Joonhee woke up to a text from Yoonjae waiting for him.  An apology.

He wasn’t angry and he told Yoonjae as much. Only frustrated, which he withheld.  Joonhee turned his phone off when he left the apartment for a morning run.

The walk last night had been awkward, Yoonjae thinking far too much and not speaking a whole lot, leaving Joonhee to break the silence.  He didn’t, because he didn’t know what to say.  So it had been a quiet walk until Yoonjae couldn’t stand it anymore.

“Your roommate is nice,” he started tensely.  “When you said the hospital was making you live with a specialist I thought you’d be living with a stern old professor or something.”

“Why would you think that?”  His lie had been pretty transparent after all, Joonhee hadn’t expected Yoonjae to believe him even when he’d told him.  With the realisation that Yoonjae knew about his feelings it only made it more clear that Yoonjae had seen the lie for what it was.  He’d simply let Joonhee lie to make it easier for him.  Yoonjae had always been awkward in his kindness.

Yoonjae shrugged, laughing self-consciously as if aware exactly how forced his comments were.  “I kind of thought he’d just be a random roommate.  Even though you moved out, somehow I thought I’d still hear from you every day.”  He laughed again, still making Joonhee’s heart pound after all these years with careless words.

“Well I don’t need to text you to tell you to do the laundry anymore.”

He was missed, Joonhee understood.  And even if the air between them felt strange, now he was happy to spend this time with Yoonjae.  He could never tell if he was glad as a friend or if it was because of the other feelings, couldn’t tell now and couldn’t tell in the past.  He usually told himself it didn’t matter before.  But maybe it did, to him if no one else.

“We lived together for six years; doesn’t it feel strange to you?”  They hadn’t seen each other every day or anything, not since they started working.  But living together also meant that even when the other person was absent the proof of their presence was still always around.  Food left in the fridge, a magazine or book on the coffee table, shoes that weren’t lined up perfectly straight, laundry that needed to be folded; there was always some small thing to remind him of Yoonjae. It was the same for Yoonjae, he realised.  Joonhee should have known that but he’d been absorbed in his own needs for once.

“I miss you too,” Joonhee affirmed, tone light and joking even if he was serious.  “But I don’t think it’s strange, we couldn’t have lived together forever.”  It had always been just a matter of when.

“Yeah....  Living with you was great though, you even folded my clothes when I forgot to,” Yoonjae laughed as he spoke.  Joonhee just shook his head, smiling.

“I guess,” Yoonjae paused in his steps, looking down and away from Joonhee.  “I guess I was just jealous someone else has the best roommate now.”

Joonhee wondered if the apartment was messier without him.  It wasn’t that Yoonjae couldn’t clean but he was used to having someone willing to pick up after him.  He could cook too but he was also used to Joonhee offering to do it instead.

“You shouldn’t be, I’m still your best friend,” Joonhee slung his arms around Yoonjae’s shoulders, pulling him forward to keep walking.  “Unless you only liked me for doing house chores there’s nothing to be jealous of.”

Sorry I was weird last night.

Honestly, Yoonjae hadn’t been weird at all; it was exactly what Joonhee should have expected from him.  As frustrating as it had been, Joonhee would never have held it against him.

Joonhee slowed his pace as he ran through the park, fixing his headphones and wiping at his face.  

He wasn’t sure if he was tired from his long work hours or from simply thinking about Yoonjae.  These feelings were exhausting.  He had long ago figured that they weren’t feelings that he could erase but distance should have helped he thought.  After last night he felt more exhausted than ever.

Giving up Joonhee sat down at the next bench, he turned up the volume of his headphones as if the music might help to drown out the sound of his own thoughts.  It worked a little bit, more when he began to let himself mouth the words to the song silently, not caring if he might look a little strange.

Even when a passing jogger seemed to slow and look at him Joonhee just smiled, it didn’t matter if he looked a bit strange if he could stop thinking for a little bit.  Anyways the stranger smiled back, warm and wide, eyes crinkling in a way that made Joonhee smile wider as well.  He thought maybe next time he jogged he should leave the headphones home along with his phone, but for today he was content with his own space.

When he returned to the apartment there was the smell of breakfast cooking, much to his surprise.

He peered into the kitchen curiously, seeing Daehyun in his apron was a little bit out of place but it made Joonhee grin.  “You’re the housewife now?” he asked jokingly, startling his roommate apparently, who seemed to jump and flip the pancake in the same motion.  He apologised and gathered plates to set the table.

“You actually went out jogging?  After long shifts I can barely get up, you’re really making me feel my age,” Daehyun commented as he brought the food to the table, sitting himself down while still wearing Joonhee’s apron.

“I enjoy it,” Joonhee answered simply as he examined the food set out.  “I’ve never had western breakfast at home before,” he commented, impressed.

“It’s the easiest thing to make; you can’t expect too much from me!”

Joonhee laughed, accepting the fork and knife that Daehyun handed him with a thank you.  This was only the second time they sat down for breakfast together.  Neither of them generally had the time or inclination to cook a proper breakfast which made Joonhee more curious even if he didn’t ask, just gave his roommate a questioning look.

“My shift doesn’t start until noon,” Daehyun explained without actually answering anything, but Joonhee made a sound of understanding anyways since it seemed like his senior was feeling a bit awkward.  After a moment he continued, “Listen…I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable last night.”

It made Joonhee freeze for a moment, he’d never had a particularly good poker face, it was only that he tended not to state his feelings outright that he managed to hide them at all.  He glanced at Daehyun who was thankfully looking at his food instead.  There was a sudden air of awkwardness between them and it made Joonhee wonder if they were really grown men.  He shook his head faintly.

“You didn’t do anything worth apologizing for, sunbae.”

It was true that last night, after returning from the walk, Daehyun’s comments and questions had felt a bit loaded, but like Yoonjae’s behaviour it wasn’t so unexpected.  It could have been a lot worse, which was why he’d excused himself quickly before the paranoid idea that Daehyun noticed his feelings for Yoonjae could root itself too solidly in his mind.  It would be all too laughable, considering their relatively shallow relationship, that Daehyun would so easily notice something that Yoonjae had been oblivious to for so long.  Unfortunately the thought was surfacing again and Joonhee had to fight to keep his thoughts from showing on his face.

He wasn’t sure how successful he was.

“Did I just make it worse?” Daehyun asked, an obvious wince in his expression.

Joonhee smiled thinly and shook his head.  “No, it’s fine really.  I don’t even know why you’re apologizing.  But I guess if nothing else I’m enjoying the breakfast.”

It was maybe a sad attempt at a joke but they both accepted it, laughing lightly (if a little bit tensely) and finished eating making idle small talk.

So...is it better if I write longer chapters or shorter ones?  This one felt a bit short to me and there was more in my head but I felt like it didn't really fit neatly with these bits so I decided to end it here...also it'd take me a lot longer to get stuff out if I wrote longer chapters.  But is there someone who thinks a longer chapter with a longer wait is better or should I stick to shorter chapters and quicker updates?