We drove all the way to their dorm all lovey-dovey, like a newly-wed couple on their honeymoon. And I actually love the feeling of just sitting next to him in the car, driving off to anywhere. As long as we’re together, everything’s okay.

I stared out the window and reminisced on how Yoseob and I met.

 

I had no idea that he was Hae Yeon unnie’s brother. I knew of him and Beast, and I was a fan, actually, of their music. But it never actually occurred to me that I’d meet their vocalist one day. It was sort of serendipity, how I got to meet him. The magazine Hae Yeon unnie was working at needed an assistant editor and I had sent my resume beforehand although I wasn’t really expecting they’d give me a call. I just got to Korea from Manila and I figured that they’d hire somebody with more experiences. I had 3 scheduled interviews for different magazine companies that day but all of them got canceled. By the time the third one got canceled, Korea Style gave me a call and wanted me to drop by for an interview, as soon as possible. I came almost immediately and took the interview, and just my luck, I landed the job. I was soon introduced to Yang Hae Yeon, Korea Style’s editor, the one responsible for the rapid success of the magazine. She didn’t seem intimidating. She was very entertaining and she showed me around the place, saying that she read my resume and that she was pretty impressed by my credentials and that she’s looking forward to work with me. Long story short, Hea Yeon unnie and I got close as we’d work together ‘till late nights. She introduced me to Yoseob one time she invited me over for dinner. i remembered her telling me something about her brother being a part of the music industry, and sure as hell he was part of it. A huge part of it, in fact. I didn’t really know that she had planned on setting us up but at that time, my doors were completely locked for love. I thought it was just a sweet gesture that unnie invited me to meet his brother but then I started having doubts every time she’d find ways for Yoseob and I to talk to each other. she’d open up ridiculous topics about whatever and would ask only Yoseob and I, or she’d say something that she knew only Yoseob and I would react to. I grew awkward as the night progressed thinking that Yoseob had probably figured out his sister’s cunning ways as well. I would avoid eye contact and tried to stay at the opposite end of the room. But he was still able to catch up with me when unnie asked me to get something from the kitchen. He talked to me and at the moment my eyes met his, I swear, I felt butterflies flying and even singing in my stomach. It was ridiculous, really, but I tried to go with the flow of the conversation as casually as possible. The next thing I knew, we were talking the whole night, laughing and smiling at each other. we only came to notice when the rest of the guys came looking for him telling us that they better get going already. we said our goodbyes and I wasn’t really expecting that I’d see him again after that. But much to my surprise, I saw him the day after, as I got to work. I walked in on him and unnie talking and so I thought he came by to visit her. But unnie turned and walked towards me nudging me, whispering that she’s worked there for years but it was only then that Yoseob decided to stop by for a visit and that he was looking for me. Anyway, he asked me out for lunch that day, shyly. And I asked him how we were supposed to do that considering his social status and how his fans would go ballistic if they caught their “Beast” having lunch with a girl. He shrugged it off coolly saying that he knows a place we could eat at without getting noticed. I finished off from work early since Hae Yeon unnie somehow knew of his dongsaeng’s plan and let me off the article I was supposed to finish writing that day. He fetched me from work, cautious in not getting anybody else to see him, and headed straight to the place he had suggested. It was a beautiful place… secluded somehow, but beautiful. It was peaceful and much to my astonishment, we ran into a few of other celebrities with their “lady friends” hiding out, as well. “aahh… so this is where they go on dates…” I thought to myself. I spent the whole day with him and I even remember how comfortable it felt just sitting there with him, talking about anything we could think of. Soon enough, we started having lunch or even dinner together. he started asking me to drop by at practice or watch their live performances. I would always end up getting fascinated by how things worked behind the scene. How every person, from the crew to whatever, played an important role in making every video, interview, song, and performance, a success. I’d also get fascinated by how Yoseob seemed to change and switch personalities every time he goes on stage. I couldn’t believe how he could be such a dork off stage and completely charismatic and cool on stage. I took every opportunity to explore the life he has now gotten used to, yet it never failed to amaze me how completely grounded he still is despite the blinding glitz and glamour his job was giving him. I had also gotten close to the rest of the guys and every time I was with them, it made me feel like I’m home and that they’re family. He never made me feel neglected, too. every time I’d hang out in their waiting room, marveling on how crazy it gets before and after every performance, he’d still make sure I was comfortable and that I had everything I needed. He’d always sit next to me after he gets his hair and make up done and we’d listen to the songs he had on his ipod. We’d sit there comfortably, in silence, until they get called on stage. The flexibility of my job gave me the opportunity to spend as much time as I wanted with Yoseob. We had a way of figuring it out, actually. I’d drop by when he can’t come to see me, he’d drop by when I can’t come to see him. That way, we’d always see each other. but the former was always the set up. It sort of became a habit for us to talk on the phone every day, especially if he was away. I never really considered it weird, our situation, not until Hae Yeon unnie pointed it out. it got awkward and I tried to balance it out by hanging out with the other guys and that was when Doojoon Oppa and I got close. He would always reason out our similar blood types to why we became so close almost immediately. He was fun to hang out with but every time I was with him, I couldn’t help but think of Yoseob. And that was when I figured out that I was starting to like him already. Yoseob kind of reacted differently to my friendship with Doojoon and he’d even come off cold to me at times. It eventually led him to confess that he was feeling the same way as well. At first, I tried to talk myself out of it, really. I thought of all the possible consequences if I agreed to be his girlfriend. How we’d both be under fire if the public knew, how his fans would threaten us, and how his fans and the world he lived in would affect me and worse, my family. It got to me for a moment… fear crept into my mind. Yoseob said he’d wait for my answer after they get back from Japan. I wanted to sort things out and luckily, they were out of the country for a week. I talked to Hae Yeon unnie about it and she told me that if I really loved him and if I really wanted to be with him, that I should take the risk. She said that Yoseob wasn’t the type to decide on things easily and that when he finally decides on something it means that he had already thought it through a million times. she said that Yoseob is very much aware of what he was getting me into and that it scared him as well but he still pushed through it stating that he wanted to be with me more than anything else and that having Doojoon around me somehow gave him the idea that it won’t be impossible for other guys to feel the same way he did about me. She also said that Yoseob being a celebrity, shouldn’t get in the way of how we feel for each other. That she has never seen her brother fall in love before and when he finally decides to settle down, she’d want him to settle down with me. I broke into tears with her words and it came to me that I wanna be with him, too, that his career shouldn’t get in the way. Yoseob came back and I gave him my answer and I had never felt any happier in my life. 6 months later, we’re now in his car, driving off to their dorm, after making up from a stupid fight and spending the night together.

