It was late afternoon, nearly early evening as the sun was just beginning to prepare for its final descent down the blue expanse of the sky after a long and tiring summer day. Baekhyun finally arrived at the riverside for his date with Kai, the bridge they had walked across together sitting peacefully behind them. He was nervous of course, more than nervous, but at the same time, he couldn’t contain the excitement that was slowly building up in the core of his bones for he was in fact spending his birthday with the one he loved. At that thought, the butterflies in his stomach quickly took flight in a giddy flutter of flips and summersaults that made his feet feel like they had momentarily lifted off the ground. But he was quickly pulled back to Earth once again as the inevitable feeling of dread suddenly appeared and latched at his ankles like a ball and chain.

Baekhyun hadn’t thought up a solution to his predicament yet. After he had finally accepted the fact that he was in love with Kai, and that Kai still thought he was a woman so there was absolutely no hope for any kind of future relationship there, Baekhyun had began meticulously planning out every single possible scenario in his head. If he just ripped off his wig and yelled, “surprise!” he’d receive a swift punch to the nose and if he held up a sign which stated in bold letters ‘I AM A MAN, PLEASE STILL LOVE ME’, Kai would surely run him over with his car. Yeah. It seemed that Kai was a violent little kitten in Baekhyun’s imagination.

In the end though, no matter what type of situation Baekhyun conjured up, the result was always the same. Kai would end them off—and in a few worst case scenarios, end Baekhyun’s life off—and never forgive him for as long as he lived. It surprised Baekhyun when he realized that in every single scenario, Kai had never forgiven him or accepted him for who he was. Any normal human being would at least have that little sliver of hope, wouldn’t they? Even if they didn’t deserve it and even if they were sure to be damned to hell for their crimes, the optimism that perhaps in the end, everything would work out would always be there, lodged deep in their hearts. Humans were selfish like that.

But Baekhyun was never a particularly selfish person and deep inside, he knew that he didn’t deserve to be forgiven—he didn’t want to be forgiven.

But before his mood could plunge down straight through the Earth’s core and skyrocket into the dark expanses of space, he was suddenly interrupted by a voice calling his name.

“Hyunnie! Over here!”

Baekhyun quickly whipped his head around and squinted as he spotted someone standing in the distance, one hand stuffed deep into their jeans pocket and the other waving frantically in the air in a manner that could only be Kai’s. Leaving all his thoughts behind him, Baekhyun ran forward towards Kai’s beaming smile like it was the last beautiful thing on Earth. As he approached the other boy, Baekhyun stopped short as he saw a checkered blanket neatly laid down at Kai’s feet, covered almost entirely with various foods and softly lit candles. Kai chuckled at his wide eyes and dropped jaw and reached over to take his hand. “Happy Birthday.”

“Kai, this is amazing.” Baekhyun couldn’t believe the effort that Kai had put into preparing everything for this day. Everything looked absolutely perfect, especially with the sun setting into brilliant shades of gold in the backdrop, sending sparkles off the water gently lapping at the shore. Everything was shining, even the boy who had taken his hand.

“It wasn’t much really,” Kai argued, but his cheeks flooded with a delicate shade of pink, which matched perfectly with the small flower in Baekhyun’s hair.

Baekhyun raised his head to look up into Kai’s eyes and smiled, “I’m touched, really. Thank you.”

Kai squeezed his hand and led him down to where the picnic was set up.

-

They ate happily and chatted harmoniously together all the way until the sun had finally dropped it’s head down for a long night’s sleep and the stars began shyly peaking out from behind the dark sky. Kai had brought a cake, most likely hand made by Kyungsoo, and remembered to sing the traditional happy birthday song (albeit being as awkard as it was endearing) to Baekhyun who sat back and clapped his hands as Kai curled up into the fetal position afterwards and buried his face into his knees. Of course the day wouldn’t be complete without someone getting icing smeared all over their nose and Kai had been the victim, too busy sulking and being enchanted by Baekhyun’s laughter to fight back.

