** I didn't mark this as Mature because they don't really end up doing anything, but there are some ual things, just not...that explicit. So. Ya know. Read at your own risk. Nothing too bad though so -_- 

The car ride to Seoul was about a hundred times more awkward than Kyungsoo had anticipated. He had been excepting Kai’s cold shoulder and aloof demeanor, but if that wasn’t bad enough, Sehun had decided (because I haven’t been to the city in a while, he had said, but the truth was so obvious it was laughable) to tag along, and so now Kyungsoo was stuck in the back seat of Luhan’s navy blue Hyundai with Kai. Luhan was driving and Sehun sat in the passenger seat, failing (Well excuse me, there are just so many damn lines on this thing! Sehun had interjected) to give directions, even with a GPS and a map. Luhan, probably just trying to be polite (or just to break the stifling silence) attempted to make feeble conversation, which eventually just died off when he realized he was mostly talking to himself, and Sehun gave a small awkward cough every now for similar reasons. 

Kai faced out the window; his head leaned against the glass as he took in the scenery that blurred by. Kyungsoo wondered what Kai thought of it all, because he knew that the boy had no recollection of these new things that he was seeing. He wants to ask him, and wants to explain things to him; he wants to help Kai see the world, and have him become apart of it, but before he can actually muster any courage to say anything, their fight from the previous night stops him, and then he is thinking about Kai’s sketchpad, which he had managed to put back before Kai had noticed. Kyungsoo knew what he had done wrong, and he knew that he needed to fix this. But he was afraid; Afraid that he would mess up again, and make things worse, and the last thing he wanted was Kim Jongin to be even colder and more unforgiving, as if they really were nothing more than a nurse and a patient. He thinks a bit, and he stares out his window, through the slightly tinted glass to look at the clear skies billows of clouds scattered throughout, open fields of short patchy grass and the open countryside that lay beyond it, all looking a little grayer, a little damper than usual, but maybe it’s just the glass. His thoughts begin to drift, and Kyungsoo hates it because he always ends up thinking about things he doesn’t want to, and then he starts feeling things he hates, and then he slips into that place he hates because it’s so hard to get back, to pull himself out, to stop himself from slipping away. 

He is a torrent of feelings, swirling emotions of sadness and anger, mostly self-directed, and he is at a loss.

If only there were words he could use to explain to Kim Jongin how he was feeling, how sorry he was and how much he meant to him, and how he would never leave his side, and that he never meant it from the beginning, because there wasn’t a thing that Kyungsoo would ever hide from Kim Jongin or Kai, because…

Well, because he loved him.

He blushes a little at the realization and suddenly he is kind of glad that Kai wasn’t facing him.

Words can’t help him right now, so he decides he won’t use his words this time—no, he would have to show Kim Jongin, he would have to do what words can’t, no matter how painful it may be for himself.

It’s with this resolve that Kyungsoo finally leans over to Sehun, beckoning for him to lean closer, secret hopes and plans leaving his mouth in small little whispers.

Kai continues to pretend that he is staring out the window, as if he hadn’t noticed the small movement in his peripheral view, and that he wasn’t just a little jealous at how close Sehun was leaning to Kyungsoo.

**

Kai finally faces Kyungsoo for the first time since getting into the car. Kai was fully convinced now that Sehun was physically incapable of reading the map, because not only had they taken an unusually long rest stop break (what were they doing up there!?), but they had managed to stray way off the main road: they had to a very secluded dirt road, one that had trees leaning down at every edge, their branches making a beautiful arch down the road, and with no one else on the small road, it was very peaceful. They had finally stopped when they reached a clearing, where Luhan stopped the car and parked it.

This certainly wasn’t Seoul, that much Kai knew.

“Where are we?” his voice slightly hoarse from the elongated silence.

Kyungsoo doesn’t say anything but “Close your eyes.”

**

“Ok, now, open them.” Kyungsoo lets go out of Kai’s wrist, which he had been holding onto so he could lead him down the rough path, untouched by humans and littered with sticks, twigs and stones of various sizes.

Kai slowly opens his eyes, lifting each lid a little bit at a time.

“I brought you to meet my parents.”

Kai fully opens his eyes upon he hearing this.

Two marble slabs lay in front of him, both identical in size and shape, the only difference being the named carved into its smooth dark surface. The graves are in pretty decent conditon, despite the little weeds growing at their bases, and it seems like it has been a while since has been there, years maybe. The withered remains of flowers from the last visitor lay in front of them, and Kyungsoo picks them up and replaces them with a fresh new batch of flowers—these ones a vibrant purple and a deep crimson— that were very much alive and healthy. Kyungsoo then gets down onto his knees as he begins to pay homage to the people who had brought him into this cruel world, and then proceeded to leave him helplessly alone.

