To Hyung, from Max

Jaejoong-hyung,

Thank you for the kimbap.

And the kimchi jiggae.

And the dumplings.

And the ramen.

And the cake.

And the ice cream.

Changmin

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Jaejoong-hyung,

I got the highest grade for my science project. Thank you for helping me make the volcano, even if you didn’t actually understand what it was all about. By the way, your eyebags were bigger this morning, haha, but I know it’s my fault because I let you stay up late to help me. So okay, I won’t laugh at you now. You still look funny though.

Changmin-tensai

Jaejoong-hyung,

Stop fooling around and hold on to your crutches. I need my nourishment so you have to heal soon! Your knees need to heal soon! I miss your cooking. Err, that sounds selfish. Ok, just take care of yourself because…because…well, we’re not DBSK if there’s just the four of us onstage right? Right. I’m here if you need help, you know I’m stronger than you!

Changmin

Jaejoong-hyung,

You annoy me a lot! Why do you keep touching me in front of the camera? Even behind the camera! Don’t you know the concept of ‘personal space’? You’re so annoying! My classmates think I’m gay. Some think I’m a baby, so I had to pummel one to prove that I’m not and Yunho-hyung was called by the principal. This is your fault! Stop treating me like a baby!

Changmin-the-MAN

Jaejoong-hyung,

I hate you really, you just don’t stop touching! I said stop! It’s embarrassing! I hate you! I don’t like you! I like Yunho-hyung more because he treats me like a man and he acts like a man unlike you!

Changmin-hates-you!

Jaejoong-hyung,

Platinum looks good on you. Although I liked black more. I wish I could also pull off platinum, but I’m afraid. Maybe you should try blue next. I bet it would still look good on you.

Changmin

Jaejoong-hyung,

Are you mad at me? I’m sorry I warbled off the last note. I ruined the performance for all of us. I feel really bad. I promise to practice more and more so that I won’t let you down again. I’m really sorry, hyung. Please don’t be disappointed in me.

Changmin

Jaejoong-hyung,

WE WON!

Changmin-of-DBSK!

Jaejoong-hyung,

I heard you and Yunho-hyung arguing last night. Is it true? Are you leaving DBSK? Please tell me it’s not true. Please tell me Yunho-hyung was just talking in his sleep.

Changmin

Jaejoong-hyung,

I don’t know what to say, hyung. Fans are already asking if it’s true, that DBSK is breaking up. Hyung, is it true? Are the rumors real? You have been unusually quiet these past few weeks. The house is lonely without your crazy stints. Is there something wrong?

Changmin

Jaejoong-hyung,

Why do you want to leave? Did I do something wrong? Can I come with you? Hyung, please change your mind. Please tell me what’s wrong. I don’t like this.

Changmin

Jaejoong-hyung,

I HATE YOU! LEAVE IF YOU WANT TO! I DON’T CARE ABOUT YOU OR YOOCHUN-HYUNG OR JUNSU-HYUNG! I HATE YOU ALL! I HATE YOU THE MOST! I WISH YOU DIE!

Changmin

Jaejoong-hyung,

Have you listened to Keep Your Head Down? Yep, that song is for you! You’re erased and deleted! Stop claiming that you’re still a part of TVXQ because you’re not! Stop those cheesy dramas, we all know it’s fake! If you really miss me and Yunho-hyung you should never have left in the first place! Serves you right that everyone’s turning their backs on you, you are selfish, you brought that upon yourself! GO ROT!

Changmin

Jaejoong-hyung,

Are you happy now? You shouldn’t have left. Now you can’t even perform in South Korea. I’ve always admired your musical skills, but you put yourself in that sorry position and everything that’s happening to you is your fault. Serves you right. I’m not even sorry for you.

Changmin

Jaejoong-hyung,

I HATE YOU, KIM JAEJOONG!

Changmin

Jaejoong-hyung,

I HATE YO, KIM JAEJOONG!

Changmin

Jaejoong-hyung,

I HATE YOU, KIM JAEJOONG!

Changmin

Jaejoong-hyung,

I HATE YOU, KIM JAEJOONG!

Changmin

Jaejoong-hyung,

I HATE YOU, KIM JAEJOONG!

Changmin

Jaejoong-hyung,

We practiced Maximum’s dance routine using the DBSK version. I will admit it was hard for me to concentrate, your voice was everywhere. Yunho-hyung looked unbothered, but he cried when we went back to the dorm. He doesn’t know that I saw him crying, he forgot to close his door. This is your fault.

Changmin

Jaejoong-hyung,

Changmin

Jaejoong-hyung,

I miss you. I miss your cooking, too. Yunho-hyung doesn’t know how to cook! We’ve been eating instant noodles and takeout for weeks! My tummy feels horrible!

Changmin

Jaejoong-hyung,

They are forcing me to take your place in the YunJae pairing, except now it’s HoMin. So this is how it feels like huh. I never liked fanservice. I don’t like it still. This is awkward and humiliating. I wonder how you kept yourself secure.

