have a letter from Baekhyun… Come with me to the hospital” he said.

“Okay” I said. I’m curious… Is he really in the hospital?

***

In the Hospital…

I’m coming to Baekhyun’s room with Chanyeol. I saw baekhyun sleep.

“Baekhyun..?” I said while touching his hand. I want to go date with him while holding hands again… I want to hug him.. I want kiss him… I want to say sorry and say that I love you…

Chanyeol leaves the room and leaving me and Baekhyun. I sit beside Baekhyun’s bed. He looks like in pain. But it’s getting more pain and more pain.. I can feel his pain… I know that he feels pain all day, but he keeps coming to me.. He visits me… But when he was coming, I didn’t search for him.. I didn’t do what does he want.. And I just don’t care about him… And I don’t look like I love him anymore…

What does he feel? When he is coming to me, he feels the pain but he know that he will be coming and meet his girlfriend, he feels happy, he doesn’t feel any pain. Because even if we feeling pain, we feel better if we do something that we like and feel more pain if we do something that we don’t like.

But… I made Baekhyun hurt… What is his feeling? Feeling more pain..?

I cried in the bed. Suddenly Baekhyun touches my hair.

“Baekhyun?” I said.

“Hi, Jira” he said.

“What happened to you” I asked.

“Just a sickness, huh..” he said with smile.

“Are you feeling pain?” I asked.

“Yes but better.. Because you’re here” he said. Baekhyun takes a paper under his pillow and give it to me.

“Read this when I wasn’t with you” he said while giving a paper.

“I love you” he said.

“I’m sorry and I love you” I said. But suddenly Baekhyun looks like feeling in great pain. I called the nurse and the nurse called the doctor. I was so panic.

“I’m sorry but can you go out?” the nurse said.

“Ok” I said while leaving the room. I hope there’s nothing wrong with Baekhyun. I hope he’s okay.

I sit on the chair outside the room. I cried and pray for Baekhyun. Then, Chanyeol sit beside me.

***

Baekhyun’s POV

Hurt.. It’s hurt… But Jira came, that’s make me feel more better.. I even forgot my sickness…

Suddenly I felt really hurt.. Jira called the doctor and she went out from the room.. Why did you go? Don’t leave me… Stay here.. It’s hurt.. Just like that day….

***

Flashback

 I met her in the forest… She bumped to me… We became friends… In the forest… Dark and cold… It’s hurt… I feel the pain…

She’s tired.. But if we just stay here, it will be really cold, she will be sick…

“I’ll carry you Jira” I said.

“No, I’m fine” she said.

“If we stay here longer, we don’t know what will happen, we have to go” I said.

“Fine” she said. I carry her.

Hurt… It’s hurt… Cold really cold… I’m sorry Jira, I’m just acting cool.. The truth, I can’t carry you… I carried her and slowly walking… I want to be cool… Because I like you…

It’s hurt…. I feel down… I can’t carry her again… What should I do…? I almost fainted and Jira is sleeping. Then, Chanyeol and the other came and brought me and Jira to the place we stayed for today.

***

“Jira..” I said.

“Stay here.. Don’t leave me” I said.

“Don’t talk too much..” said the doctor.

***

Your POV

I cried while praying for Baekhyun. Chanyeol also prayed for Baekhyun.

Suddenly my heart felt really hurt… I heard Baekhyun called me..

“I won’t leave you… But you have to promise you won’t leave me too” I said. Baekhyun is in the room but I feel like he was calling me and asked me to stay and don’t leave him..

The nurse came out from the room..

“He can’t stop calling your name… You can go in to stop him” the nurse said. I went in. I ran to Baekhyun.

“Baekhyun!!” I cried.

“Do.. Don’t Cr.. Cry.. Ji.. Jira.. I .. Lo..ve you..” said Baekhyun. Baekhyun closed his eyes. I touched his chest. No heartbeat.. I cried…

I ran to the park where I usually meet Baekhyun. I cried. I grabbed my cell phone. A piece of paper fell down from my pocket. The paper from Baekhyun. I read the paper and cried really hard.

I remember the letter that Chanyeol give to me. He said it’s from Baekhyun. I opened the letter and read it.

Dear Jira..

I love you… Really I love you.. I didn’t lie.. I’m sorry if I made you angry or sad… But I love you. It will never change. I never love someone like this before. You are my true love…

I wish I can live longer… I know I couldn’t live longer than you… I know this will happened.. But don’t feel sad. I always watching you…

Don’t cry… If you cry, I feel sad..

If I have more time, let’s go date again… I want to spend more time with you…

Thank you for being my girlfriend… Thanks for loving me just the way I am, even if I’m like this… Thanks for making me happy and made all my pain gone..

Thanks, I love you.

My last wish… I want you to be always happy and cheerful as usual. Even if I’m not beside you, please don’t cry… Don’t forget me.. I always love you..

And lastly… You are the one I love the most. I really love you… You are the prettiest from all.. So don’t give up, you are a famous arist… Make sure you became really famous and reached your dream.. You are the prettiest when you smile.. So keep smiling...

         

I Love you...

From Baekhyun

I regret.. Really, I regret… I supposed to searched him and find him that day… I supposed to do what he wants.. He wants me to find him… To show my love to him… Because he loves me very much.. He knows that he can’t live longer than me… So he wants me to show my love to him… To recovers all his pain…

I want to undo this… I want to come back to the past.. I want to find him and say sorry.. And say that I love him.

I regret.. I supposed to find him.. I will find him.. But it’s imposibble… Like chasing clouds… Imposibble… He’s not here anymore… I won’t found him.. Because he’s not here…

But.. From today, won’t cry… I will be always happy and cheerful like usual. Like there’s nothing happened… Baekhyun is not here.. I supposed to search for him…

I know he’s gone.. I regret… But from today, I will searched for him.. Until I found him.. And I can say I love you… Even if it’s like chasing a cloud.. Even if it’s impossible… Maybe someday, I can found him…

***

~The End~