“Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away” – Hilary Cooper

Donghae gasped, opening his eyes widely as he felt the surge of pain running all over his body. He could feel the tight grip on his left hand. “Donghae! Donghae!” someone shouted in his ear. It was still Eunhyuk by his side. “Thank God! Keeping holding on! The crew is coming on the way!”

Donghae scrunched his face, trying to control his breathing as the pain level increased even more. He could feel the blood running from his head injury. He opened his eyes to find Eunhyuk yelling to someone on the side. He could see the frustration and nervousness on his face. “Eunhyukkie,” he finally said, finding his voice once again.

His best friend turned to him, with the same concerned face. “What is it?” he said, gripping his friend’s hand, “do you need water? Food? Are you cold? Do you want me to get your phone? Anything?”

Donghae laughed a bit, causing his lungs to inflame from the pressure in his diaphragm. He winced a bit before replying, “Eunhyukkie… just calm down…” He sighed at how difficult it was to concentrate on the pain and talking at the same time.

“How could I be calm, Donghae?” Eunhyuk asked, his eyes watering immediately, “We were suppose to be doing a show. You weren’t suppose to be in this situation. You were supposed to be with us laughing at our witty jokes or innocently spilling our secrets. This is not supposed to happen at all!”

“Hyung…” Donghae sighed, stopping Eunhyuk from his rant. Eunhyuk gripped onto Donghae’s hand tighter, shocked with what Donghae just said. Donghae never called him that even when he wants him to in the past. Donghae closed his eyes to ignore the pain. He sighed again and continues, “You had been my best friend from the very beginning. We cried together when it came to training and in the end, we debuted together. We were always one. With the other hyungnims…” His voice gave out as he remembers of the past.

“Donghae,” Eunhyuk whispered, “please please don’t go right now.” His voice was cracking and his whole body was shaking.

Donghae looked at him, continuing, “Don’t leave our hyungs and dongsaengs. No matter what happens, promise to be there for them. Cook for the hyungs when they feel bad, cry with the dongsaengs if they feel down. Don’t push them away. You are very important to them…”

“You are important too!” Eunhyuk cut him off. “What are we suppose to do without you?”

Donghae’s heart ached hearing those words, decided to change the subject. “Where is everyone else? I want to see them in case you know…”

Eunhyuk tried to act like he wasn’t wiping his tears. “Everyone is still here… some waiting on the side, others on their phones. They want to talk to you if you are awake…”

Donghae nodded, “Maybe you should let me see them. Just in case I couldn’t…” Eunhyuk raised his hand to Donghae’s mouth, cupping it softly.

Eunhyuk tearfully looked at Donghae, “Promise you won’t go… everything you just said, just tell me that you are saying because of the pain.” Donghae’s eyes watered, not knowing what to say to his best friend, to comfort him. Eunhyuk removed his hand from Donghae’s mouth and gripped onto his hand again. Without saying another word, he left to get the other members.

Donghae looked straight ahead, trying to gather his thoughts together. He was thinking about the decision he will have to make soon. Will he really have his final goodbye? Is it worth it to stay alive? He looked at his leg seeing the blood stream down. The skin was completely destroyed, and he could feel the bar that snapped the bone in his leg. He could a group of people coming to his side. He closed his eyes thinking of what to say.

The first group was Yesung, Siwon, and Kangin. The three didn’t shed much tears, however, their eyes were red. Yesung was near the side of the car, standing quietly. Kangin was whispering reassuring words to Donghae while his head. Siwon was holding onto his hands, saying many prayers out loud.

“Donghae,” Kangin said softly, his voice cracking, “Donghae, be hold on. You were always very strong. No matter what hardship you went through, you stood on stage with us. Just think of this like that, ok? Just think of this like another trial to go through. Please…” He turned away from the car and started walking to the sidewalk, covering his eyes. Donghae knows that Kangin hyung was the type of person that rarely shows his emotions to anyone.

Siwon said the last of his prayers and looked at Donghae. “Donghae. I know that God has his plans for everyone. But even though his plans include taking you, please don’t let him. I prayed for you to be with us longer and stay with us together… so we could become one… as thirteen one day. I’m sure that God has a plan for us…” Siwon started choking on his words, wiping his tears “…he has a plan for us to be on stage again… just have faith…” Donghae looked at Siwon with tired eyes, nodding. Siwon patted his head and kissed him softly on top of his head before walking to where Kangin hyung is.

