Author: Emberlyn

Story: Bright Star

URL: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/24847/bright-star-2ne1-bigbang-bom-gdragon-minzy-top-ygent

Title/Forward: 5/10

 The title didn’t draw me in very well.  It seemed very normal and not out of place, which is completely the goal. 

The forward was just like any other story.  The poem had just the right touch to drag in any reader that wants a mature but strong love.  Though it had some symbolism of its own.  A bright star that sits alone in it’s own spot in the sky, sleepless, and watching.  The symbolism of the main character, Noelle itself.

Feel/Originality: 8/10

You placed real life situations that made complete sense, having a story that isn’t cliché one bit.  The characters even had their own personality that didn’t seem biased at all.  There were very small inferences to the OC’s personality.  But when it all adds up, it made her very unique.  You would put in not only the relationship but her own life into hands, which is very awesome.

You also managed to fit in humor amidst a mature love.  I’d randomly clap my hands sometimes and go OMG THAT WAS SO CUTE!

Plot/Flow: 16/20

The flow of the story is very subtle.  Sometimes I’d get so lost I’d stop for 1 second and go where am I again?  Which isn’t a bad thing.  TOP and Noelle’s relationship flowed out slowly instead of an OMG I LOVE YOU and then they date.  In that case would be very cliché, a word that I love to use.  It portrays and actual romance that actually has the capability of happening and DOES happen.  They met slowly and then had tiny branches that ended up clashing into a tree all of a sudden, their love.

I also loved how the story didn’t circulate on completely the main couple itself but only other little branches of love.  The subtle mentions of Minzy and Daesung were adorable cute.  The sister hatred and the cute Seungri (In which I really do believe he IS a badboy)

I do need some criticism.  I’ll have to say the plot was very general.  It’s truly just an adult’s love.  No hooker, no appeal that would drag in readers like wildfire.

Sometimes in the middle of the chapter I’d just go ughhhhhhhhhh…get on with it already.  Like the story was stuck in a loop and wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon.  But yes this story was a rollercoaster.  You’d be very subtle at moments that would drag the story along.  Then all of a sudden that subtleness would crash into a pole that made me go OMG ALREADY?  So it’s very neutral in my opinion.

Imagery/Writing Style: 15/15

Despite even having symbolism you even put in your own ideas of how a character looks, giving imagery to a reader!  I could imagine every single character and her surroundings throughout the story.  And then I came across your allusions…I didn’t expect it one bit!  But that was a perfect way of showing your images.

“The image of a trembling laying an offer at the feet of Apollo flew into her head.”

Well it definitely flew into MY head also!

Later on you would put the appeal of sound, Supermassive Black Hole, along with her music.  It completely gave the idea of the sounds the OC must have heard, at the same the feeling she must have felt.

Grammar: 10/10

The grammar is perfect; I am VERY biased towards grammar.  Usually if a story doesn’t have good grammar I throw it out of the ditch even if it has substance.

Finishing Touch: 13/15

Well it isn’t done yet.  But I believe things are going to come out 70 percent different in the end, and you’re an excellent author so you’ll probably find out a way to give a touch to the end.  But don’t stretch out the story too much.

66/80=83 pct

I feel like it should be much higher…>.>