Kris was bright and proud. He walked with head up high and left a trail of confidence that Luhan clutched onto because it was beautiful; Kris was beautiful, in the way lion is, and Luhan fell in love with him effortlessly. Their first kiss was vibrant and all that Luhan ever wanted. Cheeks straining, making way for a grin at the aftertaste so wonderful Luhan allowed his mind the hope of forever. It was a mistake, his naivety, because he knew better than anyone the extent of Kris' ambition - the sheer strength what made Luhan love him so at the first place. At the chance of getting where he yearned to be Kris' hesitation was only a second long, by the next wholly ready to sacrifice what he had to. Luhan wished him goodbye and good luck and watched as the plane took off, condemning himself for wishing Kris had looked a little less happy and maybe shown a tiny bit of regret. Luhan was eighteen years old, freshly graduated out of high school when his heart first broke. 

"You should try going to Korea. Go where you want to."

He remembered Kris blurting out once. Luhan thought it was intended not fully to him, but he went. He went in hope to understand Kris better.

Sehun was taller than Luhan. He didn't look four years younger. Luhan took consolation in those facts when he doubted, would repeat them over and over again until they got strong enough to overthrow the ugly feelings (they always resurfaced). Sehun had told Luhan he loved him and Luhan believed his words, believes it still, that at that moment, at one point in time, Sehun truly did. He fell out of love just as fast as he fell in; sorry hyung whispered tight-lipped, eyes refusing to meet Luhan's. Never did the term sound so cold coming out from Sehun's mouth it hit him numb - suddenly the table stretched, as if the months they spent together were a mere mirage and neither one of them ever took a step to close up the distance. Luhan was first to leave the cafe, never coming back again. This time he let himself be put down, ridiculed, because it was absurd to continue clinging to an illusion. Sehun was sixteen when Luhan's heart broke for the second time.

Minseok was the opposite of Sehun. He was warm and mature, resolute and comforting. In their soccer practices Luhan indulged, but it was in the moments after: lying on the grass field talking, sidewalk food carts dinners, (sharing earbuds Luhan would teach Minseok the words of the songs and laugh) that Luhan gradually fell for Minseok. One too warm of a summer evening they stumbled to the ground, soil grazing clammy skin and tiny rocks digging dents. Luhan could see the soft hairs surrounding Minseok's mouth, Minseok's lips, dry and separate and he was panting; they were both panting. When he grabbed onto his sleeve the confused look on Minseok face was brief, soon changing into worry as he asked what's wrong, stooping back down to rub Luhan's shoulder. Are you hurt somewhere? The touch burned through his shirt so Luhan shook his head, flashed a smile because he didn't trust his voice, assuring Minseok he was okay and telling him they should head back or else Minseok might be late for his date. That day he lost another piece of his heart along with a friend.

this will be a two-shot :)