Changmin

Jaejoong-hyung,

We were only one ride apart. We were in the same foreign city. Did you know we were there? Did you look for us? How was the fanmeet? Your fans love you still. I can tell they were looking for you during the TVXQ fanmeet.

Changmin

Jaejoong-hyung,

Is Get Out for us? Are you giving up now? Are you letting go now? Yoochun-hyung looked really serious about it. I can tell Yoochun-hyung is mad at us for being cold towards JYJ, it’s not the same emotional Micky that I once knew. Does he still cry a lot? I bet not, his eyes are colder now. Hyung, we are not allowed to say or show anything. It’s really hard. Sometimes I envy the three of you.

Changmin

Jaejoong-hyung,

Have you listened to Still? It reminds me a lot of Stand By U. Did you get the message? Our message? Listen to the song over and over, hyung, I know you can do it.

Changmin

Jaejoong-hyung,

What SBS did to Junsu-hyung was not right. I wish I could comfort him, it was not right. I know you can make Junsu-hyung feel better. Please do so in my behalf. And tell him I miss his eu-kyang-kyang.

Changmin

Jaejoong-hyung,

This will be my last letter to you.

First of all, let me tell you what I don’t like about you. I don’t like you because you stole my first kiss; I know your fangirls would love to be in my place but I am no fangirl of yours. I don’t like you because you are nosy and touchy, it’s awkward and embarrassing, especially when you do it front of a live broadcast. I don’t like you because sometimes you look and act like a woman instead of a man; there are times that I have to look twice at you because you looked like a real girl, and if I never knew who or what you really were I would have been infatuated by you. Don’t take that as a compliment! I meant that as an insult. I don’t like you because you left TVXQ. We all know you are a vital part of DBSK, when you and Yoochun-hyung and Junsu-hyung left we can’t even claim the name DBSK anymore and instead we settled for TVXQ! – yes with the exclamation point which wasn’t there before. I still can’t and will never understand why you left, but I guess it’s irrelevant now. I don’t like you because you are so expressive, and every time you post a tweet about how you feel, or whenever I read your interviews and you speak of DBSK, you make it harder for me to stay mad at you…because I know you never lie about how you feel. Yes, hyung, I knew all along how lonely and sincere you were.

I like you because you are a good cook, and this, I think, is self-explanatory. I like you because you are funny and crazy, you provide amusement like no other, and I really have fun whenever we have our one-touches. It’s true, the stronger the hit, the more love there is, and I hope you felt my hits the way I meant them to. I like you because you are genuine; I appreciate your straightforwardness towards the members. I like you because you are not afraid of challenges; people say I am the most mature in DBSK, but they never really knew everything about you. You were never afraid of hardships. You knew about the consequences of leaving SM, yet you faced every obstacle with grace, and I admire you for that. I like you because you have gone from being tone-deaf to an excellent singer and composer; I wish I could be as versatile in singing and composing as you. I like you because you kept the faith all along, and I’m ashamed that I didn’t do the same.

Hyung, I miss you, and I wish I never said I hated you. I never forgot you, not even a single day. I’m sorry for the cruel words I said, and I really wish I could take them all back. I’m sorry if my words have hurt your feelings when your words never hurt mine. I know you are happy now, and I believe you deserve to be happy.

Rest in peace, Jaejoong-hyung. We’ll see each other again someday.

Love, Changmin

← Foreword

Comments

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k_lover94 #1 Jan 26, 2014 20:42:19

Chapter 1: Loved how the story was original in the way it was told by a series of letters from changmin to jaejoong. Gave the story a much more personal touch, as if these are letters actually written by changmin. Very nicely done (^_^). I'm just gonna assume "rest in peace" means jaejoong passed away, and the last letter literally had me in tears. I love it when that happens!! Thanks for a great story!

yodaismystyle #2 Oct 27, 2012 08:35:29

Chapter 1: Did Jaejoong die or what? If he did I wish you make a part describing that scene and yeah...haha i'm a yunjae fan and i also like jaemin but the idea of replacing yunjae with homin is just ridiculous hehehe xD i swear i don't like it even a bit. I like it...so indescribable fic...you should make more. good job! it was nice <3 it is different, i mean when i read yunjae fanfics i feel comfortable and homey but when i read jaemin my feelings are mixed and overwhelmed it was kinda odd but it was more exciting xD daebak!!!

JessaAndHerAddiction #3 Oct 21, 2012 09:48:33

Chapter 1: DAMIT VCNOLJFFJPUJ)PUR_EUFPJHPWUR_#UT_JHV_#!!!!!!!!

He died... Didn't he?? He did... Right???
UGHHHHHHHHHH!!

BEAUTIFUL! BEAUTIFUL FIC! THOUGH IT WAS SUPER INFORMAL IT'S AWESOME!
I love it! I love it, for real!
THE FEELS!!!!!!!!!

CinqLuna #4 Oct 16, 2012 01:02:22

Chapter 1: ._____. Jaejae, really died? O____O the diary minnie wrote ;___;