‘They look quite adorable together don’t they? Kim Jonghyun and Shin Se Kyung, FIGHTING!’

I could feel his eyes on me as if he were searching for some sort of reaction. Was that what he wanted from me? No. Even Jonghyun wasn’t that cruel…right? He wouldn’t do this just to watch me crash and burn…would he? I shook my head in response to my internal debate and took the opportunity of everyone crowding around him to escape out into the hallway. Most of the idols on our floor were out for a while, and the ones in our hallway wouldn’t be back for another few days. I just didn’t- I couldn’t be in there right now. I felt like my entire world was crumbling around me and there was nothing I could do about it. I leaned against the wall for support as I felt my knees start to weaken. I could no longer hold myself up and I couldn’t breathe. It was almost as if there was a crushing weight on my chest, keeping my lungs from giving me oxygen. Was I having a panic attack? As I slid to the ground, I barely noticed the sound of the door opening and footsteps slowly making their way over.

‘Get up.’

The command was so firm and rough that it caught me by surprise. I looked up and there he was, just staring at me with a lack of emotion in his eyes. I couldn’t wrap my brain around why he was being like this to me. What had I done wrong?

‘I c-can’t. Dammit, I just can’t.’

I heard him scoff and move to grab my arm to lift me up to my feet. Before he could touch me, I slapped his hand away and glared at him as I tried to blink the oncoming tears away. My defiance made him glare at me in irritation. There was no love, no warmth, no positive emotion in his eyes at all; nothing that could give me any glimmer of hope that he had ever truly felt something for me. That everything we shared together wasn’t just something to pass the time. That our entire relationship wasn’t just one big lie.

‘Don’t be pathetic, Bummie. There’s no way you couldn’t have seen this coming. Did you honestly think that we would work out?’

‘Pathetic… Pathetic?! Are you ing kidding me right now? Excuse me for being so madly in love with you that it hurt me to find out that you’ve been seeing someone else! And I didn’t even find out about it from you or anyone that I know. I had to learn about it from television the same time as the rest of the country! Oh, and excuse me for believing we would actually have a future together because it wasn’t like I was happy with you or anything.’

By this point, the tears had already escaped my eyes and my voice had begun to crack. I don’t think my voice had ever held such sorrow and heartbreak before and that thought made me feel worse. I was so offended by his calling me pathetic. Was I not allowed to feel betrayed by him? Was he not my boyfriend who I had just found out was having relations with another? I honestly wanted to spend my life with him, and hearing that he seemingly didn’t feel the same was making me feel like . This was all just so confusing and I hated not being sure of something.

‘How could we possibly have a future together if all we were doing was hiding? No one knew about us, and I hope no one ever will. You were just a fun way to pass the time until I found a girl that I really wanted to be with. I will have to hand it to you, though… You made me work hard to get you. It has never taken me so long to get someone in my bed before, so I thoroughly enjoyed the challenge. I also admit that you are a very attractive male and amazing in bed, but to go so far as to say I love you, then no. I maybe had a little crush on you, and that will possibly never change because you were good to me. However, I never loved you. So you need to move on. Sulking over something that wasn’t real is just a waste of time. Clean yourself up and come back inside. We have a lot to do tomorrow.’

I flinched back in shock at his words because I never thought the love of my life would ever say something to hurtful. He spoke as if I should automatically be okay with this; that I should be able to easily get over us. Us. There was never really an “us” in his mind. He just used me to pass the time. How could I possibly be so stupid? I knew I had to refrain from giving into him in the beginning…why didn’t I keep up with that plan? Why did I let him get under my skin and steal my heart? Was I really that naïve to believe that we could be soulmates? I gave him everything; I gave him my heart, my ity, my trust, my devotion. I thought he was giving me his heart as well, but he was just pretending to. This whole time he was just making me feel safe and secure with him while he had no intention of truly being with me.

‘You bastard. You made me fall in love with you! You told me you loved me! You said I was the most important person in your life! How heartless can you be to lie to me like that? I was good to you! How can you brush me off like that?! Like I was just another notch in your belt…I was just another person who you romanced because you got bored. And- and then you got bored with me! Are you gonna get bored with that girl too, or is she the real deal for you? Aish! I gave you all my attention, all my love, all of me! You were my first everything and I can’t believe I was such a in believing we would be together for a long time. I was basically nothing to you and I fell for the act you performed for me. I should applaud you for that because you were so convincing. I hope karma bites you in the for what you did you me. You’re a ing , Kim Jonghyun. I will never forgive you for this.’

I took a deep breath after my rant and slowly turned away from him, walking straight back into the dorm while trying to ignore the itching desire to look back and see his reaction. The moment I entered, I froze in my steps at the sympathetic looks I received from everyone. My first thought was that they had heard everything that went down in the hallway, which caused my stomach to churn violently. I ran into the bathroom, throwing up the contents of my stomach into the porcelain toilet bowl with Onew rubbing my back comfortingly, having rushed after me in concern. My head was pounding and I could barely hear his reassurance that getting a crush on a member is normal since we spent every waking moment together. I deduced that they hadn’t heard our argument and just figured that I had grown a little attached to Jonghyun. Perhaps it was best that they all just think that instead of being aware of the grim truth.

Ahhh….I just- thinking about that night…It still makes my heart ache. His revelations shattered my then innocent and naïve self. During the time that Jonghyun and Se Kyung were dating, we faked a close friendship for the fans, but things were painfully tense behind the scenes. The couple both received a lot of hate from fans for the entirety of their almost one-year-long relationship. It became too much to handle and they ended things. I’m sure karma played a part in all of that. After that happened, he came to apologize to me and asked for another chance, but I turned him down. Only a friendship was a possibility from then on, regardless of my feelings for him. Now, here we are, many years later...

