Chapter 3: i like this fanfic but what MsChoKyuhyun said is true and i agree with her
bcs krishan is chinese you can put some simple mandarin phrase like "xie xie(thank you)" "dui bu qi (sorry)" "cao an(good morning)" like that
hope you'll make a better fanfic next time; i'm counting on you
jiayou!
Chapter 3: Oh and why would they announce their love to each other? If Luhan can't even remember Kris's name then I don't think they should be saying "I love you."
Again, very unrealistic... Luhan is a complete bimbo
Chapter 3: Words of advice. Don't write with emoticons.
And don't make Luhan (or anyone else in the future) use Korean phrases. One, because Luhan and Kris is Chinese, not Korean. Two, some people won't understand them- it doesn't matter how simple they are. And three, technically the characters are speaking Chinese or Korean (depending where they are or if the author specifies), but the story itself is in English
This story is very unrealistic as well. How does Luhan not remember Kris? I mean, if they're classmates, I'm pretty sure he would remember. I don't think Luhan is that much of an idiot or a bimbo to not remember.
Luhan is acting like a total girl. I mean, yes, he is feminine, but he is not a whiny, stupid Mary Sue either. Everyone is so out-of-character, and everything happened so quickly.
When writing a story, you must take your time with a character's personality. Don't make every girly boy clueless and helpless.
Don't use extra letters in words! (Example: "Yooouu"). You are not texting, you are writing a story!
I'm not saying you shouldn't use this, but who in the world says "UUWAAH" when they scream, besides anime characters?
Also, I understand English may or not be your first language... But it was quite hard for me to the story because if your English. May be you could learn more English because I've read very enjoyable stories written by people from different countries with slightly broken English
Sorry if my review upset you in any way
Chapter 3: Omg this is sweet! >///<
Thanks for bringing back my KrisHan feelings. I was a bit gloomy today because of that HunHan n TaoRis thingy, ahahaha!
Thanks again! Really like this fic! :)
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