;_____;

Their food arrived after a few minutes of waiting and the waiter left them with a pitcher of water before walking off. The restaurant was a little classier than Nam Joo had imagined it to be but it was very quiet inside and she took it as a lot of business people met there privately.

Nam Joo had started to think a lot the night she visited Kris when he was sick. She knew his relatives meant well and his parents only wanted the best for him and for her. She was aware she had a lot to apologize for because over the years she had lost herself too often. After drowning everyone else away from her she realized she never knew what she was feeling anymore. Whether the emotions existing inside her were of happiness or a kind of excitement she really didn’t know. Nam Joo felt like a robot sometimes, a thing without emotion, but most of the time she knew she was sad and lonely. Kris had often been around to dispel those feelings and she knew he didn’t stick around for nothing.

She was sure he wanted to know the reason behind their breakup, and she knew the moment she initiated the breakup it tore him up. It did the same to her, but she was always scared that no matter how many people were with her she’d lose them. Her parents were two people she’d lost since birth or rather ever since she came to have the knowledge that they weren’t sincere about anything for her.

Perhaps Kris’ relatives were right. If she never chose to do anything she’d always remain the same, the world would never evolve around her. Deep down she knew she didn’t want to be left behind. If Nam Joo never went after anything she’d never be able to have it and one of the things she wanted most was friends and maybe someone who could be more than a friend.

A few years ago she had learned in a class at university that timing was everything. If she failed to act fast enough, even if she acted too slowly, she’d miss that thing she wanted to grasp.

Nam Joo lifted her eyes up from her plate to look at Kris who was fully concentrated on his food. For 12 years…they’d known each other for 12 years…

“Is there something you want to eat tonight?” Nam Joo asked.

He looked up surprised by her voice and blinked a few times.

“Just…” Nam Joo almost looked away, “if you have something in mind, I’ll get off work early to buy some things to make it.”

His eyes smiled and he looked delighted, “Something get into you?”

“Just…I just want to do something for you.”

He slightly raised his eyebrows before tilting his head up somewhat, “Mmmm…something simple is alright with me. As long as you make it, it’ll be good.” Kris glanced back at her unable to withhold his curiosity, “What is it?”

Nam Joo slightly smiled, “I’ll tell you later tonight.”

If he was ok with it, Nam Joo was willing to give their ‘us’ another try.

Nam Joo returned to work in a good mood and left work half an hour early to go to the mart. She browsed through the aisles and decided to stock up on her own food before checking out. Everything seemed positive so far and Nam Joo could only foresee a good ending to their evening, she hadn’t expected anything else. However, the moment she got out of her car with her grocery and started for her apartment she stopped. At the top of the stairs, Luhan was standing beside her door just like how Kris used to do every day after classes ended and when work hours were over.

All of a sudden all the positive air around her dispersed into the air and Luhan turned to look at her before smiling. Turning away with a worried frown she wondered why he was there.

“I was wondering why you weren’t showing up,” Luhan started down the stairs toward her. “Here, let me help you.”

“I’m fine,” Nam Joo pulled the bags away.

Luhan laughed, “They look heavy. Just let me help you carry some.”

She watched as he started toward the stairs and knowing that she could no longer turn around, followed him. When they got inside she set the bags onto the kitchen table before looking at him.

“Is there…something you need?” she wondered, or else why would he have stopped by?

“You’re always asking me that,” Luhan said with a smile. “No, I don’t need anything.”

“Then why…”

Luhan started toward her living room and looked around before looking back at her. Biting her lower lip with a small sigh she joined him in the other room and took a seat on the sofa. When she looked up he smiled again. What was with him?

“Sorry,” he apologized.

“What?”

“I didn’t mean to intrude in your life or step on the things you want to keep to yourself,” he said kindly sitting beside her. “I think I may be a little anxious like Nana and Hebe who want to meet everyone else.”

Nam Joo found her blinking at the TV set ahead of her.

“And…that time when you talked to me 12 years ago about feeling cold and lonely, I’m sorry I didn’t take you seriously,” Luhan went on, “would you…have been able to trust me if I understood then?”

Nam Joo felt something flush in her heart before she turned to look at him. Why was he bringing it up? No, more like why did he even remember?

“If I start to know you again now, do you think you can try to trust me?”

“What are you talking about?” she frowned.

Luhan stood up in front of her forcing her to look up at him. Nam Joo was starting to have a bad feeling about this.

;_____;

Anxious to find out why Nam Joo had offered to cook anything for him for dinner, Kris had left work the moment he finished organizing his papers. There hadn’t been once during those 12 years where she had offered to do anything for him. Whatever Nam Joo had decided he was sure the news would have to do with him too.

He parked in the lot by her apartment in no less than 20 minutes later and hurriedly climbed up the steps. Kris unlocked the door quietly and began to push it a crack open, but stopped when he heard another voice with Nam Joo inside.

