This was a contest entry written by myself and my good friend, LiNafied.  It doesn't reflect my writing nor hers. It's really a good blend of both. :)

 

Hope you like it. XD

 

Title: Crimson Snow
Author: XAEL (xella08x & LiNafied)
Genre: Romance, Fantasy, Alternative-Universe
Rating: PG

 

 

 

Crimson Snow

 

 

A woman laid on the hospital bed, wheezing as she struggled to keep awake. Her eyes flickered towards the door every once in a while, as though she was waiting for someone. She, however, did not sense that there was another presence in the room, a robed figure who was checking her wrist, an odd form of a watch tattooed on her wrist.

The mysterious figure gazed upon a woman with apathetic eyes, the bright fluorescent light above her casting no shadows around the stranger’s form. She watched as the patient tried to take in a breath, a feat that proved difficult and it ended with her coughing violently.

She heard the door to the hospital room open slowly, unbothered by the sudden disturbance. She had a job to do.

“Mom?” She heard the girl say.

The girl walked through the cloaked being and shivered unconsciously. The action, however, did nothing to distract the silent person as she checked her wrist again. She nodded when the needle struck the time. “It’s time now.”

A black scythe appeared suddenly in the hands of the hooded being, brandished under the fluorescent light, the curved blade barely touching the top of the wielder’s head.

“How are you feeling?” The mother smiled up at the newcomer, eyes unfocused and she weakly tried to lift her hand. The fingers lingered on the younger woman’s arm before dropping back to the bed.

The blade lowered, lowered, and lowered until it was a few inches away from her face. The being drew out the bounded black book and stared at the page, nodding when her blade glowed softly.

The singular note that the machine made had the brunette gasping, the coffee slipping out her hands. The can clattered onto linoleum loudly and the coffee splattered all over the sterile floor.

“Nooo!”

The voice echoed loudly as hospital staff rushed in. The girl was pushed aside by the nurses as they checked on the limp figure. She stood by the apathetic creature, hands over , another nurse hurriedly pushing in the emergency cart. Chants of numbers were heard as the doctor barked orders to give emergency intravenous medications to the patient while he proceeded to give chest compressions onto the motionless figure as another nurse attached a bag valve mask to aid in ventilating the patient. The cardiac monitor continued to register the flat line despite the medical team’s efforts to revive the patient. A few minutes had passed and the physician found no hope in the unresponsive body lying on the bed.

The doctor looked at the girl sympathetically and announced her mother’s death. “I’m sorry,” was all he said before turning to one of the nurses to note the time of death.

Noting that her job was done, the creature slowly vanished but was halted by the girl’s haunting pleas. “No. Please. I need you!”

I need you.

She felt the needle move again, signifying other clients that needed to be retrieved. She cast a final look at the sobbing girl atop the dead woman’s chest and disappeared in a wall of flames, the words echoing in her head.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

Jessica had what humans would call a friend. YoonA was the one who guided her through the ways of the reaper, so the other being was the best person to go to with her recent dilemma. “So,” YoonA started. “You’re telling me that you’re somehow remembering things that you think are not your memories?”

Jessica, the other cloaked being, turned her head to face her companion. “When I heard her say those words, I saw images.” Her hand reached for her hood then drew it back, showing off her blonde locks. “I’m not sure if it was just my imagination or they were really part of me. But...”

Crossing her arms on top of her chest, YoonA sighed. “Jessica, is this your first time…” she paused, hesitating to continue her words but she needed to. At least for Jessica’s sake, she needed to. “…you know, having vivid visions?” Jessica blinked owlishly. “It might be hard to believe.” YoonA smiled softly at her. “We were once like them,” she said as she nodded her head once towards the crowd that scattered below them. Jessica looked towards the throng and turned downwards, incapable of comprehending being so weak at one point of time.

“You must be kidding me.” She slowly mumbled before raising her voice, unable to comprehend. “Like them?”

“It’s hard to believe, huh? I had a hard time coping when I found out I was once human.” YoonA’s lips curved up momentarily before she abandoned her attempt to smile. “Imagine that. We were once like them. We had families and friends.”

Jessica was taken aback. She thought they were merely creatures of death, one that did not have a past or a future, merely existing to assist the dead. Those images were not fragments of her imagination? She rubbed her chin, furrowing her brows. “Why? Do you know?”

YoonA smiled once again, just like before. “We all do at some point.”

“So...” Jessica could not conjure up the words to voice her thoughts, but she tried. “The images in my head, these feelings, they’re all real?”

YoonA nodded in response.

“Then why don’t I look like me?” She looked down at her long locks of hair. “I was never blonde. I don’t look anything like the creature I am now.” She looked back down at the crowd and she stared, a certain black haired female catching her eye as she crossed the street.

She straightened noticeably, her memories rushing towards the front of her mind vividly.

I need you.

Tiffany Hwang. Her name echoed in Jessica’s head as she recalled their last moment together, before Jessica passed on.

YoonA followed her gaze. “Is that her?”

Jessica’s lips turned up into a smile as she followed Tiffany’s interaction with others. There were questions as to how much time had passed since her death, but as she observed the woman moving through the crowd, those questions were answered. Tiffany did not differ much from her memories.

“Hwang MiYoung, better known as Hwang Stephanie but prefers to be called Tiffany. Date of Death, September ninth, next year. Time of death at sixteen forty-seven. Cause of death, cancer.”

Looking at YoonA with widened eyes, jaw slightly hanging open, she exclaimed, “So soon!?”

“Eleven months.”

Knowing this, Jessica made her decision.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

The bell rang softly as she pushed the door inwards, the sound alerting the clerk at the counter. She felt weird when the human smiled at her; she was no longer used to people looking at her. She caught her reflection in a mirror placed behind the counter and she was surprised by the difference in appearance, the blonde in the reflective surface not meshing well with her memory.