Everybody shouted “WELCOME BACK JAEIN-AH” the minute I walked it. everybody hugged me and told me how much they missed me. Doojoon oppa who was still inside the bathroom when Yoseob and I arrived, was the last to come up to me and hug me.

“YAH!. How could you have stayed away from us that long?. You pabo!.” He said, still hugging me.

“YAH YAH YAH!. Let go of her!.” Yoseob exclaimed as he yanked me off of Doojoon’s embrace, before I could even say anything.

“aigoo. The two of you, seriously, you need to stop arguing over me. it’s driving me crazy!.” I said, looking at them furiously.

Everybody else laughed as they watched Doojoon and Yoseob bickering. I walked towards the living room.

“JaeIn-ah, how’ve you been?. Come, take a seat.” Junhung Oppa gestured for me to sit beside him.

“We missed you, JaeIn. Really.” Dongwoon Oppa said with a frown.

“I missed you guys, too, you know!. But of course, Seobie and I had to work out our differences first. Sorry ‘bout that.” I said, apologetically.

“okay, okay, enough with that. come on babe, help me pack my things up.” Yoseob said as he went over the couch to grab my hand, urging me to follow him.

“sorry oppas!. We’ll hang out, soon. He’s being kinda possessive right now. Haha.” I laughed as I continued talking to the guys while pointing at Yoseob.

They all laughed and gestured that it was okay. Yoseob and I went to their room and he rampaged his closet for the clothes he wanted to bring over. He laid his clothes down neatly on the bed and I reached out and folded them nicely before taking it inside his bag.

“you’re not moving in with me, aren’t you?. it looks like you’re bringing all of your clothes over. Haha.” I said, laughing at how he brought almost all of his clothes out comically.