It was dark and Baekhyun had no idea what time it was but he didn’t care to find out. Baekhyun gazed out to the dark water of the river as it lapped lazily at the shore in a calming rhythm. If only time could stop right then and there. If only after this was all over, Kai would stay with him—that was his only wish.

Unknown to Baekhyun though, beside him, Kai was shifting nervously in his seat as he glanced at the watch around his wrist once again. With a deep breath and a shaking hand, he reached out and tapped Baekhyun on the shoulder. Baekhyun turned around and tilted his head. “You’re probably wondering where your present is right?” Kai made his tone teasing. Baekhyun blinked a few times.

“I forgot all about that to be honest.” And it was true. Baekhyun had been having such a wonderful time and praying that each minute would stretch just a bit longer that he had completely forgotten anything about a gift.

Kai smiled, “well you’ll see soon. Close your eyes.”

Baekhyun complied and held out his hands. Kai laughed gently and poked his nose. “You can put your arms down, I never said to hold them out.”

Baekhyun frowned slightly but dropped his hands and wondered exactly what kind of gift Kai had prepared for him. He felt a pair of warm hands wrap around his neck and before he could comprehend the situation, he felt a soft pair of lips press down onto his. Baekhyun’s eyes popped open and his entire body started to scream in a thousand different languages. His lips and his hands were pleading for him to reciprocate, battering against his bones and his conscience but his mind tortured him and restrained him with a million verbal lashings. He was supposed to go out a few times and let him off easy. When did his heart change? And why did kissing Kai back suddenly become the only thing he’s ever wanted to do? It felt like a thousands wrongs and a thousand rights all at the same time, all contained within one suspended moment. But before he could react, and to this day, Baekhyun still wonders what he would have done, kiss him back or push him away, Kai pulled back and gave him the most breathtaking smile, which immediately depleted any oxygen still remaining in his lungs. “Will you go out with me?”

And it was with those words that Baekhyun’s whole world came crashing down. The lies and emotions were too much to handle and the carefully constructed wall that had once contained them, broke and crumbled like a dam opening up it’s flood gates. He didn’t even realize that tears had begun streaming down his cheeks and that his throat was clogged with a sob that he had been holding in since forever. Kai’s eyes suddenly glistened with worry and he reached out to wipe Baekhyun’s tears away. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to rush you, I’m so sorr—“

“Stop Kai. Stop.” Baekhyun managed to choke out between multiple gulps of air. “I’m the one who’s sorry. I lied to you. Everything—everything has been a lie!” And by now Baekhyun was yelling, "I’m not who you think I am Kai! HYUNNIE DOESN'T EXIST! SHE NEVER DID! I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to drag it on for so long. I’m more sorry than you could ever know.”

And with that, Baekhyun pushed Kai away, scrambled to his feet and ran for his life, leaving behind everything he had ever wanted because he was sure that this time, his wishes would never come true.

-

The next three days were hell for Baekhyun. He avoided all human contact at all costs, even ignoring any pleading knocks at his door from his three worried friends who wanted nothing but to know if he was still alive in his dark, locked apartment. They came everyday even though it had stormed and even if it was in the middle of the night when no other soul dared peep.

“Baek, please open the door. Please,” Chanyeol begged as he shook the knob in vain, on the brink of a nervous breakdown. Sehun stood beside him, biting his lip on the brink of tears. Suho sighed and squeezed Chanyeol’s slumping shoulders.

“Baekhyun, we left some food outside your door again. Please eat ok?” They knew that Baekhyun wouldn’t have eaten anything for days. And with that, the three boys left in dejection, determined to come back again the next day.

