Frustrated. Exhausted.

Shin Soohyun, Leader of U-Kiss, was frustrated and exhausted.

He laid on the floor panting and closed his eyes. Dance practice had just ended and it was the to say the least - draining, especially with their new promotions starting soon. Tilting his head slightly up to look around him, he found the other members in the same plight as him –sweaty and clearly tired. The scene momentarily shot a sharp tinge of pain into his chest as he lay back down on the floor trying to take deep breath to calm himself.

Deep down inside, he knew that all the members were hurting, so bad. The promotions have really taken a toll on their emotional and physical strength. Eli and Kiseop both keep to themselves nowadays; just into their own world while Hoon and Kevin were now often quiet instead of their usual bubbly cheerful self. And dongho… he didn’t even want to go there. The maknae constantly looked like he was about to pass out and Soohyun winced at the thought of it. They never really expressed their feelings, but Soohyun could tell just by the look in their eyes.

Soohyun felt so useless. He couldn’t help them in any way, couldn’t help ease the pain, couldn’t help make their world a little brighter. It was, with lack of a better word, frustrating. How did they end up like this? Soohyun longed for the group that would always be hyper, always enthusiastic about what they were doing.

But as much as Soohyun wanted to help, he knew he couldn’t. He was exhausted – day in day out running about settling errands with the manager; vocal & dance practice, entertaining the fans etc. He was just as worn out as the other members. He wasn’t able to pick himself up, much less his beloved members.

Disappointment was what he felt. Initially when he was chosen to be the leader, Soohyun was determined to do good and strive for success within and out of the group. Although Alexander and Ki bum had left, he was ready to take on the challenge and face it all, together with his bandmates. He remembers the day they sat in the living room, just a few days after being introduced to their new members – they played around, they fooled around. They sat and talked when it was time to be serious, setting their goals and plans for the upcoming album. Where words of encouragement were needed, they were given. Not by just one, but all of them. Soohyun never felt more proud as little exclaims of “hwaiting” and “never give up!” echoed throughout the room , excitement bubbling through him.

But that was all gone now, replaced by fatigue and well, more fatigue. Soohyun was so disappointed with himself. There was a surge of feeling that overcame him in an instant. Was it pain? Was it guilt? No, it was more like anger. Anger directed to his very own self for letting him and s down.

With a grunt, Soohyun pulled himself off the floor and grabbed a few articles of clothing.  “Taking a shower,” Tossing them over his shoulder, he informed the members, a mix of anger, hurt and pain in his voice. As he walked out of the room, the corners of his lips pulled up into a sad smile.

When I exit the shower, I will make a change, he promised to himself. Believe me.