"what are you going to do now that you lost everything?" She asked slowly, half an hour into their conversation, not only out of curiousity, but maybe she could get something out of this, maybe if Wooyoung was finally letting go, she could learn how to let go too. She is currently sitting on the corner of the bathroom, speaking in hushed voice because it was 3AM in the morning. She had shuffled out of her bedroom and hidden herself in their dorm bathroom when she received his vague text message, and called him out of worry.

Wooyoung is quiet, and Hara knows he is probably thinking of something to say. As she drown herself in the rhytmical and comforting sound of his steady breathing across the line, she began to marvel at how similar their situation is. If she asks the same question to herself, she doesn't think she actually know how to answer it too. 

Wooyoung was Hara's everything. He was.

Wooyoung was Hara's everything, the only source of light for her dreary life, the only fresh air who breathed colour into her life, the only scent she recognize and held onto for guidance and comfort.

Wooyoung was Hara's everything, and Hara lost everything. It comes a day where she realized that her source of light is getting dimmer and dimmer to a point that the light wasn't enough just for himself, the fresh air stop breathing colour into her life because it is only able to see black and white, the only scent she held onto was starting to be masked with uncertainity.

Hara should have known that someday this will happen. Hara should've known not to hopelessly give himself to a person that she knew has his heart set on someone else. Hara should have known better not to let Wooyoung confide everything in her, which made it two times harder for her to trying to stop pinning hopes on him. She should have known that the distance between everything and nothing dwindles down to the existence of a certain Busan man with twinkling eyes, playful smiles and comfortable shoulder, that would never see her as more than a friend. Therefore she shouldn't hoped for anything more than mere friendship. But as cliched as it sounds, love is blind, it is probably deaf mute and an idiot too, because Hara is sure she didn't only lose her mind, but also blocked her ears from hearing the warnings and concerns from her fellow members and clamped shut to prevent her from convincing herself that there is no future between them.

Hara has always been a girl with big dreams and clear goals in life, but that somehow changed when she meets Jang Wooyoung, the boy whom grabbed her attention not because of his dance skills or smooth vocals, but his desolate eyes. She friended him and watched him slowly open up to her, the desolate eyes slowly changed into orbs that sparkled so bright that Hara was able to lost herself in the depths of his happiness. Later she learnt that it was because Wooyoung met a certain someone he really cherishes. Wooyoung spoke with such happiness that Hara couldn't help but feel glad for him, so she was ready to give him up. However, when she thought she nearly succeeded, he came back to her and confided her about his own worries that involves this someone else whom he was sure wouldn't return his feelings. Then Hara realized that all those months that she fought herself not to contact him was futile because her heart still beats uncontrollably whenever his caller-ID was shown in her phone.

Even after all the tears she shed and the determination she had to get over him, her heart still beats for the only source of light she knows, the only fresh air she yearns for and the only scent she recognize. He had said that he's lost everything, and Hara had to try her hardest not to reply that with a "Oppa, you still have me", the sentence was in the tip of the tongue, lingering around like a bitter aftertaste after eating medicine. It's bitter but she took it all and swallowed it whole because she know its for the best. The next time he said it with such desperation, Hara couldn't hold it anymore and the words have rumbled out of her lips faster than her mind could process it. Hara could only bite her tongue in regret when she heard him chuckled and cooed softly "I know, you're the only one that's willing to hear me out". Hara felt her heart plummeted down into the depths of nothingness, and she knew then she has lost her everything too.

Wooyoung was Hara's everything, and Hara lost everything. Everything she owned, and ever dream of having dwindles down into nothing but blank spaces reserved for shadows of impossible dreams that she refuses to let go. 

"Oppa, what are you going to do now that you lost everything?" she shakes herself off her own thoughts that's been plaguing her and repeats her question in a softer tone.

"I dont know, Hara-yah, but well, theres nothing else to lose from here, is there?" he finally answered, and that answer stuns her as she feels her chest tightening up. She found herself quiet, and the only sound that is around is the constant rhytmical sound of water dripping from the tap. 

He said he has nothing else to lose, so does she. Losing everything means starting over, and starting over means endless possibility. She's back in square one, but at least this time she is not alone.

"Besides, you can't lose what you never had, right?" and for the second time that day, she was left stunned at Wooyoung's answer. So stunned that she missed the forced chuckle followed by a silent sigh from across the line.

Wooyoung was Hara's everything, and Hara lost everything. But Hara never actually owned anything. Everything she thought she owned was no more than an illusion created by the warm cheeky smile of the Busan man that have taken her breath away. 

Wooyoung was Hara's everything, and he still is, but Wooyoung is never hers, so she couldn't possibly lose him, not when she never owned him. 

"Oppa, are you okay?" so in the end Hara does what she does best, to be herself. To be that one girl who still pin hopes for this certain man, that one girl who puts his needs before everything else, that one foolish girl who always try to make that man smile, sometimes at the expense of herself. 

"I will be. Thank you Hara-yah" Hara closed her eyes and drowned herself in the sincere tone of his voice. If he was going to be fine, then she would be too. Hara is a girl with a tough determination, and she was sure that if she tries hard enough, everything will be fine in the end. She might have to work harder to help her source of light to shine again, and she might have to collect the colours in the end of every rainbow to help paint his world in colours again, but Hara knows she can do it, and she will. It may take weeks and months and even years, but Hara was sure that she will get there somehow.

So Hara set out with a new determination, and started gathering her strength from everywhere, some from the leftover space void of worries in her heart after she heard Gyuri unnie's advice, some scribbled down the pages of Nicole's cheer-up cookies recipe, some are the residue of Seungyeon unnie's pats on her back, some left behind from their maknae's fist-pump 'fighting' cheers, some from hearing Wooyoung's voice lightening up on each new phone conversation and some stuck on the edges of Wooyoung's slow growing honest smiles whenever she asks how he is doing when they meet backstage briefly.

Because at least when someone lost everything, they couldn't lose anymore, and Wooyoung isn't going to lose her, she just need to convince him to believe that.