Two.
My Heart That Only Sees You
It's been a year since i left you and decided to never come back. I was so mean to you. I'm so sorry.
To be honest, living days without you is kinda hard. It's different without you by my side. I admitted that i've missed you. I was such a fool that day, breaking your heart and let you suffering because of me.
I met one of your friends a month after i left you. And she told me you weren't in a good condition. You didn't sleep for days, because you said to her that you couldn't sleep without me in your arms. You just stared at the ceiling, hoping that i might come back.
You also could barely not to eat. She said that everytime you tried to eat, you always cried in the dining table, and you always vomited after that. You couldn't accept anything to eat.
But the worst thing that she told me is you tried to killed yourself. She told me, you said to her that killing yourself is the only way to stop you to think about me, and also to stop the pain in your heart.
I was so worried about you, but i didn't have a courage to come to your place. I have no rights to see you after what i've done to you.
But, you have to know that it's hard for me too. I slowly realised that i needed you. I regretted everything what i've done that put you in a misery. And the important thing is i still love you, Jessica Jung.
I missed you. You always tried to woke up before me just to cooked some meal for our breakfast, when in the fact you're a sleepy-head and you couldn't cook. You always tried to smiled to anyone and not being cold to them just because i didn't like you being cold to people. And you always tried to took me to some place just because i said that i was not in a good mood, when in the fact you didn't like travelling.
"baby, you ready?" a voice of my fiance snapped me back from my thought
"uhm, yeah i think.." i forced a smile
It doesn't mean i don't love my fiance. I love him, he treated me well, but still he didn't have what Jessica has. I wanted to go back with her, but i wasn't sure she'll accept me. Besides, that's not the right thing to do after all, i don't deserve her anymore.
"okay, let's go inside then.."
"uhm, Yunho.."
"hmm?"
"aah nothing.."
"don't be nervous, everything is going to be fine.." he smiled sweetly
Today, we have a dinner with his family. I don't know why i was so nervous, it's not the first time i met his family. We planned to talk about our wedding that will be held 2 weeks ahead. He also said that he wanted to introduce me to his cousin.
"hello, everyone.." Yunho greeted right after we entered his house
I saw someone stood up from the sofa and turned around slowly when she noticed our presence.
"Jessica, long time no see.." Yunho waved at her
Jessica?
How could i never know that she is Yunho's cousin?
"this is my fiance whom i told you.." Yunho smiled widely
We stared at each other in shock. You didn't say anything and so do i. You looked away when i noticed that your eyes got teary.
"her name is Tiffany Hwang.." Yunho said again
"nice to meet you, Tiffany.." you said still avoided my gaze, but you offered your hand for a hand-shake
"nice to meet you too, Jessica.." I shook your hand, and i can feel it's trembling
You looked different. You got skinnier than the last time i saw you. There's a black spot in your eyes, a kind of panda eyes, signing that you're lack of rest and slept rarely, that's not too obvious but i noticed it. Your hair got longer, now a bit messy. And your voice was husky.
But i'm happy because the couple ring of ours that you gave me 3 years ago still hang in your finger. You still used it. And i know that you still love me.
Day by day passed, and tomorrow is my wedding day. I was extremely nervous, that's why i decided to take a walk alone. I need to freshen up my mind, and beside the temperature isn't so cold tonight. So, it'll be fine for me.
I noticed someone walked to my direction, i looked up and it's you. You walked alone with your hands inside your jeans' pocket and cigarette hang in the edge of your mouth. Yeah, you smoke. Now i know the reason why your voice has changed, your husky voice was because you smoke. You changed a lot, Jessica. Is it because of me?
You noticed my presence who is watching you obviously. You looked a bit surprised yet confused. You threw your cigarette to the side of the road then you walked towards me.
"what are you doing? Aren't you supposed to be at home?" you asked with your husky voice
"uhm, i feel like i need some air to freshen up my mind. But i'm heading home now.."
"alone?"
"yeah.."
"i'll walk you home.."
I just nodded in response. I didn't want to reject, i've missed you already. We never talked the day after Yunho introduced me to you. We remained silent for few minutes on our way home until you spoke and broke the ice.
"i miss you.."
I stopped in my track and looked at you directly in the eyes. You looked at me too, waiting for me to speak.
"i miss you too.." i said sincerely
You smiled, yeah you smiled a little. A smile that i've never seen for months. I feel realief seeing you smile even though just a little.
We then continued to walk in a comfortable silent until we reached my house. I smiled at you before i entered my house.
"thank you.." I said and you only nodded
I was about to walked in, but you grabbed my hand and turned me around. You then hugged me tightly and my eyes widen because of it. Then i hugged you back, i could feel that you're sobbing, and it made my tears ready to fall from my eyes.
The hug got tighter and tighter, and my tears successfully out from my eyes, it soaked your shirt in an instant. After few minutes, you slowly pulled yourself from the hug, and quickly wiped your tears.
You cupped my face, looked deeply into my eyes for a minute and then you kissed my forehead gently. You closed your eyes, and slowly walked away from me.
But before i lose my chance, i rushed towards you and this time is my turn to grabbed your hand and turned you around. Before you could say a word, i pressed my lips against yours quickly.
You seemed shocked because you didn't move, but not long enough you returned my kiss as we deepen the kiss until we broke the kiss because we needed an oxygen to breath. Your eyes still closed and you rested your forehead against mine.
"i love you.." you opened your eyes slowly
"i lov-"
You put your index finger in my lips before i could return your words that i've never heard for a long time. You shook your head then.
"don't.."
"but i still lo-"
"just don't.." you cut me off
"Jessie.."
"don't say that words, Tiffany.." you hung your head low
"if you say it, i may not able to let you go till whenever.."
"you want me to let you go, right?" you looked up
"so please, don't ever say that words to me anymore. I'll try so hard to let you go even though i'm not sure that i can do this, but i'll try because i promise to do anything and everything for you.."
Before i could say something, you turned around and ran away from me, leaving me with the feeling of guilty for what i've done to you. I got down to my knees, and cried heavily watching you run away.
"i'm sorry, Jessie.."
"i love you.."
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