He could feel his body ache. The sweat was trailing down his body, while he stared into the mirror. The music was playing so loud that his ears hurt. He sighed while watching the others dancing and training hard, while he was resting. He felt exhausted for a long time now, but it was seriously getting worse. He tried to stand up but his feet wouldn't hold him. He groaned and got a worried look from the leader.
“I'm okay” he mumbled and stood up. His legs felt weak and he felt how is headache was getting worse.
“You really should rest!” he felt a hand on his shoulder. He pushed the hand away and walked over to the mirrors. He closed his eyes and listened to the beat of the music. He felt how his sore muscle began to move to the beat. He remembered the choreography by heart. He felt how his body moved and opened his eyes. He saw himself move in the mirror, but still felt so heavy until he realised that he still was not moving. He looked towards his feet and then back towards his moving reflection. He thought it would end as soon as he closed his eyes again, but when he opened them his reflection was still moving and his real body was still like a stone. His reflection smirked and seemed amused by the angry look it was getting.
“Look at yourself. Standing there like a statue” his reflection laughed at him. He clenched his fist tight and growled.
“You're such a coward!” his reflection said. He screamed and punched the mirror. He could hear the glass shatter and how his fist began to get numb.
“ Jongin is everything okay?” he heard a worried voice asking. He turned his head to face a worried Chanyeol. He looked at the broken mirror and at his reflection. It has stopped moving, but he could still see that freaking smirk.
“ he's bleeding!” Baekhyun exclaimed and searched for their first aid case. Jongin looked at his bleeding fist. The smell of iron was slowly taking over his senses and he just wanted to throw up.
“It looks worse!” Joonmyun said in a serious tone while mustering the wound. Jongin didn't know what was going on. He couldn't feel the pain. His hand only felt numb like his whole body. He looked at the mirror again. Mustering his reflection. He looked normal again. Just a little pale, but his reflection looked normal. ' this hallucinations' he thought while resting his head on Chanyeols shoulder.
“What's wrong with you?” Chanyeol asked looking at Jongins pale face.
“I don't know either hyung!” Jongin mumbled and closed his eyes.


The other members watched Jongin more closely now. His hand was slowly getting better, but they could see that his mental state was only getting worse. Their promotions just ended, but the stress was not getting less. They already were preparing for their next comeback. Their days were full with recordings and dance practice. Day by day Jongin was getting quieter. He would always watch the mirror and his own reflection. At first they made fun of him, but after a while it was getting kind of scary. He was just sitting in front of the mirror and watched himself. Like his reflection was talking to him.
It was on one afternoon when they practised. Jongin seemed to be normal that day. He was cheerful and had fun with the members, but still something was wrong and they all knew it. They were getting in their positions, the music started loudly. The first half of the song was all right, but then Jongin stopped in the middle of the dance. He stared at the mirror with a blank expression. The member gathered around him and tried to get his attention, but he didn't even blink. It's like he got lost in his own world. The members looked at their leader, who was thinking hard what they should do. Suddenly Jongin shook his head and walked out of the practice room.
“Should we go after him?” Sehun asked worried. Joonmyun shook his head.
“No I don't think he would talk with one of us anyway. We should leave him alone for a while!” Joonmyun answered. He earned a questioning look from Chanyeol, but ignored it.
“Let's continue” Joonmyun finally said and the members got back into their positions.


Jongin ran out of the practice room. He ran until he couldn't breathe. He stopped in an alley and tried to catch his breath. His hallucinating got worse over the weeks. His would always see himself in the mirror and how his face would deform into a zombie. He couldn't sleep at night. The picture of himself wouldn't stop flashing behind his eyes. He groaned and punched the brick wall behind him. This hallucinating had to stop. He sighed and pushed himself off the wall. He needed to find someone that would help him. There would be only one person and that was his dealer. Yeah it became normal to Jongin to take drugs. He mostly took and ecstasy to push himself. He needed more energy and the world seemed a little brighter to him, when he was on drugs. Beside that the hallucinations and the voices in his head would get blocked out for a few hours. It was not good for his image, neither for his health but he couldn't live without it anymore. He hated himself for being an addict. All this secretiveness was getting on his nerves, but no one needed to know about his addiction. As he walked through the streets he hoped that the fans would not recognize him. He tried to hide his face with his cap and the hood of his sweater. Fans would recognize him anyway, but he was in a part of the town that no fan of him would ever enter. He leaned against the wall of an old house and waited for his dealer.
“You need some freaking pills to ignore me. How ridiculous!”the voice inside his head laughed loudly and Jongin bit his lip.
“1 gram and 2 pills right?” he heard the familiar voice of his dealer. He nodded and gave him the money. The dealer counted and nodded satisfied.
“Here's your stuff” Jongin took the package and put it into the pocket of his sweater. They both nodded at each other and went separate ways. Jongin tried to find his way back to the dorm. His bandmates would be home by now. When he entered the dorm everything was quiet, the only thing he could hear was the television. When he looked at the watch it was already 11 pm. He was really late. He got out of his shoes and tip toed into the living room. To his surprise only Chanyeol was still awake.
“Oh you're finally back!” Chanyeol said and looked at Jongin. Jongin nodded and only wanted to sleep. He didn't need all this questions right now. His headache was getting worse and the chatter in his head was not helping either.
“You should come back home earlier” Chanyeol stated and switched his eyes back to the TV.
“I will hyung” Jongin mumbled and went to his bedroom. He opened and closed the door quietly, knowing how light Kyungsoo slept these days. The stress was getting to their heads. It seems that everyone could deal with it beside of Jongin. He seemed to get crazy because of all the stress. He fell on his beds and crawled under his blanket. He fell asleep in his normal clothes. He was way too tired to move even a finger.


