Every choice you make has an end result – Zig Ziglar

Once he felt that he landed on the floor, he opened his eyes again. Instead of being in his room like last time, he was in the training room. Donghae got up and walked to the mirrors seeing that it wasn’t reflecting back his reflection. I’m a ghostly figure again, he thought to himself. Right then, the doors opened.

Donghae quickly walked to the side and saw the group entering were the current active Super Junior members. They were happily laughing and talking which Donghae was happy to see. It probably meant that they had moved on after a long period of time. Eunhyuk had a big grin on his face, pushing Ryeowook to the side. Teukie hyung was happily talking to Kangin and Shindong about something, probably about an upcoming event. Seeing the warm atmosphere made Donghae a little bit envious that he was there to share the moment with them. The group sat in the middle, put their bags to the side and started stretching. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary, however, Donghae noticed that Eunhyuk was always looking at the practice room door every so often, expecting someone to come through.

“Let’s get started!” Teukie hyung said, clapping his hands after they finished their stretches, “Everyone ready?”

All the members nodded, but Eunhyuk stepped forward asking, “Ah—Hyung, aren’t we missing someone?” The members around him looked confused, but didn’t question Eunhyuk.

Leeteuk looked at the practice room door and sighed, “Ani, I don’t think he’s coming in today. He didn’t bother getting up when I left. He didn’t come in yesterday either.”

“Shouldn’t we at least call him?” Eunhyuk asked, looking as if he wanted to stall some time for someone. Leeteuk shook his head and turned back to the mirror. Eunhyuk’s face fell and walked back into his position disappointed.

Watching from afar, Donghae was confused as to who they were referring to. All the members are here, unless they replaced me, he thought. He continued to watch the practice, wondering why the figure would want to send him to this realm. It seems like the group is happier right now without him. He sighed, starting to feel disinterested with what is going on. 15 minutes into the practice, the door to the practice room opened.

All the members stopped immediately, craning their necks to see who the incoming person is. Half expecting it to be the manager or someone from the company, Donghae took his time to turn around to face the door. He gasped when he saw the visitor. It was himself.

He was alive, but instead of walking on his own, he’s in a wheelchair. Donghae looked at his wheelchair self from head to toe. The wheelchair Donghae looked about the same, but he had some revealing scars on his neck, probably from the glass during the accident. His arms are pretty buff, but it ‘s probably from rolling the wheelchair. What caught Donghae’s eyes were the legs. One of them was missing. The one that had the bar imbedded was gone and replaced with a plastic looking leg.

Donghae sat on the ground with wide eyes as the members gathered around his disabled self. Is this what my future looks if I’m alive, he thought. He didn’t know if he should be elated or sad that he’s alive. Looking from his disabled self’s expression, he didn’t seem happy to be alive. The expression seems to show a bit of disgust when he saw the members running towards the wheelchair as if he wanted the legs for himself.

“Donghae-ya! You made it!” Eunhyuk said happily, putting his hand on his best friend’s shoulder. The disabled Donghae flashed a look of anger at Eunhyuk who pulled his hand away. Eunhyuk, pretending that he didn’t see the anger in Donghae’s eyes, continued, “Where were you? We need your input about the choreography.”

The disabled Donghae scowled when hearing the word “choreography”. He looked up at Eunhyuk and said angrily, “You are doing fine. You don’t need my help at all.” He was about to turn his wheelchair around to the door, but Kangin had a grip on his wheelchair handle.

“Donghae,” Kangin said in a warning tone, “This is not how you should speak to the members. We are just concern ab--…”

“Just leave me alone!” Donghae yelled, cutting his hyung off. He furiously tried to roll out but couldn’t with Kangin’s strong grip.

“Donghae!” Kangin yelled angrily, glaring at the man seated in the chair, “You won’t get anything your way if you talk with this tone.”

Donghae glared back with the same fierceness, “Nothing has gone my way since I woke up. You aren’t the one forever stuck in this chair.” He didn’t yelled, but his sharp tone still made the other members wince from the anger and hate. “Let go!” He continued to struggle from Kangin’s strong grip.

Leeteuk stepped forward and grabbed Kangin’s hand from Donghae’s wheelchair, “That’s enough.” He looked at everyone including Donghae. “We are wasting time just standing here arguing. If he doesn’t want to stay, then let him leave.” Kangin looked at the leader with an angry look, wanting to argue more, but decided against his conscience. He nodded and slowly let go of the wheelchair. The other members parted as Donghae rolled by them, giving either looks of sadness and disappointment. Instead of leaving, Donghae just parked by the wall with his arms crossed.

Seeing the questioning looks from the members, he said nonchalantly, “I’m waiting for you guys to finish so we could go home.” The rest of the members gave each other a small smile and continued with their practice. From a distance, however, Donghae noticed that as the practice lengthened, the disabled Donghae looked lost in thought, not really watching the routines. He didn’t give any opinions or pointed out the mistakes. He just looked like a statue off the side. Eventually the practice came to an end, and the disabled Donghae immediately rolled himself out of the practice room without waiting for the other members.

