Dancing with dreams

There were moments when Jongin wonders what he got himself into. Sure, it’s what he’s always wanted; to be on stage, to be able to dance his heart out for everyone in the world to see and to be able to share it with his friends, with people he cared about.

But, sometimes, he wonders if it’s changed him too much, especially lately, when all he feels is this nagging feeling of being selfish about everything. Like the other day, he was asked to do something cute for the interviewer and the audience, so he did. And then Sehun did that bbuing bbuing thing of his and his cuteness was long forgotten. He didn’t really mind that, not really. Being cute wasn’t really his thing. He’d rather be in charge of charisma. But, after that interview, he was chatting with Junmyeon and Kyungsoo, slightly complaining about his back, when Sehun and Baekhyun suddenly interrupted, sitting on the hyungs’ laps. Of course, their conversation was long forgotten. No one can resist Sehun and Baekhyun when they cuddled with you. He loved Sehun and Baekhyun, so he let that go, too.

Still. There was another time when he was exhausted to the point of sickness. Kyungsoo had brought in some hot soup to his room. Chanyeol entertained him with his dorky stories, while Junmyeon slowly fed him the soup. He liked the attention, liked slightly being babied because he felt like he was growing up too fast sometimes. The comfort of Junmyeon’s fingers on his jaw, making sure that the soup didn’t spill down his chin, he enjoyed that. Then Tao comes bundling in, whining to Junmyeon about how Kris wasn’t giving in to whatever he requested, and, of course, Junmyeon helps him without hesitation. He remembers throwing up right after he leaves.

He didn’t like the feeling of being second best to everyone else in the group. He had to stop the others, especially the maknaes, from hogging all the attention.

“Are you okay?” Jongdae scoots next to him on the sofa, making himself comfortable, their arms touching. “Thinking is not a good look on you.”

Jongin pokes his tongue out at him and makes a face.

“Jongin! Jongin! Look at what Junmyeon hyung got for me!” Sehun brandishes the new dark blue and black hoodie in front of his face.

“That’s really nice, Thehun,” Jongin rolls his eyes, leaning his head on Jongdae’s shoulder. Sehun scowls and runs to Luhan, who was more than welcome to listen to him.

“Got you one, too, Jongin,” Junmyeon says, taking a seat on his other side and unwrapping a simple black hoodie.

Jongin sits up straight, his eyes lighting up as he took the hoodie from his hands. He likes how it was a simple black one. He liked simple things and he liked that his hyungs knew this about him. “Hyung, thank you,” he says, reaching out to hug him.

Junmyeon smiles, ruffling his hair, and stands up to fix the rest of the things he bought for the other members and the dorm.

Jongin leans back on Jongdae, definitely happier than he was just moments ago.

“Careful there,” Jongdae mutters. But Jongin just ignores him.

-

Jongin thinks that people think that just because he’s appeared in the most teaser videos, he’s the favorite. In the dorms, that was far from the truth. Sehun was everyone’s favorite. Kyungsoo and Junmyeon feed him the most. Chanyeol lets him play with all of his games. Baekhyun teaches him the right notes to sing and never gets tired when Sehun goes out of key. The second to the last in age doesn’t really get the same amount of attention. It’s even worse when Exo-M’s around. Tao makes everyone want to squish him with his cute panda eyes and his cute panda smile. And Jongin’s all but forgotten. He’s not jealous—

He stops his thought process to ponder this some more and he shakes his head. Jealousy is not the right term for what he’s feeling because he isn’t. Why would he be jealous of his bandmates? He loves those guys to pieces and would go to the ends of the earth for them (he only thinks this because he knows this will never happen). There’s no reason for jealousy. Nope.

He just wants some more attention. Yeah, that’s it. All he wants is that when all eyes are on him, they’re only on him and no one else.

“Jongin, what happened to your hand?” Kyungsoo’s frown as he stared at his hand made him feel bad so he puts his hand behind his back and smiles at him.

“It’s nothing, hyung,” Jongin assures him. “I just fell during practice today and—.”

Kyungsoo grabs him towards the kitchen before he can continue and before he can stop him. He sits him down on one of the stools and rummages around the cabinets for some antiseptic and some band-aids.

“What’s going on?” Junmyeon asks in the middle of his cooking. He puts the spatula down and looks on as Kyungsoo dabbed on some alcohol on the bruise on Jongin’s hand. “What happened?”