She had yet to see herself after death and this was a shock to her.

She was still not used to her human form. This was not her. She turned away from the reflection when she noticed that people started to give her weird looks. Her eyes caught the cashier and an image flashed in her head.

Some things, or in this case, people, never change.

She smiled at the clerk and moved on, taking note of the peeling wallpaper that spoke of years and the fading signatures on the photos on the walls. It really has not been that long since she had last sat there, drinking coffee as she crammed for exams and deadlines.

The atmosphere of the bookstore cafe was nostalgic as the smell of freshly brewed coffee filtered through her nostrils. She ran her fingers past old oak bookcases, the splinters dropping off as she raked her nails lightly on the surface. The papery scent of books comforted her and it brought her back to the time when she first met with Tiffany.

She mentally thanked SeoHyun and SooYoung for recommending this place to her. It was heaven to a book nerd like her and most importantly, it came with coffee. She picked a random book off the shelf and opened it to check out the contents, walking blindly towards the supposed opening.

And promptly crashed into somebody.

“Oh my god! I’m so sorry.”

She registered the burning pain immediately but smiled tearfully at the apologetic look plastered on the other girl’s face.

She laughed to herself as she reminisced and moved over to an empty table, spotting the black haired woman moving from behind the counter with a tray of coffee. She kept her head down and eyed the girl moving through the maze of tables, smiling at the patrons who greeted her.

When she came close to her table, she placed the menu down and placed her chin on top of her fist.

Her finger flicked once and the barista stumbled, somehow tripping over nothing.

The cups clattered off the tray and the liquid splattered all over Jessica’s front, before making a descent to the ground where glass shattered upon meeting a hard surface.

She supposed this was where she emulated pain as she could not feel. She learned from YoonA that they could not feel physical pain.

“Oh my god! I’m so sorry!” Using the front of her apron, Tiffany rubbed at the stained shirt frantically as she blabbered out her apologies.

Jessica twisted her face into what she hoped to be a pain-filled smile and spoke through gritted teeth. “It’s alright.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

Jessica picked up the cup and sipped the brown liquid. Her human taste buds blew up in sensation and she made a face when her brain registered it as bitter. She stared at the beverage in disbelief, knowing that she drank it like water in the past. Setting the cup down, she caught the hurrying form of Tiffany, the brunette woman walking briskly from the backroom of the cafe.

And it looked like Tiffany was walking towards her. She averted her gaze, her fingers nervously tapping against the rim of the cup, a feeling that was somehow still foreign to her. She heard the small huffs of breath that Tiffany was exhaling as the other woman came closer.

“Excuse me, miss?” A light tap on her shoulder accompanied the meek question and Jessica looked up with what she hoped was a friendly smile.

“Yes?”

Tiffany’s eyes were cast downwards in guilt, bangs shadowing a bit of her face. “I really am sorry for spilling coffee on you.”

Jessica waved her hand dismissively and clasped it to the front of her stained shirt.

“Don’t worry about it. I can’t even feel it anymore.”

Tiffany hesitated before continuing.

“But...”

“Don’t worry. No harm. I won’t even sue you.” Tiffany smiled softly at Jessica, but the blonde knew better. Remembering it now, it was almost the same thing she said to her years ago. Was she the reason of that crease between her eyebrows? That was not the same smile her mind kept flashing at her. “Really. I’m fine.”

“How about I’ll treat you to coffee for a whole week so you won’t have to sue me?”

Were those not the exact words she had once uttered?

Jessica flashed a smile, knowing full well that she at least had a reason to see Tiffany again. At least for the next week that was. “Perfect.”

Tiffany smiled and once again, Jessica noted that the happiness that was plastered on the lips did not reach the other woman’s eyes.

“How about you join me now?”

“I’m sorry.” Tiffany looked at her watch. “I actually need to meet someone.”

“Oh?” She jutted out her lower lip slightly, crestfallen at the news. She remembered that Tiffany liked her pouts, even if the other woman kept denying it. “Then don’t let them wait any longer.”

“It’s not like they’re going anywhere.”

“Why is that?”

Jessica furled back her lips and her teeth were set in a perfect line. Tiffany laughed hollowly at the grin, the sound resonating painfully in Jessica’s ears before the dark haired woman lifted her right shoulder in a shrug.

“They... they’re no longer here.”

The space between Jessica’s eyebrows crinkled adorably. “Excuse me?”

“I’m visiting my mom’s and girlfriend’s graves. I’m bringing them flowers.”

“I... I’m sorry.”

Tiffany shook her head. “It’s not your fault. Oh, I really need to go since its Yuri’s death anniversary.”

Yuri. That was the name Tiffany called her in her memories. She was Kwon Yuri. How long had it been since her passing?

“Bring her some gardenias; I’m sure she’ll love it.”

Tiffany looked at her with eyes wide open, jaw dropping. She stammered questioningly. “H-how did you know?”

Jessica shrugged, a gesture that she knew meant that it was not a big deal. “Anyone would love it. It’s actually my favorite, especially the white ones.”

Tiffany stared at her for a moment before breathing out a soft giggle. The barista nodded and tapped her chin.

“Alright, gardenias it is.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

Jessica was lucky that Tiffany was such an easy going person. Anyone else would have figured she was a creeper and asked her to leave them alone.

That one conversation turned into several, Tiffany stopping by her table at the cafe where they would talk over cakes and coffee. At times, she would catch a glimpse of the beautiful smile in her memories and she would rejoice over that. Most of the time, it would be that sad smile, the one that never reaches her eyes.

Jessica wanted to change that.

