We all know the evil maknae with hundreds of nicknames: Cho Kyuhyun

We also know the angelic leader who lost his wings: Park Jungsu.

What happens when Leeteuk asks Kyuhyun to teach him to play on a PSP? 

Author: Ai_Dami

Story: Evil Maknae's Game Lesson 

Genre: Fluff

Features: Super Junior

Review:

Description: Very basic, then again it makes you wonder about the story. Everyone love Super Junior and a pair between the leader and his maknae is rare. Leaves a lot to the mind, which can be good, or bad.

4/5

Grammer: Some gramatical errors, but it doesn't mess with the flow. There are lines like:

"Kyu always looks so happy playing on his PSP, Leeteuk thinks, I want to try too!"
 That are awkward. That line would work better as "Kyu always looks so happy playing on his PSP; Leeteuk thinks, I want to try too!"

Adding extra question marks, or exclamation marks

" Like Super Junior Bros? ?????...  " Are annoying, I know they are to emphasize the question, but what you can do instead is describe LeeTeuks words.

Ex: "...Like Super Junior Bros?" Leeteuk said excitedly then began to laugh with his unique high pitched laugh.

Something like that is a lot better to read becuase it helps your readers imagine the situation.

DESCRIPTION IS YOUR BEST FRIEND.

"Kyu's heart skipped a beat: hyung is so cute."

This sentence confused me. Was the last part ment to be dialog? Usually when ":" is put there is a list that follows.

Another suggestion is instead of writing your dialog using "[]", put quotation marks around what they are saying. Then after the dialog put who spoke.

Ex: "Hyung..." Kyuhyun said seriously.

Again with adding unneeded things like " ~ ~ ~ ~ T ^ T"

or " ^^;???" to show the characters expression, describe it.

Other then that the grammer isn't bad.

3/5

Story Line/ Plot: You accuratly matched the description, so you're safe in that category. Yo listed your story as fluff, but I don't see it. Fluff usually involves alot of sweet loveyness from characters and I don't really see it. Everything flows nicely and I can keep up with the story, its is slightly dissinteresting. I can't think of anything that can help that. I'm current;y reading it fr the second time and I've noticed that you've changed your way of writing during chapter 2. You've gotten more descriptive, not enough for my taste but deffinitly better. Try to bulk up your chapters, take off the double space, and don't write it in a poem style.

7/10

Total: 14/20

Rating: Red

Extra's: Keep trying you've got potential, just isn't being used to it's full extent.