There's paranoia woven deep beneath his skin. I can see it in the depths of his eyes even when they're filled with the light of laughter. They look glazed, a mask that's able to fool everyone but me. He knows but still insists that everything's okay, that everything's fine inside, that nothing is crumbling. But I'm too scared to push it, scared it will drive him even further inside himself and cave in his only escape.

When I hold him and whisper those sweet nothings, I can see it in the set of his jaw, in the delicate capture of his lip between his teeth, and I can't help but feel like he's slipping away. Slowly, gradually. I force him to look into my eyes, try to convey with every ounce of emotion the truth in my words and he smiles. But it's dull, just like the knife that it drives through my heart.

He constantly checks over his shoulder as if to make sure I'm still there, like he expects me to fade into a cloud of elusive smoke no matter how much I tell him he'll never be able to get rid of me. I smile reassuringly but I only receive a small twitch of his lips in return and I know it's done nothing to ease him. When we're alone, he insists on turning off the lights and I know it's to keep me from seeing the emotions he's unable to hide. His hand clutches the material of my t-shirt or my wrist or my thigh, making sure I can't slip through his fingers and though I tell him he has nothing to worry about, I can never make out his expression in the darkness and tendrils of fear start to tighten around my neck.

A weak frown creases his brow when he thinks I'm not looking and I know that he's trying to shut out the whispers of the people who turned their backs on him, trying to forget the ghosts that seem to have rooted themselves deep within his bones. I try to smooth the fears away but they're somewhere so deep that I can't reach and I know that it's down to him to defeat the demons that haunt him.

There's paranoia woven deep beneath his skin but I won't give up. I won't allow him to add my name to the list of forsakers and nor will I let him collapse beneath the weight of accusations. If it's support he needs, I'll give it. If it's time he needs, I'll give it. But I'm terrified that the day will come when he asks to be alone, when he'll start to think it would be easier to cut me out before I have the chance to throw him away. It's painful to imagine and it's not something I could ever contemplate doing but I know the way his mind works. He'll distance himself, stop smiling altogether, keep himself from looking back and there'll be nothing I can do.

There's paranoia woven deep beneath his skin but it's creeping below mine too.

I wrote this in Taec's point of view, but you can imagine it to be from Jay's if you wish. I started out by Taec describing Jay's paranoia but after re-reading it so many times, I realised that it's possible to interpret it all as Taec being paranoid that Jay is going to leave him, that he's reading into every tiny thing way too far and it's actually him that's not stable instead of Jay, that it's Jay trying to give reassurance.

(...Is it sad that I'm analysing my own writing? :| )

Anyway, interpret it however you wish ^^