I am just disappointed in myself for

Not being able to get a hold of you because of that pride

….

Both of the men were consumed by silence and by the awkward tension that was now lingering in the room after Yoseob refused to stay for the night. A sigh escaped the elders lips as he pushed himself off of Kikwang, sitting on top of him now and he stared down into the others eyes, biting his lip. He felt petty for a moment as Kikwang caught his gaze and couldn’t quite determine the emotion that was mirrored in Kikwangs dark eyes. Was it sadness? Was it regret? Or maybe it was just indifference since it was hard to guess. As Yoseob kept watching Kikwang, it rather seemed as if he looked right through him. Kikwangs hands slid from Yoseobs waist down to his thighs and then off before he pushed himself off and sat up, still having Yoseob on his lap.

They were so close in this position and Yoseob felt like he could hardly breathe. He gazed down at Kikwang and he wanted to touch his body, but his hands were kept to himself and then his gaze flickered to Kikwangs lips before they spoke up.

“Do you want me to drive you home?” Kikwang suggested, voice low and quiet as he motioned towards the window, remarking that it was still pouring from the sky and probably not a good idea if Yoseob had to walk home by himself. Yoseob glanced towards the window, contemplating about it for a second and then he nodded. “That would be nice.” Although a part of him wanted to push Kikwang out of his life as fast as possible again, he was also glad that he had no other choice because of the rain or maybe the reason for this all happening was indeed fate as it run its strings through both of their lives and directing them to each other. Then he shook his head a little, barely noticeable - there is no fate, don’t be silly, Seob.

Yoseob finally moved off of Kikwang and got up, and as the latter told him he’ll bring his clothes back, which should be already dried by the tumble dryer, he waited there.

A while later they got hurriedly into Kikwangs car, umbrellas over their heads and Yoseob quickly sat himself into the passengers seat. The car was big and one of those pretty expensive ones. It was neat and clean from the inside and had pretty much everything nobody actually needed but was still provided for the luxury craving industry. Yoseobs fingertips ran along the door of his side and he admired the insides of the car. He was impressed that Kikwang owned one of those cars and he was quickly pulled out of his admiration as Kikwangs voice asked him where he lived. Yoseob told him the directions and Kikwang started to drive. “You live actually pretty close.” Kikwang noticed and glanced at Yoseob, who just hummed in response as he looked out of the window again to the flooded streets.

Kikwang even walked Yoseob to the door of the apartment complex after he had found a parking lot, not really wanting to depart from the other yet. As he was standing there in front of the other male he shoved his hands into his pockets, staring at Yoseob until the other just wanted to go inside without any other word, turning away, but Kikwang quickly grabbed his wrist and held him in place. “Yoseob.”

Yoseob turned around and his breath got caught in his throat as Kikwangs face was close to his own and Kikwangs eyes closed but his lips parted. They pressed against skin and as Kikwang opened his eyes to check, because it didn’t feel like Yoseobs familiar soft lips, he noticed that Yoseob blocked the kiss with his hand, glancing away. Kikwang pulled away in faint hurt and rejection and he ruffled his hair. “It was…nice meeting you again.” he said.

Yoseob just nodded, not looking at the man in front of him and they stood there in silence, neither of them wanting to leave and neither of them wanting to stay there with the only surrounding being the pitter-patter sound of the rain. The elder of the two looked up at the man in front of him, lips parting for a silent plea which never actually left his lips and he was thinking of things to say right now as his hand moved out of Kikwangs grip just to unconsciously take the others hand into his. He wanted to hold on forever but he knew that he had to let him go eventually but now he was just dragging it out and Kikwang didn’t mind.

Kikwang pressed his body against Yoseobs, pushing him back against the door and once again Yoseob found himself unable to breathe. Their fingers were entwining and their palms pressed together while Kikwang leaned in closer and he was closing any gap that was still parting their lips from each other. Both shut their eyes close and while their hands squeezed the other their lips tried to stay connected for a bit longer.

“Will I see you again?” Kikwang pulled back to whisper over Yoseobs lips, his free hand moving up to run through the others hair, glancing up into his eyes and waiting for a reaction, an answer - the answer he actually hoped for. The question was repeating itself in Yoseobs mind as he didn’t know how to respond at first. He felt his heart aching, wanting him to say yes and stay in touch with Kikwang for as long as they could maintain their relationship or whatever he could call it. The heart was calling out to him while his mind kept intruding and saying the opposite, telling not to listen to a foolish plea of the heart.

