My friend showed me a song which perfectly fit for the backround of this oneshot when i was writing it so i suggest you to listen to it~

i bet you'll love the song ^^

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XZwZavviTMk

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Do Kyungsoo's Diary~

22nd of October, 2012

 

Third day in a row. Three days out of three. That’s the time I know you.

 

How much I was thinking about you…Can somebody drag you out of my head?

Why.. Why it must be you. A person I’ll never be able to get or see in this life once again. Or maybe see but know that you will pass me like a stranger would do. I wonder what is worse.

 

You showed up in my life.. Showed up just for 3 short hours. 3 innocent hours. What could happen during them.. But those 3 hours actually changed all my life. Or one side of it for sure.

My all crushes, my secret loves I loved for a very long time, were flushed away the moment you smiled. When I looked in your eyes, those bottomless beautiful chocolate eyes, I thought I could drown in them and never look back. Your friendliness got my attention. Your clothes, actions, voice, character-I admired all of it. I still do when your face pops out in my head out of nowhere even if I know you’re not the one I thought you were. You had no idea how hard it was for me to stop staring at you just because you looked magical during that moment.

 

I don’t know why I can’t get you out of my head now. I want to. I really do. Maybe not from the start I wished for that but now I truly wish I would have never met you. Because I chose to admire the other person, my classmate, observe him from aside and be happy with that just because I could make the space between us get smaller and smaller.

But when you came.. Why those feelings were changed by inexorable wish to be with you. Just to get to know you better. Why everything I felt before, now is just gone. Why when I close my eyes before I fall asleep I see you. Why not my precious Baekhyun, my beloved, I dream to be with you for now.

 

This feeling… It’s different. I never felt that attached to someone I don’t know. Someone I’ve seen once in my life.

 

At first it was just a joke. Sympathy I felt towards you. The more I looked at you, the more I talked to you I understood-this person is the most perfect ideal type of mine. Male version of it. Black hair, dark brown eyes, warm smile, cuteness and awesome sense of humour. The way your body moved…

I didn’t even notice how I fell for you. I didn’t notice how piece of my heart just marked herself as yours and how that piece was dying there just because I missed you. 

I knew I wouldn’t know how to act in front of you as my boyfriend. But I didn’t mind it. I wanted to give a chance for me and for you and for my dreams. For the first time in my life.

 

I was always thinking that everything happens because a reasonable cause. But I didn’t see any reason in meeting you. That’s why I thought maybe you are different. That’s why I managed to text you. I stepped on my beliefs which said not to date guys and told me to be as normal as possible. But this time I thought ‘Why not? Just friends, I’m not asking that much.’. But obviously I did.

 

Do you know how much of courage I needed to press the button ‘send’? Or how much have I thought about texting something smart enough? But I guess it was stupid to you. It didn’t have something that would drag your attention. You didn’t even manage to text me back after you got to know who’s texting you.

 

I don’t know the reason. I don’t get guys relationships, I admit it. It’s just too complicated.

I bet you didn’t even noticed what a warm message you got and how much I care for you. You just had to notice that I care and text me back. That actually would be enough for me.

 

I’ve tried. I’ve tried after my promise to save myself and my heart from this kind of things just because it was different. You were different. I’ve tried and I got burnt. Again. I hope I learnt my lesson. I desperately hope I did.

 

The hope of me meeting you should stop existing now.

 

A little bit longer and I’ll be fine. . .

 

But for now. Let me forget you.

 

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like i've said before it's short. but i feel better after writing this. don't judge too much. And sorry for my mistakes ^^

THANK YOU FOR READING~~ <33