In spite of the proximity they had built throughout the year Seungho spent babysitting him on a daily basis, when Cheolyong got to his last year of middle school, their parents decided they didn’t need to constant assistance watching their kid anymore – miraculously, the boy had managed to change and become a lot more trustworthy, a fact they (unfairly, if you asked Cheolyong) attributed to his closeness to a good example like Seungho. The chance was also appreciated by Seungho’s parents, since it was the boy’s last high school year as well, and preparations for college were coming along a little tougher to handle than what he’d previously imagined, what with all the silent pressure and growing school work and tests.

 

From then on, Seungho would just watch over Cheolyong whenever his parents had to take a business trip on the same time, which happened about twice, or when they went out together on weekends. Engaged in getting into a nice high school, Cheolyong became a little detached from Seungho, mainly now that his parents had given him more freedom to go out whenever he wanted with his own friends. They still talked regularly whenever they ran into each other in the building, which wasn’t uncommon, and also because Cheolyong had grown closer to Seunghoon, as they both intended on joining the same high school on the next year, so he’d spend a lot of time in the Yang apartment, occasionally catching a glimpse of their eldest son.

 

On one occasion, Seungho got terribly sick for an entire week, a result of too little sleep, too much studying and a lot of improper eating. It reached the point he became bedridden after collapsing at school, leaving him under observation and strains so he wouldn’t sneak out and try to study instead of getting the rest the doctor had recommended him. Some of his school friends came to pay him a visit, and Cheolyong got the chance to talk to Injung and Byunghee after quite a while, since the two of them came a lot along with Changsun.

 

“Is anything wrong?” Cheolyong asked Seunghoon, who seemed a bit distressed at his doorstep.

 

“No, it’s just that I have a rehearsal for the school concert now until the evening and I have to find someone to look after my brother,” Seunghoon said, pausing to fix Cheolyong with a pleading look. “You two are pretty close, right? Couldn’t you–”

 

“I got it,” the other one said before Seunghoon could even finish his sentence. “I wasn’t doing anything important today anyway, so I’ll be up there in five minutes.”

 

“I’ll be going now, then – I’m already late,” Seunghoon said, thanking him as he rushed down the stairs.

 

It had been just the time of hitting a quick shower and hop upstairs until Cheolyong was in Seungho’s apartment, making his way into the older boy’s bedroom.

 

“Hyung,” he called softly, and he could see Seungho’s surprise once he looked away from the TV screen to look at him.

 

“Seunghoon asked you to come?” he said after a while, raising an eyebrow disdainfully. “I thought he’d actually get someone to help me.”

 

“Well, I can leave you here alone to die,” Cheolyong shrugged playfully, walking to take a seat on the chair by the bed. “You should be thanking me for doing this even if you started completely ignoring me lately.”

 

Seungho raised his head a little slowly to give him an incredulous stare. “You’re the one who barely chats back whenever I say hi. Must have gotten smug after getting a real girlfriend this time – and I only know that because Seunghoon told me.”

 

“Bull,” Cheolyong shot back with a roll of eyes. “You obviously care a lot more about your stupid college entrance exams than my love life, or general life at that, so I never bothered saying.”

 

He yelped a little when Seungho hit his knee with the remote control.

 

“You don’t curse around me,” he said, leaning back onto his pillow with a smile as Cheolyong rubbed his knee, hissing.

 

“Shut up, you’re not even my babysitter anymore,” the boy said sulkily, then a smirk spread on his lips as he realized something. “In fact, today I’m your babysitter. How about that, Seungho ah? Wanna watch some cartoons and eat some cookies before I tuck you in?”

 

“Funny,” Seungho answered thoughtfully, closing his eyes, suddenly feeling a little worn out from all the talking. “That sounds exactly like me talking to you just last year.”

 

They would have kept bickering at each other, but Seungho had a coughing fit, making it clear that talking was not among the activities he was allowed to practice while resting. Even with the raising body temperature, as Cheolyong helped him get his medicines and used their time together to catch up on the latest news about each other (well, he did the talking, Seungho simply listened with occasional hums, nods and short words), Seungho felt better just by being beside the boy again. He’d barely admitted to himself he missed his work as his babysitter, just saying that all he was missing out on was the easy money, but he actually did enjoy Cheolyong’s company. Being without him was almost as bad as being without Seunghoon.

