No matter how difficult it was, Cheolyong broke up with Sanghyun. He’d said they could keep on being friends since he wanted to keep the guy as a friend, but knew it was hardly going to happen. Cheolyong never lied about Sanghyun being special; he was too special, and maybe the intensity and meaningfulness of their time together were exactly why he’d never be able to remain as just friends with him. It was all or nothing, and Cheolyong knew he couldn’t keep using the other boy as his emotional support when he was no longer giving anything in return due to his feelings towards Seungho, so it was better to leave it at nothing while there still were no broken hearts.

 

Being alone again kind of , but it wasn’t as bad as it had been in the past. This time, everything was different – he knew better, he had more things to care for and memories to cherish than before. He was ok with the fact Seungho would remain as an unreachable childish crush he would never really get over, as long as the next time he dated someone, he did it without feeling the need to lie to himself about it.

 

Seungho looked a lot better in the spring break. He seemed fine, just like always, if not a little bit improved, making it clear that he was no longer mourning over the end of his relationship. Cheolyong had even believed for a moment that he’d gotten back with Changsun because he seemed overly excited about something he yet didn’t know about, and the thought did sadden him a little, but that died quickly as the older one told him, when asked, that he and Changsun were getting along fine as friends.

 

Being with Seungho now was just like being with Seungho before – it still hurt, it still despaired him to know they couldn’t be more than friends, but he still couldn’t live without it. It hurt, sure, but it hurt good, the sort of pain that was worth going through only for its gain.

 

“I can’t believe you still thought you could beat me in my own game,” Cheolyong snickered smugly after beating the hell out of Seungho’s character again that night. “You’re the sorest loser I’ve ever met. You couldn’t win when I was thirteen, what made you believe you could pull it off now?”

 

“I thought you’d get too cocky to play for real,” Seungho shrugged setting his control down with resignation.

 

“Babe, I always play for real,” he threw a smirk at Seungho. “That’s how the pros do it.”

 

“You couldn’t get any greasier even if you tried,” the older one snapped, eyes narrowed.

 

Cheolyong laughed, leaning forward to stack up the CD cases on the floor since it seemed as though it would be the end of the gaming session for the night. He’d been engrossed in his task because he was careful about nothing if not his videogame and comic book collections, and only answered with a half-hearted, distracted hum with Seungho called him with a rather quiet “hey”. As the other stayed silent, Cheolyong looked back to see what it was, and only to find Seungho’s face very close to his, lips pressing against his own.

 

He didn’t freeze up as much as he melted down, dissolving completely into the kiss. Seungho pulled back a little, looking into his eyes and then at his lips, all in a split second and it was beyond Cheolyong how he could do it, but he leaned back in, this time parting the younger one’s lips with his own before fully kissing him, slow and sweet and amazing, not ever did Cheolyong think that, if it happened, it would as good as that. His hand found Cheolyong’s cheek, cupping it tenderly to pull the boy further into the kiss, smiling inwardly when he felt an appreciative hum vibrate against his lips.

 

They parted because they would have to at some point, not that Cheolyong was happy about it. What if Seungho now would say that had been a mistake, what if he said he would never do it again? Cheolyong was fine with not having anything he’d never had, but, now that he’d seen what it was like, it would be a lot harder to let go.

 

“Oh,” was the only thing Seungho said, more like a mutter, and nodded to himself unhurriedly. Then he looked at Cheolyong, and repeated the sound as he leaned in to kiss him again.

 

“Ok,” Cheolyong cleared his throat after they pulled back again, trying to regain his composure and utterly failing as he gaped dumbly at the other boy. “What was that?”

 

“I was testing something,” Seungho said, leaning back to give him a small smile. “Ever since you said you liked me, I kept thinking I couldn’t like you back in the same way because I saw you as a younger brother. I imagined it would be weird to even consider it since it would be as wrong as picturing myself with Seunghoon. And right now I thought it would be the only way of finding out if it was true.”

 

Cheolyong only blinked at him, still trying to assimilate the fact that he’d had just kissed Seungho, and more than once. “And?” he whispered out, his lips anxiously.

