Alright. 

I'm pretty sure i fell for the dude. I'm a fangirl. Anime, fanfic, manga, kdrama- you name it. After watching/reading all those stuff, i'm pretty sure i can tell when the girl character fall for a guy without being so surprised with the plot. Actually, since this is real life, the plot is that i can't believe guys like Soo Hyun actually exist. 

like wow. 

The thing is- as crazy as this may sound- i don't want to fall for him. I can tell that he is, too, developing feelings for me. But still, it doesn't matter. I want to stop before it's too late to back myself out. He's a great guy and all, but it doesn't mean he'll be the only one. Unlike most fictional stories i've read, i dont want a prince charming like all the other girl characters. In my entire life, i've wander my mind into liking a guy once. it's was- insane. yes, insane. not this time. i don't want to waste tears. I dont want to start wanting to please others. I dont want to sit in the dark alone asking myself why am i not good enough or how can meet his standards. To like someone is not a beautiful thing, i tell you. It's cruel. Affection for anything- humans, animals, or even objects- will cause you trouble that's just like a deep strike of pain. It'll create memories that will reflect back to you. I'm not talking about that--used-my-secret-against-me backfire, it's something that'll leave you with a scar. A mental scream for help. Our lives dont live within a piece of paper and pencil. You can't create your own perfect story line and erase the mistakes. I learned that the hard way. I hope you still don't think that i'm stupid for making this choice of backing away from Soo Hyun. I just want to stop before i even get so worked up. before i, yknow, have hopes. 

it's not first love nor the last. So why bother.