"No...t- this can't be happening. NO!" she screamed at her laptop. She picked up her phone and dialed her cousin's number. She waited and waited for him to pick up, but she got nothing. All she heard was his voicemail, and she lost it. Hearing his voice almost broke her. Logging into her Facebook, she scanned her notifications to see if this really was a joke. But to her dismay, it wasn't.

"Rest in peace, dawg. You was my boy, through everything. I'm still hoping this is just a joke. Until next time my bradah, no worry. I see you real soon! Love you boy, watch over us." and multiple status updates similar to this one flooded her timeline. Her arms began to shake, her breathing getting shallower and shallower with each passing second. She shakes her head, and closes her eyes. She's praying this is just a joke, a horrible and sick joke that someone is just trying to pull. But she knows better than that. She knows this is no joke.

She calls her other friends, begging them to tell her what happened. But not even they can speak, they're voices are too shaken up with raw emotions. She hangs up and stares blankly into space. Numbness is all she can feel. Not even a single tear is shed. And while she's staring, an unforgettable memory comes into her mind. She lays back on her bed, closes her eyes, and lets the memory of her and her cousin play, forever lost in her land of dreams.

--

It was a Tuesday morning, and the sun was hotter than before. It was absolutely blazing, and everyone found their spots under their trees. She was walking around the campus, re-familiarizing herself. After all, she just got back from summer break which was 2 whole months. Seeing all of the familiar faces again really made her feel at home. And that's when she felt a painful sensation in her leg that almost made her drop to her knees.

She turned around and saw her cousin laughing, and she automatically knew it was him who kicked her. That was his way of showing affection towards her. And her affection towards him? Slapping him in his head, and yelling at him. But after that, they hugged and kissed each other's cheeks. Like nothing ever happened. That was the lovely thing about their relationship/friendship. They can do something like that to each other, then turn around and act like nothing happened.

"What the hell was that for, Jay!? That was sore, you know!"

"Hahaha, sorry my cousin. You know I love you, right?" he says, as he wraps his arms around her. Embracing him, she manages to slap his back right on his sunburn, which made him him yell and bend in agony.

"What the hell, Jordann!?"

"Payback's a , ain't it cousin?" she laughed, sticking her tongue out. She loved that about her cousin. He was always willing to just joke around and never really got mad at anything she did. He always managed to make her laugh or smile, no matter what was wrong. He was the only person that could turn the worst day of her life, into the happiest and best days ever, with just a single joke or smile.

--

"Yeah, and now you're gone..." she whispers, almost to herself. Her tears have dried and so has her feelings. It's been 4 days since he died. And nothing has gotten easier on her. She can't stop crying, her "friends" ditched her, and she was starting to drink again. Everything that she has felt since she found out about his death is now starting to creep up and get the best of her. Feeling that she may be drifting too far down into the darkness, she gets off of her bed and gets ready for the football game. Tonight, she's going to be doing some bad things.

--

"I'll kill you! You don't belong here, this is a place for people who loved my cousin only! I swear to God if I ever see your face again you little , I'll KILL you!"

"Jordann, calm down!" she hears someone scream. She can't tell who's voice it is. She doesn't care. Once she saw that girl, everything in her vision just out. All she could see was her cousin laying on the floor, dead, and that girl standing above him. She didn't do anything to help him. She didn't even call the police or ambulance. She just stood there, and watched him die.

"Because of you, Jay is dead! He's GONE, because of you!" Tears are running down her face, and she's ready to kill. She manages to wrestle her way out of her friend's arms, and swings. Her fists makes contact with the girls face, and she falls, her head hitting the concrete. Jordann mounts the girl and just starts pounding, left and right and back again, and doesn't stop even when she sees the girl's blood on her own hands. What does stop her, though, was her cousin, Jay.

Jordann didn't believe it at first. She thought it was just her state of mind, making her go crazy. She sees her cousin, standing above her, and he looks like he's in pain. So much pain..

"J-Jayvaughn...it can't be..." Jordann whispers and stares in awe. Her cousin reaches out and she takes his hand, as he helps her stand. They just stare at each other, ignoring everyone and everything else around them. All they see, all they feel, all they sense...is each other.

"Jordann. Stop, please. It's hurting me, seeing you like this." he takes her face in his hands, leans his forehead against hers. As he stares into her eyes, he continues, "Please stop. For me."

And just like that, all of Jordann's anger and pain seems to disappear. All the hurt, regret, revenge, and hatred that existed in her for so long, just vanished into thin air. For the sake of her cousin. For the sake, of Jayvaughn.

"Jay, we miss you. Why did you have to do it!? Why did you have to leave, Jay! Ever since you left, everyone's been going through hell without you. We need you down here, with us. I miss you so much, Jayvaughn..." she drops to her knees and doesn't even try to stop the flow of tears that run down her face. Suddenly she feels warm, and opens her eyes, only to see her cousin wrapping his arms around her. She feels safe, and loved in his arms. That is the main thing she missed about him, how he always managed to make her smile even in her worst moods.

"Let me tell you something, Jordann. I know it's hard right now, but I am still here with you. In the sun, the moon, the birds, everything. I know it seems like it'll be forever until you see me again, but it's not. I'll see you all, very soon. But for now, I'm begging you Jordann. Please take care of yourself and everyone else. Don't get into any fights, don't do anything stupid. You have your life to live. Not only yours, but mine. Live on in my memory, and I promise I'll be right by your side. And one more thing, Jordann."

"What is it, Jay?"

"I love you, Jordann. Be safe."

And just like that, he was gone again. Vanished in front of everyone's eyes. The crowd around just stares at her, still on her knees on the ground. She feels different, though. Lighter, happier, more carefree. And as she looks up in the sky, there's one thing that catches her eye almost immediately.

A lonely owl, flying across the night sky, directly above her.

--

Rest in Peace

Jayvaughn Alexander Kamalei'okalani Hosino-Shaw

July 2, 1997 - August 23, 2012

I love you, Jay boy.