“Where are you?”

“I’m still on my way, the traffic is kinda heavy right now. You’ve arrived yet?”

“Mmh, I just arrived.”

I can hear the sound of his breathing, yet I don’t say anything. I don’t know what else to say, I’ll be waiting? You better be here soon? Or should I just hang up?

“Are you okay?”

As I heard his question, I find myself blinking. Once. Twice. Then I let out a poor excuse of a little chuckle. “Of course I am,” I say, forcing myself to smile even though I know that he can’t see me through the phone. “Why shouldn’t I?”

He went silent for a while and before he can find it in himself to reply my words, I threw a simple ‘the movie starts in fifteen minute, don’t be late’ and hang up the phone call, letting out a breath of relief. It really is hard to do this, isn’t it?

I sit on the couch the cinema provides for people to wait until the movie starts and bury my face in the both of my palms. I feel stupid for doing this. I feel stupid for meeting him again, even though it is for the last time.

How long ago was it since we met for the last time? One week, one month? Oh yes, it was merely three days ago. But why do I feel like it was a long time ago already? It’s weird.

I remember that I was in my office when he suddenly called me saying that we needed to meet, and then I found myself sitting in front of him on the cafe we usually went for a date when we were still in college. He wasn’t looking at me, instead he was staring at the cup of coffee in front of him as though it was something that he had never seen before. His eyebrows furrowed in concentration and his lips pursed into a cute pout he always did when he was thinking.

We sat there in silence, though it made me restless. We used to sit in the cafe, right in that same seat, in silence, but it never made me feel that way. We usually just drink our cup of coffees —in my case, for him it always was tea or chocolate because he can’t drink coffee— and look at each other, smile evident in both our faces. But the last time wasn’t even close to it. It was uncomfortable. I could literally feel that something was hanging on the air, and it was suffocating me.

I was about to say something, anything, that could break the silence, when he opened his mouth. ‘Let’s put a stop on this’ was the only thing that he said. It was a simple sentence, a mere six words. Yet it made a chilling breeze went down my spine and my hand —that was reaching out to take the cup— froze in the air.

To be honest, it wasn’t that I didn’t expect it at all. During these past months —or years?— we hadn’t actually meet much. I was busy with my job at the office and he was literally going here and there with his job as a fashion photographer; to be able to meet and talk with each other for longer than a simple over the cup of coffee one was a luxury.

And as the time goes, our relationship started to fall apart.

At first there was this kind of small fights over how busy we are and why can’t one sacrifices his time for another, and it kept going. Going. Going. Until we grew tired of those fights and ended up just ignoring it. I still don’t know what have we grown tired of, our fights or our relationship?

From then on it seemed to be normal for us to not contact each other for a whole day while before we used to have a phone call ritual during my lunch break. Then from a day it grew longer. Two days, three, four, a whole week, and by the end of it we wouldn’t even realize that we didn’t contact each other for two weeks already. Or was it only me?

I know that I can’t be called as the innocent person in this, if we are about to blame things on one another. But I’m not the one at fault either. We’re just growing apart, and couples tend to do that, right?

Back to that day, I asked him ‘why?’ out of curiosity. No, really, I need to know the reason why, right?

“It just doesn’t work. I mean, us. We can’t go on like this,” was the only answer I could muster up from him. I didn’t try to pry more though. And it’s not like I don’t understand what he was talking about, oh believe me, I do.

Then it brings me here, in the cinema, waiting for my ex boyfriend to come and we will watch a movie together. For the last time as a couple, even though we had broken up, isn’t it funny?

This one is my fault though. The day we broke up was the day this movie came out on the theatre, and it’s the final of a trilogy. We went to see the first movie on our first date, so the stupid me asked him to go out with me this last time just for old time sake. I even find myself laughing at that idea. Old time sake.

“Kris?” his voice woke me up from my ridiculous monologue, and here I am staring up at him, lips curling to form a smile. “I’m sorry, I’m not that late, am I?”

I take a look at my watch and sure it had been twenty minutes since I called him but it’s okay, “The movie starts in another five minutes,” he looks at me funnily. “I lied, I know that you would hurry up if I did just that, I’m sorry?” I’m not sorry though, actually. He has this tendency to be late on dates or everything so I just had to lie to him so he would just hurry the up. And it happens every single time.

He laughs, his eyes crinkled to shape two crescent moons, and I would be lying if I say that he doesn’t look just pretty and adorable. Because he always is. And it doesn’t matter if it’s our first or last date, he still looks the same in my eyes.

