My Feelings
First Love Turns SecondJun Ho’s POV
I returned to our studio first so I could let her dry her tears and left her with her stylist. I sat on the couch, of course, I was worried about her but I was inclined to think on her thoughts on my words instead.
Naturally, my words formed a sentence, “A sense of hope that maybe we will still have the chance.”
She looked at me with those soft and brown eyes. In that state, I could not make out what she was trying to imply with that expression. Was she feeling the same or was she just confused with my words after what happened at the recording studio?
In embarrassment, I said to her without waiting for a response, “I’ll wait for you at the studio.”
I cursed myself silently in my mind since the cameras were already rolling. So Eun came into the room, her eyes were already dry and clear from tears but as she walked towards me, she avoided my gaze completely. “Sit here,” I removed the pillows from the couch and she sat down.
I did not know what to say. Somehow, the courage from before diminished after she came into the room. She took out her things without a word. I just simply stared at her until she would say something. Maybe she would say, “I’m okay. Don’t worry about me.”
Nothing.
She said nothing.
I turned to her and asked, “When is your drama filming tomorrow?”
She snickered but I knew she was sad on the inside, “5AM.”
“5AM,” I repeated and nodded, knowing that I was not the only one with the hectic schedule. For a moment, I had forgotten how hectic an actor or actress’ schedule was. Being an idol was hard but being an actress had to be worse.
“Let’s not think about the lyrics for today,” I told her, “If you were to think of both of them at the same time, you won’t have an easy time filming and writing as well. Just go home, don’t write anything and rest well. Even those who write well will have a rough start of not writing well.”
She looked deadly serious and said to me, “I know it’s definitely not perfect but I have tried my very best. I have spent more time writing all the lyrics than to memorise my script. And what I think is…” She paused and choked at her words, “I’m still in my early 20s. I haven’t had much experience with love up till now.”
I nodded at her words, feeling a slight guilt but I continued to listen to her words. She continued, “I really want to do well. I’m not roughly doing it. Because you have worked hard, I want to work hard as well. But I can’t proceed with my heart. I will work harder…”
Her words trailed off.
“Seriously, you’re doing really well,” My words were sincere. Even though I did not see her 24/7, I knew her personality. She had not changed since high school. She was always giving it hundred per cent in everything she did. Her scribbles on the scripts and the passion in her eyes had shown her effort in wanting to write well.
I encouraged her to lie down on the couch and start listening to the melody to gain inspiration and lessen her nervousness. She did as told and we laid down together. Listening to the music together, it was nice. Instead of thinking of the drama, I started pondering about her words again.
“I’m still in my early 20s. I haven’t had much experience with love up till now.”
Would I be able to give her better love at this point?
“I feel at ease now.” She interrupted my thoughts.
“At ease?” We sat up proper and started to talk about the lyrics, “You’ll try to write the lyrics while I rearrange the lyrics. Just keep contacting each other.”
She nodded in agreement, “Yes, let’s keep sending texts. I’ll ask you anything that I’m unsure of. I’ll contact you. I think I’ll contact you about that.”
The curves of the corners of my lips naturally curved upwards when she said she would contact me, “Yes, contact each other like that.”
She laughed at my cheeky smile and said, “Let’s work hard!”
I laughed back and we stood up after packing our things. We were standing motionlessly as if we were reluctant to leave this place. After deliberation, I gave a hug to her, “You have worked hard.” She smiled at me, reassuring me that she was feeling much better than before, “Let’s go.”
So Eun’s POV
It was a cold morning and my heart was beating really quickly. However, I felt more at ease because the cameras would not be following us for today. It was just us and I was looking forward to this for a long time. It was good to take a breather away from the cameras.
“Hello,” I stepped into the studio when I saw Jun Ho with geeky spectacles, already sitting down and writing and re-arranging his melody.
“Oh, hello,” He greeted me back and escorted me from the door to the couch, “Wow, So Eun, you’re not wearing make-up today. It’s fascinating.”
“Eh, it’s not as if it’s the first time you don’t see me in make-up,” I and remembered the days in high school when I did not even know how to differentiate the different make-up products.
He sighed and muttered, “But you still look the same – innocent and pure.”
I did not know whether the words were meant for me to hear so I simply ignored him. We started working on the song like professionals and did not talk anything else other than the song. I guessed the pressure given by the directors had us work even harder to prove ourselves.
After what seemed like eternity, the whole morning was already gone. We gave ourselves a little break and even ordered food for lunch. I spotted Jun Ho massaging his neck and shoulders. I wondered how long he had been sitting in that couch.
“Are you feeling tired?” I asked him.
“Well, my shoulders hurt from sitting in this posture,” He chuckled.
“Turn around.”
“Why?” He did as told.
I placed my hands on his shoulders and started massaging his shoulders. He was a little taken aback by my actions but he continued to let me do so. I wished I could see his expression but his back was facing me. The whole atmosphere was silent until he started saying, “So Eun-ah, your skills have not deteriorated.”
“Of course.” I replied simply.
His tone suddenly became very sad, “So Eun, I really miss… I really miss this.”
My hand stopped when I heard that. My heart was feeling extremely confused.
“When I saw you crying yesterday, it suddenly dawned to me how my heart would hurt twice as much to see you sad.” He gulped and touched my hands which were still on his shoulders, “I thought I could treat you like another artiste I was working with. I said we should be professionals and this remains as a show. However, I cannot differentiate between what is reel and real anymore.”
He turned around with his face inches away from mine, “So Eun, my feelings have not changed for you.”
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