He stopped for a minute and turned to me. he walked towards me with his eyes glued in mine. I was taken aback by the sudden change of his actions. He kneeled in from of me and reached for my hand.

“I don’t think that’s a bad idea.” He said, seriously. His eyes still fixated on mine.

I stared at him for a moment, waiting for him to laugh it off. But he didn’t, so I did, instead.

“haha. Yah!. Don’t be like that!. you know you can’t do that!.” I said jokingly, trying to lighten up the awkward moment.

Sure, I wanted to sleep and wake up next to him but living together is a different story. We’re not even married yet. And besides, my parents, and his parents, and Hea Yeon unnie, would definitely kill us if they find out.

“I want to… I’ve been thinking about it for a while, actually…” he said, getting up from kneeling, and sat beside me on the bed. “I wanna be with you every minute. Like I never wanna be anywhere else you weren’t. and that’s how it got me thinking of how great it must be if we just lived together.” he looked straight into my eyes the whole time he was telling me what he was thinking.

It’s a tempting offer. And I feel exactly the same way. But we can’t. living together is just too risky for him and me at this point. His career won’t allow it, my beliefs won’t allow it either.

“Yoseob, I want that, too. but we can’t. I don’t want to be the downfall of your career. If anybody finds out, you’ll be criticized about it for sure. And I don’t want that. things are doing great in your career right now and I don’t want you doing anything to jeopardize it. and besides, you know my views about living together, right?.” I told him calmly.

“I know, I’m sorry. You’re right. Forget what I said.” He said, as he turned his gaze to the floor.

I squeezed his hand and kissed his cheek.

“if we both get lucky, we might marry each other someday. And if we do, we’ll spend every day together. how ‘bout that?.” I said, trying to make him feel better.

I haven’t really thought of marriage yet. But Hae Yeon unnie would always point out that Yoseob and I are no longer teens and that it’s gonna come somewhere along our relationship when we finally have to talk about it. I guess this is it. if anything, I just know that I never want to be with anybody else than him.

“That will happen. But not because of luck. Fate. We’re destined to be together. I know it. and I’m gonna marry you. you’ll be my wife and the mother of my children. Nothing would make me happier than that.” he said possessively, as if he was a hundred percent sure of my future with him. He pulled me in for a kiss. A long, sweet kiss, as if we were sealing the pact we made together. he hugged me afterwards, giggling.

“why are you laughing?.”

“nothing, I just suddenly imagined myself running after our 2 gorgeous kids while you watched us, laughing, as you prepared dinner.” he said, giggling like a child.

“you’ve thought about how many kids were gonna have, already, huh?.” I asked.

 “of course. Our first born child will be a boy and our youngest will be a little girl. A mini me and a darling little princess who looks just like you. I don’t know, it excites me somehow whenever I think of starting a family with you.”

“aigoo. Since when have you thought about that?. we still have a long way to go, babe.” I said.

 “ever since I saw you playing with that kid at the café, one night I came over to fetch you. you just looked so pretty like you were born to be a mom or something, and that started me thinking of the two of us playing with our kids. ” he pulled away from the hug and looked into my eyes. His eyes were shining with hope and sincerity.

“yeah, we still have a long way to go but we’re gonna make it through, right?.” He asked.

“of course, we will. I mean, no promises. We’ll just do our best.” I assured him.

“right.” His eyes soon darted to their my story cd that was resting over the drawer. “JaeIn-ah”

“hmm?.”

“does it bother you?.”

“hmm?. What bothers me?.”

“what I do. Does it bother you?.”

“you mean you being a singer and all?.”

“well, yeah.”

“you being a singer, no. it doesn’t bother me at all. You’re great at what you do and people applaud you for it. besides, it makes me proud to see you out there sharing your talent with the world.”

“and?.”

“what do you mean ‘and’?.”

“oh, you mean you being a celebrity?. Well, it does, a bit. It kind of that I don’t get to be with you whenever I want; that we don’t get to go out on dates without being too careful; that you’re always going in and out of the country; that you fall sick almost every time because of your messed up schedules; that you’re always tired and exhausted because of your worked-up performances; that girls well not just girls; but the insanely pretty ones always get to be around you; that I don’t even get to be there beside you whenever you guys win an award and point to you and shout “that’s my man!.” To the camera with pride even if I really really want to; that you can’t even say “oh no, I have a girlfriend already” on variety shows every time they try to pair you up with another celebrity… but I understand.” I said, finally, as I seemed to have blabbered about my hidden frustrations.