Yesung, who was watching quietly from the side, finally walked up to Donghae. He eyed Donghae and patted his cheek softly. He opened his mouth to speak, but the words came out so softly that Donghae had to strain to hear it. “Donghae… I won’t say goodbye…. I know that you will fight this no matter what…” Tears started forming from Yesung hyung’s eyes. “I promise I will never get mad at you for anything. Just fight this. Do it for hyung, please…” Yesung covered his mouth and moved quickly away from the car, leaving Donghae alone for a moment. Donghae closed his eyes as he struggled to breathe. He wanted to hold on until he could hear everyone speak.

The next group that came up was Shindong, Sungmin, and Ryeowook. There wasn’t much words said between them because everyone was crying. Ryeowook burst into tears once he got to the car.

“Donghae hyung…” Ryeowook cried, taking Donghae’s hand, “Donghae hyung… please hold on… help is on the way…hyung stay awake. I will always cook for you no matter what time it is. I will make sure hyung gets to eat whatever he wants. I will never get mad if you touch my things. As long as I get to see hyung everyday in my life, it doesn’t matter how many things you break.” Ryeowook stopped his rant to continue crying. He brought Donghae’s hand to his head as if he was praying.

Sungmin put his arms around Ryeowook to comfort him. He looked at Donghae with watery eyes. Sungmin hyung wasn’t the type that would show his emotions out in the open. But seeing the sadness in his eyes reminded Donghae of the future that he saw in the other world.

“Hyung,” Donghae said, reaching out to Sungmin who took his hand, “Thank you for just being there.”

Sungmin nodded with his tears streaming down his face, “You are welcome… just don’t leave us ok?” He held Donghae’s hand for a bit before directing Ryeowook to where the others are standing.

Shindong came up to the window, looking at Donghae. Donghae remembered how Shindong hyung said that he was the one awkward with him. He smiled tiredly at his hyung. “Hyung,” he said, “I barely saw that video message to have lunch with you. I hope the offer is still open…”

Shindong smiled sadly, “Of course it is. It will always be open no matter how many times we go out to eat together. I will always say that I’m awkward with you… so we can always have lunch together… after all this, let’s go out and eat…” Donghae nodded, his tears rushing down his face as Shindong hyung walked away.

He saw the last group walking up to him. It was Leeteuk and Kyuhyun. The hardest ones in the group to say goodbye to. He doesn’t know what to say because he loved them dearly. He bit his lip as the slow stream of tears dropped faster.

Teukie hyung was already in tears when he appeared on Donghae’s side. He grabbed one of Donghae’s hands and the top of his head softly.

“Hyung,” Donghae said softly, “Mianhe… mianhe… I was trouble for you from the very beginning…”

Teukie hyung shook his head and sniffed, “Why would you say that?” His voice shook as his tears fell onto Donghae’s hands. “Why would you say those things?”  He bit his lips to control himself. “I saw you as my own dongsaeng… my real dongsaeng… I promised to take care of you from the beginning… why would you see it as trouble?”

Donghae smiled, remembering of all the cyworld posts and twitter post he created in the past to give and encourage his hyung. “Hyung, I guess I can’t fulfill my promise right? I am not that obedient… I can’t follow you anymore….”

“NO!” Teukie hyung said, cutting Donghae off. “No…. please don’t say that!” His tears came out like a waterfall. “You have to keep your promise… you said you will always follow hyung…what will hyung do without you anymore?”

Donghae laughed weakly, “Hyung… you have other dongsaengs that will follow you to the end... it’s hard on you… no one cries for you… or carries your burden… hyung, that’s why you are a great leader…”

Teukie hyung shook his head, “I’m not… if I am, you wouldn’t be here right now… if I was a good leader, you would be home resting after your schedule…but you aren’t… you are here… bleeding…struggling…” He didn’t continue, just bringing his head to Donghae’s hand, “hyung is the bad one… hyung couldn’t keep your father’s promise… to protect you…”

“Hyung…” Donghae cried, “hyung, please don’t make it hard… please….”

“Who is going to be there to tell me good night?” Teukie hyung asked, “Who will bother me in the middle of the night to go to the gym? No one would do that…. No one but you.”

“You don’t find that bothersome,” Donghae asked, gulping, hoping to stop his tears, “Don’t you want your peace and quiet?”

“No…” Teukie hyung said, “No… I rather have you telling me that you miss me even if it’s been 5 minutes since we last saw each other… I rather have you calling me in the middle of the night to cry to me about your dreams… I rather have you telling me that the public said that you were great even though you are tired from the schedules… I rather spend my waking moments to hear you call out my name, telling me what you did that day…”

Donghae’s heart ached more, watching his leader break down in front of him. Donghae didn’t know what to say. This was the one person that was with him when he cried out for his father. This is the leader that guided him during training. The one person that would make sure that he felt love wherever he went. This was the leader that he promised to follow for many years.