“Lets go out,” Luhan said determined, his eyes set on her.

Kris felt his heart thump and fear drown him. His hold on the doorknob tightened. He couldn’t see them from where he was and that made him more nervous.  

“Huh?” was Nam Joo’s weak, but shocked reply.

All his insides screamed for her to reject him right away. Why was Nam Joo playing confused?

“Lets go out as in lets date,” Luhan clarified, “lets start seeing each other, Nam Joo.”

His grasp lightened around the doorknob, his heart pounded dramatically. Was it…really over for him and Nam Joo? Was his second chance with her over just like that?

Nam Joo hadn’t replied in the next second, but he was honestly too scared to stay and listen for her reply. What if…it wasn’t what he most wanted to hear? What if Nam Joo decided to go into Luhan’s arms? What would he do then?

Kris pulled the door close. He felt so scared. He hadn’t prepared himself for anything. He wasn’t ready to let her go. Rushing down the rest of the steps barely missing a step at a time he got into his car, pulled out, and cruised around the city.

;_____;

Nam Joo’s mind ran on blank waves as she stared up at him deliberately confused. She didn’t know what to say…but she didn’t want to hurt him…but she didn’t want to let herself down…what about Kris? His image bounced in the dark at the back of her mind. What about him?

Luhan smiled again before scratching the back of his head, “Was I getting too ahead of myself? Sorry.”

Nam Joo took the moment to look around her apartment as if looking away from him might relieve her of some invisible burden.

“Anyway, Xiumin wants us all to meet again. Do you think you can do it?” Luhan asked trying his best to make her comfortable.

Nam Joo blinked her eyes, “It…it should be fine.”

“Let Kris know about it too.” Luhan added.

They were quiet. A billion thoughts ran through Nam Joo’s mind.  

“Nam Joo.” Luhan called.

She tilted her head up to look at him.

Luhan returned her a gentle smile, maybe it was an apologetic one. “Will you…think about my words?”

She blinked her eyes again. Would Luhan hang on just as what Kris was doing? It made her heart smother itself. Nam Joo nodded.

“I’ll wait for your answer. I’ll go now.”

Luhan slowly turned to walk away and Nam Joo finally turned when the door closed. The shock of it all still swarmed through her.

;_____;

Kris circled the city once before he arrived back at Nam Joo’s place and by the time he was there the sky had already began to darken. He sat in his car parked in front of her apartment staring at the light coming from the kitchen. Was she still waiting for him? Would she even wait for him? Was Luhan still inside? What had her answer been?

He was scared, really scared. No matter how insecure Nam Joo had been all these years, they couldn’t compare to the fear still creeping inside him. He gulped and turned the engine off. She’d promised to cook for him. Nam Joo had always been a person of her word; he could only rely on her words earlier on in the day.

Kris stiffly started up the stairs and paused in front of the door gulping down his nervousness. She had seemed so much brighter in the day than any other time he’d seen her. He had thought it was a good thing…but did she know about Luhan beforehand? Kris shook his head. No, Nam Joo had sounded stupefied when Luhan had asked for them to start seeing each other. He was sure Nam Joo knew nothing about it.

Swallowing down his anxiety he unlocked the door and pushed it open. Nam Joo turned to look at him from where she was in front of the stove. She softly smiled at him.

“Hey,” she greeted, “you’re a little late.”

Kris turned to look around just to make sure they were alone. When he turned back to look at her his eyes landed on the already set table. Had she…really waited for him?

“You can sit, I’m just reheating this,” Nam Joo said.

He took a seat and Nam Joo joined him a few seconds later.

“I just made a few random things.” She told.

He smiled at her before picking up his utensils silently. He was afraid to speak. He was afraid he might ask her about Luhan. He was afraid she’d get angry when she knew he had eavesdropped. He was just…afraid.

Nam Joo watched him before saying, “Are you not feeling well?”

He looked up at her before replying, “I’m ok.”

Nam Joo looked away before setting her eyes on him. “Why didn’t you try dating anyone these 12 years?”

Kris’ heart wrenched at her words. Was she going to play stupid with him? Why did he have to hurt so much?

“You must’ve been lonely, you must have felt helpless,” Nam Joo’s voice was so quiet, “right?”

He could only remain silent. There was no longer an appetite harboring his body. If Nam Joo didn’t get to the point he might just walk out.

“Do you think, time is willing to be on our side?” Nam Joo asked quietly.

Time? Time for what? Kris looked at her.

Nam Joo looked conflicted before she smiled, and really, she looked really fine. “Xiumin wants us all to meet up. You want to go?”

The disappointment that crashed within him made him want to drop to the floor and maybe cry a few tears. He stuffed some food into his mouth and nodded.