Jongin woke up earlier than all the others. He groaned when he felt that his headache was still present. He stumbled still half-asleep into the bathroom. The drug package in one hand. He looked into the mirror with half-lidded eyes. His face looked normal beside that his eyes were red and his face looked kind of grey. He closed his eyes again and fumbled with the package. He opened it and took out the . The was also a tubule in the package. He formed a thin line with the power. He knew what dose was okay for him. He pulled out the tubule. He took the and his threw his head back. He felt how the wandered through his veins and how the power ran through his veins again. It took him a few minutes to open his eyes. He looked into the mirror and his reflection looked normal. He smiled and took the package with him. When he wanted to open the bathroom door he realized that it was half-open. He began to panic and tried to hide the package in the pocket of his jeans. When he opened the door Chanyeol was leaning against the door frame. Jongin gulped and smiled at his giant hyung. Chanyeol mustered him with a knowing look.
“Good morning Hyung. Why are you already awake?” Jongin asked and tried to hide his nervousness. Chanyeol pushed himself off the door frame. Jongin felt so tiny, not only because of Chanyeols height, but because of Chanyeols look.
“Just woke up and needed to use the bathroom, but I saw that you were in it” Chanyeol answered.
“Well then the bathroom is free now” Jongin said and scratched the back of his head. Chanyeol looked at him still with his judging look.
“When did you want to tell us about your addiction?” Chanyeol suddenly asked when Jongin wanted to go back into his room. Jongin turned around to face Chanyeol.
“I don't know what you're talking about hyung!” Jongin laughed lightly. Chanyeol pushed him against the world and leaned closer.
“You know really well what I am talking about!” Chanyeol said through gritted teeth. His hands found their way into the pocket of Jongins jeans and pulled out the package. He held it in front of Jongins face.
“What about this Jongin?” Chanyeol asked. Jongin looked at his feet and bit his lip.
“Please don't tell the others!” Jongin begged and looked at his Hyung. Chanyeol sighed and stepped back from Jongin. He threw the package at him.
“I won't tell them. You should do it yourself and you should also stop taking this , but you're old enough to know what's good for yourself!” Chanyeol said and turned his back towards Jongin. He closed the bathroom door behind him and Jongin slide down the wall. His heart was beating fast, because of the that was running through his veins. He felt how the drug slowly clouded his mind and he soon forgot about the conversation with Chanyeol. He was way too high to think about the consequences his addiction would soon have.

For the next few days Jongin seemed to be himself again. He was interacting more with his bandmates and smiled way more than he used to. Only Chanyeol knew the cause of Jongins happiness and it by the time it got really awkward between them. When Jongin was out of stuff he became quiet again. He didn't dare to look in the mirror, because when he was on cold turkey his hallucinations got worse. He was wandering around in their dorm in the middle of the night with the worst headache he ever had. When he was just about to enter the kitchen he heard the television. It was like 2AM in the morning. Who would watch TV at such a time. Jongin entered the living room and saw Chanyeol sitting in front of the television.
“Why are you still awake Hyung?” Jongin asked and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. He let himself fall on the couch beside Chanyeol.
“I could ask you the same question” Chanyeol said without looking away from the TV.
“I have a headache and can't sleep” Jongin answered and looked at Chanyeol.
“Well I only can sleep 2 hours in the night. So I waste the rest of my time with TV!” Chanyeol finally answered and looked at the younger one. Jongin could see the dark rings under Chanyeols eyes.
“Seems like I'm not the only one that can't handle the stress” Jongin mumbled. Chanyeol nodded and sighed. Jongin laid his head on Chanyeols should and felt how the pounding in his head was slowly fading.
“Hyung can I tell you something?” Jongin asked after a couple of minutes.
“Go on”
“I think I need your help!” Jongin said. Chanyeol looked at him again.
“I don't think that I can go on like this. The drugs, the voices in my head and the hallucinations! I can't do it alone Hyung!” Jongin said with tears in his eyes. Chanyeol felt how his heart broke a little when he looked at the younger one. He pulled Jongin into his arms and heard him sob silently.
“I will help you. I promise!” Chanyeol mumbled into the ear of the younger one.