“Hyung should say ‘I love you’ more often. Hyung should treasure all the good and bad moments… hyung should be the one punished,” Teukie hyung cried uncontrollably.

Donghae shook his head, “No hyung… don’t say that…hyung, please stay strong…stay strong for the dongsaengs… don’t shed those tears for me… please don’t do that…”

The two cried together, holding onto each other until Kyuhyun walked up to the side.

“Hyung,” he said to Leeteuk, “could I have my turn to speak?”

Leeteuk wiped his tears and nodded. He turned his attention to Donghae, “Hyung is waiting for you… waiting for you to continue following… do it for hyung.” Donghae nodded, sending Leeteuk off.

There was silence that followed afterwards. Kyuhyun was standing awkwardly next to the window as Donghae tried to take a couple breaths.

Donghae looked up to Kyuhyun, “Is this how it feels?” Kyuhyun looked back sadly. “Is this how you felt when it was almost time to go?”

Kyuhyun walked to take the hand of his hyung, “Hyung, don’t think that way.”

.know what will happen after I close my eyes again…”

Kyuhyun shook his head sadly, “I don’t want to tell you…I don’t want you to go…”

Donghae swallowed difficultly, “Why? Why shouldn’t I? One day, you will just see me as one of the many hyungs that babied you. What makes me different?”

Kyuhyun’s eyes started watering. He sniffed back his tears, trying to get a hold of himself. “Hyung… you were always my favorite one...you were the one person that I was always thankful for..”

Donghae laughed a bit for Kyuhyun saying something so nice, “Oi… don’t joke around like that.”

“Ne, hyung…” Kyuhyun said, shaking his head once again, “You are my favorite hyung. You were always there for me… you would shed tears for your dongsaeng even though you didn’t have to. You are so kind-hearted, letting me bully you at times…you always made sure that I wasn’t alone so I wouldn’t be lonely like you were in the past… you always did what’s best for me…”

Donghae, hearing Kyuhyun say those words, closed his eyes. Donghae weakly held onto the hand of his youngest dongsaseng. He still haven’t really decided yet and being conscious is causing him more pain.

“Hyung,” Kyuhyun cried, “I don’t know what to do if you aren’t here anymore. Who else will remind me to be thankful that I am still here alive and well…. Who will remind me to appreciate everyone I have?”

Kyuhyun failed to mask his emotions, letting his tears fall. Donghae, although in pain, watched his dongsaeng with bewilderment for he wouldn’t cry in public easily. He started feeling light-headed, breaking off the eye contact that he had with Kyuhyun. He closed his eyes and winced in pain. He could feel his heart accelerate faster, but his breathing was becoming raspy.

“Hyung,” Kyuhyun said, “I know it’s hard, but you have to hold on. I could see them coming…. Carrying….”

Donghae couldn’t really hear the rest. He was looking to the right side. The once empty seat was occupied by someone. The same figure that he saw in the white place. No longer was the figure covered with a haze, but Donghae’s vision was failing him due to the increasing pain. He could only see the silhouette of the figure. It was seated with its legs crossed and arms resting on the sides of the car seat. The figure smiled at Donghae and nodded its head, as if encouraging Donghae to make the choice with his heart. Donghae could see the figure’s eyes telling him, no matter what choice he made, it was his own.

Donghae turned back to his dongsaseng whose mouth was moving quickly, but he was incoherent to hear the words that were coming out. He could feel himself slipping again and was slowly losing the feeling of the grip that he once felt when his dongsaseng was holding his hand. He held out his right hand and felt the ghostly figure’s hand holding on to it softly. He could feel some shaking on the left side as if someone wants to wake him up.

He looked up again and looked past Kyuhyun’s head. He was gazing at the stars in complete silence. It was a beautiful sight. There seemed to be a million stars similar to fairy dust. Some looked like they were dancing with each other. Donghae just wanted to reach out a grab a couple to keep, thinking of them as wishes. Was it always this beautiful? he thought. His eyes watered from not being able to appreciate the beauty of the stars in the past. From the corner of his eyes, he saw something flash quickly.

Smiling, looking at the figure and back at Kyuhyun, Donghae slowly closed his eyes. He had made his choice.

A/N: A thousand apologies for not updating! I just went back to school so it’s busy work for me. This chapter is finally done! I’m sorry if it’s kinda confusing. I’ll revise all the mistakes after this is done ^_^ The next chapter is the last chapter so please look forward to it!