This is the first time Kai has understood what “awkward” actually meant as he towered over Kyungsoo, watching him pay his respects, unsure if he should join him, curious as to what happened, confused as to why Kyungsoo hadn’t just said so in the first place, but mostly, he is sad. Sad because the thought of Kyungsoo being alone made his heartache, and it hurt him to think that Kyungsoo was painfully similar to him in many ways. Somewhere in the mix with the sadness, Jongin feels guilty because he had been so selfish, because he had only thought of himself. He couldn’t help it, because he hated that word, the one that always came with empty promises and false pretenses and sorrowful goodbyes. He thought he could handle hearing it now, so long as it wasn’t from Kyungsoo. Anybody but Kyungsoo, he had panicked at the thought the night that Kyungsoo had said it, his sleeping pills doing nothing to suppress the nightmares that came over him; Kyungsoo flashing him a well painted smile, speaking gentle words with absolutely no meaning but filled with intent and manipulation, and Kai woke up panting, sweat matting tufts of his hair to his face, the image of Kyungsoo’s slender figure vanishing down the never ending grey hallway engrained in his mind…


And now the nightmares don’t seem so bad as he thinks about Kyungsoo being just like Jongin, except with nobody to even pretend to care for him, even if it always just a lie. Jongin never had anything to begin with, so he never had anything to loose. Kyungsoo may have had something he never did, but Kyungsoo had to live through the pain of loosing it too, it dawns on Jongin.

Jongin wants to say something to Kyungsoo, to tell him how he would be his family now, how he would never leave his side, how he would give him everything he had before, and more. But the words never come to him, and Jongin acknowledges that it was something no words could ever express, because he finally had somebody who gave his life meaning, and gave him something worth living for, somebody who gave him an existence beyond the solid brick walls of the place he called home…

Jongin finally reaches his resolve, and for once, the always happy and innocent Kai, does too.

**

When Kyungsoo is finally done, he stands up, brushing off the grass that sticks to his slacks. Kai hasn’t said anything since they have gotten here, but Kyungsoo doesn’t mind because he understands that there isn’t much to be said.

Kyungsoo is feeling a little better now, and visiting his parent’s grave doesn’t leave him as bitter as it used to when they had first died. The last time he had been there was almost 4 years ago, and he had only visited once since the rainy June day of their funeral, to which next to nobody showed up to because everybody was “busy”, or they weren’t “around”, leaving Kyungsoo and a few other close family friends to show up. When they all left, Kyungsoo had collapsed in a heap on the ground, uncaring if anybody saw, sobs ripping out of his chest as he realized he was the sad remains of what was once a family. He had been almost done with high school then, so his relatives had made no effort to try and take care of the boy, because he would be “going to college soon, I’m sure he can take care of himself until then.”

“I’m sorry.”

Kyungsoo breaks out of his daze and looks at Kai.

Kai is looking at him now, his normal playfulness gone, instead replaced by a seriousness that Kyungsoo had never seen in Kai before. Kai takes a few steps toward Kyungsoo, closing the distance. He is standing about a foot from the nurse, and he looks him dead in the eye and says it again, “I’m sorry.”

Kyungsoo isn’t sure if he’s apologizing for his parents or for their fight.

“You don’t nee-”

Kai cuts him off as he begins his own rant, his voice cracking with emotion, “I’m sorry for all the pain you’ve had, I’m sorry for all the loneliness you’ve ever felt, I’m sorry for those sleepless nights, I’m sorry for all those tears you’ve shed, I’m sorry for you having to take care of me, because I know that I’m not always the easiest to take care and I’m sorry that I’m always so selfish, always demanding this and that out of you, I’m sorry that I’ve made your life harder, and that I take up all your time, so that you can never do the things you want to, and that you never have free time because your stuck taking care of a cra-”

“Kai, Kai, Stop.” Kyungsoo grabs Kai by his shoulders, as if this would physically stop the boy from continuing. Kai’s words die on his lips as he waits for Kyungsoo to speak.

“Don’t apologize to me about anything. I have never regretted a single minute I have spent with you, even if you are selfish, and demanding, and ridiculous.” Kai rolls his eyes. “There is nowhere else I would rather be, and there is nobody else I would rather be with. And besides, I would spend any free time I had with you anyways. I love my job again, I love going to work again, and I love knowing that everyday I will get to see you, and I love-, er, well, I love you.” This time it’s Kyungsoo’s words that die, and he is flushed an embarrassing shade of pink.

Kai takes a minute to process everything his nurse had just said, before his eyes widen a little in surprise, shining with that life Kyungsoo had seen in certain Kim Jongin’s patient file. Jongin breaks into the most beautiful smile that Kyungsoo has ever seen, so that he can’t help but smile right back at Jongin.

There is no more distance between the two when Kai envelops Kyungsoo in his arms, and Kyungsoo is glad to see that Kai's heart is racing, just like Kyungsoo's. 