Chanyeol never broke his promise. He would always watch over Jongin. They would spend way more time together than they used to. The other members realized it even more, when the two began to sleep on the couch together. They would rarely sleep in their rooms anymore.
“You seem to be very close lately” Kyungsoo said to Chanyeol one day. Chanyeol seemed to be confused by the comment of the other.
“You and Jongin. You seem to be very close these days!” Kyungsoo explained.
“Oh yeah. Well we got along better” Chanyeol said and smiled at Kyungsoo. Jongin entered the kitchen and his face lit up when he saw Chanyeol. Chanyeols smiled faded when he saw how big Jongins pupils were. He took Jongins arm and took him into the bathroom. He slammed the door shut and pushed Jongin against it.
“You took drugs again!” Chanyeol said through gritted teeth. Jongin nodded and smiled. He never felt so good like this before. Everything was blurry, but he felt like he was on a cloud.
“Come on Hyung. I wanted some fun. You should want some fun too!” Jongin said and laughed lightly. Chanyeol took a step backward and sighed.
“You will to get on a cold turkey to finally get over this !” Chanyeol mumbled more to himself. Jongin giggled and threw his arms around Chanyeols neck.
“I really like you hyung” Jongin giggled like a little girl. Chanyeol sighed and threw Jongin over his shoulder.
“I CAN FLY!” Jongin screamed through the house. Joonmyun and Baekhyun looked at Jongin with wide eyes.
“He just needs some sleep!” Chanyeol said and carried Jongin into his room he shared with Baekhyun. He threw Jongin on his bed and pinned his hands down. Jongin moaned painfully and closed his eyes.
“Hyung please let it stop. They're talking too much. Make them stop!” Jongin begged. This was happening for the third time this week. Chanyeol was sick off it, but he wouldn't break his promise.
“It will end, when you stop taking this . If you don't stop it than I will stop it!” Chanyeol said and saw how Jongin weakly nodded.


When Jongin was sleeping Chanyeol went to the others. They needed to know about Jongins problem. They all needed to know what was going on with their second youngest.
“You all probably noticed that something is wrong with Jongin..” Chanyeol started. He could feel how all the member were staring at him.
“Well he can't handle the stress. He began to hallucinate and hear voices, because of that he began to take drugs. It really got worse and he needs to be on a cold turkey. He can't do it alone. He needs us!” Chanyeol said and looked up. He saw the shocked face of their leader. Joonmyun began to mumble under his breath.
“Of course we will help Jongin!” Sehun finally said and stood up.
“Why did we never notice this?” Joonmyun asked still shocked by the fact that Jongin had a serious problem.
“He never told us and he really hid it perfectly!” Chanyeol patted the leaders shoulder.
“We will help him!” the leader said out loud and Chanyeol smiled lightly. Maybe it would get better.