Baekhyun had heard them. It was hard not to with the thin walls of the apartment but he didn’t have the heart to face them, let alone pick up his legs and get out of bed. For the past three days, he had been holed up in his bedroom, wrapped in a protective layer of blankets while he was stuck in a state of perpetual wallowing and self-loathing. His cellphone was shut off, the batteries ripped out immediately after he had gotten home in a mess of tears and thrown away into some unknown corner of his room. The soft and heartbreaking tone that Chanyeol had used as opposed to his usual deep, exuberant voice must’ve finally broken through Baekhyun’s building isolation, because as his friends said their final goodbye for the day, his heart suddenly started to hurt as he could just feel the pain and strain in their voices. He didn’t meant to make them worry so much. He once again, was sorry—more sorry than they could ever know. Baekhyun sighed as he tried to sit up, his back aching as if the muscles hadn’t moved in forever, which was almost true in his case. He didn’t know when was the last time he ate. Heck, he didn’t even know what time it was or whether the sky behind his closed curtains was bright with sunlight or dark with moonlight. He better eat whatever they had left him on his doorstep. Summoning all the strength he could while thinking of his love for his friends, Baekhyun stretched out his numb limbs and threw his legs off the side of the bed, his bare feet hitting the cold floor with a soft crunch. Baekhyun furrowed his eyebrows and bent down, squinting as his eyes struggled to focus in the darkness. It was a piece of paper on the ground, a bit crumpled and rough around the edges. On the front in bold letters stated ‘TALENT SHOW’. His eyebrows furrowed even more as he picked it up and examined the information written near the bottom of the page. It was tomorrow night.

Tomorrow night he was supposed to sing. Tomorrow night the whole school would be there to watch…

And like a wave, a plan suddenly crashed down onto Baekhyun as he tossed his blanket aside and all but jumped off his bed and threw himself into a pile of old clothes, flinging everything aside in a flurry before he finally found what he was looking for—his cellphone. He quickly located his batteries and put them in. Almost immediately after everything had loaded, the boy was bombarded with multiple flashing lights as all the missed calls and texts started to stream in. Most were from his friends and a lot from Kai as well, but before he would lose all his courage and back down, he quickly deleted everything and opened up a new message to Kai. He didn’t know if it was too late, but he had to try.

Please be at the talent show tomorrow. I have to explain to you.

With a sigh, Baekhyun fell to the floor and calmed his racing heart with a few deep breaths and nods. With a new sense of determination flowing through his veins, he quickly stood up, found his notebook and headed to the door.

-

Chanyeol nearly jumped Sehun when that night they came to Baekhyun’s apartment to see an empty plate resting on his doormat.

-

This was it.

It was now or never.

Baekhyun knew that, and he tried to stay calm but he was afraid, more afraid than he had ever been in his life. If anyone asked, he would have blamed it on stage fright but in reality, this was infinitely worse. He was currently at school, standing backstage as he waited for his turn to perform in the show. He was after a Chinese boy named Tao who was apparently supposed to show off some martial arts. Baekhyun didn’t know anymore, his thoughts were all becoming a blur under the heat of the stage lights and the beats of the techno music playing on stage and yet, the one thing that remained crystal clear in his mind was the fact that Kai was there, somewhere out there in the crowd.

Baekhyun didn’t know if the plan would work and as the music faded away and the applause was roaring behind the heavy, velvet curtain, everything started to fall apart and Baekhyun was flooded with second thoughts. What if Kai doesn’t understand? What if he never even came? It was only when Tao strode past him and gave him a quick thumbs up was when everything became real to Baekhyun. It was his turn.

This was it.

It was now or never.

He gulped down the lump in his throat and with one last look at his grey blazer and black jeans, he stepped out onto the stage. The spotlight immediately found him as he stood there at center stage, waiting for the MC to announce his name. Baekhyun’s eyes swept over the dark crowd and he was suddenly hit with a sense of déjà vu. At least this time he would be presenting himself as what he truly was.

“Next, singing a self composed song called ‘What is love’, here is Byun Baekhyun!”

The crowd erupted into applause as Baekhyun sat down on the black stool beside him. His eyes were still scanning desperately down the rows of the audience but when the first few notes of the electric guitar started, Baekhyun felt himself easing back into his seat and closing his eyes. Thinking back to all his memories with Kai and all the emotions that he wanted to—no, had to convey, Baekhyun began.