“I love you too.” Kai pulls back a little so he can look at Kyungsoo’s face when he says it, and Kyungsoo’s blush is spreading across his face, cheeks flaming. Damn, he was so cute when he was like this, Kai thinks as he leans down toward him.

Kyungsoo buries his head into Kai’s shoulder to hide his face, and they stay like this for a little bit, not saying anything, the silence comfortable and sweet.

They turn their heads when they hear a gagging noise, and Sehun and Luhan are walking toward them; Sehun shakes his head in disgust at the embracing couple and Luhan smiles in adoration.

“Have you no shame, doing this right in front of your mother and father, Kyungsoo? They’re probably turning in their graves.”

“I think it’s cute!~” Luhan counters, smiling up at Sehun, as if waiting for him to agree.

“Oh?” Sehun tries not to look interested, keeping his voice monotone.

Luhan nods enthusiastically and continues, “Yes, it’s so romantic! I love romantic things. Like long walks on the beach, or candle lit dinners, or couple shirts. Stuff like that.”

Sehun nods silently, taking mental notes, minus the couple shirts because, ew, couple shirts, how tacky, (but how typical for Luhan) even if they were “just” friends, and he is about to say something else, when he cuts off abruptly.

“EWW, GET A ROOM”, he shrieks at the couple, who had went from to a sweet embrace to full blown making out, little squeaks of pleasure leaving their mouths, seemingly forgetting that Luhan and Sehun were still there, watching them, having to witness something that was a little to intimate for public eyes, and certainly not appropriate for the graves of Kyungsoo’s parents.

Luhan blushes and awkwardly turns away to give them privacy, secondhand embarrassment getting the best of him, and Kyungsoo breaks apart from Kai panting, laughing at the misfortune of their spectators, and Kai smirks, as if to say “this is just the beginning…”

**

A drop lands on Kai’s cheek and he pats his face, looking up, and sees that it’s just starting to sprinkle. They have just pulled up into the place where they will be staying, and it was truly a dump. Kai isn’t fazed by it, because his world has always been white linen sheets, plastic bed frames and stiff beds. This new scenery was nice, the change was nice and he didn’t even mind the horrible stench of cheap cigarettes and alcohol, the dingy lighting and the piss filled bathroom, because it was unlike anything he had ever seen before. Kyungsoo watches in amusement as Kai marvels over the littlest of things, while trying to hold his own disgust because their room was filthy, and obviously not meant for a 4 night stay. Of course, Sehun can’t read a map OR choose a decent hotel, Kyungsoo sighs bitterly.

Sehun helps them bring their luggage into their room, and after making a snide remark about keeping things in their pants if they can, and how he will be seeing them in 4 days,  he and Luhan leave to go do whatever they were going to do.

Kyungsoo finally looks around the room and realizes that there is only one bed.

That means…he would have to share a bed with Kai.

He bites his lips, and feels ashamed that he is somewhat excited at the prospect of sleeping in the same bed as Kai. And they were alone, just the two of them, in a motel…

Kai suddenly flops onto the bed, sprawling his limbs out, and messing up the perfectly made bedspread, so Kyungsoo just sits down nervously at the edge, the only place Kai wasn’t occupying. Kai seems to know what Kyungsoo is thinking about when he stares up at him through his dark lashes, his face a bit too teasing, too seductive, and Kyungsoo’s heart is pounding obnoxiously loud, and he’s sure that Kai can hear it too.

He swallows uncomfortably. “What?”

There’s a  confident smirk playing on Kai's lips, and he sits up, and starts crawling toward Kyungsoo on all fours, like he was a feline, stealthy and coy.

Suddenly Kyungsoo misses the playful Kai, the happy-go-lucky childish Kai who didn’t look like he was about to devour him alive.

“W-w-what are you doing?” Kyungsoo tries not to sound flustered as Kai is getting closer, and closer…

And then Kai pounces on him, shoving him down on the bed, so that his legs are straddling Kyungsoo’s hips and Kyungsoo can’t say anything because there’s no air in his lungs, and he can’t seem to remember how to breathe.

“Am I making you nervous?” Kai laughs cockily, his hands moving up and down Kyungsoo’s hips slowly, and he squirms because it’s making him feel rather aroused. Kai seems to notice and his hands start wandering to the hem of Kyungsoo’s shirt. He slides one of his hands under and Kyungsoo gasps when Kai’s cool hands make contact with his skin, because it was so much warmer, and the difference in temperatures felt so good.

“K-Kai I think we should p-probably unpack now bec-” Kyungsoo lets out a yelp when Kai rubs his fingers against his s, and every time Kai touches him, rubs him, he feels himself, much to his embarrassment, getting harder.

“Do you like it when I touch you?” Kai stops touching him for a second to listen to his response.