“It’s nothing, hyung,” Jongin repeats himself.

“It’s not nothing when you’re hurt,” Junmyeon insists. “Let me,” he tells Kyungsoo and takes his place in putting medicine on Jongin’s hand. Kyungsoo freely gives him the reigns and takes over the cooking, a small smirk on his face. “Jongin, you know that it’s important that you don’t get hurt.”

“It’s just a bruise,” Jongin reiterates, though halfheartedly. He kind of likes the fact that they’re fussing over him.

“What’s going on?” Sehun walks into the kitchen. He sees Junmyeon fussing over Jongin. “You’re such a spazz, Jongin. Only you would get bruises while practicing.”

“That’s because you don’t practice enough,” Jongin retorts, sneering at him. Sehun sneers back.

“Now, now, children,” Kyungsoo shoots Sehun a look. Sehun grins.

“Hyung,” Sehun tugs on Junmyeon’s hoodie. “I was wondering if you would help me with my homework. There’s this problem that I can’t—.”

“Go away, Thehun,” Jongin snaps. “I’m injured here.”

Sehun pouts and leaves the kitchen in a huff.

Junmyeon shakes his head and chuckles at Jongin. “You should be nicer to Sehun,” he gently says.

“I am nice to him,” Jongin defends himself. “That was me being nice. If I wasn’t, I would’ve kicked him out, too.” He smiles widely when Junmyeon shakes his head at him.

“You should be more careful, okay?” Junmyeon turns his attention back to his bruise. He blows a bit on it, making Jongin’s cheeks feel warm, and places a band-aid on it. Before Jongin could take his hand back, Junmyeon kisses it, too. “There, good as new.”

Jongin bites in the inside of his cheek just to avoid blurting out any sort of noise. “Thanks hyung,” he stands up and leaves the kitchen in a hurry.

Junmyeon stares after him in surprise. Kyungsoo just bursts into laughter.

-

He’s starting to get worried about the state of his mind. He isn’t sure what it was, but he never was one to get irrationally annoyed with anyone, especially s. But, earlier, during practice, when Baekhyun missed a step, bumping into Junmyeon yet again, he had stormed out of the practice room, leaving everyone stunned. He wanted to go right back in as soon as he did, but was too embarrassed to do so, so he just went back to the dorm and buried himself under his blankets.

He figures that he should apologize to Baekhyun. He didn’t do anything he didn’t normally do (he always messes up their dances), and didn’t do anything wrong to warrant that kind of violent reaction.

There was a knock on his door. He peeks out from under his blankets when the door opens.

“Hey,” Baekhyun quietly greets him. He closes the door and sits on the edge of the bed.

“Hi,” Jongin croaks. He pauses and takes a deep breath. “Hyung… I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to go off on you like that in practice.”

Contrary to his expected response, Baekhyun grins at him. “You’re so cute, Jongin,” he reaches out to ruffle his hair.

Jongin sits up confusedly. “Huh.”

“I actually came here to apologize to you instead,” Baekhyun tells him.

“Why?” Jongin questions, baffled. “I’m the one who got unnecessarily upset.”

Baekhyun half-shrugs. “I guess it’s because I know why you did,” he explains. “And I really didn’t mean to do it.”

“But… I…” Jongin was at a loss for words. He couldn’t understand what Baekhyun was telling him. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

Baekhyun studies him for a couple of seconds then chuckles. “You really are cute,” he repeats.

The door opens again and Junmyeon peers inside. “Hey,” he greets Jongin. “Are you feeling better? The others told me I should check on you.”

“I’m fine,” Jongin coughs, lying back down on the bed and pulling the covers up to half of his face. “You shouldn’t worry so much about me, hyung. It was my fault.”

“I think,” Junmyeon says, climbing into bed with him, “that you’re just under a lot of stress.” He pulls Jongin into his embrace and Jongin willingly snuggles towards him, eyes closed.

Baekhyun smiles and quietly leaves the room.

-

Jongin has never voiced out any of the jealous and possessive feelings to anyone; he’s never even wanted to admit it to himself. But he shuts up about it and just tries his best not to be jealous when the attention is not on him.

Sometimes, though, he slips unknowingly.