As much as he wanted to hug her he walked out and just sat in his car. What was really running through her mind? What had she meant when she talked about time? Was Nam Joo really slipping out of his grasp? Had there been something else she’d wanted to say to him earlier in the day?

Kris wrapped his arms around the steering wheel and lightly leaned against it. Just once, just once he wanted to turn all this sadness and loneliness into tears that would burst from happiness.

;______;

“Do you think time is willing to be on our side?”

Would time give her a moment to find the love she had hidden away before their friends fell into the picture? Everything was happening at once and Nam Joo had missed the timing. If Xiumin called for the meet, he must seriously be ready to step back out and Nam Joo had always supported his decisions. Having friends and friendship had been so important to her she could never overlook them. She always wanted to be there for them whenever they needed her just because they meant so much to her. There would be two choices available for her in the next couple days: the rebels or Kris. As simple as it was, Nam Joo knew she could only handle one at a time. And her friends would push their way back to her, even if she opposed it, before she would find her way back to where she used to stand with Kris 12 years ago.

She had been ready to talk to Kris about repairing their relationship and trying again. Things just hadn’t worked out. Nam Joo could only pin the fault on herself and feel horrible about it all by herself.

“Well, I guess this is what I deserve,” she murmured.

The water from the faucet fell continuously before her chest felt heavy. In the end, Nam Joo leaned her head down into her arms and buried her face from the lights. Kris would meet Nana again and Nam Joo would lose out to everything once more. Before time could stand on her side she’d lost her chance for it.

;_____;

Nana pattered the wrinkles off her shirt and smiled to herself in the mirror. Xiumin had scheduled their meet by the cherry blossoms in front of Inhun High at 11. Nana wanted to make sure she looked nice, especially in front of Kris. She smiled at herself in the mirror before reaching for her bag.

When she arrived on spot Luhan had a large camera in hand and was already snapping pictures of the trees.

“You look excited,” he greeted her.

Nana smiled before they heard a cab stop by and Nam Joo stepped out. She paused at the end of the walk before Nana waved to her and very quietly Nam Joo started toward them.

“Hey,” she meekly greeted.

“It’s nice to see you again,” Nana smiled.

Nam Joo nodded at her before slowly glancing over at Luhan.

“Come over here for a second,” Luhan reached an arm out for Nam Joo and pulled her in front of a tree. “Stand right there.”

Nana watched Luhan focus his camera on her before taking a picture. She felt a small snort fall from her lips.

“You sure look professional,” she mocked.

“Hey, I work for a magazine. Even if I don’t take pictures, I know a few camera tricks,” Luhan sounded confident.

Nana turned around and felt her heart skip a beat when Kris started up the walk toward them. He smiled when their eyes met but his gaze was indifferent. The moment he neared them he slowly ceased to move. A little bewildered and confused Nana followed his gaze and turned around to see that Luhan was trying to make Nam Joo smile with some of his lame jokes. After a few seconds Nam Joo’s mouth split open and she laughed loudly. She turned back to look at Kris to find that his gaze was full of discomfort and dislike. There was a tiny frown on his face.

In a split second after a few hesitations he walked forward. A large breeze of wind rushed passed her when he hurried toward them. Nana turned around in time to see him take Nam Joo’s arm.

“Nam Joo…” he called.

Luhan slowly lowered his camera and Nam Joo turned to look up at Kris somewhat surprised. What was going on? Why was he acting like that? It was just like the night at the club when Luhan had taken Nam Joo outside for some air.

Thankfully, Luhan eased the atmosphere with a laugh, “Kris, why don’t you and Nam Joo take a picture?”

Nana shifted herself around to watch curious. Nam Joo hesitantly glanced up at Kris before he inched his arm around her and rested his hand on her other shoulder. She glanced over at Luhan and wondered how he was feeling, seeing that his friend had his arm around the girl he had claimed his hands on. Nana wasn’t feeling too content with the sight.

“1, 2, 3,” Luhan counted before the camera flashed. When he lowered the camera he smiled brightly before turning to Nana, “Nana, come take a picture too!”

“No, I’m fine,” Nana waved her hand in front of her.

Luhan stepped toward her and placed her next to Kris, “Ok, now stay still.”

He backed up and readied his camera. In the meantime Nana stole a glance at Kris. She hadn’t been this close to him since a while. A shy smile covered her lips before she turned to look at Luhan who counted again before taking a picture.

“What are you guys doing?” Hebe’s voice interrupted.

The four turned and silenced when they spotted Xiumin walking along the path beside Hebe. Xiumin’s lips were pressed together and formed into a small smile the nearer they got to the others.

Nana could feel it. This was definitely going to be the reunion she’d waited for. 

***So Nam Joo didn't talk about wanting to get back together but put her friends first. And then we will have a lot from Xiumin next :D