He looked up at the sound of a knock at the door, coming face to face with a beautiful young woman leaning against the doorframe with an amused expression on her face. “I was wondering why things were so quiet up here. Were you telling them one of your long-winded stories again? Even I can’t stay awake during those.” Kibum laughed softly at that and turned back to his now-sleeping audience, resting peacefully in their cribs. A fond smile formed on his lips as he bent down to kiss their tiny heads before walking out of the nursery with the woman at his heels as they both made their way down the hall. “He’s here again, by the way. In the kitchen helping put away the groceries I came home with...” She bit her lip, wrapping her arms around herself as that person came into view. Kibum could tell his reoccurring presence made her feel uncomfortable and insecure about their relationship which made him all the more sure that it would only break her heart if she knew the truth about what happened between him and the man currently placing a box of cereal in their cupboard. He took her hand and softly kissed the small wedding ring on her finger, trying to reassure her that he was hers.

His wife gave him a small smile, resting her hand on his cheek for a moment and then disappearing back into their bedroom for a small rest after a long day of running errands. Once the door was shut, he felt a warm hand rest against his shoulder, making his heart skip an unwanted beat. After all these years, Kibum was still painfully affected by the other’s touch and it made him want to scream and tear out his hair. He shook the hand off and turned around to look the visitor in the eye. “Jonghyun. Why do you keep showing up uninvited? It’s making my wife uncomfortable in her own home and, quite frankly, it’s annoying the out of me now.”

 Jonghyun sighed and reached up to cup Kibum’s cheek in a similar manner as his wife just had moments ago only to have his hand slapped away as per usual. He knew his fellow SHINee member still harbored feelings for him, and while his never went above a momentary crush, watching this guy grow into his own over the years stirred something in his heart. Even though he knew it wasn't love, there was a longing for the way the married man took care of him back then. It made him want to try harder to gain Kibum’s trust back…and maybe to get him to give into those feelings again. However, when Kibum started dating and eventually marrying his now-wife, to say Jonghyun was shocked would be an understatement. Hadn’t he only been attracted to guys? Why did he marry a woman? He tried asking about that only to be shot down and told that Kibum’s love life was no longer any business of his – and it was the truth. Jonghyun lost the privilege to know about such things when he tore this man apart.

“Honestly…I came because the guys are setting up the final preparations for your surprise party tonight, but I’m sure you already expected something like that.” Jonghyun leaned against the counter and looked down at his feet. “I- I’m sorry if I made your wife feel out of place, it really wasn’t my intention… Does she- Does she know about...us?” He looked up at the other male with a small glint of hope, wanting for the answer to be ‘no’ because he couldn’t stand the idea of his former lover being able to be so vulnerably honest with another person. “Of course she doesn’t. But she’s gotten a small idea about us from the tension that’s always present why you’re around. I’m hoping she doesn’t think we’re having an affair or something because that would cause so many unnecessary problems... What time is the party?” Kibum tried changing the topic to get this visit over with as quickly as possible. The longer Jonghyun was there, the more he was tempted to let his guard down and become seduced by him. Having known him as well as he did, the unwanted guest took the hint and made his way to the door. “It’s at 6. Be a few minutes late. You know they won’t actually be done setting up by that time.”

Kibum nodded and let out a low chuckle at the truth of it all. Without him, the other SHINee members would never pull this off in the time frame they set for themselves. As he was lost in his thoughts, he wasn’t prepared for the sudden sensation of soft lips pressing against his cheek. Jonghyun pulled away slowly, looking into his ex’s eyes with tenderness. “For old time’s sake. Happy Birthday.” He put his shoes on and raised his hand in farewell before disappearing out of the doorway. Kibum stood there with a shocked expression on his face, hand rising up to gently touch the still-tingling spot where the other man had kissed him. His heart was pounding in his chest as a heavy blush spread over his cheeks. Shaking his head to put some sense back into himself, he cursed loudly and punched the wall beside him out of frustration. Why does that man still have such an effect on him? He’s married to the most amazing woman and a father to two precious little angels. Why hasn’t he moved on yet?

The male sighed in annoyance before making his way to the bedroom, opening the door carefully and took in the sight of his wife curled up beneath the covers. A sudden memory of the times he watched Jonghyun sleep like that flashed through his mind. They say you never get over your first love…no matter how much you want to. Maybe that’s the case with him too. Kibum walked in further, shutting the door behind him and making sure the baby monitors were working before slipping under the covers beside her, ready to join her for a nap. He may never get over Jonghyun, his first love, but that man is no longer his only love. In his arms now, is the person who currently reigns supreme in his heart and will continue to do so for the rest of their lives. When they first met, he didn’t want to hurt her feelings by saying he wasn’t into her, or women at all for that matter. So, they got to know one another and he eventually became enchanted by her infectious laugh, dazzling smile and wonderful personality. After that, he finally became enamored by the radiance of her physical beauty and just attracted to her in every way possible. She became the one he wanted to share eternity with, much to his surprise. He smiled in complete adoration at her sleeping form and pulled his wife closer against his body, the warmth of pure happiness radiating off of him as he mumbled quietly before falling asleep. “Happy Birthday to me…”

A/N: There it is. Two years later. So so sorry. The feel of the ending might not seem to flow well, and I'm sorry for that. I wrote half of this chapter two years ago, so of course my mentality when I was writing the second half was different than back then. I have ideas for other stories, but because of school, I don't know when I would put them out. I hope that you enjoyed this story even just a little bit~