It’s after a fan signing and performance and they’re all trooping back towards the van from backstage. Junmyeon looks around and counts that all 12 members were accounted for, even when Wu Fan had already made sure that the M members were complete. Junmyeon really guarded after all the members as best as he could. He’s always monitoring performances, taking care of their health, making sure that they were eating right and that everyone felt included in everything.

Jongin smiles tiredly at this thought, eyes almost closing as he practically just felt his way out of the building. A hand finds his, warm and comforting. He allows himself to be led towards the van without any question. As soon as they reach the van, the hand leaves his and he’s being pushed to get inside.

But he doesn’t. Instead he looks around and when he finds Junmyeon, he stands beside him and leans his head on his shoulder.

“I want to sit beside Junmyeon hyung,” he yawns through the sentence, eyes closing almost immediately.

“But Junmyeon and I were going to discuss—,” Kris begins to say.

“No,” Jongin possessively interrupts. He sleepily wraps his arms around Junmyeon’s waist. “Hyung will sit with me.”

He misses the exchange of looks between the others, but no one speaks. They file in one by one and Jongin gets his wish to sit beside Junmyeon, who regains hold of his hand, warm and comforting.

He buries his face even further in Junmyeon’s neck when he feels a soft brush of lips on his forehead.

-

The members are discussing schedules when Kris suggests to Junmyeon a certain date and time to teach Tao on improving his Korean. Jongin’s ears perk up at this and he looks up.

“But Junmyeon hyung and I are going out that day,” he tells them as if it was more important than Tao learning Korean better.

A couple of the members exchange a look, Kyungsoo smirks and Jongdae hides a smile behind his hand, but he doesn’t care. He liked seeing his plans through. Besides, they had schedules this way before Tao’s Korean lesson.

“We’ll have the whole afternoon together,” Junmyeon assures him. Jongin thinks about it for a second, nods with a smile and goes back to not listening to whatever they were talking about.

“There’s something wrong with you, you know that, right?” Chanyeol tells him later on as they all got ready for bed.

“What?” Jongin asks, not knowing what he was talking about.

“You don’t have to be all selfish where Junmyeon hyung’s concerned,” Chanyeol rephrases. “No one’s going to take him away from you.”

Jongin blinks at him. “I really don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“There’s really something wrong with you,” Chanyeol repeats, shaking his head.

-

In the next few days after that, the members kept on giving these hints and kept on teasing him about something he couldn’t understand. All he knew was that it was something about Junmyeon.

Kyungsoo, taking pity on him, decides to clue him in. Vaguely.

“You sort of have this…thing where you want Junmyeon hyung to always be around,” Kyungsoo says thoughtfully.

“Of course,” Jongin agrees. “Why wouldn’t I want Junmyeon hyung to always be around? Don’t you want Junmyeon hyung to always be around?” He scratches his head.

“And you say I’m stupid,” Sehun, who was passing by, pokes his tongue out him.

“Jongin,” Kyungsoo looks exasperated. “What I’m saying is that you always want him to be by your side and only by your side.”

Jongin frowns as he realizes that this is true. “I still don’t get it,” he replies. “Is there something wrong with that?”

“At times like this, I really think you’re younger than Sehun,” Kyungsoo gives up and walks away.

-

Jongin bows and smiles at everyone he comes across in the SM building. He was on his way to practice. Kyungsoo told him to come to practice earlier just so they can get an early start.

He skips towards their practice room, opens the door and freezes.

Kyungsoo and Junmyeon had their arms around each other’s waists. They were laughing, oblivious to Sehun, who was stretching nearby, and Baekhyun, who was fixing his hair in front of the mirror, with Chanyeol watching him on the side.

“This is not going to work,” Junmyeon sighs, a smile still on his face. “You’re too small.”

Kyungsoo stares at him. “We’re practically the same height. That’s like saying you’re too small,” he snickers. “What if…” Kyungsoo stands up tiptoe. “I stand on tiptoe, like this.”

“It’s too awkward,” Junmyeon shakes his head.

“Sehunnie then,” Kyungsoo suggests, pulling away from him and pulling Sehun up to stand in front of Junmyeon.

Junmyeon laughs as if embarrassed and puts his arms around Sehun this time.

“What’s going on?” Jongin blurts out, unable to take it any longer.

Sehun steps away from Junmyeon as if burned. Kyungsoo coughs and turns away, suddenly interested in Baekhyun’s hair as well.

