Two days before, Jessica had come over to my house.

She slept over, since my parents were out of the country for business. Again.

Convenient.

She slept in my bed, and I reveled how close our friendship had become. We had known each other for three months, but we had spent so much time together that it felt much longer.

She fell asleep so quickly, and her face looked so peaceful.

I leaned my face on my palm and propped myself up on my elbow, facing her.

She was so beautiful. People told me I was beautiful, but I honestly didn’t believe I was anything in comparison to her.

Even in those dorky glasses, she still managed to look cute.

I brushed the hair away from her face and smiled down at her.

I realized something, in that very moment.

I loved her.

.

.

.

It wasn’t even that shocking to me. No fierce denial or assertion of my own raging heterouality. I wasn’t necessarily only attracted to girls. I did have a boyfriend after all.

But I didn’t love him.

I cared for him.

I should have known when earlier that day at lunch I had felt so jealous.

I had been jealous of him.

For being so close, when she was the only one I truly loved.

I gazed down at her face again. I could never have her. I knew. Yet I hoped. Maybe…

It would be horrible of me, I know, to take everything away from her for my own selfish desire.

She had no thoughts of even coming close to returning my feelings.

She was infatuated with Siwon. I could see this. I knew that even though she cared for me, she wanted Siwon more.

It stung. I was only second-best. For both of them. They were both so willing to forgo me and my happiness to pursue each other.

I would be selfish. I decided.

If only for this night, I would be selfish.

I swung my arm around her waist, and pulled her close to me. I held her tight, and kissed her lightly on the lips.

She smiled as she dreamed. I was selfish and hoped it was of me. But I knew it wasn’t.

I would never tell her. I could never have her. Even if she did return my feelings, my family would destroy me. Destroy any hope of being anything but dead weight in the future.

She had a bright future, with so many possibilities.

I had a very defined path, as a good wife and a good business partner for a wealthier man.

So for only this night, I would be selfish.