This I can't deny

Stumbling Denial
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Games, changes and fears, When will they go from here? When will they stop?

 

This is wrong

Everything connects with him are wrong

He just pities you because you’re alone

Haha…stupid Minseok

 

I believe that fate has brought us here, and we should be together babe

But we're not

 

I watch the scene from my favorite corner of the café

Sitting on one of the stool in front of the long table

In front of me is the decorated wall, but a feet on my left is the glass window facing the street

I can see but people won’t see me

Though I’m not stupid enough to show my face clearly

That’s why I’m wearing a hat and glasses

Sipping my blueberry smoothie while my eyes tracing the familiar people outside

It’s him, Luhan

Queuing with Sehun on the bubble tea stall across the café

It’s an unpleasant coincidence

But I’m glad they didn’t see me

I just want some peace and calm for the moments

Though there’s an aching feeling on my right chest

I don’t know which one better

Being here watching Luhan and Sehun being close with each other

Or being in the dorm where there’s no place to run and how much I tried to keep my face calm

I should’ve known that being a loner its better

I don’t need to care nor hope

Just giving my team member a simple chat and pretends to hear them tells their stories

Giving a pat on their back it’s enough

And I can go on with myself

But he’s giving me so much hardship

Whenever I turn around, he’s always there

Smiling

Or pulling me to play soccer with him

Because the other prefers to rest, or doing other things

And I happened ‘Can’ play soccer

He caught me playing the ball on the dorm

And since then he makes me his Soccer playmate

But I won’t be like this if it’s just because of that

Luhan invaded my life too much

I’ve spent 2/3 of my days with him and other members

But Luhan still taking the last 1/3 too

Except when I’m sleeping

Thankfully my roommate in China is Tao or Chen

Not him

But when I’m at Korea

I’ve to face him day and night

And what I hate the most

Is that I’m enjoying each and every moment of it

And I’m feeling ashamed to myself that I ever think that he has feelings for me

 

I play it off, but I'm dreaming of you, and I’ll keep my cool, but I’m fiendin’

 

Luhan is a nice and playful person

And he likes to touch everyone

Whether is whispering too close, holding hand and waist

He’s like that

And I couldn’t blame him because he’s just being himself

And I know better about my own self

I hate being clingy

I hate being dependent

But most of all I hate to hope

That’s why I close myself

I don’t want people to be too close

Because I’m afraid of what’ll happen if my own barriers falls down

And that’s what I’m feeling right now

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Comments

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Japanda #1
Chapter 1: xiuhan bittersweet <3
aliceninelovegazette
#2
Chapter 1: there's no hunhan space here. oh, you poisoned me with your contagious xiuhan. i shipped hunhan hard actually..

hunhan is getting old..

luhan abandoned sehun for xiumin. gah, it's worth. hahaha..
don't mind me..
helloimrayn
#3
Chapter 1: my xiuhan feels;;;u;;;
bambino
#4
Chapter 1: somehow i find this story so cute *sigh* *giggling*
smiley44 #5
Chapter 1: ;A; last time you made me scream like an idiot because of minseok's beauty. Now, you made me scream because of this feeling ;A;
latomato
#6
Chapter 1: bambi uuugh stop being kind and touchy to everyone :T
Think about baozi!!
dohana
#7
Chapter 1: minmin luhannie love u 2..dont be sad..

sob3..
dibsfortwo #8
Chapter 1: Sigh Xiumin bb. So much feels last time Xiumin said he wanted to spend his day off playing soccer with Luhan. I love your stories. Pls write more!!