"what are you going to do now that you lost everything?" her voice lingers a little longer than usual, giving more emphasis on the question. Wooyoung is left startled by her question, his mind is travelling at miles per second, trying hard to piece the answer together into a coherent answer. There isn't any. Yet.

Nichkhun was Wooyoung's everything. He was.

Nichkhun was Wooyoung's everything, the only sun he knows, the only air he breathes, the only scent he recognize instantly and instinctively follows everywhere.

Nichkhun was Wooyoung's everything, and Wooyoung lost everything. It comes a day where the sun dimmed and started shining for someone else. The air chokes him senseless that all he could do is cover his face and stop breathing, in hope for everything to stop hurting. The scent becomes so unfamiliar and distant, that he is lost in the sea of unfamiliarity without ever knowing the way home.

Wooyoung should have known that someday this will happen. Wooyoung should've known better not to bet his whole life on one person, especially on the one person that he knew from the very beginning would never return his feelings. He should've known that the distance between having everything and nothing dwindles down to the existence of that certain man with flawless skin, bright sparkling eyes and big warm hands. Therefore he shouldn't have put as much as everything on the line. But as cliched as it sounds, love is blind, it is probably deaf mute and an idiot too, because Wooyoung was sure he didn't only lose his mind, but also blocked his ears from any warnings from s and clamped his mouth shut to prevent himself from agreeing with them when they had said so convincingly that Nichkhun and him will never be.

Wooyoung has always been a boy with alot of worries, constantly delving himself in what ifs and excessive fears of whats to come. That was where Nichkhun had strolled along and came into the picture so perfectly, he smiled and took Wooyoung's worries as his own, and then Wooyoung knew, that everything will be alright as long as Nichkhun is around. Nichkhun was the one that taught Wooyoung to let go of his worries and live his life. To stop worrying about what is to come and just enjoy what is there today, and most importantly to follow his heart. But apparently it wasn't a wise advice, because Wooyoung's heart isn't his to control. Not anymore.

His heart beats the only sun he knows, the only air he breathes, the only scent he recognize. The heart that was once the core of his life is now beating for someone else, beating against his own chest, hard and uncontrollable, pounding against his ribs. Then Wooyoung realized, Nichkhun had taken Wooyoung's heart along when he took those worries away and claim it as his own. His heart is now probably lay forgotten somewhere, in the corner under Nichkhun's bed, in the dark, collecting dusts. But Wooyoung still hope that maybe Nichkhun would hear it thumping at night, and maybe then his hyung would think of him, even if he only let the thoughts linger for no longer than a second.

Nichkhun was Wooyoung's everything, and Wooyoung lost everything.Everything he owned, and ever dream of having dwindles down into nothing but blank spaces reserved for unfulfilled dreams. 

"Oppa, what are you going to do now that you lost everything?" she repeats, now even softer, but the effects of those words are still clear as glass in his ears.

"I dont know, Hara-yah, but well, theres nothing else to lose from here, is there?" he finally answered, forcing his mouth to curl upwards into a forced smile, breathing and exhaling more than what is necessary. 

Wooyoung is leaning on the railing of the rooftop of their dorm at 3AM in the morning, staring at his own hand trying to clench into thin air. Hara's question kept playing like a broken record in his ears, a part of him wished she didn't ask him those questions, but Wooyoung was glad, because those questions made him ask himself about his situation. Then he realizes something, the truth suddenly shines over him like a bright spotlight, enlightening him in ways he didn't know possible.

Nichkhun was Wooyoung's everything, and Wooyoung lost everything. But Wooyoung never actually owned anything. Everything he thought he owned was no more than just an illusion created as an effect of that incredulously addictive warm smile that he thought was only directed to him, and him alone. 

Wooyoung buries his face into his hand and lets a whimper escape from his lips. 

Nichkhun was Wooyoung's everything, and he still is, but Nichkhun is never his, and probably would never be.

"Besides, you can't lose what you never had, right?" He said, with a forced light chuckle, just so Hara stop worrying that he will break down into a crying mess when she hangs up the phone.

"Oppa, are you really okay?" Her voice is so sincere that Wooyoung feels slightly guilty for making her worry like this.

"I will be. Thank you, Hara-yah" That's probably the most sincere thing he said all day, and he was sure that he will be just fine, even when he's crippled and fallen a few stories down, choked until breathless and have forgotten the way home, he's sure he will be just fine. It may take a while to recover all the cuts and bruises, search for a missing heart and wander around to find the way back home, but Wooyoung was sure he will get there somehow.

So Wooyoung stopped mulling on the loses, and gathered all the new things everyone given him. Affection from here and there, some hidden under the food the maknae has given him, some from the corners of Junho's eyesmile, some are residue from Junsu's gentle squeeze on his shoulder, some from the distinct smell of Taecyeon's blanket over his body when he wakes up, some stuck on the creases of Minjae's forehead and some lingers on the monotonous dial tone after Hara's phone call. 

Because at least when you've lost everything, you couldn't lose anymore.