 

“And you’re very different from Seunghoon,” the older one said with a grin, leaning sideways against the couch. He watched as Cheolyong inched closer to him reluctantly, not really sure if he should or how he should, making the grin on his lips widen even more. “Just do it. I’m here, aren’t I?”

 

Grinning back, Cheolyong pressed himself against him, making their mouths meet again, a little more urgently this time as to make sure that Seungho really was there, using his hands and limbs and whatever else he could think of.

 

It was great to realize that yes, after all that time, he finally was.

 

On the first month of school break, instead of having Seungho back at home, Cheolyong went to Seoul to spend some time with his boyfriend there so they would return together for the second month of vacation. He’d been excited to the point Seungho considered walking him around with a leash on his neck, but it wasn’t completely necessary since the older one had always had effective educating methods for Cheolyong, most of which involved pain and psychological torture. He’d be lying if he said he didn’t like having a chance to put those to practice again.

 

Cheolyong met his friends and caught up with Byunghee after a really long while, and of course Byunghee had let him drink when Seungho wasn’t looking, which resulted in a painfully long night with a wasted Cheolyong that was a lot more indiscreet and restless than the normal one. Seungho walked him through the campus, telling him about his daily activities, and that sparked Cheolyong’s interest since he’d be joining a college in just a year.

 

“So you still talk to him,” the younger one said from his spot on Seungho’s bed when the other one put down his cellphone, finishing his chat with Changsun. “Why do you still talk to him?”

 

“Because we’re friends,” Seungho raised an amused eyebrow at the boy, walking to him. “Is that a problem?”

 

“No,” Cheolyong said with a shrug, lying back on the mattress, body arching up invitingly as he adjusted himself on the soft surface. “You can talk to anyone you want.”

 

“Then why are you giving me the pout?” Seungho chuckled as he kneeled onto the bed, straddling Cheolyong’s legs. The boy smiled when he leaned in to kiss him, body resting atop his as the shifted further up the bed together. Seungho had to pull back when Cheolyong’s hands traveled away from his neck, where they should be, to slide down his sides, going onto his groin.

 

“What?” the younger boy asked innocently, the pout back on his face.

 

“We agreed we wouldn’t until you turn eighteen,” Seungho said in a censuring tone, fixing him with an authoritative glare.

 

“I agreed to nothing, you were that on your own,” he shot back with a scowl. Then it dissolved into a mischievous smile as he moved to wrap his legs around Seungho’s waist, rolling his hips up just enough to feel.

 

“Damn it, Cheolyong, this is just like when I told you to go to bed years ago, you never listen,” Seungho whined, pressing the offending hips back down onto the mattress, pinning them there with both his hands for a while.

 

“You have much more persuading tactics at your disposal to get me in bed now, though,” Cheolyong muttered with a chuckle, reaching out to pull Seungho onto him again. “Come on, I promise this is going to be good.”

 

“It’ll be, after your birthday party,” Seungho said in a decided tone.

 

“What can I do to convince you that I’m ready?” the younger one whimpered impatiently, writhing a little underneath him in agony.

 

“I know you’re ready, it’s me who’s not ready to do it with a seventeen-year-old,” Seungho smirked when Cheolyong shivered as his lips grazed a sensitive spot on his neck. Maybe it was a little mean to like that when he had no intentions of getting entirely through it, but the younger one probably deserved it.

 

Kissing his forehead one last time, Seungho climbed off the bed, stretching a little as he did so. He knew it was better to put some distance between the two of them for now because Cheolyong was very conniving when given the chance. “I promise that, once you get there, I’ll make up for the lost time.”

 

“You’d better,” Cheolyong called sulkily as the other one walked out of the room, sitting up on his bed. Then he realized just where Seungho was going, running after him so he wouldn’t see it.

 

“I cannot believe you still haven’t packed, Cheolyong,” it seemed like it was too late, and Seungho was storming back, looking absolutely furious. “The flight is tomorrow– ok, I’m not saying it again. You go pack right now or I’m postponing it to the nineteenth birthday, and you know I would.”