“N-No.” Kyungsoo manages to choke out, and he knows it’s not true, and thankfully, Kai doesn’t stop, because he knows it's not true either.

Kai pulls up Kyungsoo’s shirt, and leans down to tentatively one of his s. Kyungsoo’s breathing hitches and Kai smiles wickedly, “We both know that’s not true Do Kyungsoo.”

Kyungsoo wants to crawl into a hole and die because the blood rushing to the area between his legs seems to confirm everything he says.

Kai doesn’t wait for Kyungsoo to respond, his hands starting to make their way downward. Kyungsoo hasn’t thought this through, because he hadn’t been expecting there to be only one bed, and he hadn’t been expecting that Sehun would leave so soon, and he hadn’t been expecting that Kai would want him as much as he wanted Kai…

There’s a knock at the door, and Kyungsoo gratefully leaps out from underneath Kai. Kai lets out a sigh of disappointment because things were just starting to get good.


Kyungsoo pats his hair down and tries to look presentable before answering the door.

“Yes?” He smiles, and sees that it’s only Sehun, who is holding Kyungsoo’s silver digital camera in his hands.

“Am I interrupting something?” He lifts an eyebrow at Kyungsoo after giving him a once over.

“No!” He probably shouldn’t have denied it so strongly.

“I don’t believe you.” Sehun hears Kai cackle from inside the room, confiriming Sehun's suspicions. 

“Anyways, here.” Kyungsoo takes the camera from Sehun slowly, afraid of what will happen once he was gone, and he had to return to his room, back to his bed, where Kai sat waiting for him.

“Uh. Just make sure you guys use protec-”

Kyungsoo doesn’t hesitate to indignantly slam the door in Oh Sehun’s face.

**

Kyungsoo managed to avoid being near Kai and the bed, the rest of the evening, up until when they had to go to sleep which, thankfully, by the time he had gotten out of the shower, Kai was already snoring quietly.

He curled up next to the younger boy and snuggled into his side, glad that the other wasn’t awake to see him do it. He’d act as if he had rolled over and done it in his sleep, and that it was all just a coincidence. He was too shy to come right out and say “Kai let’s cuddle!~” (although he knew Kai would have no problem saying such a thing). Kyungsoo sighed, thinking about the rain earlier today and hoped that tomorrow there would be none because the last thing he needed was for the weather to stop him; he planned it all so perfectly. It was with these worries he finally managed to drift off to sleep.

**

It was the slight droning noise that woke Kyungsoo up, and he breathed a sigh of relief when he realized it was just the shower running; he had thought it really was raining. He heard the shower stop and then after a few moments, the bathroom door finally creaked open. Kyungsoo pulled the covers up and pretended to sleep, not wanting Kai to know he was up yet. He heard more shuffling near the bed so he cracked one of his eyes open, curious as to what Kai could be doing. He stiffened in the bed when he saw the younger was walking around their room without a towel on. He closed his eyes tight again, hoping Kai hadn’t noticed him move. For a while it was silent, and he heard the ruffling of papers and turning of pages, the occasional scratching of a pencil against paper. What was he doing? He opened one eye a little again. And then he felt breathing on his face, and both of his eyes shot open, only to see Jongin’s face a mere inch from his.

“I know you're up. Did you have fun watching me in all my glory hmm? All you have to do is just ask.” His words were hot against his skin, and his breath smelled faintly of toothpaste.

It was too early for this, so it was no surprise Kyungsoo’s brain couldn’t handle this closeness so early in the morning.

“Shut up! You’re the one walking around . I don’t want to see anything anyways.”

Kai ignored him, and leaning back, he announced, “Eww you have morning breath.”

Kyungsoo blushed and covered his mouth, remembering that he had just gotten up and hadn’t brushed his teeth yet.

“If you don’t like it, then don’t be near me!” Kyungsoo muffled from behind his hands.

“It’s ok, I don’t care.” Kai gave him a smile before moving Kyungsoo’s hand, and then giving him a kiss. It was a short kiss, sweet and minty, the spearmint taste still lingering on Kyungsoo’s lips even after Kai had pulled away.

“You wanted to cuddle with me last night, huh?” Kai teased as he sat down on his side of the bed, wrapping his arms around Kyungsoo.

“No! That’s just how I sleep. I can’t help it.”

Kai’s face twisted into a smirk. “I was still awake when you got into bed.”

Kyungsoo turned red again.

“Kyungsoo-ah, if you want something, you need to ask, ok? How am I supposed to give you anything if you don’t ask?” he shook his head at Kyungsoo disapprovingly.

“It’s embarrassing though.” Kyungsoo muttered from under the covers, where he had crawled to hide the redness of his cheeks.

“It’s not embarrassing. I’ll do anything you tell me to.” Kai pulled the covers down, exposing Kyungsoo, so he could look right at him as he talked.

