They say once you met “the one” everything else pales in comparison. Everything with that person is just perfect, nothing seems to hold you back, and that person showed you another side of life that you never thought possible. That person is and always will be the most important person that you met in your life.

But you can never hold them for a long time. They come and go as they please in your life. They shook you, tear down your ego and leave you broken hearted.

If only someone told me how messy love could get, I would never have fallen in love in the first place. But, in love you could never truly understand what’s happening, you just fall. And I fell for her so hard that it knocked me off my feet when I realized that everything was over. And now, each day, I still find myself stuck somewhere in the past thinking what went wrong and if given the chance I would make it right.

Sure, she was a pain in the , she would ask me to go to random places in the middle of the night and she could be pretty stubborn, annoying sometimes, childish when she wants to, arrogant when she’s right. But she was kind, loving, patient and most of all selfless. That’s why I love Sandara Park.

Even after all I’ve been through . . .

I still love Sandara Park.

I gulped another beer, how many did I have tonight? I mentally counted the bottle I consumed. 1 . . . 2 . . . 7 . . . 10 . . .18  whoa, and this is my 19^th bottle and it’s still 12:24 am. Wow. I broke my own record.

Alcoholism can really be a life saver. That much is true, because when I’m sober, my only thoughts would be filled of my past with Dara. Well, I’m drunk and I’m still thinking of her. Well, I guess, her impact on my life has no bounds. Even when I’m drunk she still occupies my mind.

How could I ever forget you Dara?

I was patiently waiting for her to show up. It’s been 2 hours already and the movie we’re supposed to watch is already ending. And it was their 1 year anniversary.  She’s not answering her phone and I’m getting worried. She would always answer her phone whenever I call.

Something’s not right here. I should have gone to her place as soon as she was late for 30 minutes; she was usually the first one to arrive. I jumped on my motor bike and broke traffic rules just to arrive at their place.

As soon as I opened the door, it was pitch black, I felt so nervous, where is she?

“SURPRISEEEEEEEE!” I heard people shout. I turned around and found Dara grinning at me.

“Happy Anniversary Jiyong-ah I love you. Sorry I made you worry.” She said and kissed me and since I was taller than her she tiptoed just to reach me. I felt like my heart would burst out of my ribs with too much happiness.

“You didn’t have to do this Dara-yah.”

“But I do… In our monthly anniversary, you were always the one who would do sweet things… so I decided that in our yearly anniversary I’ll be the one who’ll make the effort to make you smile.” When she said the word yearly, I already saw my infinite future with her. I tried to imagine my future without her but I just can’t. She’s already my future.

I kissed her passionately this time, and if it wasn’t for the people around us, it would have lasted longer. I saw her blush and I just can’t help but give her a quick peck on the lips. I wouldn’t get tired of loving her.  

“Jiyong-ah, were closing the bar already, wake up.” I opened my eyes and saw my friend Kush looking at me filled with worry. I felt a little sober when I woke up but felt like drinking every bottle of alcohol available. Even in my dreams, I can still remember everything vividly.

“Thanks Kush for waking me up.”

“Yeah, I already called Daesung, he’s downstairs he’ll take you home.” I smiled at him and walked away and waved a goodbye to him.

When I was already outside, I saw Daesung’s car and went inside. “Thanks Dae for picking me up.”

“It’s cool hyung. I kinda expected it anyway. It’s just that time of the year again, I suppose.” He started the car and didn’t say anything more. The ride towards my home is still an hour and a half, and knowing Daesung, he prefers to drive quietly. And without me noticing, my thoughts again drifted to Dara.

We’ve been dating for 4 years and a few months and my name as a producer/song writer is finally being acknowledged. I was still in the recording room in YG when I noticed that its already 4 am. I checked my phone, guilt instantly washed all over me. There were 33 missed calls and 82 messages. Some were from Dara while others came from my family and friends greeting me and Dara for our 5^th year anniversary.

Crap. How could I forget this day?