But the pressing matter at hand would be that growing virus inside of Tiffany’s body, the singular thing that had her name stamped in Jessica’s book.

It was against the rules, but Jessica wanted to change her fate.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

“There is a reason for rules, Jessica.”

YoonA glared at Jessica, the hood hiding half of her face, making it hard for YoonA to gauge her facial expression. Jessica rubbed at the tattooed watch on her wrist and thumbed the book on her lap.

“It’s worth it.” Jessica flipped through the pages and kept on reading, intent on ignoring YoonA’s lecture.

“No it’s not, Jessica.” Yoona frowned at her friend. “You don’t even know what’s at stake. This isn’t a game. So you shouldn’t be playing with fate.”

“I’m not playing with anything.”

YoonA threw her hands in the air and grabbed the book from Jessica. She flipped through the pages furiously and jammed the book right in front of Jessica’s face. The page was the same as the one YoonA had read weeks ago, the one where Tiffany’s name was written on, except with a minor difference.

“Why did her expiration date change then? Jessica, changes like these won’t do you any good! This is why we should try to remove any type of memory from our previous lives! We usually end up forgetting our responsibilities as reapers.”

“I didn’t even choose to be a reaper! I...” Jessica was afraid to continue. She did not want to admit it to YoonA or to herself that she wanted to be human again. The thought of meeting up with Tiffany every day without the limitations of being just in human form delighted her. She wanted it, but she knew she could never have it.

“Jessica,” YoonA called her friend, and the latter slowly looked up, meeting the formers’ gaze. “Don’t. Just don’t do this to yourself. It’s not worth it.”

“She is.”

She plucked the book from YoonA’s hand and whipped it under her cloak. The needle on her watch moved an inch and she looked down at it, clucking her tongue.

“I’ll collect some souls before I go meet Tiffany.”

YoonA shook her head helplessly. “There is a reason why nobody messes with fate.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

Jessica pulled the sleeve of her shirt over her wrist, the edge of the black tattoo peeking out from the top. She smiled at the approaching woman and gripped the edges of the chair tightly.

Tiffany looked so haggard. “Hi,” she greeted and waved her hand as she approached Jessica.

Jessica stated the obvious. “You look tired.”

Tiffany smiled softly once again and said, “I wasn’t able to sleep last night.”

Jessica leant forwards worriedly and grabbed the thin hand. The blue veins were prominent beneath the pale skin and it mapped all the way up her wrists where bruises were fading.

“Is there something wrong?”

“No, not really.” Tiffany took the seat next to Jessica. “Just... it seems off.”

“It? Do you want to talk about it?”

“It’s just that I feel light headed. Maybe I should just visit my doctor.”

Her expression was one of calm, but inside, she was roaring with joy. Over the weeks that they had been friends, she had dropped tiny hints about Tiffany’s general well-being. The decision to visit the doctor, should Tiffany go through with it, would lengthen her lifespan once again by another two years, maybe more.

“Yeah. I’ll go ahead and set up an appointment with my physician.”

YoonA’s words repeated in her head like a mantra, but she shook it off. Whether her decision of helping Tiffany was right or wrong, she was willing to face the consequences. Even though she had returned as a different person in Tiffany’s life, her previous feelings were still there.

She would do anything to protect the brunette. And if anything required challenging the unknown, then she was ready. Whatever may be waiting for her after all of this, she would gladly face them.

“Hey, Jessi...” The familiarity in Tiffany’s tone made her feel warm. She felt hope at taking their relationship to the next level, that Tiffany was falling for her once more. “I was wondering...”

Initially, Jessica broke the code of the Death Reapers just so she can help extend Tiffany’s life and, dare she say it, prevent her death before she was old and happy. Now, as more time was spent with her past lover, she wanted more. She wanted Tiffany to stare at her with love filled eyes, to call her name sweetly, to wake up to peppering kisses on her neck. She wanted to feel all of Tiffany in her life. Just like when she was still human.

“Yes?”

“Have we met somewhere before?” Tiffany looked out the window. “I mean, before the whole spilling of coffee incident.”

“Nope. I don’t think so.”

“Are you sure?”

“Tiffany, if I have, I don’t think I would even think twice to be friends with you. I would probably do something really stupid just to get your attention. So yes, I’m positive that it was the first time we met weeks ago.”

She smiled at Tiffany, her well placed mask sliding over her eyes to hide the guilt. Lying was something that she loathed, but explaining that she was previously Kwon Yuri and was now a collector of souls was something that was impossible to believe. There were also no physical similarities that would convince Tiffany into believing her explanation. So she threw that option out the window.

“How about,” Tiffany removed her gaze from the window and stared Jessica in the eyes. “I don’t really know how to say this.”

“Just say it. We’re friends after all.”

“Did you ever know a girl named Kwon Yuri?”

It took Jessica a couple of seconds to regain her composure. “Kwon Yuri?” She asked as she swallowed the lump that built in . “Do you mean the same Yuri that you visited before? Your former lover?”

“Yes.”

“Well, the first time I’ve heard of her was when you mentioned her. Do I have to know her?”

“No. No. I’m sorry. It’s just that you and her are...”

“Are?”

Tiffany shook her head. “Never mind.”

“It seems like it’s bugging you. You can tell me anything.”

“It’s nothing. I... just think you and her are so---”

She felt the hand of her watch move and the resonating click echoed loudly in her ears, covering whatever it was the brunette woman said. The loud tick also burned her deep in her chest as it not only informed her of her responsibilities as a reaper, but it also reminded her of the reality that she was different.

That she was no longer human.

Before she could come up with an excuse and bid the other woman goodbye, Tiffany’s words echoed loudly in her mind, pain and longing lacing her sentence.