“Anything?”

“Anything.”

“Why?” Kyungsoo finally sat up so he was at eye level with Kai.

“You know why.” Kai mumbled shyly, and it was weird to see Kai shy about anything.

Kyungsoo liked it.

“I don’t know why.” He cocked his head to right a little, feigning innocence.

Kai narrowed his eyes. “You know why.”

“Nope. You’ll have to remind me.” Kyungsoo bantered playfully.

“Pfft. I guess you’ll never know then.” Kai got off the bed and wandered back into the bathroom, leaving Kyungsoo hanging.

“Aww no fun.” Kyungsoo grumbled, finally rolling out of bed.

**

And of course, just like Kyungsoo had feared, it was raining.

It was a light sprinkle, a drizzle at most, but it was obvious it had been raining a lot harder earlier. He already knew what to expect, but Kyungsoo still checked to see if the amusement park was open anyways, because hey, you never know.

And it wasn’t.

Kyungsoo hadn’t come up with any plan B. What were they going to do now? There wasn’t anything to do at the motel.

Well, they could always jus-

NO. Kyungsoo shuddered a little, recalling how just kissing Kai made him a pile of mush.

With a sorrowful face, he turned to Kai and broke the bad news to him, “I’m sorry Kai. I really wanted to take you. I should have checked the weather more carefully.” He averted his eyes from Kai’s, not wanting to see the younger's disappointment.

“It’s ok. I’m still having fun just being here with you.” Kai assures him truthfully.

“What do you we do now?” Kyungsoo dares to peek at Kai’s face, and is relieved to see a thoughtful grin on his face.

“I don’t know. I don’t know anything about this place.” Kai shrugs.

“We could always walk around the city?” Kyungsoo suggests.

Kai nods in agreement, and Kyungsoo hopes he still remembers his way around city—it had been almost two years since he had left the city, and more than one since he had become Kai’s nurse.

He smiles as he thinks about the years to come.

**

Luck was not on there side, and it began to pour rain as soon as they had gotten out of the Taxi, leaving them to make a mad dash for the nearest form of shelter. They were on the outskirts of town, and the nearest place they could find was a lonely and wet playground, the pavilion conveniently big enough for the both of them to huddle under just as the rain started to pick up even more.

Kyungsoo shivered, his hair soggy and his shirt soppy, and he was regretting the decision to wear a thin sweater in such terrible weather.

Kai pulled Kyungsoo under his jacket, wrapping them both up in the heat of his coat that he had thankfully remembered to pull on before leaving their room.

“You’re going to get wet.” Kyungsoo starts to tug away from Kai.

“You’re going to get sick.” He retorts, pulling him in closer.

And soon they are at a tug of war, Kyungsoo pulling out, and Kai pulling him in.

Kyungsoo pulls away a bit to hard on one such occasion, and he is sent hurdling out into the rain that had now slowed to a steady pummel.

“Aish. So much for staying dry.” Kyungsoo moans from outside the pavilion, his semi-dry sweater became thoroughly soaked again.

Kai runs out from under the pavilion to join him, and he sticks his tongue out, trying to catch the falling condensation. Kyungsoo laughs at the sight, because he had missed seeing the innocent side of Kai.

“Who needs to stay dry? It’s a lot more fun out here.” Kai declares, facing the sky and twirling around gracefully, and Kyungsoo can’t help but think that Kai would be an amazing dancer with the proper training.

Kai starts pulling him over the playscape before he has the chance to say anything.

“Let’s play Kyungsoo-ah” Kai pushes Kyungsoo over to one of the slides, and then he sits down behind him, pushing them forward until they’re tumbling down the long twisted slide, so slick with water that they end up in a heap at the bottom. They’re both a mess on the ground, their clothes muddy and rain sodden and their drenched hair clumps to their faces.

And they laugh, laugh until their breathless because this was not what they had planned, and not what they had wanted, but this was what being alive was all about.

The feeling of nature, harsh and beautiful, the nothingness tying you down, the playful joy of being with someone you loved, not knowing what to expect, everything unpredictable and new.

And they didn’t need an amusement park or carnival to have fun, because they had each other, and what else did they need?

**

Kyungsoo doesn’t even care about his dumb sweater anymore as he rolls into the puddle of murky brown liquid next to him (he wasn’t particularly fond of the navy blue sweater anyways, but he had worn it because he remembered Kai saying he liked the color once).

“Come push me!” Kai calls from the swing set.

Kyungsoo looked up from the puddle of mystery liquid he was lying in, and he was hoping it was just water, even if he didn’t paticularly like this sweater.

Feeling lazy, Kyungsoo manages to literally drag himself over to the swing set, worming his way to where Kai’s legs dangled. Kai rolls his eyes, telling him how he was ruining his sweater. Kyungsoo is amused at Kai’s hope in saving the earth caked fabric (because he was right, Kai really did like this sweater!). He finally heaves himself up, using Kai for support, and Kai impatiently demands again for Kyungsoo to push him.