 . . . “Well you have been forgetting your dates with her and now, you committed the gravest of all you’re stacked up sins to her. . .” My conscience whispered in my ear.

I ran as fast as I could to reach my car and drove as fast as I could. When I arrived at Dara’s place I felt like another nail has been nailed down on my coffin. Dara was sleeping on the sofa, her whole apartment was decorated and there was even a banner that said, “Happy 5^th anniversary Babe! You’re the best composer in the WORLD!”

She stirred awake and when she saw me her eyes immediately turned into slits. ”What’s you’re excuse this time Jiyong?” She said coldly. “You made me wait for hour after hour.”

“I’m so, so sorry Dara . . . It was just YG hy—“

“Why don’t you have a relationship with YG sajang-nim instead? It seems to me that you don’t value our relationship as much as I do anymore” She said. Hurt can be heard clearly from her voice.

Fear crept all over my system. I’m gonna lose her this time.

So I kneeled down and bowed to her. “Dara, please don’t leave me. I promise, this won’t happen again. I promise! I SWEAR I PROMISE! Just please, please don’t leave me.” I begged her. If I have to grovel just so she won’t leave me, I would.

“Jiyong, please stand up.”

“I won’t until you forgive me.”

“Fine I forgive you.” She said and I stood up. “On one condition, don’t ever do this again.”

“I promise.”

But Dara started acting weird. She would go on trips alone. She would cancel dates with me and won’t answer any of my calls.I was left in the dark and I felt like dying every time she did that. She would always hint that she’s ending everything, but I wouldn’t let her. I just couldn’t. I finished recording early for Lee Chaerin’s album, “Heart’s on Fire” and felt excited to spend a few hours with her. Then stopped cold on my tracks when I noticed another car parked in front of her house. Choi Seunghyun then stepped out of her house with Dara trailing behind him and handed Seunghyun a coat, she then hugged him. My heart was torn to pieces, I felt my blood boil and I threw a punch on the unsuspecting Seunghyun.

“What’s happening here?”

“Why Dara? Why did you cheat on me?”

Seunghyun got on his feet and wiped the blood of his mouth, “It’s not what you think man.”

“I’m not ing talking to you.” I said coldly at the other man. “My whole world revolved around you Dara. You were part of my dreams. You –“

“I did what exactly?”

“You cheated on me Dara!”

“ Ji! It’s not what you think!” Screamed Seunghyun. I looked at Dara with penetrating eyes. Waiting for her to admit what she did wrong. But she didn’t. She only looked at me as if I was not worth looking at.

“You know what Ji. I’m sick of this, let’s break up.”

When she said those words, I felt like someone tore my heart into pieces. Between the two of us, it should have been me that should be saying those words. I shouldn’t have loved her so much, maybe if I didn’t love her this much, this wouldn’t hurt at all. I should have saved my heart from this kind of pain.

“Seunghyun, let me help you with that busted lip of yours.” She said towards Seunghyun and completely ignored me. Seunghyun wordlessly followed her and I was dumbfounded on my spot. When she turned her back to me, I couldn’t help but wish to god that I should never have met her.

I wanted to scream at her, to tell her that she was such a bad woman who doesn’t deserve to be loved. I wanted to yell at her. Tell her bad things. But I couldn’t. As soon as her door closed, I felt my world crumble. I couldn’t lose her this way. I should have love her a little. . . 

“DARA! I LOVE YOU! PLEASE . . .  LET’S TALK ABOUT THIS!! PLEASE DON’T DO THIS. I LOVE YOU! I ING LOVE YOU SO MUCH THAT IT HURTS!”

I yelled so loud, but she didn’t even step outside to talk to me. I felt my lungs was about to burst but I don’t care. As if the weather was the same with my mood, it started to pour. I would have stayed there, but police came and dragged me away. I found myself in the hospital for a week, but she didn’t even visit me then. I felt so cheated. So robbed.

But during that time, I didn’t know the real story. Only to find out when it was already too late. She was dying.