“I just really miss her so much.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

She stared at the dying person on the ground, blood pooling around his body as he writhed from the pain. His face was paling from the loss of blood and his hoarse, quiet cries for help were lost within the passing of cars and the screeching of turning tires. Her blade shone brightly under the lone streetlamp and she inhaled deeply as life seeped out of the man’s eyes.

It was a reminder of how fate changes its mind easily. A thief had stabbed Micah Son in the chest, moments before he was scheduled to die from a heart disease that he was unaware of. The blank page in her book spoke of the third party interference yet Micah died anyways.

“Isn’t this a great example of how things can change?” YoonA appeared from nowhere. “Even what humans call fate changes.”

Jessica’s mouth turned down in a scowl and she hissed at the sudden appearance of YoonA. “What are you talking about?”

YoonA gestured over to the dead body on the ground. “Can’t you see? They’re all vulnerable, Jessica. A single stab can kill them. Even if you rewrite your lover’s fate, she, like all the humans here, will die.”

Jessica felt the crushing weight of defeat as the truth in YoonA’s words hit her hard. The girl was bound to die, but for the blonde, her past lover needed more time to be happy. She already suffered too much. “I know that,” was what came from Jessica’s mouth.

YoonA frowned approvingly before clucking her tongue once. “Good. Then you better stop this now before it’s too late. I saw her date change. Again.”

Jessica’s grip tightened around the handle of her scythe and she gritted her teeth. She knew that YoonA had a point; however, it was not something she would consider. She wanted her past lover to at least experience life with more happiness, and she knew she was the only person who could give that - her, the one who loved Tiffany beyond life.

“No!” YoonA exclaimed. “I know what you’re thinking. You should stop it, Jessica. Just stop.”

“Have you ever thought why we still remember our past lives? If the being who created us never wanted us to remember, he would take that away. Maybe---”

“I know what you’re thinking but no. It’s not l---”

“Maybe it’s because we can alter others’ fates?”

YoonA scowled at her. “No.”

Jessica ignored the negative answer and continued.

“Didn’t it occur to you that this life, is in fact, a second chance?”

“You’re really hardheaded.” The other woman said, sighing.

Jessica smiled serenely and shook her head. “No, just a hopeful individual.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

“So, are you feeling better?”

“Yeah. I went to see my doctor the other day.”

“Oh?” Jessica plastered on a concerned look, already knowing what Tiffany was about to tell her. The dark haired woman opposite her was clutching the hem of her sweater, fingers splayed white across the brown. Her eyes were b with unshed tears and she spoke hesitantly. “What did he say?”

Tiffany pulled out a white piece of paper from her pocket and handed it over, her lower lip tugged in between her teeth. “He said that I have cancer.I didn’t really understand the procedures and whatnot that he was talking about so I just nodded. But he said I should come back next week.” She looked out the window. Her eyes grew sad and Jessica was hurt seeing them. “If Yuri was here, she’d probably remember what my doctor said and will probably schedule more appointments. She was that type, you know?”

“Lymphoblastic.” Jessica tried her best to stop Tiffany from reminiscing. “It’s the cancer of the blood and you’re required to go in for monthly lumbar punctures.” She twisted around and pointed to her back. ”It’s where they stick a needle into your back and give you healthy blood cells.”

She glanced up from the paper to see Tiffany staring at her. She sighed and waved the single piece around. “It’s written here.”

Tiffany nodded weakly and pulled at the hem of her sweater. “I guess I should thank you.”

“What for?”

Jessica stretched out and gave the paper back, chest hurting when Tiffany gave her that heartbroken smile again. “For encouraging me to go for a check-up. The doctor said we caught it early so there isn’t anything to really worry about.”

“I did nothing special,” the blonde said as she avoided those pair of big brown eyes. “But I’m really happy they caught it early on.”

“Because of you... I...” Tiffany paused and that caused for Jessica to look her way. It seemed like something was bothering the brunette, but before Jessica could even say anything, Tiffany already continued. “Let’s forget about that.”

“About what?”

“Anyway, because of you, I found out that there’s something wrong with me so the coffee is on the house!”

Jessica did not like the smile that plastered on Tiffany’s face. She knew something was wrong. There was something bugging her past lover, but she could not just do what she did before. Should she hug her and whisper that she would always be there? She knew her limitations as a friend, it may be hard but it was something she had to swallow.

“I’m here for you, Tiffany. Always.” Always. It meant everything to them before. They promised to always love each other, to always care for each other, to always be there for each other, to always cherish one another. Truly, Jessica was keeping her side of the deal. It may be hard now but the promise was still buried somewhere in her heart.

She was still Yuri in a different body. No one really knew why they changed their physiques, but they just suddenly existed one day as the creature of the dark. Even Jessica, herself, did not know how things were or what she was. A grim reaper was what they were called, but was that really their title?

“Always?” Tiffany slowly uttered the word, eyes widening as she spoke. The blonde was able to see tears building in Tiffany’s eyes.

Jessica blinked at the sight of the tears, understanding the impact of the words that Yuri had once uttered had towards Tiffany. But she was not Yuri and thus, the words resulted in a negative reaction.

She knew that things would not be the same. Oh how she wished it does. But what she was now was not human. How could she expect for things to be like before when the very soul she once had was in the void?

Realizing this, Jessica looked Tiffany in the eyes. “I...” She started and looked away. “I actually need to go.”

Tiffany did not respond as her eyes shifted towards the table top. Her fingernails had begun scratching at the already peeling wood and her teeth were nibbling at chapped lips. Jessica stilled, unclear on how to proceed as she was not able to embrace Tiffany and assure her.