 

Just as Cheolyong was midsentence through a story about Dongwoon’s ex-girlfriend, Seungho’s phone rang, interrupting him. He just watched as Seungho talked to an unknown person, brightening up considerably by hearing their voice, informing how he had gotten better that day, and other pieces of conversation Cheolyong couldn’t really make out anything from. Before hanging up, though, Seungho said, “me too,” with that sort of intonation and telltale facial expression that couldn’t be an answer to anything but an “I love you” or an “I miss you”, both of which pointed in one direction.

 

“Was that your girlfriend?” Cheolyong asked in a partly accusing tone, chin hanging and eyes widened. When Seungho could only open his mouth, unable to actually form any sentences, and smile embarrassedly, the younger one let out an indignant exclamation. “I didn’t know you’re dating, Seunghoon never told me anything!”

 

“Well, he doesn’t know about it either,” Seungho said, gaze dropping to the sheets that covered him as he fumbled with them a little. “I’m sort of keeping this a secret for now.”

 

“I can’t believe you,” Cheolyong was actually a little disappointed, though he wasn’t sure why. He didn’t like hearing about that, not like that, not after having to catch Seungho on act to find that out – he thought that would be at least one of the things the other one would have mentioned after spending a couple of hours doing nothing but talking. Instead of confronting him about that, however, Cheolyong tried asking him why he was keeping that under the sheets, since he didn’t feel comfortable even with the idea of having that sort of conversation with Seungho.

 

“Um,” Seungho stammered, looking around as if searching for a way to explain it. “I just feel like I’m not ready to let people know,” he said in a quiet voice, obviously a little anxious. Cheolyong frowned and laughed it off, as dating could hardly be anything bad enough to be necessarily hidden from one’s family, and Seungho scratched his neck a little in response. “Well, it’s just that I promised my parents I’d focus entirely on studying this year – they have a lot of hope in me for college and all. I guess I just don’t want to make them mad or disappoint them with this, I’m not sure how they’d react if they knew I’m dating.”

 

At that, Cheolyong had to nod understandingly. As nice as Seungho’s parents seemed to be, they hardly were the sort of people one would like not keeping their word to, and Seunghoon had told him some pretty nasty stories about both his and Seungho’s past groundings.

 

“So, who is she? Is it someone I know?” the younger one asked, eyebrows waggling a little obnoxiously, not quite excited, since he was still pretty mad at Seungho even after hearing his reasons for not telling him about the dating, but a lot curious nonetheless. “Is it Injung noona?” he suddenly suggested with a gasp. “You two always seemed to have something going on.”

 

“No,” Seungho shook his head with a powerless chuckle. “And please don’t say anything like that, Injung has been so much of an issue in the past.”

 

“Oh, she’s the jealous kind,” Cheolyong snickered. “Come on, just tell me her name. Or at least say if I know her.”

 

“Look, Cheolyong,” the older one said, coughing a little and the other boy’s unceasing questions began tiring him again. “I would just really like to keep it a secret. Names included,” he added when Cheolyong opened his mouth to protest. “Just until I feel it’s safe to let everyone know, maybe after the school year ends. So I’d appreciate if you’d drop this issue and also didn’t tell anyone about it.”

 

After a second or two of hesitation, Cheolyong was forced to agree since there was really no reason for him not to, and they immediately stopped talking about it. Anyway, it took only a few minutes until the pills he’d given Seungho kicked in and the boy began feeling dizzy, eyelids becoming heavy, and he drifted off to sleep soundly.

 

Cheolyong kept watching the TV, only his attention was more on the unconscious boy than on the cheesy sitcom unrolling before his eyes. Seungho had a girlfriend. Somehow, that changed everything. He didn’t know what everything was, he didn’t know what the changes were, only that they were there. He never noticed when he’d stopped watching the TV to lay his gaze upon Seungho’s face, beaten up by tiredness and illness, but still so– so Seungho.

 

He leaned in onto the edge of the bed, fingers trembling as they hovered over Seungho’s forehead until they finally brushed some of the hair strands off of it, combing them back gently. His head lowered on its own until his nose brushed against Seungho’s cheek, chin tilting up until he was kissing his jaw, and, as Seungho stirred slightly, he retreated quickly, sitting back up with a start. His teeth dug into his lower lip as he scanned each inch of Seungho’s face, ending on the boy’s now paled lips, so plump and soft.  Something inside him wondered who was the one that got to kiss them, who was the one to be in his embrace and get to have all of him for herself. His eyes moved from Seungho’s face to his hand over his chest, more precisely to the phone which his fingers loosely onto.

