{Still Zelo’s POV}

            We went back to our dorm without Yongguk hyung. My hyungs took their showers and went to bed since it was almost midnight. Himchan hyung kept on nagging about his wasted dinner but gave it up when it was already his turn in the bathroom.

            I decided to sleep already despite smelling like street food. But that didn’t happen. The rest were already asleep. I could hear all of them snoring and Daehyun hyung sleep-talking in Busan satoori. I wish I dreamed as peacefully.

            It’s already 1:30 am. I turned side to side tirelessly. They say the later you sleep, the more chances your brain will think more. That’s exactly what’s happening but this is the worst- when you keep on thinking even if you don’t want to think. And the thoughts that fill your mind are just painful. It’s painful when I think about how the girl I care for, the girl I love doesn’t even recognize me. It’s painful how I thought becoming Zelo would help me become braver but look at me now- still too scared to dial her number. The moment I left Mokpo I became numb from my feelings. I tried so hard. But that only made my longing for her even worse. I knew this day would come. But I’m just not ready to face it.

            She could be anywhere right now. She could be asleep like my hyungs or she could be working on her school things like she always did. I can see that image of her of when we were just in high school and I’d pretend to be asleep on her bed when she’s on her study table answering her home works but in reality I was just there, contently looking at the love of my life. I realize that was years ago. In fact, I wouldn’t know her anymore if she has changed like she doesn’t know me anymore because I’ve changed. We’re strangers now. For all I know, she could be coming home from a club right now. But would she really be? Moon Jiyoon? I don’t think so. I’m sure she wouldn’t be. But then all these possibilities flowed inside of me. What if she was drunk? What if she’s going home by herself? What if she’s with a man who’s going to take advantage of her? What if…. The questions came relentlessly to the point that I couldn’t take it anymore. These questions…no, they were possibilities; they were all possible because I left her that day and never came back. She might’ve needed me at one point but I wasn’t there. She could’ve fallen down and wounded herself because I wasn’t there to pick her up. She could’ve had her heart broken because I was too selfish and scared to tell her I love her.

            I rushed out of the dorm. The streets were dim with only orange streetlights lighting up the area and the sound of my skateboard’s wheels were the only things that could be heard. 2:00 am. What was a 16 y/o kid like me doing out this late on a playground with only pajamas on? For Pete’s sake, I’m barefoot. Within a few minutes, I’d probably be freezing to death. Look where love has gotten me. Every time I think of her, this Zelo persona sheds off and I become Junhong. I’ll always be immature. I’ll always be selfish. I’ll always love her. But I’d always be her hopeless lover. A few minutes more of trying to remove some of my guilt, I decided to go back. If Yongguk hyung sees that we’re incomplete, he’d probably call the police already.