She wondered to herself. If she left Tiffany at that moment - would there be a chance of meeting her again? Would she still be welcomed by the dark haired girl the next time around?

Her hand landed on Tiffany’s fidgeting fingers, nails dragging lightly across the back of the other woman’s hand before slipping the other woman’s hand into hers. Her thumb soft skin lightly and she gave what she hoped to be a reassuring smile.

“You’re really like her.” Tiffany looked at Jessica’s hand on hers. “Everything you do totally reminds me of Yuri.”

Tiffany’s fingers curled under her palm and from a glance, it looked as though they were holding hands. A frown slowly crept on Jessica’s face as she slowly felt Tiffany’s hand slipping away.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

They were on top of a building again. Maybe it was the way the wind blew and rippled at their clothing that made them feel like they were alive. Maybe it was the view. Whatever the reason was, whenever Jessica met up with YoonA, it was always on the roof of a tall building.

“Why the long face?” YoonA finally spoke after a couple of minutes of pure silence. “Did something bad happen?” She lifted the sleeve of her cloak and her fingers drew a line in the air. A dark spot contorted the sky and she pulled out a black book from the distorted space. YoonA flipped the pages lightly and stopped when she saw a certain name. “I see that her date changed again. It’s the third time now.”

There was still no reply from Jessica, and so YoonA continued. “It seems easy to keep them alive. It’s true that one single word or a meeting can change their fate, but we never consider the consequences of our actions.”

Jessica finally looked up and stared at her with wide eyes, as her ears caught a word within the lecture. “Wha--what do you mean ‘we’?”

“I was in your shoes too, Jessica.” YoonA looked away and the book disappeared from her hands. It was her turn to avoid eye contact with Jessica. “During the war between the north and the south, most people called me SoonKyu. You know, life wasn’t easy back then, especially for gay people like my lover and I.”

YoonA trailed off and cleared once before continuing.

“We weren’t treated right. It seemed like we were carrying some weird disease.” Bitterness and sadness laced every word that exited YoonA’s mouth. “I died before my lover, and when I woke up, I was already like us. A creature with no name.” She chuckled humorlessly. “YoonA? Jessica? It was only recently that creatures like us even had a name.”

“I... I don’t get it.”

“When I first saw you, the very moment you began this life, whatever life may this be, I thought, she needed a name. The last person’s soul I took was named Jessica, so I gave it to you.”

“So... you named me?”

“Most of us had the liberty to pick our names. You’re special.”

“Special?”

“Yeah.” YoonA’s head tilted to one side as she observed the surroundings. Her eyes glittered under the moonlight and Jessica noted that the two pupils that were supposed to be filled with life were sullen. “You know, I wondered before, why were we chosen? How were we chosen?”

Jessica waited for YoonA to continue, but she remained mum. She spoke haltingly, anxious to find out what YoonA knew but a little reluctant at the same time. “Did you ever find out?”

“Before you passed away, did you ever long for something? Were you praying to some higher entity? Were you begging to live longer?”

YoonA lowered her eyes to meet with Jessica and the blonde was taken aback by the sudden fire. The creature shook her head, not indicating that she did not, but that she did not remember. At least she did not remember that part of her past life.

YoonA let out a harsh bark of laughter before averting her eyes to the busy streets below them.

“I did. I lived in another form, not knowing my previous life before this, until fate decided to mess with me. Kim TaeYeon’s name popped up on my book. It only took me to look at the name, and it hit me. I needed to do something, to pay her back for leaving her.”

YoonA’s finger gripped the ledge tightly and Jessica directed her gaze towards the tension filled appendage. The nail beds were splayed white and the fingers were shaking under the pressure. She hesitated before putting a comforting hand onto them.

“I tried to save her. She was dying from a disease, we didn’t know what it was back then, but we tried everything. Her date changed four times before...”

YoonA’s neck twisted and Jessica took a step backwards from the unwavering glare.

“Her page became blank. The next thing I knew, she was gunned down in front of my eyes in a crossfire. There was nothing I could do.”

Jessica understood now, why YoonA was so against her meeting with Tiffany. It was as though history was repeating itself and YoonA could not do anything to stop it. And try as she might, Jessica did not want to stop. She believed it would be different.

“It’s different with Tiffany.”

YoonA exclaimed exasperatedly. “Did you not listen to what I said?! If you’re meant to die, you will die! No matter how, you will die!”

Jessica nodded and spoke quietly. “I know. But it’s different because I want more. I want her to look at me like she did before. I want her to smile at me like she means it. I want to see her be happy. I want her to love me like before.”

YoonA scoffed. “You’re not her anymore. You’re not human, Jessica. One day, you will be separated anyways. If not by her death, then by your destroyed existence. We’re here because a higher being decided we were better off working for the world rather than being recycled.”

“I know.”

YoonA was looking at her in surprise, as though she could not believe that Jessica had accepted the truth so easily. She patted her ear once and blinked owlishly, her fingers curling against Jessica’s palm.

“You know? Then why bother? Just stop this.”

“It doesn’t really matter. I’m a new person to Tiffany, so all I have to do is to make her fall in love with me.”

“You shouldn’t be wishful.”

“Is it bad to wish for her happiness?”

“Hers? Or yours?”

Jessica drew her hand back and laid it over her chest where her heart resided. The thumps were mechanical like a clock’s tick but different over the weeks that she had reunited with Tiffany. “I loved her as Kwon Yuri and now I love her as Jessica.”

“Jessica, they’re just hum---”

“Don’t worry about me.” Jessica smiled at her friend. “I know.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

The book was open to a page on the table. Next to it was a cold cup of coffee, the brown substance staining the white insides of the cup. Her head was lowered as though she was reading, but really, she was staring at the barista over the counter through her bangs. Tiffany was smiling at the machine, a small smile but a true one, one that reached her eyes and it made Jessica nostalgic.

