I am Krystal Jung, and call me Ms. Hopeless.

I could here the crickets’ screeches from the top of their tiny lungs breaking up the silence of the night.

I just finished my homework. A bit tired but the sleepiness seems doesn’t want to visit me yet. I leaned back on my chair and stretched my arms and busy yawning.

“Ding!”

I heard that familiar sound again. Used to hear it when my favorite moment of the night comes. I quickly leaned towards and faced in front of my laptop.

[Amber: Hey there pretty! Wassup? :)]

God! I knew it. Though there’s no one I could think who would sent me that online message this late, I still always feel the grins and nervous inside every time I saw her name (with her photo beside on it) appears on the screen in which I could describe by this: Has that black hair with the long bangs disturbing her face while doing that tongued out expression. Ahhh~ why so cute baby?

Eh? Baby? Hahaha. Yeah right Krystal. Just keep fooling yourself. Did I just call her baby? Claiming her as mine when she’s not even aware of my affections; stupid feelings that would not ever get the return it wants. Compassions which I could just give her in dreams. How I wish I could give her the love she wants but unfortunately, I couldn’t.

[Amber: Hey you there?]

She’s always like that, even though she knows that I’m online, she would ask me if “Are you there?” As if you care if I’m around or not. Being here or not, it’s just the same, I will always stay as your--so called “Dr. Love” forever. Giving you such good advices which I couldn’t even apply to myself and just keep on giving those even if it hurts.

[Krystal: Oh hey! Yes I’m here ^^ what’s new? ]

[Amber: I thought you left your computer while snoring so loud that I could even hear it from there. =D]

[Krystal: Yaaaah! I don’t snore. >.< ]

Crap! Did she just saw me snoring before? Maybe she just found it out when we slept over at Luna’s house the last time. Aisssh! So shame of you Krystal! Doesn’t even know how to behave when she’s around.

[Amber: Fine! Then you’re not. :) By the way, I need your help again. :| ]

Last night, when she told me that she is actually falling in love with that unknown girl whom she calls her Princess and after staying up all night, crying out loud for hours because of the hurt I feel inside; I promised to myself that I would avoid talking to her anymore or I would at least not getting myself in touch to her until she realize that she miss me in which I know that indeed sounds so impossible to happen.

BUT being honest to myself, I couldn’t actually avoid her favor nor stay away from her coaxes. She’s just that I couldn’t resist. Even she doesn’t like me the way I like her; she has been too special to me to loose her that easily. Even I shredded a river of cries because of her; I’m still hopelessly devoted to her.

[Krystal: The handsome one out there already asked for my help. I guess I couldn’t refuse anymore. Anyway, what is the problem boss? :o]

Should start preparing myself for her next reply. But whatever it is, I’m willing to give.

...

…

…

Ugh. What is taking her so long to reply? Seems that there’s something wrong in her. She used to reply as fast as lightning. And now it takes couple of minutes yet she’s still not replying.

“Ding!”

That’s it! Finally! I ended up lip biting while waiting for her reply.

[Amber: Uhhm. I’m planning to confess on her tomorrow. What do you think is the best way to do so that she can’t refuse me? :)]

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAT? You are actually asking me about confessing? ARE YOU DUMB AMBER? I couldn’t even think of idea of how would I let you know about this damn feelings I feel for you and now you’re asking me of what do I think is the best way to do about confession? T____T Eunyoung-ah, what I have done to you for being this cruel to me?

I gave up everything for you Amber. Even busted Minho who was courting me for almost 8 years JUST FOR YOU which I’ve known approximately just less than 2 years I guess. Because I was hoping a lot that just by showing all my efforts, you will like me and kept on praying that you will feel more than that. Why so thick-hearted Amber? Though I’m not saying it through my words, it is CRYSTAL CLEAR into your eyes that I’m exerting my hundred percent efforts just to show how much I love you. AND THIS IS WHAT I CAN GET FROM YOU, slapping both sides of my face trough your heartbreaking favors.

Fine.

This will be the last time that you’re going to hurt me. When you wake up tomorrow morning, forget that you were able to know Krystal Jung who is just nothing into your life but secretly truly madly deeply in love with you.

[Krystal: Are you sure you’re going to confess to her that fast? What if she rejects you because of surprise?]

Me, Amber. I wouldn’t ever reject you. Just think before you decide. I still don’t want to stay away from you but your decision would mark up everything.

[Amber: Uhhhm… Yes. I was thinking if I won’t do this immediately, I’m afraid I might loose her forever. She’s just everything I have. She’s just the only one I want… :(((((]

ARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! STOP IT AMBER. PLEASE STOP! T_____T Do you really want me to die right now? The cutter is just a hand away from me. You made me want to cut myself and just die instantly.

I couldn’t think of any words to type and answer her. This night appears the worst of all tear-jerking nights she has given me. My heart is getting tired of loving you but seems that it doesn’t want to stop from adoring you.

[Amber: Krys? Still there? I beg you, please help me this time. I promise that this will be the last time to ask for your help and call you my “Dr. Love”. Just this last time Krys… T___T]

Is that for real? She’s telling me that it will be the last time for asking my help? BUT how about—

Yaaaahh! Krystal? What’s with you huh? Just awhile ago, you’re telling to yourself that this will be the last time for everything, and now that she was already the one telling you that, you are being affected? Why would I? It won’t even affect her if the both of you stop from talking to each other every night. Besides, last time or not, after this night, I would doubt if her so called Princess will going to refuse her. No woman I can think who would ever decline’s the confession of a gay someone like Amber.

Well then, I guess I should give her this last favor she is asking for. In case when we meet again someday, I will not ever regret anything, because for the last time that I loved her, I might have changed her life in a way.

[Krystal: Okay… I’ll help you for just one last time…]

[Krystal: For the very last time…]