On rainy days you come and find me
Torturing me through the night
When the rain starts to stop, you follow
Slowly, little by little, you will stop as well

…

"I'm going to have a solo!" Yoseob announced happily, standing in front of the BEAST members. Junhyung stood next to him and grinned smugly, already having known about it since he'll be partly producing the album, writing the songs and rapping along of the title track of it.

Doojoon and Dongwoon clapped excitedly, Hyunseung just smiled, it seemed almost bitterly and full of envy and Kikwang was quiet, but as Yoseob looked over to him, he plastered on a smile, lifting his hand to show him a thumbs up, wanting his boyfriend to think that he'll be supported no matter what.

Doojoon and Dongwoon were genuinely happy for Yoseob and asked him out of what he knew about his solo already. What the songs are named or at least the title track but he didn't know much yet except that Junhyung will participate. The songs weren't written yet but they would start soon. "I guess I will promote around the end of the year." Yoseob told them, seemingly over-excited.

Hyunseung was truly envious because he would like to be the one with solo promotions since he had tasted the feeling of almost being solo and while being part of the duet with Trouble Maker he just wanted more. More songs on his own, more dances for himself and more spotlight to shine in. It was nice to have it all to himself and he just couldn't forget that feeling whenever he performed his solo song on all the BEAST concerts. Beautiful Night was boring, it was no fun for him. He needed something new as soon as possible, but now Yoseob got it. So he was envious and jealous but he felt somewhat proud for Yoseob too, he couldn't deny that.

Kikwang of all couldn't determine his feelings. He felt envious indeed, he felt jealous, yes, and he felt proud too, but he couldn't really concentrate on that while his mind was thinking that Yoseob will have a better solo than he had. He failed as AJ and he regretted it ever since then. It was a hard time and a painful memory to be rejected like how he had been rejected. Yoseob will have it better. He is already known as BEASTs wonderful lead singer and Junhyung as the producer is also already known well among the people in the business and the fans. They most likely won't fail like him and it won't leave its hurtful marks on their minds like his solo did for him.

Additionally he felt jealous because Junhyung got to work with Yoseob even more. He disliked them being together by themselves. Although Kikwang and Yoseob never told the other members of their relationship, they probably already noticed it. It was hard for them both to keep their hands off each other and Doojoons little flirtatious approaches towards Yoseob had stopped too. But only Junhyung was either still oblivious to the fact Kikwang was dating their main vocal or he just pretended to haven't noticed.

Kikwang slid down in his chair and he didn't notice as Yoseobs gaze was fixed on him. As the other approached him and waved his hand in front of Kikwangs face, the latter suddenly blinked rapidly and looked up. A faint smile pulled on his lips and the word barely wanted to leave his lips. "Congratulations."

Yoseob noticed something was off but he didn't mentioned it until later, when he sneaked out into Kikwangs room, making sure their roommates were tight asleep. He tapped Kikwang lightly on the shoulder, who then turned around, flashed him a bright smile and they both found themselves on the couch in the living room later, exchanging laughter and quick kisses on the cheeks and lips while their bodies were leaning against each other, hands caressing skin and hair.

"Ah, Kikwang?" Yoseob then started, cocking his head to the side. His boyfriend then quickly pecked his lips again and hummed in response. "Are you really happy for me?" Kikwang pulled back, a little startled by the question and then a quick nod followed. "I am."

"You wouldn't lie to me, right?" , Yoseob asked and a pout tugged on his lower lip as his finger poked Kikwangs ribs. The latter took a grip of his boyfriends wrist and pulled him closer. "I'm happy.", he whispered while he nuzzled into Yoseobs hair and pressed a faint kiss to his head. "And I'm so proud of you, baby." Yoseobs heart skipped a beat and he felt grateful for those words. "Thank you..."

Yoseob had taken the day off from work, not feeling in the mood to attend the office today. On the outside he was usually the bubbly guy towards the other employees and the customers, but he knew he wouldn't be able to keep up with that, not today. The others would notice and he wouldn't be able to give them answers either, so instead he spared himself with it and rather called in sick. Now he was sitting on his bed, legs pulled close to his chest and just a pillow in between was being squeezed in a hug. He stared into the air, feeling dull and empty. His thoughts were colliding with new appearing thoughts, not making any space or having any time to think them through to end them. Slow music was playing in the background, just trying to soothe his mind and relax him a little. His eyebrows pulled into a frown and the edges of his lips pulled down, while his vision got blurry, filling with tears and then a quiet whine filled the room, followed by a louder sob as Yoseob buried his face into the pillow.

