This is nothing but a beautiful dream.

He looked perfect even through your fuzzy vision. You stayed still, as though he’d disappear if you moved. Then again, you couldn’t move even if you wanted to, every single bone in your body felt as if they weighed a million pounds.

Your mirage stirred in his chair by the window and you held you breath. Seeing your open eyes, he walked over to your bed and when he sat down by your side, you were impressed- it wasn’t the first time you’d dreamed of him, but your imagination had never been this realistic. He pulled the covers off of you, causing you to shiver as he handed you a tumbler of water while propping you up with his other hand.

You gulped down the water gratefully, relishing the comfort it brought to your dry throat. His hand rubbed your shoulder in slow circular motions and you felt yourself inevitably drawn to his warmth. You tried to reach for him but he held you at arm’s length; replacing the drink on your nightstand, he pushed you gently to lay back down.

“You should go back to sleep, it’s still early.” His voice was soft and somehow hypnotizing- your lids grew heavy at his words. He pulled the covers back on but despite the warmth, you weren’t satisfied.

“Please, don’t go.” It was all you could utter and you thought he hadn’t heard you but for the stiffness in his body at your words. You panicked, not wanting to wake up and find him gone like so many mornings before. You tried to fight the oncoming sleep, willing your eyes to stay open. He sensed your distress and stilled you, hand sweeping the strands of hair that stuck to your face. You felt his lips press against your forehead and when he spoke again next to your ear, you heard the hint of pain in his voice.

“Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere. Just go to sleep.”

And you let yourself drift off to his sweet lullaby.

-----

You woke with a jolt, head still spinning and body covered in cold sweat, feeling the traces of your fever in your bones. Still the most painful thing was the realization that you had just woken up and that he was gone. You lay like that for a moment, letting yourself dwell in the memories.

It’s been a month since your breakup with him- that night you had come home and he’d said the words coolly, as if he had made up his mind long ago. A month later and you still couldn’t forget his face- cold, unfeeling, nothing like the Daehyun you had fallen in love with. A month later and you still regretted. You passed everyday putting up a front for the benefit of the people around you, but there was no denying the fact that you missed him… and loved him.

A tear slipped from the corner of your eye; you also knew that you couldn’t let yourself be stuck in the past. You dragged yourself off the bed- you needed food even though you weren’t hungry. You made your way slowly towards your kitchen but something there made you stop cold in your tracks.

It can’t be.

The smell hit you before the vision but both were just as shocking. You blinked in confusion, you knew you were awake… or were you? But if you were, what were you seeing? If it wasn’t a dream or an illusion… can it be real?

He must have sensed your presence because he turned around, equally as startled at your ghostly appearance.

“You’re awake. I made some porridge and soup. You need to eat. They’re still warm.” He said simply, gesturing to the food on the counter.

You were hesitant but ate obediently and quietly while he busied himself, keeping his back towards you. It was almost like nothing had changed, like the past month had just been a nightmare and for a while you let yourself belief that. Yet, even as you scraped the last of the food into your mouth, you knew- this wasn’t a dream, it wasn’t a vision. It gave you a spark of hope- this man, did he still care for you?

Though terrified, you still had to know.

“Let’s start over.” Your words were no more than a whisper but you knew he heard them, just like he heard your plea last night.

He looked up sharply at your words, “why?”

Seeing the hurt on your face at his quick retort, he looked away in disgust, saying quickly before you misunderstood even more, “what’s in it for you?”

He scoffed, “all I’ve ever done is hurt you. Don’t deny it, being with me has been difficult. We can’t meet because of my schedule, and even when we do meet, I’m too tired to do anything. I can’t take you out on dates like a normal guy can and even when we do go out, we have to be in disguises- I can’t hug you or kiss you, I can’t even hold your hand.”

The bitterness in his voice was what struck you; he had this all wrong. You got up from your stool and rounded the counter to stand in front of him.

“Is that really all you remember of our relationship?”

A frown formed slowly on his features as the weight of your question settled in, “that’s not…”

“The Daehyun I remember wasn’t like that at all. The Daehyun I remember left me tons of messages and calls despite his busy schedule. He smiled and laughed with me, entertaining me even when he was tired. He knew he couldn’t take me out so he constantly thought of ideas to make our home dates interesting and fun. And even though it was troublesome, tiring and difficult, he never once complained about dating me.”

You paused, waiting, needing your words to finally sink into his head. You stepped forward and reached a hand out, feeling him flinch at your touch.

“Yes, it was difficult. To the point that I wanted to give up, to let go. But then I realized… no, I remembered- I still love you.”

At that, you pressed your body into his, hands gripping his t-shirt into tight fists. His warmth and familiar scent enveloped you just as his arms came around your shoulders. You heard his shaky breath as he sobbed and felt the warm tears wetting your neck.

It was then Daehyun finally understood- you hadn’t come to the end of your relationship, just another chapter of it. And each beginning offered a chance to start over with new knowledge, with new skills. Would it be all smooth sailing? No. But it’d be better, because he was better.