Kyungsoo stood at the end of his driveway; feet shoulder-width apart, back only slightly curved, one hand straight at his side and the other bent at the elbow, his face was warm on the outside, but cold and unmoving beneath his skin as he waved goodbye to what he hoped would be his one and only offer at a new life.

            The boy let out a harmonic sigh as he tucked his long, slender fingers into the posterior pockets of his favorite pair of faded denim jeans.  He tilted his head and allowed his mind to wander off and thought about what would have happened had his mother not been there to direct him.  He was so close to saying yes, but his mother reminded him that he had a job to do: a big one.  If it hadn’t been for her, he would have been in that van.

            A cooking school, he scoffed, I’m about to be in EXO.  I don’t need someone to teach me how to cook. I’m good enough already.  So what if it were Martha Sherpa practically begging me to take one of her classes?  Hong Kong is too far away anyhow, plus, her classes are in English.          

 

            Martha Sherpa is a skilled cuisine instructor in Hong Kong who specializes in quality home style cuisine such as Chinese BBQ and Wok, Dim Sum, and Thai dishes.  She is well known throughout the world and offers courses to better improve one’s cooking abilities and techniques.

            Kyungsoo loves to cook; it’s his passion.  He also likes to sing; he has the voice of an angel.  Dancing and performing are pleasurable to him, too.  He likes a lot, he does a lot, and he desires a lot.  But this boy has been recruited as a trainee by SM Entertainment and is set to debut with EXO-K in just a few days.  Why couldn’t the chefs have come sooner?

 

            What if SM was lucky and got to me first?  What if I really am supposed to be a chef?

 

            It was midnight and Kyungsoo still found himself glued to the pavement of his driveway.  I’m so stupid.  Almost as if in a trance, the woeful boy managed to drag himself upstairs, undress, and lay supine on his bed.  He didn’t even fold his clothes.

 

 

            “Kyungsoo…?” Junmyeon called as he waved a hand over the younger’s face as he desperately tried to get his attention.

            “Hm, hyung?” he said, opening his wide eyes to their normal size. 

            Why am I still here?  Is this what I actually want?

            “What’s up with you?  You danced worse than Chanyeol today.”  Junmyeon rested a hand comfortably on Kyungsoo’s back, a comforting measure which partially did its job.  “It was almost as though you were in a whole other world far, far away from here.”

            I can’t let him know about what happened.

“I was trying to visualize EXO planet, trying something new, but it didn’t work like I thought it would, I became too carried away, and I apologize.”

            Junmyeon offered a reassuring smile, “I suppose that’s okay then, now come on, let’s do this one more time before our big debut!”  The elder even engaged in a small fist-pump-like gesture, causing a small laugh to pour from the younger’s lips.

            “Five, six, seven, eight!” the choreographer shouted to the members.  Only four days left before the big day.

            Where are my nerves, I was so anxious earlier?

            Kyungsoo moved smoothly with the rhythm, hitting all the right notes and flowing through the progression effortlessly.

            Oh, here they are.

            The song ended and Kyungsoo barely made it to the bathroom and closed the door.

 

            “Kyungsoo…?” Junmyeon called as he waved a hand over the younger’s face as he desperately tried to get his attention.

            “Am I experiencing déjà vu or are you just running out of ways to capture my attention?”  Kyungsoo reached up towards his forehead which felt cool and wet.  Pulling off the damp towel, he motioned to it with his other hand.  “What is this?”  Rolling over, he glanced at the clock.  “2:30?  Why are we home and not practicing?”

            This is all my fault.

            “You got sick at practice today and left the janitors quite a mess to clean,” the leader said as he rewet and readjusted the towel atop Kyungsoo’s head.  “It’s probably just nerves.”

            Yeah, nerves.

            “They’ll go away when you’re on stage, they always do.”  The leader smiled and quickly squeezed his hand before leaving him in complete quiet and solitude on the couch.

            He was almost asleep when a loud “ahem” startled him.

            “What was that for?  You almost made my heart jump out of my chest!”  Kyungsoo cried, clutching the shirt laying upon his chest for an added emphasis.