So Kyungsoo does just that, pushing Kai up, propelling Kai up into the arms of the weeping sky above.  Kai let’s his legs hang freely, and he leans back, feeling the air and rain hit his face. And the smile that adorns his face is real, and that light that Kyungsoo has seen only a handful of times is back, and Jongin is happy again, the life alive again, and he looks free, as if the world was all just at  the his fingertips.

“Look, you’re flying Jongin.” Kyungsoo shouts over the pounding rain, remembering his promise.

Kai’s eye widen a little, because he had forgotten about it, about the childish promise that a nurse that had made to him once upon a time. And a broken laugh leaves his throat because nobody remembered their promises to Kim Jongin, not even Kai himself.

“Yea, I guess I am huh?” Kai spreads both of his arms out, as if he was a bird now, and Kyungsoo pushes him back towards the skies again, harder this time, as if Kai really could fly.

“You are.” Kyungsoo smiles at Kai even if he can’t see it, and he feels this is all incredibly cheesy, as if it belonged in some chick-flick, because Do Kyungsoo’s life was never this exciting, or interesting; this was too abnormal, too out of the ordinary to be happening. But that’s not true, he realizes, because it does belong, it is right. Kim Jongin
was no longer just a patient at a mental hospital, and Do Kyungsoo was no longer just a nurse; no, they were two foolish boys that had finally found their purpose for existing, their reason for being. And Kyungsoo didn’t care if he was crazy, or if he would he to take care of this boy for the rest of his life because he didn’t want just four legged animals at his deathbed, and he didn’t want to just go through the boring todays and tomorrows alone. He wanted to do it with Kai, Kim Jongin, and he wanted to do it until he got to ripe old age of 60 or 70, and it was time for him to retire, so he could go home to the waiting arms of Kai, curling up next to him every night until the day they left their bodies behind, finally going to their forever.

“This is so cheesy.” Kai rasps, and if it wasn’t for the rain, Kyungsoo would have thought Kai was crying.

“You’re the one who said you wanted to fly.”

“I didn’t think you would remember.”  I didn’t think anybody would ever remember, he adds silently.

“I remember everything about you.”

Kai only replies quietly with, “So cheesy.”

Kyungsoo doesn’t respond because the words are stuck in his throat now, so instead, he just pushes Kai up again, back into the sky that was just starting to clear up, its pale blue and puffy white clouds finally starting to color it once more.

**

How they manage to make it back to the room is a miracle to Kyungsoo. They had somehow controlled themselves on the way back from the playground, and the Taxi driver kept shooting them dirty looks in the rearview mirror every time Kyungsoo made an embarrassingly loud noise when Kai touched him just right, Kai’s lips traveling along his jaw, his neck, grazing his earlobes, hands wandering about Kyungsoo’s body. The normally self-conscious nurse forgot about the world, his mind only thinking about Kai. About the way Kai smelled, the way he burned when Kai lingered in one place for too long, and the ride in the Taxi seemed to take five times longer than it had the first time.
Kyungsoo doesn’t remember paying the taxi driver, his only recollection of the event was someone—it must have been Kai— handing the unhappy driver his dues, before he drove off angrily.

They stumble down the halls, hands never leaving the other, and when they finally get into their room, Kai pushes Kyungsoo against the first wall he can find. The pain in his back doesn’t register as Kai hungrily kisses Kyungsoo, both of them desperate for more, for it to never stop. Because it was right here, right in each other’s arms. Yes, it was where they belonged, where they fit perfectly, where they were meant to be.

This time Kyungsoo isn’t nervous when Kai pulls him toward the bed.  He isn’t nervous when Kai inches his shirt up, until it’s over his head and on the floor. He isn’t nervous when Kai takes his shirt off immediately after, revealing the smooth tan abs that lay underneath, the very ones he had been dreaming about for months now. He isn’t nervous as Kai begins to kiss him, starting from his head…but he feels his pulse pick up as Kai makes his way down, slowly trailing kisses wherever he can… and by the time Kai’s hands are undoing the buttons to his pants his heart is racing, and his breathing has become irregular. Kyungsoo squirms in anticipation, and Kai pauses to look up at the older, want and desire thick in his brown eyes. Kyungsoo loves it, loves this feeling of excitement, of want—no, need, and soon he is impatient. Kyungsoo was by no means a , but as for Kai, he wasn’t sure. How far has Kai gone? (With who? Where?) Has he ever been kissed by anyone else? (Surely a boy of such looks has been kissed before…right?) Has Kim Jongin ever had…? (This thought does not entertain Kyungsoo’s attention for long; imaging Jongin having with someone else just ruined the mood)

“Ah. Kai, Kai hold on.” Kyungsoo tries to control his breathing a little, to stop it from becoming obvious he was a little too eager.