The next few weeks were the pure horror for Jongin. His body was fighting against the rehab. He often got cramps and screamed because of the pain. His bandmates tried their best to help him, but even they were helpless when Jongin was in such pain. Chanyeol would be at Jongins side most of the time. He would rarely leave the weak boy. It was one of the bad days again. Jongin was panting and sweating heavily. Chanyeol was holding the hand of the younger one. Jongins eyes were half-open. He moaned in pain and gripped the bedsheets with his free hand.
“Hyung...” he whispered with a raspy voice. Chanyeol looked at him with worry in his eyes.
“Will it end soon?” Jongin asked between his panting. Chanyeol nodded and squeezed Jongins hand lightly. Jongin smiled and closed his eyes.
“I want to shower hyung. I feel so dirty” Jongin mumbled and opened his eyes again.
“I'll prepare everything” Chanyeol said and let go of Jongins hand.
“But Hyung pleaser cover the mirror” Jongin pleaded. The older one nodded and went into the bathroom. He threw a towel over the mirror. He turned the shower on and waited for the water to become warm. He went back into Jongins bedroom and tried to wake the younger one. Jongin opened his eyes slightly and smiled when he saw his hyung.
“Do I have to carry you into the bathroom?” Chanyeol asked annoyed. Jongin nodded and smiled brightly at the older one. Chanyeol groaned and raised Jongins body from the Bed. He carried him into the bathroom. When he sat Jongin down on the floor he looked at the younger one expecting.
“Shower with me hyung!” Jongin mumbled as he tried to pull the T-Shirt over his head. Chanyeol sighed and helped the younger one to undress. He undressed himself and carried Jongin into the shower.
“Can you stand on your own feet without falling?” Chanyeol asked and the younger one nodded weakly. Jongin leaned himself against the cold wall of the shower and sighed.
“You're getting better” Chanyeol suddenly said while searching for the shampoo.
“I don't feel like it” Jongin said under his breath. Chanyeol smiled at him and shampooed his hair.
“Thank you for everything hyung” Jongin said with closed eyes.
“I never break a promise!” Chanyeol just said. He was never one that would show his deeper emotions to other people. He was known as the happy virus, but if it comes to show affection to other people than he was very awkward. He really loved his dongsaeng and he tried his best to show it to Jongin, but in his opinion he failed everytime. As he washed the shampoo out of Jongins hair he was thinking about ways to help Jongin to get rid off the pain.
“You know hyung I really like you!” Jongin confessed with weak voice. Chanyeol gulped and got on eye level with Jongin. Jongin opened his eyes and smiled.
“I like you too” Chanyeol said and patted Jongins head. Jongin pushed his hand away. He looked very serious.
“I really really really like you hyung and not like a friend...” Jongin mumbled the last part, but Chanyeol could hear it over the shower. He held Jongins chin between his fingers and pressed their lips lightly together. The younger one threw his arms around Chanyeols neck. Chanyeol let go off Jongins chin and wrapped his arms around the others waist. Chanyeol pulled their lips apart for a short moment.
“I also really like you!” He said and winked at Jongin. The latter blushed but smiled. He pressed their lips together for another kiss. Chanyeol would always save him and with always he meant always.


Time was slipping through their finger before they even knew it. For years they were together now and everything was great, but between the happy times there would always come the bad too. Jongin and Chanyeol were walking through the streets. They hide their faces from their fans with sunglasses, hoods and caps. It was in the middle of the winter when everything changed for them once again. The streets were frozen and the cars would drive extremely careful, well most of them. Jongin was just crossing the street with Chanyeol when they heard a squeaking sound. Before Jongin could register the situation he was strongly pushed away by Chanyeol. He stumbled forward and fell on the could street. He heard something crash and a scream. He didn't even register that he had closed his eyes. When he opened them he saw his lover laying on the ground. A car beside him crashed into another one. Jongin quickly got on his feed and ran towards Chanyeol. His knees gave in when he saw the blood around the older ones body. He felt how tears welled up in his eyes and how his sight got blurry. Chanyeol looked at him with tears in his eyes and with a weak smile on his lips.
“I promised to save you and I'll never break my promise!” he said weakly and tried to touch Jongins face. He the younger ones face weakly. Jongin held Chanyeols hand and tried hard to contain his tears.
“I'm going to save you now. The ambulance will be here soon and you'll be saved!” Jongin couldn't hold his tears anymore.
“It's too late Jongin” Chanyeol whispered and coughed some blood. Jongin bit his lip and squeezed Chanyeols hand lightly.
“Don't go. Please..” Jongin pleaded between his sobs. Chanyeol smiled at him and used his last strength to peck Jongins lips.
“I'll always save you even when I'm not here anymore!” Chanyeol whispered and closed his eyes.
“No!” Jongin screamed when he couldn't hear the other ones heavy breathing anymore. He heard the sirens becoming louder and how someone tried to tear him away from Chanyeol. He couldn't believe it. He just lost the human that was the most important to him. That human that saved him from the drugs and the human that saved his life today. Jongin felt how his heart ached and how his eyes burned because of all the crying, but he couldn't stop. He couldn't leave Chanyeol like that.


Jongin needed one year. One year to realize that Chanyeol wasn't with him anymore. He cried a lot and would only be in his room. He would rarely eat nor sleep, but he was slowly getting better. He would eat more with his bandmates together and sometimes he would sleep the whole night and not only 2 hours. He began to be a normal human again and not a zombie that would cry all night. He began to talk again and slowly he realized that his life should go on. He would think about Chanyeol all day, but the memories were not as painfully as they used to be. Often he would smile when he remembered the lame jokes the older one always had told him. He would still look at their pictures, but he wouldn't cry anymore. He would smile and think about all the good times they had together. However some things didn't change. Some things that even Chanyeol couldn't change. He would still ignore mirrors and never look at them. He was still afraid of hallucinating, but over the year he learned that he needed help. He was ready for the help. While he was thinking about all the things that changed after Chanyeols dead he finally realized what Chanyeol meant when he said that he would always save him. Even after his death he had reached Jongin. After his death he has saved him once again. He saved him before anything could happen. He helped by giving Jongin the strength to finally search for professional help. Jongin smiled while looking at a picture of Chanyeol.
“It's really supernatural how you save me” he mumbled and the picture.
“I never break a promise!”