"Making a day feel like a minute…"

He opened his eyes and sang.

"I lost my mind, the moment I saw you

Except you, everything get in slow motion

Tell me if this is love..."

And as his eyes scanned the very back row, he saw him. He was there—Kai really had come, but making out his face was near impossible. The shadows were too thick just like the first time they had met and Baekhyun could do nothing more but to sing—sing with all his heart and hope that his voice travelled far enough to reach him. Even if his hands were shaking, and even if his stomach was flipping upside down and right side up over and over again, Baekhyun couldn’t take his eyes away as if in the blink of an eye, the other boy would simply disappear out of his life.

"Sharing and learning countless emotions everyday with you

Fighting, crying and hugging

Tell me if this is love..."

But before Baekhyun could sing the next verse, he watched as Kai got out of his seat, gave him one last glance and walked out the door. Baekhyun’s heart ripped in half and he nearly collapsed right there under the sweltering lights. This is what you deserve Baekhyun. You knew he would never forgive you, yet you still hoped didn’t you?

After struggling to choke out one more verse, Baekhyun suddenly burst as all his pain came and surged forward. It was so much worse than he had ever imagined—so much worse than his darkest most frightening nightmares. It was excruciating and nearly tore his soul in half. He would rather have died right there than to live on holding so much pain inside of him. He stumbled off the stool in tears, quickly ran backstage and bolted through the emergency exit doors.

He didn’t know where he was going. His eyes couldn’t even see straight in front of him and before he knew it, he was seated at the back of a bus, huddled up as his frame shook with each heaving breath he took. He was thankful at least that at this hour, the only other passenger on the bus was an old woman who would probably just think he was going through some sort of teenage angst and wouldn’t bother him.

-

Many minutes had passed by already and although the pain was still raw, and the wounds were still throbbing, Baekhyun had calmed down considerably. His tears had dried up and his breathing, although still ragged and heaved in random chunks from time to time, was stable. His dull eyes stared blankly out the window as the world passed him by in a swirl of lights before the bus came to a sudden stop, which nearly threw him out of his seat and snapped his attention back to the present. Baekhyun blinked around him and looked out the window. Outside was a bridge—the same bridge that the two of them had walked across together before. And suddenly Baekhyun remembered that small fact he had heard about in a movie again. “Did you know that every year thirty five people jump off the Brooklyn bridge, most because of a broken heart?” His voice was just a whisper as he recited it once again.

“Do you— Do you think we’ll ever end up like that?”

“No, never.”

Baekhyun felt the tears welling up again as his legs suddenly picked themselves up and walked him out the doors of the bus. The wind had picked up considerably but the air wasn’t chilly. Rather, it held a dim warmth that wrapped around and tried to console Baekhyun has he trudged towards the bridge. As he reached the center, he turned towards the ledge and let the wind blow through his hair and past his wet eyes as he looked towards the churning black water below. It was a long way down.

He never understood it before, why people would take their own lives over such trivial things like love. But in that moment, he knew better than anyone else. Baekhyun could feel another sob threatening to wrack over his body and he leaned over the railing and yelled with all his might, “YOU TOLD ME THAT WE WOULD NEVER END UP LIKE THAT BUT LOOK. LOOK AT US NOW. Kai… look at us now…” Baekhyun broke once again.

“What am I supposed to see?”

Baekhyun’s heart jumped. He nearly lost his balance and toppled over the railing before he managed to catch himself at the last minute and turned towards the voice. Stepping out of the cloak of the shadows like he had been there all along, Kai came forward and stared at Baekhyun. “Kai…” Baekhyun’s voice was so weak, like he was afraid that just uttering his name would offend the other.

“Baekhyun,” the taller replied curtly. His face was void of any emotion as he continued to stare.

