When Khun came up to me telling me he wanted to introduce me to his club members, I didn’t know why, but I felt a huge sense of uneasiness growing inside me at that moment. I was reluctant at first because it felt odd that he wanted to introduce me to his club members when he had never done so in the past.

Entering the club room, I felt like a helpless lamb being ambushed by a pack of wolves. His club members were running towards me, asking me all sorts of questions from what’s my age, what are my hobbies, am I single or not, etc. It gave me a headache.

What the hell was Khun thinking? He should know that I’m a really shy person and yet he goes and introduce me to so many people at once, what’s worst is that over half of the club members consist of male.  I hated talking to so many guys at once not because I hate guys, but rather I don’t really know how to talk to them.

This situation just got worst when I realized I’m being matched up with some dude name, Junsu. I tried to being nice and considerate, keeping cool because they are his club members, I didn’t want to offend them by being rude, but it was getting hard for me to do so when Khun told me that it’ll be great if me and Junsu end up together because he was a nice guy and yada-yada. I not sure if he was being serious or not, but damn that comment just made my heart ache. I wanted to snap at him, but instead, I held it in.

Not saying that Junsu was a bad guy or anything like that, he seemed really nice and friendly, but I didn’t go to the club room because I wanted to be set up on a blind date. I came here because it seemed like Khun really wanted to introduce me to his club members and a part of me was happy. I was hoping he’ll show others how close we are and how much he cares for me, but instead I get a slap in the face with this set up.

To me, Khun is someone special. I rarely talk to boys because they use to pick on me when I was younger; liking a girl means teasing her, whoever made up this needs to get punched in the face. It was all, but a painful memory until I met him. He showed me the caring side of boys I never really paid attention too before. Soon, I found myself wanting to get closer to him and thus, we became close friends along with my best friend, Dara, but overtime I became greedy. I wanted more than just friendship, but I didn’t think it’s possible.

Khun was sweet and caring towards everyone, girls or guys, there was no difference. I want to tell him I want to be more than friends, but he’s the only guy I’ve ever been close to and I don’t want to take a risk of losing him over my greed. If I lose him, there is a chance we’ll never be the same. I can’t imagine not being able to see his smiling face. I can’t imagine not having him by my side. I can’t imagine not being able to talk to him anymore. I can’t imagine so much more. I’ll lose it all the moment I become too greedy, so I should just be happy that I have him now instead of wanting more.

I held a straight face, not wanting to show how hurt I was, I played along with Khun’s version of match making, but inside I felt like my heart has been ripped out of me and thrown somewhere. How can he even think of setting me up with some other guy when all I have eyes for is him.

This Junsu dude is pushing it. How can he ask for a girl’s number when we’ve just met for the first time? Does he normally use this tactic with other girls? I wonder if it actually works on other girls because right now, him boasting about himself isn’t making me want to get closer to him one bit. When I declined exchanging numbers with Junsu, Khun looked relieved. Why the hell are you looking at me like that for? You’re the er who set all this up and yet you look so happy, when I reject him? I can’t possibly understand boys. If only I had a manual of how the male brain works, I’d write a book and make millions.

This kid, Junsu, needs to stop annoying me. For the past few days he’s been STALKING me, yes it’s STALKING, not visiting, me after my class asking for my number. How the hell does he know my schedule, anyways? A part of me knew it was Khun, but inside I want to eliminate the possibility it was him, call it ignorant, but I rather be blissed than be pained, knowing it is Khuns’ doing.

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Seriously I’m going to kill Khun, why is he doing all this? I don’t know how much longer I can pretend like I’m not affected by all these talk and action regarding matching me up with Junsu. Going to lunch and having Junsu sit next to me wasn’t what bothered me, all these girls glaring at me like I was the one who’s trying to snatch their man, Junsu, was what annoyed me the most. Geez, why can’t he just get with one of these girls instead of going after me? I do not like being the death stare of girls.

This week was exhausting. I thought I’d get some time with my friends without having to see or hear another peep regarding Junsu, but I was wrong. Khun even invited him to hang out with us. What’s the point of having Junsu hang out with us, if all he does is talk to me most of the time and gives me these creepy love stares?

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Junsu have been STALKING me after class again, but instead of bugging me about my number he has changed his tactic. He told me that he wanted to get a birthday gift for his sister and needed help with shopping for a present. Call it pity, but I felt bad after several times of ignoring and giving him lame excuses. I guess you can say, I’m a er for helping people when they beg me.

I end up giving in after a few days and went with him after school to pick out a present for his sister. Even though it was said to be ‘finding my sister a birthday present,’ I feel like it’s more of a date than anything else. We went to eat, then to the movies then shopping, but instead of trying to look for a birthday present, it was more like “Victoria, try this ring on, it’s cute.” “Victoria, want me to buy you these earrings? It’ll suit you.” “Victoria, do you want matching phone charms? “ Ahhh, someone shoot me now. I feel like it’s a buy Victoria item, more than a buy his sister item.

