What is the value of this kiss considered my first anyway, this is probably his hundredth. It doesn't matter to him, and it shouldn't to me either, anyway it's just going to a really fast peck. right? No, Lee Seo Eun, it's your first kiss, how could you just disregard it for the guy in front of you who doesn't even deserve it.

It's sad how this guy in front of me is going to take it away. The 'it' which should be shared with the one I truly love, and he is not 'the one i truly love'. I have to stop this from happening. That's right. Now you sound more like the determined Lee Seo Eun.

Snapping back from thoughts, the reality came crashing back as his lips were closing down into mine, fast. I froze. I couldn't do anything. The strong presence hovering over me, the way his stare pierced into mine, those orbs of his unconsciously away my soul. Intead of resisting, a weak "Lee Taemin...stop...please.." escaped from my mouth.

Something snapped instantly. Within Lee Taemin. 

His gaze had changed. His grip on me had loosened.

He got up from the bed. He didn't even mutter a word before turning his back and walked out of the room.

-------------

His world was crashing, right before him, as he saw the girl he loved put on a strong smile, for him.

"It's okay, oppa." She said, trying to sound positive.

Somehow, all the emotions and pressure he was feeling had awaken the beastly instincts within him. He didn't hold back.He immediately pushed her down on the isolated bed in the room, and held her hands down firmly. His lips came crashing down, as if he would die if he couldn't have this last kiss with her.

She is going to die. No, she is dying. All these thoughts filled his head.

The girl he loved was suffering from a terminal illness, and she was barely holding on in the last stages of her illness.

"Taemin....stop...please..." that girl's sweet voice had turned into a trembling, quivering one with fear. SHe was struggling from his grip, her weak body was using the last ounces of strength to fight him off. She knew that was not the Lee Taemin she knew.

He could hear her voice. He looked into her eyes, and had saw those orbs of hers with a pleading look. He snapped back to his senses. He immediately got up away from her. He took a few steps back uncertainly. 

What am i doing. I'm hurting her. He thought to himself, and felt disgusted with himself. He had forced himself onto her, he didn't even consider how she had felt beforehand, it was all his irrational actions. 

"Taemin..." Her voice was fading away as he ran out of the room. He couldn't face her. He couldn't imagine or bear the pain of losing her. He slammed his fist into the wall, he felt helpless, that he couldn't do anything to relieve her pain. He felt that he wasn't worthy of her love, he had always been on the receiving end, the girl continued to stay by his side, she hid all her suffering and pain behind her smile, she never wanted to hurt him. But he had hurt her.

He made his way back to the room, cautiously. He saw her still there, softly sobbing to herself.

He knew that she was also in pain, that her only intention of hiding the fact that she was going to die was to protect him, and that he had hurt her. 

He made small steps towards her, looked into her eyes, but this time with a soft and sincere gaze conveying his feelings. He pulled her small stature into a warm embrace, their bodys close together. 

"Im sorry Taemin, I should have told you earlier..." She said, but this time unable to hide her tears.

"No, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have hurt you, I should have tried my best to relieve your pain. I have failed as your lover." He held her even closer, he didn't want to let go. She didn't pull away either. They stayed like that for a while.

-------------

SeoEun sat up on her bed. She was confused.

For a moment there, Taemin looked like he had lost his confidence he always had. That 'player' aura vanished for that minor second. For once, he looked vulnerable. The look on his face when he left the room, it just didn't look like Lee Taemin at all. Did i trigger something within him? She thought.

The more she thought about, the more her head hurt.

There may be more than i thought to Lee Taemin.

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A/N: guess what, I'm back after a whole year, yes :/ Firstly, I'm really sorry to those who had subscribed and waited, i know all of you probably lost your patience with me and interest in this story :( The reason i haven't updated in a year is because i have been really busy in school. Also, i have reread this story that i have written after a while, and i realised how bad my writing was before and now im desperately trying to improve, so i kinda went on a hiatus, to kind of improve on my writing as well as focus on my studies cos it's an important school year for me. Now, since i have a school break, i would be updating quite often, its okay if you unsubscribe, i won;t have hard feelings :) Thanks for reading this note!