Donghae decided to follow the wheelchair out the door to see where his disabled self would go. He watched himself roll to the car door. Manager hyung, waiting by the side, walked out to assistance him, but Donghae immediately glared at the man. The manager backed off a bit, allowing Donghae to get into the car himself. Donghae gripped onto his wheelchair and heaved himself up into an almost standing position and leaned into the seat cushion. He used his upper body strength to climb up into the seat, swinging his useless legs in. Pretending it didn’t take much effort, he put on his seatbelt and waited for the manager to start the car. A couple minutes later, some of the members climbed into the car, chattering excitedly about what they were going to do when they get back. They tried to engage Donghae into the conversation, but he just gave glares and got back to staring out the window.

After a short drive back to the door, Donghae waited for the wheelchair to get out of the car. The rest of the members climbed out of the car and waited by the side for Donghae to get back into the chair. Donghae struggled a bit, holding tightly to the armrest and the door handle. He was aiming to fall into the seat without hurting himself.

“Hyung,” Ryeowook said, stepping forward, “Do you need some help?”

Donghae just gave a look of anger, causing Ryeowook to back up. Everyone quietly waited as he finally lowered himself into the chair. He rolled past everyone, heading into the elevator, and waited for the others that could fit to get in. Finally the elevator stopped at the 12^th floor where everyone decided to congregate to eat together.

The members loudly entered the complex, either sitting in the living room or heading into their own rooms. Donghae just sat in the kitchen, staring blankly at nothing. Eunhyuk, looking a bit concerned for his friend, sat in front of him and asked, “Do you need something?”

Donghae snapped out of his daydream and shot back, “Why is it that I need help with something? You think I can’t do anything by myself?”

The room quieted, watching the confrontation. Leeteuk sighed, “Donghae, you know that’s not what we mean.”

Donghae angrily looked at the leader, “Oh really? Half the time, someone will always ask me if I need help get from here and there, or getting something that looks out of my reach. Or even getting a glass of water! It’s annoying!”

Kangin, still riled up about the earlier incident at the practice room, stood up and yelled,
“Well if you want us to back off, then we will!”

Donghae yelled back at him, “I do and no one ever listens! I just want to be left alone! I don’t want to see you guys at all! How come I was the only one like this after the accident? Why couldn’t I just die so I don’t have to live like this!”

“Why you little -!” Kangin erupted, running towards Donghae but was stopped by the other members. Sungmin sighed and pushed Donghae out the door, chaotic scene behind him.

He quickly pushed Donghae out into the hallway and stopped near the elevator. “Donghae…” he began.

“What now?” Donghae said angrily, “A lecture from you too?”

Sungmin sighed again and shook his head, “Let’s go upstairs to see the sunset.”

There was a sound of silence for a moment. “No,” Donghae finally said, crossing his arms, “I’m not going up. I’m not moving from this spot.”

Sungmin shook his head and immediately bent to grab Donghae’s arms. The younger man protested trying to move his hyung away from him. “Donghae, I’ll keep annoying you if you don’t come up just once!” Donghae finally relented, climbing on his hyung’s back.

Sungmin slowly made the ascent up the stairs to the rooftop with the muttering Donghae on his back. “I don’t see why you bothered doing this,” Donghae grumbled.

Sungmin ignored him and huffed as he continued to carry the disabled Donghae up the stairs to the roof. Donghae, watching from the side, felt touched by his hyung’s actions whatever the purpose may be. Finally Sungmin reached the rooftop and placed Donghae in the awaiting chair that the manager brought up with the elevator. He was about to take a sip from the water bottle that the manager gave him, but feeling Donghae’s eyes staring at the bottle, he offered it to the younger man instead. Without a word, Donghae took the water bottle and took a couple long sips before handing it back to Sungmin. After taking a couple gulps, he waved off the managers to leave him and Donghae alone for awhile.

The two members sat in silence as they waited for the managers to close the rooftop door. Finally Sungmin broke the silence, “The sky is really pretty when the sun is setting. It’s a lot better to get some fresh air right?” He turned to face Donghae who continuously looked straight ahead as if he didn’t hear a thing. “We could do this everyday to see the sun set…”

Donghae faced Sungmin angrily, “If I could walk up the stairs everyday, I would go and watch it set.”

Sungmin sighed, running his hand through his hair, “Donghae, there’s many things you could do. You don’t have to dance, but you could still sing and compose…”

Donghae cut him off sharply, “I don’t have that talent or passion anymore. Why would I want to sing if I can’t move to the song?”

Sungmin whipped back and shouted at his dongsaeng angrily, “You are great at composing! Just stop being so negative all the time! You are driving everyone crazy! We are all trying to cope with the accident too! Every night, Teukie hyung would cry himself to sleep just because you are in this state! Eunhyuk wants to quit because you couldn’t dance with him anymore! Some of the members don’t even want to participate in any activities because you aren’t around with us!”

Donghae listened quietly, looking down, “Mianhe.”

Sungmin looked at Donghae, slightly ashamed for yelling at him, but felt that it was needed. It was a bit awkward because it was the first time he actually yelled at Donghae. He looked back at the sky, seeing the sun beginning to set. “Oh,” he said, hoping to break the awkwardness, “it’s going down now. The stars will come out soon. Let’s just go back down and forget about everything.”