At the end of the day, this jerk even had the nerves to ask me for my number AGAIN for the hundredth time. I guess you can say I was fed up with all this, so I gave him my number. I was too tired to make up another excuse because I basically used up all the ones I already had. Some people are just born too damn persistent.

I don’t think it was a smart move, giving this kid my number. He’s been calling me and texting me so much. If I don’t answer, he’d leave me a voice message then call me again. If I reject him, Khun would be curious as to why I wouldn’t date Junsu and what not. I’m not a very good liar and I can’t have Khun finding out about my feelings. I’ll just have to play along for now.

I feel so bad for using Junsu because I didn’t want Khun finding out about my feelings, but how can I reject Junsu without a decent excuse? I told him I’m not interested in him and all that crap and yet he said I could grow to love him one day, if I ‘open my heart to him’. I told him that I don’t really want to date anyone at this time and he told me ‘how would you know what you want if you never given yourself a chance to try it first?” I told him that I have someone I love, he asked me who it was and I couldn’t say Khun so I said I was a  lesbian and that I’m in love with my roommate aka my best friend Dara, but he told me I’m lying. Geez…what can I say to make him give up? I guess at this pint my only option is to play the bad girl role.

Lately I’ve been hanging out with Junsu a lot. I guess you can say that I’m trying to make him give up on me, without me having to say “I don’t like you, now begone.” I don’t know if I should say he has a weird taste or he’s just an understanding person.

For the past few dates, I’ve been coming there either late or not showing up at all without calling him. When I’m there I’m always wearing hideous clothes I threw together randomly, like the other day I wore a cheetah print tank top, a green skirt, a pair of black leggings, a pair of yellow socks, a red sports jacket, and silver high heels, all in one. I looked like a walking disaster but he had the nerve to say “Your fashion sense is pretty unique and I find it cute.” It made me want to slap myself in the face.

I tried being un-ladylike during dinner by burping, and eating with my hands. I felt disgusted and dirty having to use my fingers for steak. I expected him to say something like he dislike it, but instead he complimented me, saying he likes girls who can be themselves around him. I give up.

Junsu told me, he wanted me to be his girlfriend, but didn’t want me to give him an answer right away. He wants me to think it over and to give him an answer from me by tomorrow night, during our dinner date. When I asked Dara about it, she told me to go for him because waiting for Khun is hopeless. I guess you can say I’m hopeless because I wanted to hear what Khun had to say about all this.

I know he was the one who had set me up with Junsu and all that, but deep inside, a part of me hope he’ll tell me not to go on the date and reject Junsu. I guess you can say that I’m being foolish for wanting him to say don’t love any other guy except me. Geez, I think I’m reading too many manga and fanfic, I’m aiming for the impossible.

I regret calling that , Khun. Instead of hearing him say don’t go I hear him encourage me to go for it, for an hour on the phone. Telling me to date Junsu and how he’ll make me happy and all this crap. He even went as far as to say he’ll help me find an outfit that will make Junsu not want to let go of me that night. Are you ing serious right now, Nichkhun Horvejkul? I can’t deal with this anymore, so I hung up on him.

I guess I have to face reality now. For the past few weeks I’ve been hanging out with Junsu and sometimes alone, not that ‘alone’ has any special meaning, but Khun is unaffected by it. He’s even willing to help me with my date. Would any guy in their right mind, help a girl he is in love with get with another guy? Open your eyes NOW, the reality of it is that Khun doesn’t like you. Damn, this is making me depress. I regret going along with all this. I should have just said no from the start.

At this point I don’t care anymore. I’m just going to go on the date with Junsu and tell him I can’t be with him. I don’t care if Khun finds out about my feelings anymore. Why did I even try so hard to hide it in the first place? Going through all that trouble inorder for that cruel guy not to find out about my feelings, but my feelings are all bruised up nowanyways so it doesn’t matter if it’s crushed by him at this point.

Going shopping was like going through hell. Watching him praise me every time I try something on, saying that Junsu would likes this. Junsu would like that. I wanted to scream, I don’t care what Junsu like. Can you not see how unhappy I am? But seeing him smile at me so earnestly made me happy, I just love his smiling face that makes me forget why I’m even mad at him.

Man I love Dara. Seriously, she’s the greatest. During dinner, she was saying all these great things about me and I sat there watching Khun get mad over her comments. He deserves it! I want him to regret ever matching me up with any guy. I hope he’ll learn from this experience and never do it again. Yeah, Khun, you better regret it.

I always thought I was good at masking my feelings, until he said what he said during dinner. I couldn’t hide how hurt I was over his comment. I seriously want to cry right now. Holding back my tears I glared at him, “Good to hear that. I’ll have a damn good time with Junsu and you don’t have anything to worry about. I don’t even see you as a man.”

I looked over at Dara and she understood. She made up some excuse and we left the room. I came home crying like a baby. I hate you Khun. If you go so far as to say all those things, I’ll give you what you want. I’ll go out with Junsu and make damn sure I’ll make him the happiest person alive. I’ll make you regret ever saying those things, Nichkhun Horvejkul.

[Author Side Notes] Isn't it funny how sometimes we misinterpret a situation base on what we thought we saw or had heard from others? ;)