“I mean, it’s a part of you. you were born for this. This is your destiny. There’s a reason why you are who you are now, just think of the lives of the people you’ve touched and inspired. You’re a blessing to every person who cares about you – which is probably half of the population of this world – my point is, I’m proud of you, of what you do. Sure it gets hard but this is your life. I know very well how much you’ve yearned and worked hard for this and now that it finally came true, I will stand nowhere in jeopardizing that. you know how much I want you to be happy and I know that being on stage makes you happy so I rest my case.” I continued to explain.

He sat there beside me, teary eyed, squeezing my hand the whole time I was talking. I was somehow surprised, myself, as the words just came out of me smoothly, like I’ve practiced saying it a thousand times… that I didn’t even stutter… that I just continued talking… that I poured my heart out completely, for him.

“I’m sorry…” he said.

“what??. What are you saying sorry for?.” I asked.

“for not being able to give you what you want…” he explained, a trace of tear noticeable on his face.

“yah, look at me…” I demanded as I raised his chin “you don’t have to give me anything Yoseob… you’ve already given me everything!. Just having you here beside me… that’s all I need. Got that?. So please stop the drama!. Haha.” I said, laughing, trying to make him laugh with me. but his frown remained. He looked like he was in deep pain…

“I know. It’s just that it scares me, somehow, that you’ll meet somebody else who can be there for you anytime you want them to, that you’ll meet somebody who can tell the whole world how much they love you… I don’t ever want that to happen, JaeIn!.” He reasoned out with me, never letting go of my hand the entire time, his fear evident in his eyes.

“Oppa!. What are you talking about?. Where did all of these come from?.”

“I don’t know… I just get scared sometimes whenever I have to be away from you. JaeIn, you have no idea how beautiful you are… inside and out… and it’s not impossible for somebody else to feel the same way I do about you!. and after hearing all the things you just said, it scared me even more to lose you!.”

I sat there, staring at him for a moment… puzzling myself about how I got this guy to feel that way about me… I mean, of all the guys in Korea… how in the world did I get him to fall for me?.

I hugged him so tight and felt all my worries fade… I decided to cut myself some slack since it’s only been 6 joyful months of us being together and that this is just a phase in our relationship in which we’re still trying to keep things steady. He hugged me back immediately, and I felt the world fade away… and that at that very moment, everything felt right… he was made for me… I was made for him.

“no one’s gonna take me away from you.” I said.

“that’s because I’m not gonna let them. Never.”

We pulled away when Dong Woon came into the room telling us to take our lovey-dovey ways down a level. Yoseob showed a smile and I stared at him smiling, as well. So anyway, we left the dorm and everybody said their goodbyes, telling me that I have to come back soon. We drove back to my house and Yoseob and I cooked lunch. We ate happily, and spent the day cuddled up on the couch or in bed, watching movies. We did the laundry and teased each other the whole time, it seemed like we were making a music video with everything that we were doing. He printed the pictures we had together and replaced the ones that were on the picture frames in my room, keeping to himself every picture that had my face in it. we danced and sang to our favorite songs that played over the radio, even requesting for songs on SUKIRA with a different alias. I gave him a manicure and even painted his nails red, he even commented on how red “looks good on his hands”. He brushed my hair and tried to tie it in different styles and I was laughing the whole time. It was great just being able to do all of those with him and the next thing we know, it’s 7 o’clock already and we had to prepare for dinner. we ate contentedly once again, as we fed each other, he even praised my cooking. We cleaned up and watched tv for a bit then went to bed.

“I love this day.” He said as he pulled me into his arms.

“me, too.” I said as I kissed his chest and hugged him back.

“I love you.” he said, as he leaned down and kissed me.

“I love you, too.” I replied after we pulled away.

“I wish I can spend every day like this with you.” he said.

“that would be great. Soon, my love. But for now, why don’t we just sleep and use each other as blankets?. What do you think?.” I said, smirking.

“hmmm… tempting offer… something I will definitely not refuse.” He said as he pulled me close once again, rocking me gently, putting me to sleep.