Four days had passed since the little encountership between Kikwang and Yoseob occurred and since then Yoseobs mind was just stuck in a pit of self-disgust and self-pity as well as he kept on wondering if it all had been real or if he has had maybe a very real dream about his past lover. But he still felt those lips lingering on his own and so he grazed his fingertips lightly against them and now he promised himself to never forget the feeling ever again. His gaze travelled over the sheets slowly, sighing unconsciously as he glanced out of the window, past the curtains, which were drawn half over the whole window, and then noticed that it was raining heavily. It hadn't rained the past days, but now it rained again and it was just making him even more moody and upset. He clung to his pillow like he would ratger like to cling to Kikwang again.

All of the sudden the doorbell rang and Yoseob flinched out of his daze, gaze darting out into the hall immediately and he stood up, throwing the pillow aside and ran over to the door immediately so he could answer, but halfway he noticed that he was only in his shorts and a loose shirt. Thus he ran back and into his bedroom. He rushed to put on some clean looking pants. Who was that now? Maybe the neighbours again for asking him if he had hot water or if it was gone again? Or maybe it was some stupid prank from kids who like to run from house to house and ring every bell just to run away again? And that is why he rushed to put some pants on? Yoseob sighed and picked up a phone to the speakers of the door to the building. "Yoboseyo?" he asked but there was only silence greeting him.

He frowned faintly and flinched visibly as the doorbell just rang again and now he pressed a button next to the door so he would open the door to the building. "Yah...maybe its just the post?" He wondered and tilted his head, ready to leave again and making his way into the living room as someone knocked on the door. He froze for a moment. Did he forget an important appointment? Because why would anyone for gods sake visit him at home now? He turned back around to open the door without even bothering to check and look through the peephole. In an instant his eyes widened, his body went numb and stiff and his mouth hang agape as he saw Kikwang standing right in front of him. "Yoseob..." the man murmured and Yoseob wanted to response, but he was soon cut off by Kikwang, who was dashing forward, cupping Yoseobs face and his lips were then pressed against the others.

Yoseobs eyes were widened and his hands fell to the side. His body still as stiff as a stone, not knowing what to do and Kikwang pulled back. "Yoseob I missed you. I missed you so much and only realized it when I had you for the day we met again." Kikwang murmured against Yoseobs lips, brushing his own lightly against them before he tackled the elder man in a hug and making it seem as if he wouldn't ever let go again.

Yoseob stood still as a statue, not noticing as tears were running down his cheeks and wettening his skin. "Kikwang...?" Yoseob murmured, still taken aback by the others actions, by his appearance and by his touches. "Yoseob." Kikwang pulled back again to look at the man in fron of him, hands on the others cheeks. "Please, let me have you for a while longer this time. Please. Just this once... I know you're a forbidden fruit and I should've never tasted you but I did and now I can't get enough anymore. I need you..."

Yoseobs fingers wrapped around Kikwangs wrists, pullings his hands away - not standing his touch. "You have someone." He muttered, not even bothering to look up at Kikwang. "I know. But I don't care if I'll be thrown out of paradise, Seobie. I know that I need /you/. Just..." He paused to took a deep, shaky breath. "Just at least...let me pretend that I can still have you. You can't deny your feelings either for me, can you?" Kikwang pushed Yoseob back against the wall almost roughly and pressed his own muscular body to the others. "You still like me. You still want to kiss me, touch me, be with me... you can't deny that, can you?"

Yoseob stared up at the younger, gaze fixed on him as he listened to what Kikwang had to say, "Don't pretend you hate me, I can't take that. Because I know you don't ... I know you still have feelings for me too...I can see it..., god, Yoseob...just please. I need you. You are what's missing in my life...you are the missing piece. I know I did wrong and I know I didn't always choose the right path and god I regret so much but please let me make it up to you." Kikwang placed his hands on Yoseobs cheek, tilting his head back a little and pressed his lips to Yoseobs in a light, delicate kiss. It was sweet and soft and felt so right. "Please say you feel the same way, don't deny it...I can see it in your eyes. You still love me, too..."

Yoseob bit his lip. Kikwang truly could see right through him and he knew that this man knew everything about him and he knew that he couldn't hide anything because Kikwang always knew better. "I know Kikwang, but...I don't want that... I don't want to love you. I don't want you to love me...You have your life and I have mine and I wish...yours wouldn't have encountered mine again. We're both men...on top of that you're married...and we're not foolish guys in our twenties anymore. Please...don't." Yoseob pushed Kikwang away from himself, tears now running over his cheeks.

Kikwang couldn’t take seeing Yoseob broken like this and he pulled him closer, his arms holding him close to his own body in a secure hug.