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This is the last part. It would be really nice if you would tell me if you liked it, hated it, didn't understand something (or anything), didn't get their thoughts or actions, etc. Feedback would help me improve a lot!

I took a look at the clock, I had over three hours until the guy – Jonghyun, I corrected myself – came back. And I didn't say home. It wasn't familiar, I didn't feel secure. And Jonghyun was just a guy. He couldn't be anything more. Maybe before, but not anymore anyway. This was and would forever be my life, living with nothing ever becoming mine. Nobody ever becoming mine.

I went upstairs and rummaged through the closet, picking out some jeans, a shirt and a heavy woolen sweater. I put them on and looked myself in the mirror. Even if I wasn't 17 anymore, it didn't mean I couldn't look stylish. I combed my hair with my fingers and when I was satisfied, I headed to the front door.

I found numerous boots and picked up the first pair that caught my eye. I found a smile on my face when I noticed the shiny leather fit me perfectly. I tied them and looked around, thinking if I had forgot anything. The irony.

I pulled out the keys that were in the lock and opened the door, welcoming the smelly corridor. I locked the door and shoved the keys into my pocket, taking a look at the door to be sure to remember it.

I got down the stairs, counting the floors until I finally got to the bottom. I stepped outside to the cold air and looked around, taking in all the colors of autumn. I looked at the house and searched for Jonghyun's windows, confident when I found them.

Letting out a small sigh I begun walking. It wasn't too warm and I almost regretted not putting more clothes on. I slipped my hands into the pockets and to my surprise I pulled out money. There wasn't much, but enough for a coffee and a cake.

I wondered if all the pockets held the same amount of money. If Jonghyun searched the clothes every night, putting money back where I had used it. Because he didn't tell me where he kept the money. It was smart, actually. If I had known I could have run away. Maybe I had, maybe that's why he had decided to do this. But I couldn't ever know. And I wasn't going to ask him.

I found myself looking at signs. I really would've liked to go to a café. Have a warm cup of coffee and of course at least one slice of cake.

I was sure Jonghyun must've known how I loved cake. The cake had a deeper meaning to me, I'm sure that's why he left me the money. It reminded me my childhood friend. He was crazy for sweets and especially for cake. Whenever he felt down we went to a café and had cake. He would take two or three, one time even four slices, depending on the severity of his sadness.

Good things don't last forever and they never last long enough. Life is cruel and one day without warning I had to say goodbye to him. But I would never forget him. My Taemin. My Taeminnie.

I ended up picking out two cakes – one for me and the other for Taeminnie. I sat at the table by the window and ate both slices, one after another. When I was ready to leave, I looked around and found a clock that said I had less then two hours to get back.

I left the café and walked farther down the street. Soon I noticed a park and in no time I found myself surrounded by blur of colors.

I had always liked autumn. It was colorful yet cold and dark. It was full of contradictions and unknown, it wasn't one yet not another and there was not a thing it didn't possess. It was something between, that held everything and all.

Suddenly it all came to me. The logic, the beauty of it all. I felt tears filling my eyes. I didn't hold them back but let them fall. I finally got it all.

Tracks of tears were still visible on my cheeks when I made my way back to the apartment. I unlocked the door and took off the boots.

I headed to the living room, flinging myself onto the couch. I felt worn out, I just wanted to sleep. So I closed my eyes.

***

I woke to a hand shaking my shoulder. I opened my eyes and found myself looking into familiar brown eyes. Jonghyun smiled and I got once again the thought that he looked exactly like a puppy. I voiced my thought out loud and his smile widened, before answering me that he got that a lot.

I sat up and looked around, but a thought stopped me and I stilled, repeating the information in my head. I had fallen asleep but how did I still remember everything? I asked Jonghyun about it.

“You forget when you fall into deep sleep, like you do at night. The light sleep like a nap doesn't make any difference,” he explained as I let him help me up from the couch. I took a look at the clock. It was past four.

“I was thinking we could go eat lunch somewhere. Nothing expensive, I really don't have that much. But still I'm sure we'd find something decent.” I let myself be led to the front door where he rummaged through a closet, handing me a jacket.

“It's getting colder each day. Did you go outside today?” I nodded in response, tugging the jacket on and standing before the mirror, unable to avoid the jolt of shock when seeing my unfamiliar form.

