I wondered what he really thought of me.  I smelled nice, that was it?  Did he think of me often?  Was it hard to leave my room in the morning before I woke up?  Was he disappointed when he woke up and my side of the bed was cold?  Or was that all I was to him, a warm body that smelled good, all I’d ever be?

            Perhaps I should figure out what he was to me first.  That was a bit harder than just asking incessant questions about what he thought of me.  Did I like him?  Sure.  Was he a jerk?  Sometimes.  Would I miss him if he stopped talking to me?  Absolutely.  Was he fun to be with?  Hell yes.  Did I think of him a lot?  Oh, ‘a lot’ would cover it.  Were we friends when this whole thing started?  Yes.  Would I be upset if we weren’t friends?  Yes.  Did I have feelings for him?  Yes.  What kind of feelings?  Hell if I know.

            “Seung Hyun, why don’t you have a girlfriend?” I finally asked.

            Nothing.  I waited.  Still nothing.  I looked down at him.  His mouth was open slightly and he was beginning to drool.  I rolled my shoulder, knocking it against his jaw a little.  He sniffed and rubbed his cheek against my shoulder a little before closing his mouth.

            He had passed out while I was having an inner turmoil.

            “He may be the oldest, but he’s the weakest when it comes to alcohol,” a voice informed me.

            I looked up from Seung Hyun’s sleeping face to the owner of the voice sitting across the table at me.

            “Young Bae,” I smiled.

            “What’s wrong?” he asked, his smile fading.

            I blinked.  Was my inner turmoil making its way to my outer expression?  I grinned wide.  “Nothing.  I’m just tired.  Too much dancing.”

            He laughed.  “You only danced for about an hour.”

            “Listen Mr. I-sing-and-dance-for-hours-at-a-time-for-a-living.  Not all of us have that much energy,” I replied, sticking my chin into the air.

            “Sorry, sometimes I forget not everyone is as awesome as us,” he replied with mock arrogance.  He held his hands up in surrender.  I laughed.

            “You sound like him now,” I told him, lifting the shoulder that was under Seung Hyun’s cheek.

            He scoffed and looked away.  “I’m nothing like him.  He’s definitely one of a kind.”  I got the feeling he didn’t mean it as a compliment.

            I always had a soft spot for Young Bae.  He was sweet.  He would never ask a girl to be part of this kind of ‘no strings attached’ relationship.  He was far too caring of others’ feelings to do that.  Love and went together with him, I’d bet.  I wondered what he thought of Seung Hyun’s relationship with me.  I knew his boys knew about me and who I was, but I suddenly felt uncomfortable thinking what Young Bae might think of me.  Shame also came to mind.

            “You do look a little tired,” he said, cutting into my thoughts.  “I heard Dae Sung say he would give Bea a ride home.  He would take you, too, if you wanted.”  I glanced behind Young Bae.  Dae Sung and Seung Ri were chatting at the bar with Bea.  I smiled faintly.

            “No,” I exhaled.  “It’s alright.  It would be too much trouble.”  Although, if I went along with the lie I told my parents, it wouldn’t be trouble because I would go to Bea’s house.

            Young Bae’s cheeks started to turn pink.  “I-I could bring you home, then,” he offered.

            I studied his face and I almost wanted to say yes.  I wanted to jump over the table at him.  I cringed inwardly at the idea that I was becoming more like Seung Hyun.  Driven by my hormones.

            “Thank you, Young Bae, that’s really nice of you, but I-” I began.

            Suddenly, Seung Hyun pushed off my shoulder and sat upright, blinking as if he were taking in his surroundings for the first time.  Recognition passed over his eyes and he sighed heavily and then glanced at me.  “Ready to go?” he asked.  His eyes were dark and burned into mine.  I could practically feel the testosterone pulsating off him.  My chest tightened and I felt breathless.  “What’s up, Young Bae?” he added with a nod to his friend.

            Young Bae’s eyes left my face and he nodded back at Seung Hyun.

            I felt my own face flush with embarrassment.  “Yeah, let’s go,” I whispered.  Looking back to Young Bae, I smiled as warmly as I could and said, “Goodnight, Young Bae.”

            He looked away as Seung Hyun clapped him on the back and dragged me off by the hand.  I had to all but throw myself on the floor to get him to let me check on Bea and make sure she was ok having only Dae Sung bring her home.  She assured me all was well.  She asked if I was ok, but Seung Hyun had run out of patience and grabbed my hand again.

            We were the first ones to arrive back at the dorm.  He let me wear his jacket and a baseball cap to help avoid any unwanted rumors from flying should there be any crazy photographers lurking about waiting for a story to pop up.  Seung Hyun started kissing me and getting handsy barely a second after the front door clicked shut.  He pressed me against the closed door.

            “Wait…um, Seung Hyun…c-can we talk for a…second?” I asked, turning my face away from his.  Breathing was becoming more and more difficult.

            “Talk?” he questioned, out of breath, he rested his forehead against my neck.

            “I just, I mean, don’t you…”  What was I doing?  What did I want him to say?  “Do you like me?”  I wasn’t sure where that came from, but it was a reasonable question, in my head.

            “Do I like you?” he repeated, lifting his head to look me in the eye.  The dorm was dark, but the large window in the wall opposite us let in enough moonlight to let me see his face.  He was confused and slightly frustrated.

            “I mean…”  Forget it, I don’t know what the hell I mean.  “Nevermind.”  I pushed myself off the wall, hungrily kissing him, not letting him break away to see where we were walking.  He didn’t even break away when, after we entered his room, collapsed onto his bed.

            I tried to mentally test him.  If he looked me in the eye for longer than four seconds or if he held me close for a moment longer or if he ran his fingers through my hair.  I read somewhere that when a guy kisses a girl on the forehead, it means he cares for her on a deeper level.  Lying flat on his mattress, I waited to see what he would do.  I was waiting for a sign that meant something I’d created in my own head.

            He pushed up on to his knees over me, taking his lips off my neck, only long enough to shrug out of his dress shirt and push my tee shirt up over my head.