She turned her head slightly to the left, watching as the skies darkened. Her eyes blinked at the falling white droplets from above, smiling as she thought back to how the snow was a thing between her and Tiffany.

Despite YoonA’s admonition, Jessica still wanted to be with Tiffany. They were two completely different beings, one a dying human, the other the creature that may have to take her soul. It did not matter to Jessica. Inside her, apart from the lingering memories from her past life, were growing feelings, feelings that were amplified from when she was Kwon Yuri loving Hwang Tiffany. Feelings were important, were they not? She was not lying when she told YoonA that she loved Tiffany as Jessica.

“Jessica?”

She looked up and smiled softly at the dark haired woman; Tiffany was smoothing out her skirt as she sat down opposite her. She assumed that it was the other woman’s break time as Tiffany was not wearing her apron and it was nowhere near five o’clock.

“Hi!”

Tiffany clasped her hands together and tilted her head to one side, her eyes widening adorably.

“You need something? I mean, we always talk anyway, so what’s with the note?” Between the clasped hands was a note that Jessica had given Tiffany earlier when she entered the shop. The words were covered but Jessica remembered what she had written down clearly.

I have something to say to you.

She swore she had flowery words to sweep Tiffany off her feet, a present of sorts that would make her tear and laugh for joy. She was not completely oblivious, she had seen the look Tiffany had given her at times when the brunette woman was staring at her. They were eyes that emitted passion.

“I love you.”

However, whatever was planned did not necessarily go that way.

Damn.

She watched as Tiffany’s mouth dropped open and her eyes widened impossibly further, confusion and disbelief pouring out from her pores before the barista clammed up. Her lips were set in a tight line and her eyes lost that spark that they had. In its place, pain filled those dark orbs, leaving Jessica fumbling for more words. “I- I’m sorry. That came out wrong- I mean, not wrong!” She paused, sighing to recollect her thoughts together. “It’s not wrong. I really mean that I love you, but I really didn’t plan to just blurt it out like that!”

Tiffany looked apologetic as she looked Jessica in the eyes. She then said, “I can’t accept it.” And when she finished, she could not meet the blonde’s gaze any longer.

In Jessica’s chest, there was something hurting very badly and it felt like it was ripping her apart. How could she be rejected twice? Was she not the same person that Tiffany loved, despite being in a different body? “I... I...” The situation left her speechless. She did not think things through.

Tiffany shook her head and her hands came apart. The paper fluttered to the ground, but Jessica paid no attention to it. She could only see the mild tremors that engulfed Tiffany’s limbs and the effort to contain them.

“I really am happy that you confessed to me. It’s really an honor, but loving me, wouldn’t be fair to you.” Jessica remained still as she listened to Tiffany’s words. It seemed like breathing became harder for her, not like it was really needed. “Yuri is a very big part of me.”

Tiffany gave her a sad smile, one that made her eyes look tortured and she had to clench her teeth together tightly to prevent herself from screaming at the other woman that she was Yuri, that she came back for her. That she was there, just like Yuri, to love her.

“I miss her all the time. And now with my mother gone...”

“I understand.” The words finally escaped Jessica’s mouth. Just because she was back from the dead did not mean she was not dead. It did not represent another lifetime together, since there was no life for her to live. “I didn’t mean for things between us to be awkward. Of course you love her, and I know that.”

“I’m so---”

“You don’t have to apologize.” Jessica did not know if she should be happy to see Tiffany’s devotion to the past her or to be displeased that she was not opening her heart to the same girl. There was a mix of emotions but disappointment was as the forefront. Not that it was directed towards Tiffany, but more to herself. Just because she was the same girl did not automatically mean that the girl in front of her would love her just the same. She should have known that. “You don’t have to apologize for loving someone else.” With a smile that plastered on Jessica’s face, she continued, “I know it that the girl I love doesn’t love me back, but that’s life, right?”

“I really am sor---”

“No, don’t apologize. You shouldn’t.” Jessica smiled, and somehow, she really did mean it. Seeing Tiffany now made her understand that Tiffany really was the type of person who was dedicated to her lover.

“Maybe it will be best if you forget about me... about you loving me.”

Hurt was evident on the blonde’s face. She was awfully familiar with rejection because this was the second time the very girl in front of her turned her down. Once was when she was Yuri, and now, when she was Jessica. “Please don’t... just don’t ask me to forget you.”

Tiffany’s eyes glazed over and Jessica was gripped with a sense of foreboding. “No... stop...” Tiffany whispered, but it was inaudible to Jessica’s ears. “Please...”

“One day, I just hope you look at me. I don’t care if it takes five or even ten years, but I hope you can open your heart to me.”

Jessica saw a tear roll down from Tiffany’s eyes. “Stop... please...” This time, it was a little louder. “Stop, Jessi... please?” Jessica moved her hand from her chair to place it over the crying woman’s hand, but Tiffany pulled away before she could touch her. “Can you stop being like her?!”

And it came back to Jessica. The first time she confessed to Tiffany, it seemed like it was the same scenario. It almost was identical.

This was familiar, and Tiffany spoke without hesitation as though she had gone through this before. Her head throbbed and another memory struck her whilst Tiffany was still speaking.

“I’m sorry, Yuri. But HyoYeon and I can still work this out. I’m sure we can.”

Yuri stared at the girl exasperatedly, Tiffany looking at her with wide, hopeful eyes. She could not count how many times her best friend had broken up and gotten back together with her girlfriend in the past six months. The relationship was unhealthy and frankly, it grated on her nerves because she knew that she could make Tiffany so much happier.

