“Oi, Bang,” a chuckle came from the other end of the phone. There’s something wrong with her voice. Though the perpetual playfulness and her usual greeting was what I was met with, I knew that there was something wrong. I know voices all too well. Her nose is clogged right now. It was even confirmed when her greeting was simultaneously followed up by three sniffs.

“Yes?” as usual I was down with my own business—writing songs. I was busy scribbling with one hand while the other was on my ear holding the phone.

She sniffed again. “Where are you right now?”

“Home. Why?”

“Oh. I thought you were out. I was thinking if—“

“—you’re crying, aren’t you?”

One second. Two. Three. Four. “I sound that obvious, don’t I?” she tried to laugh, but failed miserably.

I exhaled an exasperated breath. “Stop joking around for Pete’s sakes,”

And that’s what it took for her to totally break down over the phone. There were shuffling sounds and the next thing I heard was mewling. Never-ending mewling. It’s the combination of a broken-hearted cry and the whining of a child. A feeling took me by the neck, and it was killing me to hear this girl whom I loved cry because her heart was broken by another guy.

Dammit.

I didn’t have to suffer like this. She didn’t have to suffer like this.

My hand did it on its own; it immediately slammed close the notebook and slapped the pen on the table. “Alright, where are you?”

“I—“ she hics. Once. Twice. “I’m at the park near the university.”

“What the hell are you doing at this time—“ I held my breath. The least she needed now was scolding. “Stay there. I’m coming,”

Probably it was love that led me to do that.

“Oppa,” she smiled through her tears whilst she limply sat there on the swing, a bottle of hard drink in her hand.

Oh no. I shook my head and immediately snatched the bottle out of her hand. “Let’s get you home. You’re drunk,” I guided her in standing.

She just laughed while I was picking her up, hysterically, drunkenly, horrifyingly. “He said he’ll be gone for a while, oppa,” she slurred, swaying to and fro despite of my strong arm that held her fast. “It’s funny because ‘a while’ is an indefinite amount of time. I’ll never know,” she giggled and hiccoughed.

I hung her arm over my neck.

“Hey oppa,”

I didn’t answer.

“Yongguk-oppaaaaaaaaaaaa,” she opened wide with her sleepy eyes closed, her alcoholic breath almost knocking me out.

Still, I didn’t pay her any attention.

“Oi, Bang!” she pushed herself out of my hold that she stumbled backward, causing her to fall on her behind.

“Ya!” I exclaimed, but then she’s already landed on the ground on her . I quickly stooped down to help her up again.

“Get away from me,” she hissed, just when I was going to take her hand. “Who do you think you are?!”

I opened my mouth to sass, but this is where it started.

“Why did you have to leave, huh? HUH?!” she took me by the collar and brought my face really close to hers. “So you mean I was just a toy to you? After having professed my love for you you used my body and then what—we’re together for a few weeks and then you leave? Oh that’s a really great thing for you to do, Yoo Youngjae!” she shook me violently. “Tell me something, did you really even love me? Weren’t I just a mere friend to you?” she spat. “Huh? Did you? DID YOU REALLY EVEN LOVE ME?!”

I gritted my teeth. “Come on, let’s go home,”

“Answer me!”

I removed her hands off me. “I love you, okay? You—of all people—I love you! You just don’t know because it’s him, him, and him! He’s all that matters to you! He’s your entire world, dammit!” I realized that my clenched fists were trembling insanely. Heaving a few breaths I bit my lip and scolded myself mentally that I was talking to a drunk person. There’s no use. So I restarted, and picked her up again. “Kaja. You’re being too wild,” I kneeled to scoop her up again but then I saw it. It was visible. All too visible. My eyes widened. She clearly hasn’t noticed this yet. But it’s all still fresh, judging from how they’re still flowing from its source. I muttered her name, my voice shaky. “Let’s…let’s get you to the hospital.” I said, miraculously still able to have kept my voice whole.

Then my horror was instantly followed by her groan of pain, and she put her hand on her stomach. She screamed, so loud, while closing her eyes, the pain she was feeling already imaginable just by hearing her shriek.