“Let’s go in now?” he extends his hand toward me and I took his as an anchor to get up from my sitting position. It’s funny though, seeing that he’s a lot shorter than me. He smiles at me and I don’t let go of his hand as we walk together to the studio.

For old time sake, I whisper to myself.

***

The movie was fine, just fine. There was no scene that overwhelmed me, and I’m not even sure that it made me convey my emotions other than a few laughs. Not that I was laughing because there was a funny scene, rather I was laughing at some scenes. I have the tendency to do just that, weird eh?

The person beside me didn’t convey a lot of emotions as well, all he did was staring at the screen while bringing popcorns into his mouth, a bunch at a time. To be honest, he did just that on our first date as well, not that I’m creepy, but isn’t it normal for a guy to remember his first date with his lover even though it was years ago? No?

Anyhow, the movie had just ended and here I am, standing outside the theatre, he’s by my side, looking at the rain that had started to fall some time ago. It really just like our first date, I thought.

“Yes?” he looks up at me, which makes me realize that I was speaking out my mind. Stupid me. “It really is, right?”

I nod simply. “Yeah,” I really don’t know what to say. Is talking about first date proper enough? I mean, it’s our last date. “You were almost late, we watched the movie and it was raining. Just the same.”

He nods in return, still looking at me. Now he’s turning to face me and taking a deep breath. “Well,” he smiles, but why does it look a little sad? “I’m going home now.”

I put on a smile and nod at him. “Okay. Be careful?”

“I will. You too, okay?”

“Mmh.”

He bows slightly and waves his hand at me as he was turning around. “Bye Kris,” said he. I wave my hand back at him, still looking at him until he takes that turn to the parking lot.

“Bye, Baekhyun,” I whisper.

***

The rain still hasn’t subsided yet but it’s not as heavy as how it was before. So it was why he ran to the parking lot instead of walking.

I decide to just walk in the rain because it’s so soft I won’t feel any of the drops falling on me anyway. Besides, I feel the need to do this.

Funny thing is, it doesn’t hurt the way I thought it would. I mean, we have been dating for years and I had come to the phase where I thought that I couldn’t live without him. I was wrong all this time.

I look up at the sky as I walk, not caring about looking at my steps or at people in front of me. They ought to be smart enough to not bump onto me, right? I’m not walking on a crosswalk or something, people can see that there is this tall person looking at the sky and they would think better than to walk right onto that person.

The sky was a bluish gray, and somehow it makes me feel better. It looks just like me now. I’m still in this gray phase, but I’m not exactly gray either. I’m more of a bluish gray, just like the sky right now. And in some days, I will be fully blue. A shiny sky blue, and I won’t let any rain fall anymore.

Sighing to myself, my mind wanders back to our days of happy relationship. It was just like a dream if I think about it again. Me dating a person that could substitute an idol in our university, the person who was always in the talk about being on the camera instead of behind it. It seems surreal somehow. Was we really dating?

Suddenly I feel something, someone, bump onto me, which makes me flinch and look forward. In front of me is a person looking down on his feet. I look down as well and I found a book lying on the pavement.

The person shrieks and crouch down to take the book. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t looking!!” he shouts as he stands back up, the book in his hand. I stare at him because somehow he looks familiar to me. He’s looking at the book right now, though, inspecting it for any damages, so I can’t see his face. Poorly.

“It’s okay,” I say. “I wasn’t looking either so I should be apologizing at you as well. Are you okay?”

“It’s fine! I’m fine! The book is still in the— Kris?”

As he calls my name, I finally able to see his face clearly. Ah, my mind goes. Of course I know him, he’s my friend in college, Park Chanyeol. We were such a close friend, people would thought that I was dating him instead of Baekhyun.

“Chanyeol?” he nods before smiling widely. I know that smile, it is the one he shows people each time he’s happy. And it is so wide I had been afraid that it could split his face in two for some time before.

“Oh God, it’s been a long time since we meet, hasn’t it? How are you?”

He pats on my shoulder, a familiar gesture that I’m used with. “It sure has been long. I’m fine, how about you?”

“Great! Anyway, are you in a hurry?”

I shake my head and he smiles even wider. “Good! I’m not either, so how about we go somewhere so we can talk? Fancy catching up for lost time?”

I let out a chuckle and nod, letting myself being dragged by him. It feels nice somehow, to find someone I haven’t talk with for a long time. And in the same time I feel solace in him. Is it weird?

I look up at the sky and see that it’s turning to a grayish blue. It will be a perfect blue in some moments, I suppose.

I look back at the hand on my wrist and smile. Maybe I would be blue in no time either.