 

Running a hand over his own hair, Cheolyong shook his head to himself, getting to his feet and leaving the room. He paced around the living room, taking calming breaths before deciding he needed to get his own phone and call his own girlfriend, and stay out of the bedroom for a while so he would be able to unwind.

 

With their busy schedules, they both easily forgot about that conversation. To Cheolyong’s relief, Seungho seemed not to have noticed the kiss he’d been given while asleep, and, to Seungho’s relief, Cheolyong never mentioned the secret girlfriend again. They mostly only talked on the scarce occasions the Bang couple asked Seungho to look after their son for the night, when they knew they’d spend a longer while away and just had to be sure both Cheolyong and the apartment would be safe.

 

That was such scarce occasion, when Cheolyong’s parents seemed to have decided to take the night to date, as the boy would put it with a shudder, and Seungho had agreed to spend some time with him. He was bringing Changsun along since the boy would be sleeping over at his place that night – Seungho’s parents and Seunghoon were in the country, visiting his grandparents, and, since Seungho had stayed behind to review important points for his upcoming tests, he’d invited Changsun over to keep him company for the weekend.

 

After a lot of gaming, a similar amount of pizza and a some arguing over who should pay for the goddamn pizza, Cheolyong let out a long, tired yawn and glance at his watch.

 

“Damn, it’s just half past eleven and I’m already so tired,” he said to himself, putting down the soda can. “I think I’ll just shower and go to bed.”

 

Even Changsun, who was understandably not so familiar with him, threw him this weird glance, just as taken aback as Seungho, and probably as Cheolyong himself.

 

“If only you’d been this easy when I was your actual babysitter,” Seungho muttered to himself with a dramatic sigh.

 

“Cute,” Cheolyong stuck his tongue out at him, pulling a face, and scratched the back of his head. “I stayed up all night yesterday for a test I had first thing this morning. It feels like I haven’t slept in ages.”

 

“How did the test go?” Changsun asked.

 

Cheolyong thought about if for some seconds and shrugged. “Had worse, can’t complain,” he said carelessly, chuckling along with the other two. “Anyway, I’m going to shower and the drop to bed. You guys staying here until my parents arrive or…?”

 

“Staying,” Seungho answered, getting up from the couch himself. “You go sleep, we’ll clean this mess up. Aren’t we?” he kicked Changsun in the shin, making the other one nod lazily. “Good night.”

 

Just as Cheolyong left the bathroom to go to his room, he heard the two of them in the living room bickering about who’d do the dishes, Seungho pointing out that it shouldn’t be much of a deal since there barely had any dished to be done, Changsun retorting by asking why Seungho wouldn’t go take care of such minor deal then.

 

When he woke up, he presumed it was already early morning. Checking his watch, he found out it was barely an hour after he’d gone to bed. His throat felt so dry he was shaken off sleep coughing. As he left the bedroom, he noticed the apartment’s lights were still on, and there was some noise coming from the kitchen – probably Seungho and Joon still working on the dishes.

 

At approaching the room, he noticed there was a fainter noise, something soft and dry, like the sound of skin on skin. He frowned, nearing the door.

 

“…you already, not here,” a voice that sounded like Seungho’s whispered, but it was hard for Cheolyong to make out what he was actually saying, as though something was blocking his mouth.

 

“I know we’re supposed to wait until we’re in your apartment, but his parents are taking forever to come back,” Changsun spoke in a much clearer way, and Cheolyong heard a wet, odd noise. “I’m so impatient because you promised an entire weekend together–”

 

“Which is happening,” Seungho interrupted, another wet noise, followed by more skin noise. “Just a few more minutes now and we’ll have all the time we need, stop being such a baby about it.”

 

“We can do some stuff here while we wait, though,” Changsun said between smug, teasing chuckles that Cheolyong never even dreamed to hear coming from him. The way Seungho’s voice formed a sensual groan was a lot more defying to Cheolyong’s imagination, though, leaving the now bright awake boy staring at the wall before him.