Kai looks up at him from where he had been kissing and the skin near his navel, dangerously close to other places.

“What?” He hums, continuing on with his business.

“Uh. Have you…done this before?” Kyungsoo hopes he hasn’t ruined the mood.

“This…you mean, had ?”

“Sure.”

“Oh. Yea. A few times actually. Most of them willingly too.” Kai murmurs against the expanse of milky white skin, and his hands are ghosting over the heat burning between his legs.

“Wait, what do you mean ‘most of them’?” Kyungsoo sits up, moving out of Kai’s grip.

“Yea. Some of them were my choice. My decision. Because I wanted to, I guess.” Kai attempts to push Kyungsoo down again.

“And the others?”

A beat passes before Kai responds. “I wasn’t really old enough to know what was happening anyways.” He shrugs.

Kyungsoo stares at him.

“That’s it? You’ve been…taken advantage of and you just shrug it off?” Kyungsoo feels anger starting to build up inside. The very image of a some young nurse, using Jongin, whose eye’s sparkled and shone with a glint of something magical, made Kyungsoo sick to the stomach. It was for their pleasure and their enjoyment. Why did it matter anyways? No harm would be done, right? And what could this boy—the one with those beautiful eyes, and the ignorance of the world—do about it?

Because of course, he was crazy. He who killed his parents, his own family, yes him. Why should he deserve anything, anything at all?

This same boy, who had been locked away for years, and it probaby hadn't taken long for his eyes to darken, any radiance it once had gone, as he realized he was caged; the hospital not a home, but a prison.

“Kim Jongin, STOP.”

Kai stops, and stiffly sits up on the bed.

“What?” Kai asks cautiously.

“I’m going to take you out of the hospital. To come live with me.”

Kai begins laughing, but it is so dry and fake, it sounds more like choking.

“Take me out of the hospital? Me? That is cute, very cute.” He spits out between laughs.

“I’m not joking.” Kyungsoo gives him a hard look. Why is he laughing? Does he not want to be free?  Does he want to stay in that cursed hos-

“What makes you think that they will let a crazy person out into the world? The real world. Your world.” Kai’s voice is all venom now, and there is no trace of the arousal from before.

“You aren’t crazy.” Kyungsoo finally says, for it had been on his mind for a while now. He had to let him know. He needed to know.

Kyungsoo is afraid when Kai laughs this time.  

“What do you mean I’m not crazy? Are you trying to say that they have been telling me a lie all these years? That the very thing they have been telling from the beginning isn’t true? That the reason why I can’t leave, can’t love, can’t be happy is all a lie?” Kai demands through clenched teeth.

“It’s not true. I know it’s not true. Kim Jongin is not crazy.” Kyungsoo answers with a steady voice.

More choking laughter leaves Kai’s throat.

“And how do you know that I’m not crazy? Hmm, Nurse Do? Is it because I held you like this?” He grabs Kyungsoo roughly, slipping his arms around his waist. “Is it because I kissed you, and pretended to be innocent? Pretended to be sane?"

“But I know you weren’t pre-”

Kai shoves Kyungsoo down forcefully, and his hands wrap around Kyungsoo’s neck. It's almost like it's fate, the way Kai's hands fit perfectly around Do Kyngsoo's neck, as if they were meant for each other. And then he starts squeezing, causing Kyungsoo to do some choking of his own.

A strangled noise makes its way to Kyungsoo’s lips. The air was leaving his lungs now…

“And how about now? Are you still sure I’m not crazy?” Kai challenges him, looking him straight in the eyes, and then he begins to squeeze a little harder.

“Not crazy.” It comes out barely audible.

Kai squeezes a little harder.

Kyungsoo’s eyes begin to water.

Air. He needs air.

“What? I can’t hear you over your choking.”  Kai goads.

Kyungsoo feels himself slipping. But he doesn’t change his mind, because he was sure of it.

“Do you still want to save me? To be with me? Somebody crazy?” He continues to taunt.

“I love you. Even if you kill me, I’ll still love you.” Kyungsoo knows it will be the last thing he can manage to say before he is swept away by the blackness that was surely coming now-

Until Kai loosens his grip. His hands go limp, falling awkwardly to his sides.

“Why?”

Air rushes into his trachea, and Kyungsoo’s chest expands painfully, his oxygen-deprived lungs greedily taking in as much they can.

A pause. Kyungsoo breathes, dizzy from the sudden intake of too much oxygen.

“Because. Because I love you more than I have ever loved anything before. More than my job. More than all my ex-boyfriends and girlfriends put together. Hell, probably more than my parents.” Kyungsoo’s voice is gaining strength now, his breathing almost back to normal.

“But why? Why would you-” Kai is cut off by Kyungsoo.