“Fany... I-”

“Yuri, I’m really sorry.” Tiffany grabbed her hands and held on tightly. “I... I just can’t. HyoYeon and I are trying to work things out. You should know that.”

Yuri sighed and smiled weakly. “It’s not that easy to forget someone like you.” She looked down at their joint hands and continued. “One day, I just hope you look at me. I don’t care if it takes five or even ten years, but I hope you can open your heart to me.”


“Why are you so much like her? Why...” Tiffany bit her lips and her hands were gripping the handles of the chair tightly, her knuckles painfully white. The cafe was quiet for once, as people were turning their attention towards them, eyes on the panicking blonde and sobbing brunette. She raised her hand, poking her chest. “It hurts...so much...”

Jessica did not know how to handle what was in front of her. For a girl claiming to have known Tiffany best, she was clueless for the first time. The tears streamed down Tiffany’s face and her hand was shaking even more than before.

“S--sorr--” But before Jessica could even finish, Tiffany hurriedly stood up, chair toppling over in her haste. Jessica reached out to grab the leaving woman’s hand but she missed by mere inches, Tiffany stumbling clumsily towards the entrance of the cafe. Several customers yelled at the barista for bumping into them but it was as though she was jinxed, Tiffany unable to hear anything that was directed towards her.

“Tiffany!”

Jessica yelled after the woman and pushed out of her own seat, feet tapping against the wooden floor loudly as she went after the unstable woman. The bell rang as Tiffany pushed the door open and Jessica froze when she saw YoonA, Tiffany passing the reaper without a thought.

“No...” Jessica looked at YoonA with begging eyes. “Please... don’t...” Knowing exactly why YoonA appeared before her. They had never met before aside from rooftops or the occasional meetings in dark alleys but never in a crowd. Seeing her friend there now meant only one thing.

YoonA gave her an apologetic look and lifted up her book for the blonde to see.

Tiffany’s page was blank.

Jessica pushed past the reaper and ran after Tiffany, almost as though she was possessed. The other woman was now running across the street with no qualms of the passing cars, vehicles honking as they narrowly missed her.

YoonA’s voice echoed in her mind. “There’s a reason why nobody messes with fate.”

It was hard, watching someone you love die. As a reaper, she saw death on a daily basis but this death,Tiffany’s death, just the thought of it crushed her heart. She already played with Tiffany’s fate so much, what was the harm in changing it once again?

She sprinted faster, she reached her hand out to push Tiffany, it happened in slow motion in her eyes. The truck blew its horn as it approached Tiffany with an alarming speed. Trucks were not supposed to go on that speed. Tiffany stopped in her tracks and stared at the incoming headlights with wide eyes before closing them, as though she had accepted that she was going to die.

As though she chose to die.

Jessica, not accepting this, pushed Tiffany with all her might, but it was too late. A loud screech filled the air as tires strove to stop the heavy vehicle but the amount of sludge on the ground was working against rubber. The speeding truck hit them both, a loud crash that had the cars around them skidding to a stop. The truck driver opened his door and jumped out of the heavy vehicle in a panic, voice screaming hoarsely as blood pooled at the bottom of his truck.

She stood there in shock. She slumped to the ground and continued to stare, unable to take in the gruesome scene in front of her. Tiffany, the love of her life, lay lifeless on the ground. Was she not able to reach Tiffany in time? She ran with all her might, and she was positive that somehow, she should have been able to save Tiffany like all the other times. So how did things end up the way they did? It was never supposed to be this moment. Tiffany should have been with her, just like how she envisioned.

Maybe she was still alive? Maybe this was not the end. Maybe when she pushed her, it somehow still saved her.

Jessica hurriedly stood up and cried for help. She looked at all the curious eyes staring directly at the blood pooled on the ground, turning the grey sludge into a deep crimson, tainting all their visions with red.

She looked at them in disbelief, why were they not calling out for help? “You!” She pointed at someone who was clutching his phone tightly as he looked at the scene. “Call for help! She’s still alive! I know it!” But he stood there, as if he did not hear anything. “You!” Giving up, Jessica approached a lady this time. “Call someone, please!”

She reached out to grab the woman’s shoulders, only to fall forwards from the momentum that she put out. She gasped out in shock when she passed through the lady silently, looking up to a noisy scene in which she was not part of. Jessica peered through her hand and found that the light was flowing through, her skin translucent against the headlamps.

She was back? How could this be? She did not turn herself back to this form. She screamed out loudly and pounded the ground, her hand passing through the snow without making an imprint. In front of her, the driver finally snapped to his senses. “Hurry up! Get some help!” There was tremor in his voice. He tried to act as though he was in control of the situation, but he was breaking down.

People were crowding around the scene, making it hard for those who could actually help to come forward. The truck driver was in hysterics when he discovered that only one body was sprawled under the vehicle, the other nowhere to be seen.

“Get some help!” Everyone with a cell phone who cared enough dialed the emergency hotline.

Sirens filled the air and most were shocked at the timely appearance of help. Paramedics cluttered from the ambulance loudly, screaming at the crowd to part so that they can get to the injured.

“Wasn’t there a blonde?”

“But why is there just one girl there?”

“No way, I saw someone run after her and hug her! There should be two girls!”

“Didn’t someone push the other girl?”

“Then where is she?”

Jessica looked at the driver with hateful eyes. He was to blame. This man that stood before her caused this pain she was feeling. If it was not for him, Tiffany would still be breathing.

She yelled hysterically and lunged at the driver, her body falling through his solid form. She did not pay any mind to the fact that she could not harm him, standing up to punch the guy. In the crazed flurry of punches, a few landed on the body but made no effect. She could not materialize as much as she wanted to. It was as though the crash had completely wiped her existence from this world. Despite the many failed attempts, she continued to throw punches furiously.