At least I still looked good. And Jonghyun had style, he really did. All the clothes I had seen today were stylish and nice. Current jacket fit me perfectly, being just about my taste. Jonghyun's smiling reflection appeared behind me and his words were quiet.

“One day, when I had a free day, we went shopping. You picked it out yourself. Do you like it?” again I nodded in response, but somehow it seemed he wasn't disturbed by my silence. I wondered if I was every day like that. Then he must've been used to it.

I moved to put on the boots and tied the straps neatly. When I righted my form, he was already at the door, waiting for me. He let me out first and then closed and locked the door.

When we reached the street he turned opposite way from where I had walked before. The sky was already turning darker, thick clouds making it dark gray. It was beautiful.

“You aren't cold, are you?” I told him I wasn't.

“Actually I was home at something past three already but you just looked so peaceful that I didn't want to wake you. Ooh, do you have anything you would like to eat today? Any special wishes?”

When I shook my shoulders, his face lit up into smile. “Actually I know that. You never answer me if I ask you this.” I was left to contemplate if I really never had preferences or if I just didn't dare to tell him.

The street where we walked was pretty much empty if not for some people here and there. I felt raindrops fall onto my skin. I looked up into the endless gray sky and closed my eyes for a moment, relishing in the feel of droplets beginning to caress my face.

When I opened my eyes I found Jonghyun smiling at me. “Come on, you don't want to catch a cold, do you?”

We walked a little faster and in no time he stopped before a little diner. I followed him inside and took instant liking in the warm atmosphere. We ordered the food that was pretty cheap if you asked me.

The doubt however disappeared as soon as I took the first bite. It was good. Not mind-blowing delicious but definitely edible.

“As you already know, my name is Kim Jonghyun. I'm 26, but that you too already know. I have older sister, her name is Kim Song Dam. I'm a music and composition major. For some days a week I work as a waiter but as my parents are pretty well-off I have enough money to own that pretty normal apartment.”

Although he didn't say it, in my mind I added myself to the expenses. It was undeniable that all I could ever be was trouble. But the thought that he was studying music brought a little smile on my lips. Now I could definitely see what I had first seen in him.

“I'm also in a band. I can play the guitar, but at the moment I'm the lead singer. We aren't famous but there is always enough audience. I think people like our music.”

I wanted to add that people probably liked him too, because in all honesty, he was pretty hot. He had muscles, nice hair, handsome face and style. And if he really could sing he was actually pretty much perfect. The thought made me feel bitter. I was nothing compared to him. Why was he wasting his time with me when I could never be anything he deserved?

Noticing the change in my mood, he carefully reached for my hands and looked me in the eyes. “I love you. There is nothing that will ever change that. I know you don't really trust me at the moment but please believe me when I say that you are the most important to me in this world. I hate what happened, but I can't change it, no one can. You don't have to do anything. I know it's not right to ask you anything. But at least let me love you.”

His words were sincere. But they were also tired. They were repeated over and over, day after another. They were his feelings but the emotion had faded. Words remained but emotion had drained. It was hard to feel it day after another for years. There was no chance to take a break.

We ended our food in silence and when we stepped outside into the cold air, even thought the rain had stopped, the smell of it lingered everywhere. It was dominant, shadowing everything else. It was truly overwhelming.

I felt his hand carefully taking my own. His fingers were gentle, intertwining with mines, giving me time to pull my hand back. But I didn't. I let my hand rest in his, contemplating why I did it.

He wasn't someone close to me, he couldn't be, however hard he tried. I definitely felt sorry for him, but then again it was his own choice, living this way. I wouldn't even know the difference when I woke up tomorrow and he wasn't there. He was more or less nobody to me.

I still felt bad for not being able to love him back. I looked at our hands, that fit so perfectly and wondered how he even dealt with it. The decision came with only a second. No further calculating, thinking through. It was the least I could do.

Tonight I would try to be the person he fell in love with. I would act like I was truly in love with him. I wouldn't deny him anything and try my best to make him happy, even if only for one night. I would try to love him back. He deserved at least that much.

We reached back at about half past five. He said he had to do some work and I was free to do anything I liked. I watched him enter his cabinet and decided to check out the bathroom, little plan forming in my mind.

I looked thorough the numerous shelves and drawers, smile forming on my face when I found what I was looking for.

I knocked on his door and peeked inside, asking him if it was okay to go outside for 30 minutes. The confused frown that formed on his face made him absolutely adorable. He answered that he guessed so and I closed the door as fast as possible, avoiding further questions.