            “Sorry,” Jongin shrugged.  “I just thought you’d like some company.”  Without waiting for a response from his senior, he pulled up a chair and sat only about two feet from Kyungsoo’s head.  He leaned over and pressed the towel back down against his forehead.  “We can’t afford for you to be sick,” Jongin said in his deep, mysterious voice.  It sounded like there was more to be said, but there wasn’t.

            “Yeah,” Kyungsoo said, “I’ll work on that.”

            “Is it nerves?” he asked, raising his eyebrows slightly.  “You’ve never really had a problem with them before,” Jongin noted, as if he knew Kyungsoo’s life.

            “I guess so; it seems to be the only explanation.”

            “Or,” he paused, “you’re hiding something from us.”

            Kyungsoo jolted upright, his eyes turning into saucers which appeared as though they were about to fall out of his head at any given moment, and looked Jongin square in the face.  “What?” he stammered.

            “So, hyung, what are you hiding?”  Jongin inched closer and enveloped Kyungsoo’s hands with his own.  “You can tell me, I’m not like the others.”

            Kyungsoo’s breath caught in his throat and for a moment and he couldn’t breathe.  The sensation of Jongin’s tan skin upon his was like no other he had ever felt before.  His heart rate increased.  His pupils’ dilated.  And he couldn’t think clearly.  His mouth had fallen into a perfect “O”.

            “Hey man, if it embarrasses you that much you don’t have to tell me,” Jongin said as he removed his hands and held them in the air.  “Just get some rest; I’ll see you tomorrow at practice.”  And with that he walked out of the room.

            Why was I like that?  Damn nerves…

 

           

            Kyungsoo awoke to the enticing aroma of freshly cooked bacon and eggs, which was odd, usually he was the one who did the cooking.  Just as he began to lift himself out of his bed, Jongin barged into the room with a tray of food with a large, accomplished smile plastered on his face.

            What is going on?

            I’m the chef here.

            Did they find out?

            “Here you go, hyung,” he said, gingerly setting the tray across Kyungsoo’s lap.  “I know I’m not as good of a chef as you are, but I tried.  I hope you like it.” 

            Are they trying to make my life harder than it really is?  This group is my family, but I’m not even sure that I want to be here.

            He bowed and turned to leave when Kyungsoo stopped him.

            Well here goes nothing.

            “Jongin-ah, eat with me.”  Kyungsoo encouraged, patting the large space at the side of his bed.

            “Um, what?”  Jongin looked around, confused, unable to believe the offer he had just received.  “I really don’t think…. I’m not a breakfast person…”

            “Oh, please.  Besides, I wasn’t asking you.” Kyungsoo looked at Jongin as he took a sip of his orange juice—it was delicious, probably because it came from a container and wasn’t made by these amateur chefs.

            “Oh, okay.”  He sat down gingerly, as far from Kyungsoo as he could manage, yet close enough to where he could reach the food.

            They ate in silence, nothing unusual about this.

            He is so cute when he’s shy.  

            Why is he still shy with me?

            Maybe it’s just a defense mechanism.

            A defense mechanism….

            “Jongin-ah, do you know why I asked you to eat with me?” Kyungsoo inquired on his final bite of food.

            “No, why?”  Jongin tilted his head.

            “Because this way, if the food was bad, I wouldn’t be the only one with food poisoning.”

            Jongin said nothing, but had a quizzical expression on his face.        

            “I was kidding!” Kyungsoo exclaimed.  He followed with a laugh for good measure.  And luckily for him, Jongin joined in.

            His laugh is so cute.

            Like a puppy running in spring.

            Get it together, Kyungsoo.  We share a room together for Christ’s sake.

            “Well, I’ll do the dishes,” he said as he gathered the silverware and plates into his arms.  Last one in the kitchen is a rotten egg!”

 

 

            The next day, the last day before debut, Kyungsoo killed it with his performances.  Something within him stirred and he managed to allow his physical self to be there, with the members, even though he mentally was nowhere to be found.

            This is it.  What do I have to lose?  Nowadays, all the groups just break up, anyways.

 

 

            “Okay, guys, just go out there and do your best!  Chanyeol, Baekhyun, Kyungsoo, Jongin, Sehun, I have faith in all of you!” Junmyeon chants.

            The crowd grows louder with each passing roar and the doors slowly open to reveal the members.

            They walk out in robes, hoods up, faces down.

            They are kneeling down with their back to the crowd.

            They chant.

            And they are one.