“Jongin,” Junmyeon greets him embarrassedly.

“I—.”

And Jongin stops talking because there’s a feeling that’s creeping up his chest, one that he recognizes, but hasn’t been so blatantly familiar until that moment. He frowns at the realization. And gets scared in the process.

He takes a step back, one at a time until he’s out of the room. When he feels he can manage it, he runs.

-

Jongin is on his bed, legs close to his body, chin tucked in his neck, face buried on his arms and knees. He hasn’t come out of his room the whole day and there wasn’t anything that was going to make him to. His hyungs and Sehun had all knocked on his door throughout the day, asking him what was wrong, asking him to come out, but he never answered. He didn’t trust himself to speak, especially with everything that he was feeling.

There was finally a name to the strange feelings he’s been having. It wasn’t that he was possessive or that he craved for attention. It was just that he was possessive over and craved for attention from Junmyeon.

He groans at the thought and tightens his hold on himself, cringing. Now that he knew about these feelings, he wasn’t sure what to do about it.

There’s another knock on the door and he stills his movements even more at the sound of the voice.

“Jongin,” Junmyeon calls, knocking some more. “I’m going to unlock the door, okay?”

Jongin’s eyes widen as he remembers that their leader had the spare keys for every room in the dorm as part of his privileges. He scrambles on his bed and manages to get under the covers just as Junmyeon pokes his head in.

The bed dips and Jongin could feel the warmth radiating from Junmyeon. More so when he lays a hand on his arm.

“Jongin,” Junmyeon lightly shakes him. Slowly, he uncovers his face and smiles at Jongin’s wide eyes. “I just want to talk.”

“About what?” Jongin squeaks.

“About what you saw in the practice room yesterday,” Junmyeon answers.

“But, hyung—I’m not—it doesn’t matter,” Jongin stammers. He’s suddenly very aware of how his heart beat hyperactively with Junmyeon’s proximity to him. “That is—I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Junmyeon brushes Jongin’s bangs away from his eyes and Jongin gulps.

“I was practicing,” Junmyeon shares with him.

Junmyeon’s eyes were clear and were staring at him with some sort of message that he couldn’t understand.

“Practicing what?” Jongin barely manages to speak.

“On how I would kiss you,” Junmyeon says nonchalantly. “But I suppose here will do.”

“What—.”

Junmyeon’s kisses taste like peppermint and he wonders if he had just brushed his teeth before coming into his room in preparation for actually kissing him. Jongin decides that it doesn’t matter because he’s kissing him and that he doesn’t have to be all awkward and afraid because Junmyeon apparently likes him, too.

So he wraps his arms around his neck, pulling him impossibly closer.

-

“FINALLY!” everyone choruses, making Jongin jump.

“What?” Jongin demands and he realizes that he’s still holding Junmyeon’s hand when they entered the practice room.

“The agony is over! We can all live in peace!” Baekhyun exclaims, lifting his hands in the air. “Jongin has finally come to his senses! We’ve been waiting and waiting and waiting for you to realize…” He stops himself in seeing Junmyeon’s eyes on him. “Sorry hyung.” He smiles his cute smile and Junmyeon merely shakes his head.

“Took you long enough,” Kyungsoo pats Jongin on the shoulder. “You’re a man now.”

“So are you two together now? Finally?” Chanyeol asks from across the room, smile wide, eyes crinkling.

“I don’t know what you guys are talking about,” Jongin rolls his eyes at him, proceeding to stretch before they start practicing their choreography.

“There’s still something wrong with you, I see,” Chanyeol shakes his head and goes back to stretching.

“Can I hug hyung properly now? You won’t get mad anymore, right? Since you’ve finally sorted your feelings out,” Sehun pokes his tongue out at Jongin as he hugs Junmyeon from the back.

Jongin decides to ignore him because Sehun is still as annoying as ever. Junmyeon merely laughs.

Later, before they start dancing, Jongin meets Junmyeon’s eyes in the mirror. And Jongin knows, there’s nothing to be jealous about anymore. Junmyeon was his and he was Junmyeon’s.


--
1. I was watching videos and Kai and Suho are always together and I just wondered what if Kai craved Suho's attention more than the others just because. And this came to be.
2. I love love love Thehun.
3. Kai is precious. Suho is precious. The end.
4. Comments/suggestions/questions are welcome, but not required.