I went to bedroom and looked through some pockets, satisfied when finding money in all of them. I took as much as I needed and made my way to the front door, hurriedly pulling the jacket and boots on.

I exited the building and went the same way as we had went together before. I didn't have to walk for long until I saw the little convenient store I had noticed before. I entered and walked between shelves, collecting all I thought I might need. I payed for it and got back to the apartment.

I made sure that Jonghyun was still in his cabinet and then laid everything out on the kitchen table. I opened the bag of frozen cheesecake pastry and put them on a baking tray and into the oven. I cut the different sorts of cheese into cubes and put them into a little bowl.

I searched the kitchen cabinets and pulled out two wineglasses. I placed the glasses and cheese onto the living room coffee table and switched on only a dim light, giving the room a warm and sensual atmosphere.

With some difficulties I found some candles and lit them, dancing shadows making me smile in content. It was just about perfect.

I went back to the kitchen, checked remaining time for the pastry to be ready and put the red wine into fridge.

After that I went to the bathroom, smiling to myself as I pulled out the make-up applies I had searched out before. Quickly I used a little eyeliner and shadow, making my eyes even more unique. I used some foundation to cover uneven places and when I was done, I couldn't help but study my reflection for a while. I had changed. But I was still beautiful.

Content with my appearance, I made my way to Jonghyun's cabinet. Without opening the door I asked if he was done soon and when he promised to be in the living room in 15 minutes, I went to check the oven.

After taking out delicious pastry and putting them onto a big plate, I moved to living room, taking a closer look at the massive CD collection. Just as I was looking between two CD-s, unable to decide, I heard a quiet “Wow!” behind me.

I turned around and couldn't help but smile at Jonghyun's surprised face. “You did all this?” I nodded, happy at his reaction. The smile that spread on his face made my heart miss a beat. For a moment I got a thought that my previous promise to love him maybe wouldn't be so hard after all.

I told him to pick out the music as I went to kitchen, taking the bottle of red wine from fridge and checking my reflection for the last time.

I sat down on the couch and he took his place beside me, sweet music gradually filling my ears. He opened the wine and filled our glasses.

“To what?” he asked, raising his glass and looking me in the eye. “To love,” I answered, my voice trembling the slightest.

The wine tasted slightly sweet, little bitter, still not really dry. It was perfect.

“Thank you, Kibummie, you make me so happy.” His hands wrapped around me, his head resting on my shoulder in a comforting hug. To my surprise it didn't feel awkward at all. On the contrary, I felt caught in the moment, his embrace strangely nice, air filled with his delicious cologne. I even found myself wishing that he wouldn't move at all.

When he backed away, my eyes found the clock. It was less than courter to seven. He moved closer to me on the couch and leaned onto me, his head resting on my shoulder. We drank our wine and talked, our words quiet and sincere.

“You really are beautiful. And it hasn't faded with years. You are still breathtaking.” His fingertips caressed my skin and I closed my eyes to let him gently run over my eyelashes.

His touch wasn't unpleasant. It wasn't unwelcomed nor repulsive. It was nice and soft, making me feel things I hadn't even thought about before. I felt loved and I didn't want him to stop.

His arms wrapped around me, making me feel secure. In my life, where I couldn't be sure about anything, I felt that it was finally okay. As long as I had Jonghyun, everything was okay.

I didn't stop him when his lips came closer to mines. I didn't pull away, when I felt their softness and I let him move even closer. I didn't feel any disgust, like I thought I would. I wanted it too. The kiss was soft and sweet and barely there. And it wasn't enough.

I was the one who deepened the kiss. It was me who wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him closer.

My eyes found the clock. It was already past nine. The music had stopped, but I couldn't care less at the moment. Everything was perfect. I felt perfect.

We aren't who we were. We aren't who we will be. We are something in between, that holds everything and all.

We are nothing without past. Without past there isn't future. Without future nor past there isn't present.

Love is unconditional. Without love, there isn't happiness. Without happiness there is no person.

Dreams are never achievable. If they are, they shouldn't be dreams. They should be reality.

There is no reality. Reality is what we make it.

Life is illusion.

Life is quite useless.

I opened my eyes. There was this scent hanging in the air, some kind of cologne. I had never smelled it before. I adverted my gaze from the ceiling. The room was strange, unfamiliar. My heart was beginning to beat rapidly against my chest. I saw nothing familiar.

-The End-