“We can’t.” Yoseob finally said and did not dare looking up to see Kikwangs reaction. Kikwang nodded faintly, his features showing that he was deeply hurt and his lips giving away a forced, bitter smile. Without any other word he let go of Yoseobs hand and stepped back to leave. He halted in his steps for a moment before shaking his head as if he wanted to add anything to it but deciding against it in the end.

Yoseob stared after Kikwang as he left, kind of perplexed and regretting his words right now as he never meant to hurt Kikwang in any way. He admitted hie liked being kissed and touched by the other and being held and wanted but not when he knew that they can’t be in any way together anyways and that he was probably only playing with his feelings. He couldn’t believe that after everything Kikwang would actually still have feelings towards him, liking him. He just felt being toyed around with.

Hot kisses were exchanged in the storage room behind the scenes of a typical day at M!Countdown. Bodies pressed against the cupboards, almost throwing uncertain objects down by the force. A hand tried to open the door to the room, noticing that it was locked up from the inside, while the free hand was connected with another one. The male who tried to open the door peeked through the hole, not really seeing anything at all except black darkness, but occasionally hearing a thud. He straightened up and grinned, turning around to his boyfriend. “Guess it’s occupied.” he confirmed. “What now?” he added in a cute and almost whining manner, then tilted his head, his lower lip sticking out in a cute pout. Usually this man never did aegyo outside of the stage or when he was not in front of the camera. He was no aegyo person, but he had some talent for it and his face was only underlining it, so he had no other choice than stick to the aegyo image in front of the camera - fans loved it anyways and he always treated his fans the best.

His boyfriend smiled at the aegyo, his eyes lit up in amusement and he felt like wanting to hit him for being so cute. “Guess we have to wait until we’re home.” he answered and pulled him closer, glancing around to be sure not to be seen and quickly pecked the others lips, which were just sticking out and inviting for a kiss. “But Kikiii…” Yoseob whined again, even stomping his feet a little and making Kikwang laugh.

Yoseob pouted again, seeming a little huffy. Kikwang rolled his eyes and wrapped his arm around his boyfriend, pulling him closer. “Let’s go back, it’s our turn to go on the stage soon.”

The both men went back together, joining the other Beast members again and Kikwangs arm slid off of Yoseob again. They didn’t make their relationship official to the other members yet. They didn’t know if it would be rather good or bad to tell them. The others just knew they were screwing, but they also knew that Yoseob had been screwed by a few of them already, so they wouldn’t immediately suspect any relationship.

Junhyung and Doojoon were just individually wondering why Yoseob kept flinching away with every touch and approach they made. They would wonder why Yoseob didn’t comply whenever they made suggestive moves or would flirt dirty with him. They were frustrated as their little, cutesy toy wouldn’t follow their rules anymore.

But neither of them talked to Yoseob about it or rather they didn’t want to seem too desperate to him.

“Yoseob.” Kikwang spoke up as they were both sitting on the couch, Yoseob cuddled up to the others side and his head lying on his shoulder. He looked up at his boyfriend and raised a brow. “Hm?” he hummed in response and nuzzled against the others neck, smiling.

“I think we should tell the others finally.” Kikwang said and tried to pull back to glance at Yoseob, wanting to see his reaction. He just pouted faintly, staring into nowhere. “They don’t need to know…”

Kikwang scowled. “Sure they do. I still see how they look at you and try to get into your pants.” Yoseob just snorted. “This isn’t funny!” Kikwang underlined. Yoseob shifted, making himself a little more comfortable and he closed his eyes. “Yah. I would never let them anymore, so don’t worry, baby.” Yoseob tried to reassure him, his hand drawing faint circles against Kikwangs sinde, which made him rather flinch and giggle suddenly - he was very ticklish.

Kikwang took Yoseobs hand into his, pulling him onto his lap and he kissed him softly. “Don’t you wish we could do this too when the members are around?” He asked with a smug grin.

Yoseob returned the grin and tilted his head. “You really think they would let us do this while they’re around?” Kikwang was amused and shook his head. “Probably not.” he said and rolled his eyes, his hands sliding down to Yoseobs behind, cupping it firmly. “They’d probably be too jealous.”

@_@ while it's happy in one point of the time it isn't in the other. oh well. I hope I give you a lot of confliced feels (am I mean? ; ;) I hope you all like the update =w= <3  aaaaand I hope you're all enjoiying Yoseobs album as much as I do :3 any favorite song of it? /YES I AM TRYING TO DO SOME SMALLTALK AND SEE WHO THIS ALSO READS ||: