I still remember that day...

That day, not too long ago, when I last saw your precious smiling face. I see you vividly and clearly, as if you were with me in this very room. I still remember that day, when I was the last person to find out about the cancer, and how it was rapidly spreading through your body. I felt my heart break in two. I remember how I embraced you in my arms that night, letting you cry on my shoulder, listening to your voice, how it was telling me that you weren't ready to leave my side. I still remember how I felt that night; useless being the main feeling, knowing that there was nothing I could do. I remember all of the days that I spent with you, talking walks, going out on dates. And then I remember when we eloped. How could I not rememer...It was a private ceremony, with just Young Bae, Ji Yong, and Daesung. I remember telling you that for better or for worse, I would never leave your side. We sealed the deal with a kiss.

Not too long after that, you became too weak, and had to be hospitalized. I remember being in that room; all I did was watch you constantly. I still see you clearly in my mind, seeing howing pale you'd become, taking in deep breaths of air, watching you cringe up; the pain of watching you suffer while I could do nothing but watch was killing me inside.

I walk over to the window, looking out towards the sky. I hear you call out to me, but just barely.

"Hyun-ah," you said my name softly as I turned to face you. I've always loved how you say my name, now the thought of you not being able to say it, scares me to no end.

I watched your movement, seeing you stuggle to sit up right and wince in pain. You smiled at me, with your now pale, bony arms outstretched towards me, and naturally I couldn't resist smiling back at you, and pulling you into a warm embrace. "Seungri..." I whispered in your ear, inhaling your scent. Even in this hospital, you still manages to smell of freshly picked strawberries. I would miss that dearly.

I watched you settle yourself back into the plush matress, the place I knew would be your next to final resting place. How I saw the expression cringe in pain once more, I watched you closely as I sat next to you on the bed. I see you smile as you slowly reach out for my hand. Seeing you struggle gave me this sense of of utter uselessness, know that at this particular moment, there wasn't anything I could do now, except watch you helplessly from the sidelines.

"Why the sad face?" you asked me softly, your usual charismatic smile coming across your face.

"You know why," I try to hold my tears from falling, "you know damn well why..."

"Hyung-nim," your voice was so soft and gentle, it made me feel comfortable one more, "you gotta be strong for me, kay? I can't have moping around Young Bae and the others while I'm gone."

Those very words struck my heart.

"Don't say things like that Ri," I brushed your tangled dark brown hair away from her face, "you're still here, and you're not going anywhere."

"I know..."you whisper, as if in agreement, but when I looked into your eyes, they told me what I alread knew, I just couldn't bring myself to believe it.

I watched once more as you inhaled and exhaled deeply, like you were struggling for air. This just reassures me that my time alone with you, is shortened with each passing minute. Your eyes slowly closed and slowly opened again; I watched you flash me a quick charismatic smile again.

Your smile.

It killed me a little inside, to think that I would never see that sweet, charismatic smile of yours again. It was one of the reasons why I fell in love with you.

"What are you thinking about?" you asked me, your hand caressing my cheek.

"I'm thinking of how much I love you," I place my hand on top of yours, feeling how cold you were.

"I love you too..."you said gently, as you cringed up in pain as all the unbearableness of it all overtook you. I sat there, listening to your low groans of constant pain running through your body as you struggled for air.

"It won't be long now..." you wiped the tears from my face as they fell.

"Maknae, you have more time than you know," I struggled to say, still in denial, but you were still smiling through it all, but this time the tears followed.

"Hold me," you say, arms outstretched towards me once more. I help you sit up and you gently wrapped your arms around me, I did the same.

"I know I won't make it to see the light of day tomorrow," you cried into my shoulder, "Hyun-ah, I'm not ready to die yet...I can't leave you alone..."

"I won't be alone Ri," I grabbed your hand, guiding it to my chest, " you'll be right here with me, in my heart."

"I know..." you rested your head on my shoulder, and I felt your breathing slow down, sending me into panic mode.

"Seungri no," I half yelled, grabbing your shoulders and pushing you away from me so I could see you better. You were so pale, paler than before, and just frigid to the touch. You couldn't hold your eyes open anymore. "Seungri don't do this to me now!"

"D-don't w-worry," you said, struggling for air, "y-you...s-said I'd be...r-right here..." you barely lifted a finger to my chest, "...and I...w-will be right--"

You suddenly stopped talking, and your breathing became slow, very slow. I pulled you back into my arms, and let you rest your head on my shoulder for the last time. I listened to your breathing, becoming quieter and quieter, until I finally couldn't hear you anymore, and I felt you go completely limp against my chest.

I couldn't stop myself any longer, all the pain, all the anger, all the sadness, came flying out into one fit of rage. The tears couldn't be stopped now, I sobbed away as your lifeless body rested against mine.

"Seungri..." I sobbed out, well yelling really. "SEUNGRI!!! Dammit Seungri why?! WHY?!" I guess I was loud enough, the door to your room swung open and people came rushing in. I don't know who exactly, my mind couldn't process anything right at this moment. All I could see was your dead body through the tears. "Seungri...Seungri," I kept saying over and over. I felt hands trying to pull me me away from you.

"Seunghyun let him go." a voice said from behind me, I think it was Young Bae.

"Get the hell away from us," I yelled, throwing a punch at him, but he caught it.

"Yah! I said let him go! You clinging onto him for dear life won't change anything. We all lost someone dear to us..." you trailed off, motioning to the other two members. Jiyong was comforting Daesung as he cried. I just stared back angrily at Young Bae.

"He was my life!" I yelled at him, the tears flowing again. "You tell me what the hell am I supposed to do without him?! How am I supposed to live now, without a reason?! You tell me what the hell I can do?!" I just yelled at him, and he said nothing, What could he have said? Reluctantly I let you go, and laid your lifeless body back on the bed. By now the nurse was in your room, attending to you and making preparations for your body to be moved to morgue. I got up and just stood there. I had nothing to live for, so I might as well just follow you, right? I didn't even realize I was crying on Young Bae's shoulder. I didn;t even realize I was still crying period. My heart and mind, left along with yours.

That day...I still remember that day. I cry, even as I write this. It hurt me very much to see you wither away into nothingness like that, especially when you had so much living to do. I can't stand to remember the Seungri I knew and loved, when you were so full of life...I just can't stand it. If only I could've done more to help you, then maybe you'd still be here with me.

But then I always think of what you told me, right before you died in my arms that day..."you'll always be in my heart,"  is waht you said. Seungri, there's not a single day that goes by that I haven't thought of you at least once, and as I'm thinking of you now, I say this: "I love you, Seungri, and you will always be in my heart."