My heart bloomed at the words and tears spilled from my face. He smiled and kissed me sweetly, gently tugging on my shirt as we began on our nighttime adventure again…

“Dara…” I heard someone calling me. Unh…

“Dara!” I heard the voice again. Slowly, I opened my eyes to see Ji’s worried expression. What was wrong? “Honey…I think you must have caught a cold from last night’s rain…” he said softly, pulling me into his embrace. Memories of last night came flooding back to me and I remembered…Ji’s confession…

“I’ll go get some breakfast for you…hold on…” he said, getting off the bed. While he was gone, I went to wash up, wanting to be fresh before he came back.

“Here!” he said, placing a plate of rice cakes in front of me. “Sorry…that’s all I could come up with.” He said sheepishly, sitting next to me. I ate slowly, aware of Ji’s concerned eyes watching my every move.

“Uhm, Ji? What are you going to do about your friends?” I asked, feeling uncomfortable. I was so used to Ji being mean, I forgot how he was when he was nice. He frowned.

“I don’t know…” he started slowly,” I think I’m going to quit that job…and you know…be a rapper.” I understood immediately. That was Ji’s dream since young. I nodded,” I’ll support you!” Ji smiled at me, “ thanks Dara…and maybe…we could start a family…” he said, looking at the ceiling. I gaped at him. Did he just said those magic words?

Flinging my arms around him, I heard his laughter…after so many years…finally again. Would we be able to be a perfect match once more?

I felt something warm draped onto me and looking up in surprise, I saw Ji beside me without his jacket. He frowned. “What? Didn’t you catch a cold? You’ll get worse if you keep wearing these kinds of clothes you know.” He said, gesturing to my thin layers of fabric. I blushed again. Ji was becoming his old self again!

“Okay, Dara, let’s go now.” Nodding, I saw Ji lean towards me and held my hand, bringing me to his car.

“Uh…Ji…” I began, hesitating slightly. “Why…did you change so much towards me?” I asked, glancing sideways to look at him. Ji’s hands gripped the wheel tightly that his knucles turned white. He breathed slowly through his nose.

“Are you sure you want to know, Dara?” he finally said, his voice quiet. I nodded silently, my head tilting slightly as I looked at him.

“Well…do you remember that time…I think it was 10 years ago…during our honeymoon…” he began. “You accidentally knocked over a glass? And then I yelled at you? Well, I didn’t tell you Dara, it actually made me scared to do that. But after you asked me why I did that, I couldn’t help but get mad. I’ve been keeping something from you even then.” He said, turning slightly to look at me.

I gaped at him. “Ji? What are you saying?” I asked weakly. He was keeping something from me? Why? What could it be that he wouldn’t even tell me during our courtship years? Yet, something stirred in the back of my mind, remembering details from over a decade ago. Some things Ji did and got that puzzled me.

“Ji…did you perhaps…were you…a gangster?” I asked delicately, nervously playing with my fingers. I heard his low chuckle.

“Yes and no. I didn’t tell you before because well…I didn’t want you to hate me.” He said.

“Oh, Ji…I won’t hate you.” I told him softly, placing a comforting hand on his. He smiled slightly, continuing with his story.

“…anyway, I was those playboys back in the States…before I met you and fell in love for the first time. A gangster in the States…it’s more like those rejected kids…they didn’t like our skin colour though some girls apparently thought we were attractive, having with us almost every night. During those days, I couldn’t be controlled. Not ever. Everyday seemed like nothing, just passing with girls and alcohol, school and being mean to everyone.

I was a bad kid, never did my homework and yet, I studied hard when I’m alone. I was like two different people…I do what my friends do when I’m around them and I always thought it was my character to be mean and horrible to everyone. I never gave a thought to what I did and I just did it because…because I felt like it. However, when I’m alone, I seemed to be less angry and fierce all the time, reading books and studying. And after two years being like this, living a double life…I grew tired of it…I wanted to try something new.

I came to Korea to study, hoping it was for the better but sometimes, I still can’t help myself. It was at this times where I would go out to look for girls…it was at these times where I would start to get annoyed by every single thing and my anger flares up quickly by itself. But every single time after I calmed down, I regret what I did…because I came to Korea for a reason…to change.

And I think I did. Just a bit. I fell in love for the first time. And I felt myself soften. But still, I wasn’t strong enough to tame my corrupted side…it just became a part of me…a part of me that I couldn’t take away…no matter what. That’s why…” he ended and squeezed my fingers.

“Sorry, Dara yah…I didn’t mean to hurt you…really…”he mumbled, looking out of the window, pulling both his hands back onto the steering wheel.

I swallowed hard after listening to his speech. It made me realize I didn’t know Ji as well as I thought I did. I knew he came back to Korea from the States…but I never did know what he did when he was in the States.

“Dara?” I heard his anxious voice calling me, nervously glancing at me. I turned to face him and smiled slightly.

“Yeah?”

“You…you don’t hate me do you?” he asked.

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