“It’s ok, hyung,” Donghae said, “You can go back down. I just need some time to think about everything.”

Sungmin widened his eyes, “You sure?” He didn’t think that yelling at Donghae would work since Kangin hyung and Leeteuk hyung yell at him at times about his attitude.

He smiled tiredly, “Yea hyung, I just want to wait for the stars to come out. Maybe to find a shooting star so my fate will be different that it is now.”

 Sungmin continued to look at him worriedly, “How would your fate change? You mean by success?” Sungmin was hoping that Donghae would really change his attitude in life instead of heading the wrong direction towards what seems to be self-destruction.

Donghae looked at his hyung very carefully before deciding how to answer him. “Sure hyung. I want a shooting star so my future will be completely different than what it is now. Maybe I will have a different outlook in life.” He pulled off a convincing smile to ease his hyung’s anxiety.

Nodding and heading for the door, Sungmin said, “Okay, just call me when you are done. I’ll carry you down if you want. If not, there’s always the elevator, but I know you don’t like to be alone.” Donghae nodded. He watched as his hyung walked to the stairwell door. Before he walked inside, he turned and called out, “Donghae-ya, mianhe. I didn’t mean to yell. Everyone, including me, are waiting for the old, fun you! We are always there for you!” Sungmin smiled and walked in.

Donghae gave a returned the kind smile to his hyung, knowing that he is loved by the pink lover. He turned back to face the sky and looked as if he was pondering over something. The ghostly Donghaes watched himself staring off into the distance in the wheelchair. His hands were gripped to the wheels as if ready to push forward. Donghae was hoping Sungmin would stay with his disabled self longer. He half wished someone not from Super Junior would burst to the open the roof door to save himself from embarrassment, but knowing how his disabled self distanced himself from the entire world, there was no one to stop him.

 For once, since he was here in this other realm, Donghae finally saw an innocent, boyish look on the disabled man’s face. He furiously attempted to wipe the tears that were streaming down his face. The image of himself looked as if he was a lost boy. Donghae’s heart fluttered a little, hoping maybe that his broken self will have a change of mind, but seeing the hands gripping on the wheels brought his hopes down.

“Mianhe” the wheelchair man said into the air, “I don’t think I’m strong enough to continue on this life.” Donghae held his breath, watching the wheelchair inch closer and closer to the edge. “It’s harder to wake up and drag myself to this wretched chair. ” The front wheels were right at the edge now. “What’s even harder is watching you guys give yourself hope that I would be on stage with you guys, singing and having a good time. That’s all a fantasy. I’m just adding more troubles into your lives.” His disabled self closed his eyes as if to do a final prayer. Donghae could feel his body move closer and closer to his wheelchair, trying to grasp onto the handle. The disabled man placed his hands on the wheel and said, “Goodbye hyung-nims and kind dongsaengs,” giving himself for a final push. Donghae, forgetting that he is an apparition, ran forward, hoping to catch himself.

“NO!” he shouted, running off the edge of the building to catch the wheelchair handle. He closed his eyes, waiting for the sound of him crashing on the floor, but it never came. Instead he felt a light tap and opened his eyes to see that he was back in the white hall again with the mysterious figure.

He sat on the ground, dumbfounded. He had just experienced two different scenarios. One with him already dead, and one with him being alive, but choosing death. In the end, the result would be death. He put his head in his hands, gripping his hair, replaying the images of the aftermath of the accident.

“So I have to choose?” Donghae asked, after finding his voice. The figure nodded its head. “I can choose to live my life like that, not being able to dance or stay here?” The figure once again nodded its head. Donghae looked down and sighed. He loved his current members, but the fact that there’s a possibility he wouldn’t be able to dance again means that it’s almost pointless to live without doing something he loved the most. “Do I have to make the choice now?”

He looked up and saw the figure’s eyes. It looked very familiar. He couldn’t pinpoint where he saw those eyes before. The figure shook its head, confusing Donghae. The figure gestured again to the area in front of him with two scenes, both with Donghae gasping for life. Right then, Donghae realized that he was going to be sent back for sure.

“You are sending me back to choose to either keep living on or to say goodbye right?” Donghae asked the figure, watching its eyes. The figure nodded its head and started walking closer to Donghae. Donghae instinctively took a step back after the last experience, unsure what’s going on.

The figure slowly lifted its hands and placed them on his shoulder. It was soft and soothing. Slowly, the haze that clouded the figure was rescinding. At the same time, Donghae started to feel sharp pains to his body, but he held his gaze at the figure in front of him. As the haze was unveiling the mysterious figure, Donghae started losing his concentration due to the arousing pain that he felt from the accident before he entered this place. He saw the forehead, the nose and then the mouth. It was the smile that he longed to see for many years even though it was a sad one. Before he could look at the figure a second time, his whole body failed him, sending him into the deep realm of unconsciousness.

A/N: Sorry it took so long to update! I had a lot of things to do during the week and school starts next week >-