No, no, no.

Please.

God, please, no.

Don’t let this happen.

On the ground, there was, from where I picked her up, were marks of fresh blood. Drops, traces. The source was from her lower abdomen, trailing down her legs.

A cold chill passed across my spine as I realized the worst.

Miscarriage.

***

I wake with a start, remembering a bad dream where I witnessed a woman bathing in a pool of blood. It was scary. But somehow, I wouldn’t wonder—it felt familiar.

Rising from my lain position, I put my hand on my forehead to wipe the sheen of sweat present there. It’s very rare when I have nightmares, but every time, certainly, there’s always someone that would rise up immediately after I jolt awake from my sleep. Then she would soothe my back, and tell me it’s alright, that it was just a dream.

But no one.

I was sleeping beside no one.

“She’s now your wife, goshdarn it!” Himchan’s words find their way to my mind and it echoes again and again, bouncing around in my head. Why? Why is it that even after all these years, I still couldn’t forget the past? Even though that chapter ended on a sweet note, why is it that I still couldn’t shake off the feeling of jealousy?

My thinking is disturbed when the door suddenly swings open, and my wife enters, rubbing eyes and tousled hair most probably from just rising. She instantly notices me and just gives me a glare. Well her eyes would always look like they’re glaring when she just woke up, so that’s it. She immediately goes into the bathroom and, judging from the sounds coming from the inside, I know she’s brushing her teeth.

Without hesitation, I get out of the bed and go into the bathroom also. I’ve already brushed my teeth but just to have an excuse to see her, well, I’ll be brushing my teeth again.

Real mature way of handling a misunderstanding.

Once the bathroom door is opened I immediately walk in not even paying a glance at her, and get the toothbrush and paste. Putting a pea shape on the brush I put it in my teeth, and start scratching the dirt of my molars.

She looks at me with the scowl still present on her face, but she faces the mirror and focuses her attention on her face.

I know her too well that just before she finishes brushing her teeth I gargle ahead of her first, as if heaving read her mind. When I’m done she follows after, and is about to march out of the bathroom but I grab her by the arm.

She snaps her head at my direction.

And, without really knowing, I frame her face with my hands and, somewhat harshly, place my mouth on hers. It doesn’t take long before she pulls herself out, demanding, “What are you doing, Yongguk?!”

I push her against the wall in a fashion I’m sure she won’t get herself easily out of. “I missed you,” and I don’t know what really gets into me, but I start to devour her skin; starting from , trailing down her jaw, all the way to her neck. She doesn’t want it but she moans in either pleasure or otherwise but I don’t care—I just really feel the need to feed my want now. and being reminded of the issue here makes me even more upset—as in mad upset.

“Y-Yongguk…aaah,” she moans, while my mouth is on her collarbone. She puts her hands on my chest in a pathetic attempt to push me away. But she likes it. I know she wants me too. “N-no…”

“Come on,” I say behind gritted teeth, pressing my lower half against her lower abdomen. “I want to make love to you, like how Youngjae did,”

And then it hits me. Hard. Literally. The next thing I know my head is aimed to one side, and there is a burning sensation on my cheek.  I stare at the tile floor in utter shock, still not believing what had just happened.

“And you still really have the nerve to say that to my face?” she huffs. “You, of all people? You were the only one I ever trusted that much and—hell, I even married you. Why couldn’t you forgive me of that, Yongguk? So after all these years, you were still judging me by what happened between me and him?” it’s followed by a snicker. “I really should’ve known,” she sneers, and walks out of the bathroom.

And all I could do is just put my hand on my slapped cheek, feeling my world crumble down all at once, then again.

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honestly I feel being pushed around

ah annyeong. triple update for everyone BECAUSE I HAVE EXAMS THIS WEEK AND NEXT WEEK ! ne ? ne ? neee ? please understand! in the meantime try to ponder about this and all that's happened neeee. this fanfic will soon end ajkshlas;;ajuhenjxehhbfv

okay

I'll see you soon.

need I say more?

adieu,

b