 

“Not on Cheolyong’s home! Are you crazy– Changsun!” the last word had been gasped out in a jumpy fashion, breathless and urgent. Before Cheolyong could stop to think better on his actions, he stepped forward cautiously, enough to catch a glimpse of two boys against the kitchen sink, Seungho pressed into it by Changsun, who had his mouth on his neck and his hand stuck between both their bodies.

 

Wide-eyed and surprised would do little to describe Cheolyong’s catatonic state. He gawked at the two of them, Changsun kissing down the other boy’s neck, Seungho whispering how they couldn’t, it wasn’t his home and Cheolyong was asleep just in the next room, but his hands were still around Changsun’s waist, pulling him closer and doing nothing about the arm that now moved between them, making his chin hang and head tip back as a faint moan escaped his lips.

 

Cheolyong shut his eyes closed for a while and stumbled backwards, heading back to his room, fortunately – or unfortunately, because the two of them had no right to be doing that in his apartment – not making any noise to attract their attention until he was safe in his bedroom, sitting on whatever the first thing he found was, since his legs weren’t working perfectly.

 

It would be wrong to say he didn’t know how he felt, because he knew perfectly well that what was pulsing through his veins was anger, pure, solid anger. Cheolyong was angry. He wanted to walk into the kitchen and just stop whatever ed up stuff the two of them were carrying out in there. Who the did Seungho think he was, making out with whomever he felt like in other people’s homes – and that Changsun guy, Cheolyong barely even knew him, what on earth made the bastard so comfortable in his apartment to make him claw onto Seungho like that.

 

And then it hit him. There was no girlfriend. Seungho hadn’t wanted to tell anyone he was dating because he was with a guy, and that guy was Changsun, who’d been in his apartment, and his work, and everywhere he went. Cheolyong was so ing stupid, wasn’t he? They’d been glued to each other, ever since Changsun came around Seungho had barely even showed up at all, probably more interested in screwing him whenever he got a chance. It was right in front of his face while he made a fool of himself asking Seungho about it.

 

Cheolyong spent the night restless. He heard it when his parents arrived, when they said their greetings to the couple, apparently too late to catch them on act since there had been nothing but kind formalities. He heard it when the two of them left the apartment, going to Seungho’s place where they’d take over from where they’d left. He couldn’t stop watching those images over and over again in his mind, groaning and running his hands through his face in desperation. All he could think about was how Changsun was probably ing Seungho now, kissing him and feeling him over and – oh my god, Cheolyong just had to stop thinking about that or else he’d go crazy.

 

On the next morning, Cheolyong had dark circles under his eyes, staring at his own ceiling. He’d been thinking about Seungho and Changsun, and how Seungho had been dating Changsun all that time, which made Changsun his boyfriend. The more his mind went over that, the more it seemed surreal. It was so crazy and unrealistic it probably had been a dream – yes, yes, a dream. Cheolyong was so tired he’d thought a nightmare had actually happened, but it was all his imagination.

 

After a mere blink of eyes, or so it seemed, he’d already rung the doorbell of Seungho’s apartment and the boy had just swung the door open to greet him with a mix of surprise and worry, probably because Cheolyong looked undead.

 

“Hey, I just,” Cheolyong paused, mind gone despairingly blank, and tried to think this through. He didn’t know what he was doing, he didn’t know what to say. Hell, he didn’t even know how he’d gotten there. He blinked at Seungho, who still frowned at him. “I need to talk to Seunghoon.”

 

“Oh, I thought I had told you,” Seungho said, frown deepening along with his obvious bewilderment. “He went with my parents to the countryside, they’re not here.”

 

“So you’re alone,” Cheolyong said, urgency evident in his voice because Seungho had to say he was alone.

 

And then Changsun came from the kitchen, wearing a shirt he knew to be Seungho’s, hair tousled and – Seungho also had his hair all messy, the shirt he was wearing all crumpled.

 

“Cheolyong ah?” the newly arrived raised his brows a little. “Anything up?”

 

Cheolyong looked back and forth between the two of them, his own head spinning as an overwhelming weight of reality was released upon him. The fact he was both physically and mentally tired did nothing to help him keep his thoughts in track, and he just shook his head more to himself than to anyone else.

 

“I just need not to be here,” he said and didn’t even wait for a response from the other two, setting a hurried pace back to his own apartment to lie down for a while, sleep for a while, stop thinking for a while. Stop thinking about Seungho and Changsun and the two of them together, before, yesterday, now, for the weekend, after.