Its been 3 months and I still miss her. I was in the recording room, but I wasn’t being productive. Not one bit. No matter how hard I tried to forget her, I still can’t. Who knew dedicating a portion of your life to someone and later trying to forget about them is this hard?

Yeah, I thought I wouldn't be able to live even one day without you

But somehow I managed to live on (longer) than I thought

You don't answer anything as I cry out "I miss you"

I hope for a vain expectation but now it's useless

A huge part of me still wanted her back. And if she just says sorry, he would gladly accept her back in his life and he’ll forget what she did.

I was writing furiously on my notebook with her in my mind when I felt my phone vibrate. I would have ignored it, when I noticed it was Dara. I felt my heart furiously pound on my chest. I gingerly answered.

“Yeoboseyo?” I felt my throat tighten when I heard Choi Seunghyun’s voice in the other line.

“Dara’s in the hospital. She wants to see you. If that’s okay with you.” He told me the name of the hospital and I went there as fast as I could. When I went to her room only to find her strapped in all kinds of equipments, tears started to prickle in my eyes. She opened her eyes and smiled at me warmly.

“Dara . .  .”

“I’m sorry Jiyong. I couldn’t tell you I have cancer. I thought I could fight it, but it was already too late. I have a malignant brain tumor. I didn’t want you to find out, but . . .  I was selfish .  . . and I wanted to see you be-before –“

No.  . . no . . . no . .  “Please Dara, don’t leave me. I love you.” I said and started crying while holding her hand. She started crying for few moments we stayed that way.

She fell asleep while holding my hands. Seunghyun then came inside the room and told me everything on how he saw Dara that day unconscious in front of YG building. He panicked and planned to bring her to the hospital, but when they were almost there, she woke up and begged Seunghyun to just take her home. While I was screaming outside her apartment, she confessed everything to Seunghyun.

She never cheated on me.

She never betrayed me.

I betrayed her when I thought of her as the bad person.

I didn’t leave her side then, I was with her every day as much as I could. Though I could see the strain in her eyes and every time she would have those attacks of extreme headache, I would always stay with her.

I was sleeping beside her when I felt her waking me up.

“Ji I want to go to the rooftop.” She said carefully.

“Are you feeling okay?”

“I’m feeling much better.” She said. And she smiled at me.

I carried her to the rooftop. The doctor already told me her chances of living and it was best to keep her happy as much as we can, as much as I can.

“Ji can you sing me that lullaby. You know, the one you wrote about a butterfly.”

Like a butterfly

You look for a flower, flutter around like a child

Your innocent eyes have a smile

Your body moves like the sky, the sky

Your eyes glimmer, glimmer

I've become like this

(You're the only one girl)

Every time I come close to you

(every time I'm kissing you)

Feel like I'm gonna dream every time

( I get butterly)

I felt her gentle breathing, she then opened her eyes, and I saw love in it. “I love you Kwon Jiyong. I love you so, so much. I’m sorry I cost you too much pain.”

“Sshh. Don’t talk like that.” I said. I felt tears in my eyes. She was humming my tune, then her breathing became labored. I was about to carry her and take her downstairs.

“D-do..on’t  . . I . .  w-want. . . mmy l-last moment like this. . . please. . .s.sing anot..s…song”

please don’t vanish, don’t vanish

please stop time at that summer

I’m still holding those memories, whether it’s autumn, winter, or spring

for eternity YOU ARE MY HEAVEN

I felt her slack in my arms, and I cried.

If I knew I’d regret this much, I should have loved her a little more. I should have gave a little more. If I knew it would be this hard knowing that I could have done a little more now all I feel is regret of not being able to love her more.

I want to tell her all the good things she could possibly hear in this world and now she could no longer hear the words I badly want to tell her everyday.

I LOVE YOU.

--------------

To tell you guys honestly, I planned to wrte

this one as a DARAYANG. 

since Taeyang sung the song.

BUT I COULDN'T!

PLEASE. PLEASE. COMMENT~!

-- Budi007