~As I bear this heartache of mine day by day,I can’t understand why.What did I do wrong to make you turn away?Why did you say good-bye?~
She rushed towards the hospital as soon as she had gotten the call.She thanked the cab driver and ran through the hospital doors towards the place where he was at.
After going up and sprinting down the hospital corridors,earning her dirty looks from the doctors and nurses,she finally stood in front of the room he was in. His brother was there, head in his hands.
The empty hallway seemed colder then it should have been.
His brother must have heard her steps as he looked up towards her with weary eyes.
“what happened?” she asked, her voice shaking
“The maid who cleaned his house every morning found him unconscious on the sofa and called the ambulance.He seemed to have been dead on arrival”
She clasped her hand against . No she couldn't take in this information. It was not real. It is a nightmare, a punishment.
But deep inside she knew it wasn't’t. She was afraid to accept the reality that she had lost him. She blamed herself for just shrugging away the thoughts that questioned his actions the past few weeks when he started to grow silent and kept whispering “i love you” when he had the chance.
She should have kept pestering him what was wrong when he started to look tired. She should have known something was very wrong when he started to hug her embracing her into his warm arms every night when he stayed over at her house.
He was gone. He was gone far from where she could reach.
She fell to her knees,tears flowing down from her eyes. She felt an arm around her, trying to give her comfort.
She just cried harder and felt everything crumble around her.
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~hey come on...the future that was blocked,hey come on don't give up,hey come on..just watch me,hey come on break it on~
I looked over the coffin of my brother who was older than me by 2 minutes.
He was the brother i respected and loved.
It was all my fault. I was not good enough to protect him. I had failed him. I failed my own brother.
Our father had been the boss of a well-known gang it was only right that one of his sons took over.
Father doted on me between the two of us and wished i took over his business.
But i did not want to, i had dreams. Being the egocentric person i was i went against my father that led us to a huge fight.
To stop the fight and to support my wishes,my brother lied and expressed his wishes to take over my father's business.
However, then, he was in love.
He loved this girl whom he saw when they were 10. She was our neighbor. Finally when he had the guts to express his love to her and they became a couple, my brother signed himself into the business of the gang world.
I still blame myself now. If i had thought more for others, if i had not thought only about myself, what would it be like today?
My brother never told anyone about his relationship with her to anyone except me.
Our father had adopted a rule after our mother was shot before his eyes, no one in his gang can be in a relationship. It was for their own good, he would always mumble.After my brother graduated from high school, he went into the gang business. He had lied to her that he was attending a different
college but in reality, he was helping and learning the ropes from our father. I,then, was studying in college to be accepted in the
police force. When i had told my father about my route, he just nodded. He said no word, but i knew, from then on, i was not his son.
I shifted out the house the next day to stay in the college dorm to focus on my studies.
I had not seen my brother for 4 years until i bumped into him in a café nearby my workplace. When i first saw him i could not
recognize him. He wore a black suit and a pair of black sunglass and sported a fresh neat hair cut. He seemed more like a celebrity
rather then a boss of a gang.
When i tapped him after debating for a while and asked him if he was my brother. He just turned back around and took out his wallet.
i thought i had gotten the wrong person when he pushed a note in my hand and grabbed his coffee.
It was his address and a time to meet.
"How are you brother?" He asked in his baritone voice as we sat in his spacious home.
"Fine, i came up top in my exams and trainings and am assigned to a special force team"
"Thats great, you achieved the dream you wanted,I'm glad for you" He smirked.
"Can i ask you a question?"
He nodded as he took another sip from the bottled beer.
"What was your dream?" i whispered.
He looked at me blankly.
"I had no dream. I had no plan. That was why i took over dad's business." he answered simply.
I heard a tone in his voice and decided to just accept his answer.
That was when I suddenly remembered about someone then.
"How is she, are you two still together?"
When i asked him that question,his whole face seem to light up like a Christmas tree.
He grinned and said
" Of course we are.We are doing great, though we had a small fight yesterday. Oh brother,she was so adorable! She ----"
He continued to blabber into detail about them. I was glad for him. She was his muse. Without her there was no him.
It was 4 in the morning and i had decided to go home.
Before i went i told him.
"No matter what happens, I'll look after your back. I will look after the both of you."
He knew what it meant. He nodded silently and gripped my hand.
Since then we were closer then ever but i couldn't keep my promise and to that i regret deeply.
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Songs for this chapter:
Because of you-Shin Hye Sung
Hey come on- Shinhwa
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