Her so called punishment was stopped short when YoonA wrapped her arms around her, effectively pulling Jessica away from the stunned driver. The older reaper lifted the blonde easily and carried her from the scene, unaffected by the screaming fit that Jessica was throwing in her arms, legs kicking around violently. “What are you doing!? Tiffany needs me!”

“Jessica, stop this.”

“No!”

“It’s over.”

Crying, Jessica looked at her past lover that was lifeless on the gurney. She screamed out in anguish and continued to thrash in YoonA’s arms, trying to reduce the physical distance that was put between Tiffany and her.

“Jessica! It’s over!”

Jessica turned her head to scream at YoonA for stopping her when she noticed the glowing scythe hanging limply from YoonA’s back. Her eyes met with the sullen reaper’s and she got a second confirmation.

Her head dropped lifelessly and she blinked hard, tears falling from her eyes to the ground.

It was over.

The snow fell gently and the white covered the red, as though cleansing the scene with its pureness. The world continued to revolve and the people dispersed, as though the crimson that tainted their vision had been washed away by a simple sheet of snow and several men that arrived in blinking lights.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

***

Jessica sat on the ledge, sobbing as her legs hung dangerously over. If they were not already dead, YoonA would have probably dragged Jessica over. Yet, in some sense, the ledge probably gave Jessica a sense of comfort, something YoonA failed at doing.

How long had it been since YoonA tried to comfort someone? The best she could think of was to put her arm around Jessica’s shoulder. “This is why I said you should stop. It’ll only hurt you.”

Jessica glared up at her, the rims of her eyes red from crying. “You sh---should’ve told me,” Jessica said, stuttering. It was not like she did not understand her job well. She knew that fate was tricky, but somehow she felt like YoonA betrayed her, like the world betrayed her. “You know I love her. S--so why?”

YoonA’s grip on Jessica’s shoulder tightened, giving her best to comfort her friend. “It was when she decided to run across that road when the page became blank and I was summoned to where you saw me. You know that I had no control over that.”

Whether Jessica heard her reasoning was debatable as the blonde had all but stopped functioning the moment YoonA pulled her away from the accident. She had continued to cry and scream, reverting to heartbreaking sobs when her voice failed her and tears dried on her face.

“Jessica,” YoonA called when she noticed Jessica’s sobbing softened. “The only thing I can offer you is...” she did not want to continue, but as a friend, she had to. “Do you want to forget about everything? Us reapers, we have the choice to forget about our past lives and things that happened with us. To forget the pain.”

Jessica slowly looked up to meet YoonA’s eyes. Her mind raced and she found herself actually considering YoonA’s offer. She realized how Tiffany had felt all this time. This excruciating pain that was enough to drive anyone insane. Feeling this now, she wondered how the girl managed to live life in such a broken state. Yet, at the same time, an even bigger part of her was reluctant to forget that she was the main reason that Tiffany suffered so much before dying a gruesome death. If she had not been so selfish, had listened when YoonA told her to stop, Tiffany would have been alive and breathing.

“Forgetting might help you.”

Jessica knew what her friend was doing. But as the only person who loved Tiffany the most, she knew she had to live with everything that was Tiffany. Then it struck her. YoonA never forgot about her past, yet she must have gone through the exact pain that Jessica did. “Why didn’t you forget about TaeYeon?”

Upon hearing her past lover’s name, her eyes widened.

“Why did you choose to remember?”

A small smile crept on YoonA’s face as she recalled the only woman she loved more than life. “Because I love her.”

Jessica simply watched as the snow fell around them, covering the ledge of the roof before decorating the world beneath them. “Then you should know my answer.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

The fallen leaves rolled around lifelessly as she made her way through the graveyard, the pathway familiar from both her memories and stalking a certain someone years ago. The wind was light and the sun was bearing down warmly, an altogether nice day for a visit.

The marble tombstone was littered with leaves and weeds. She smiled fondly and bent down, hand materializing just to clear away the things on the face of the memorial piece.

The leaves were swept away cleanly and a name stared back at her.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yet in this heart's most sacred place, thou, alone, shall dwell forever.

 

 

 

 

 

In Memory Of

 

 

Stephanie “Tiffany” Hwang

Jessica pulled back her hand and went back to her dematerialized state, as it granted her endless time with Tiffany without interruptions. She pulled her knees to her chest and rested her head on top of them, gazing fondly at the name situated next to her own in the past life.

“I miss you, you know that? I mean, our time as Jessica and Tiffany was short and you were always so sad but if you were a little less you, you could’ve been happier. I could’ve made you happy. Just like I did before I left you.”

She turned her head slightly, cheek against her knee and smiled again. “It must be nice to be you right now. You don’t have to hurt.” She liked the thought of how Tiffany could no longer feel the pain the world catered and served to her. It was as though Tiffany got a clean slate. As unfair as it sounds for Jessica to remember all the pain, she did not complain. It was a masochistic way of devoting herself to Tiffany, as she had promised forever and more. “But it’s nice to be me, too, you know? I can still feel the love and I still long for you. But when I remember that if you’re here, you’d end up hurting so I understand why they took you from me.” Jessica looked up to the sky, as if looking for a higher being. “They just wanted you to stop hurting, right?”

Her watch ticked loudly and she sighed, her eyes flitting down to the black tattoo in annoyance.

“People are dying a little too much these days. I’ll come by and visit again, promise.” She stood up, glancing down to the words. Her foot moved a little and she nudged the tombstone next to Tiffany’s. “Take care of her until I get back.” Yuri’s name glittered under the sunlight and she nodded appreciatively as she walked away, disappearing in a wall of flames.