“I’m not done talking yet. I’ve seen it. The beautiful everything that you are. The perfectness of your being here. It doesn’t matter what they told you. Because it’s not true. Nobody can tell you what you are. You are who you are. Nobody can take away your happiness, your joy. People will try to tell what you are. And you might listen to them. But you can’t. I won’t let you. I-I’ve seen it. I-” Kyungsoo can’t breathe again, this time, because he can’t find the words to say what he needs, to show Kim Jongin that he wasn’t what they said he was. That he was himself, and nobody can tell him otherwise-

“You know, you’re just as crazy as me.” Kyungsoo is no longer looking at Kai, but rather at Kim Jongin, the boy with those stupidly wonderful eyes that are glassy now, tears threatening to spill out.

Kyungsoo gives a halfhearted smile, his eyes are glassy too and his vision is beginning to  blear. “Aren’t we all kind of crazy anyways?”

**

Sniffle.

“Did you mean it?” Jongin whispers  a little while later. 

“Mean what?”

“That you would take me away.”

“Yes. I meant every word of it.” He pulls the younger one closer to his chest.

“I…I want to leave. Will you save me?” He almost whimpers.

“Yes, I will.”

**

The rest of their trip was uneventful to say the least, but Kyungsoo is satisfied with seeing Jongin content, and more importantly, hopeful.

“So, how was your trip? Do anything fun?” Sehun waggles his eyebrows suggestively.

“Of course that’s the first thing that comes out of your mouth.” Kyungsoo rolls his eyes.

“Well I mean things seemed pretty intense when I left…”

“I will have you know that we most certainly did n-” Kyungsoo starts to defend himself.

“Did more than you could ever dream about doing with Luhan.” Kai intervenes, a grin plastered on his face.

“HEY. We have done it so many times, you don’t even want to know!” Sehun bursts out, quick to jump to his own defense.

“YAH, SEHUN-AH, WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?” Luhan runs over, slapping Sehun hard on the bicep. He had just so happened to be standing behind him as he made his declaration, and his face burned with embarrassment. He liked to keep his life to himself, thank you very much.

“They act is if I never even stood a chance at having se-” Luhan ignores Sehun’s protests and drags him back to the car, ing his loud mouth boyfriend out the entire way.

The remaining two burst out laughing, exchanging a knowing glance, one that suggested some truth to Sehun's previous accusations.


**

Epilogue

It was exactly 3 years after Do Kyungsoo had become Kai’s nurse that Kim Jongin was discharged from the hosptial he had grown up in. The paper work had been long and tedious, and it things had seemed impossible at first. An ongoing argument that went on for months. A war that was waged for what seemed like an endless amount of time.

But it was over, and at the end of it all, at the end of the battle, Do Kyungsoo left the hosptial too, no longer a nurse, and Kim Jongin no longer a patient.

**

It was exactly 1 year and 2 days after Kim Jongin had first flown on a rainy day in a park that he finally flew for real.

The plane was headed for the United States of America, where he and Kyungsoo would be moving to start their new life, in the new house that was waiting on the other side of the body of churning water. Where their new life would take them, he wasn’t certain. And it wasn’t the same, and it wasn’t part of the “always”. It was brand new, and strange and scary.

Jongin loves it.

**

Their home is a modest place; A pale yellow one that was not too big, and not too small, but just right. It lays on cliff about a mile from the ocean, and Jongin loves it. He loves the fresh salty breeze that drifts in through their window every morning, and the crashing of the waves is melodious, a sweet harmony he loves more and more every day. But it’s Kyungsoo's sweet voice  that Jongin loves the most. It is full of warmth, saftey, security, and love. It is the the sound that he still remembers loud and clear, the one that had drifted down the gray halls and had sent shivers down his back. The singing makes him comfortable, at peace—at home.

Home.

Kim Jongin smiles.  

He was finally at home. 


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OMG. I ACTUALLY FINISHED IT. I PLANNED TO PUT Y TIMES IN THERE, AND AS YOU CAN SEE, I TRIED, AND FAILED. I totally led you guys on XD I put this story off because I wasn't sure what to do about said y times. Such a bad author. Sorry! This also turned out a lot...more angsty than I planned. And a lot cheesier. Seriously I am cheesier than a box of cheez its. Cheesier than cheese pizza. Kai=super cheesy. kim jongin double identity= every kaisoo fic ever. do kyungsoo begin umma? yet another exo sterotype. I have no orginality, I admit. 

But besides that, I'm so proud of myself for finishing it. I did it. This is an accomplishment coming from me, because I have always had issues with finishing things. It would have been up awhile ago, but I have been on vacation (in Texas right now).  And trust me, I'm just brewing with ideas now. ;A; Thank you to all those who read it, I appreciate it a ton, and I look foward to writing you all more stories ^o^