“Kai, please listen to me before you start jumping to conclusions,” Baekhyun pleaded. Kai stood there for a moment before he nodded and allowed Baekhyun to continue.

Baekhyun sputtered as he was put in the spotlight. To be honest, he had never thought Kai would agree to listen to his reason and now that he was given the chance—his one and only chance—his mind began to shut down in panic. “It—it was a favour and I was supposed to let you off easy and—“ Baekhyun wanted to jump off the side of the bridge, “but then I couldn’t. I just couldn’t. And I didn’t know why. I was so confused until I realized it was because… I loved you. And by then it was too late for me. I didn’t mean to… drag it on… for so long and I didn’t mean to fall for you. I’m so sorry, Kai.” By now Baekhyun was sobbing once again into his hands. Silence fell upon them with only the sound of the flowing water beneath their feet. What was probably only thirty seconds felt like thirty lifetimes to Baekhyun before he felt a strong pair of arms wrapping around his shoulders and pulling him close into the warmth of their chest.

“Don’t cry, don’t cry.”

But those words made Baekhyun cry even harder.

“I knew you would be here, Baekhyun,” but before Baekhyun could ask why, Kai went on, “and I needed to be here before you so I could stop you from making a huge mistake.”

“Wha—what?” Baekhyun sputtered into Kai’s jacket, pushing him away slightly so he could look up at the other's face in utter confusion. But the only response he got from Kai was the soft gaze of his eyes. “You don’t hate me?” The sadness in Baekhyun’s body was slowly transforming into disbelief.

Kai nearly laughed, "trust me, I tried. I tried for so long.”

Baekhyun’s heart ached but he knew he deserved it, “wait… you knew?!”

Kai let go of Baekhyun and stuffed his hands in his pockets, looking off into the distance as if recalling a memory. “Ever since I met Baekhyun, the real Baekhyun, I always had my suspicions. And when you stormed off on your birthday, I was sure then.”

Baekhyun listened in silence as he absorbed all the information.

“And those days that you went missing, I tried to forget you. I tried to hate and curse you with everything I had for lying, for tricking me, for everything. I really did.”

Baekhyun winced.

“But you know what? I couldn’t,” Kai shook his head and looked down at Baekhyun, “do you know why?”

All Baekhyun could do was shake his head.

“It was because of love. I realized that I loved Hyunnie too much to ever hate her and I also realized that Hyunnie was essentially you.”

Baekhyun blinked as everything started to click into place.

“I know it’s weird, and it makes no sense to reality, but Baekhyun… I forgive you.”

Baekhyun wanted to cry again but for different reasons. Kai was too good for him, even when he knew. “Kai, thank you,” and in that moment, he found his smile again.

“Look, I’m not saying we can be the same as we were before,” Kai clarified but Baekhyun was too busy feeling touched to care. “But we can be… friends.”

Friends, huh? Baekhyun looked up and smiled at Kai who returned the gesture with a crinkle of his eyes. It was more than he could ever ask for.

“And hey, who knows? I said that we would never end up that way, didn’t I? Maybe over time we could give it a try,” Kai added on with a teasing wink.

“Are you crazy?!” Baekhyun laughed and wiped his eyes once again. In the end, everything did work out. And Baekhyun couldn’t be any more thankful.

“Tell me if this is love,” Kai mock sang, which earned a smack on the arm from Baekhyun.

“Hey, it’s a good song!”

“Yeah, yeah. I’ve always wanted to hear you sing anyways.”

The two laughed and smiled, finally seeing each other in a totally new light—a light that shone as brightly as their hope for their new futures together.

Author's Note:

It's finally finished ~*~*~**~celebrates~*~**~*~

Haha sorry it took so long... it was a busy weekend...

In any case, regarding the ending, since their relationship wasn't the most perfect in the world, I thought that the ending shouldn't be perfect either~ ^^

It seems that most people want me to continue to write Kai x Baekhyun so I'll see what I can do!

I hope that you all enjoyed reading <33 I had a fun time writing this as well so win win~