My eyes wandered around the room and even though I’m alone in this room, I can’t help but to feel insecure. Why I wouldn’t be? This is the house of my and here I am, laying weakly on his bead with a headache while my body feels like a hundred elephants step on it. I cringed a bit when the door opened, but then feel a little calm when I see a beautiful face pass through the door.

                “You’re awake…” He said cheerfully. Based on his face, someone would mistaken him as a ‘she’ but then, I already encounter him this afternoon, that’s why I know he is a ‘he’.

                “Here, try to eat. Even a little would do…” He placed the tray he brought to the table beside the bed. I look at him as he help to stuff some pillows to my back, so I could sit a little. He even brought a small table to place it on the bed so I don’t have to move too much just to get eat.

                “Why…?” My voice come out hoarse and still sounded very weak. He’s not answering my question but smile understandingly and motioned me to eat. I bring the spoon closer to my mouth and not aware how hot it is.

                “Auch…” I close my eyes as my tongue and my throat feel burned by the hot soup.

                “Owh, I’m sorry… It’s my fault to not tell you that the soup just done when I bring it here; that’s why it still very hot. Here, let me help you…” He takes the spoon from my hand and start to blow the heat. I blushed when finally he bring the spoon to my mouth and understand that he’s going to feed me. I can’t do much when he smiles so brightly, so all I can do is accept it.

                “You know… It’s fun…” He said suddenly in the middle of feeding me. As confused as I was, all I could do just scrunched my eyebrow together and eyed him questioningly.

                “I like to feel like this. It’s like I have another child. Minnie and Yoolie don’t want me to feed them anymore. Well…, they already grown up, that’s why…” He shrugged his shoulder like it is nothing, but pouted nonetheless. He has this motherly aura around him and I enjoy being with him and having this moment, just like mother and son. It’s not like I don’t get any love and care from my grandmother, but she’s sometimes too busy and I feel lonely.

                “I… I have same feeling as you…” I utter at him.

                He widened his eyes, shock drawn perfectly on his face. “You have a child already?” And this times my eyes that go bigger.

                “No! I… I mean its fun for me too…” I explain quickly as his face relieve from whatever he think off.

                “Are you sure? Because I believe kids at your age always find it’s embarrassing to be feed by their mothers.” He chuckle a bit and continuing to feed me. I think about his words and realized the true of it, but still its fun for me that never experienced any of this kind of relationship between mother and children.

                “I… never knew who my mother is… Never met with one either…” I confess at him. This is the first time I confess about my family to a person that I just met for least than a day. Even Yoochun knows about my family through the maid and butler that works for my family. Heh? Why I keep remembering him? Kim Junsu, keep him out of your head!

                “Ah…, I’m so sorry to hear that…” He gasped. I shook my head and smile, even it taste bitter myself.

                “It’s okay…” I assure him. Finally the soup already moved into my stomach and he helps me to lean back to the headboard.

                “I know it’s not comfortable for you, but just rest for one night here. And I already call your grandmother to inform about your condition. Although she reluctant to let you stay here, but I promised her to send you home tomorrow morning. Okay?” After all the treatment he do to me, of course I feel bad to reject his offer. But what makes me hesitant are no one else but Shim Changmin. Looks like he understands what I have in mind, he smile reassuringly. “Changmin say he wants to go out tonight and not come back till tomorrow.”

                “Err, I’m sorry… but, could you tell me what is your relation with Shim Changmin?” I ask nervously. When I woke up earlier, he is the first one I see and just tell me about where I am and why I am there. He never told me about whom he is or what he is to Changmin.

                “Oh, I’m sorry again… My name is Kim…opss, I mean Jung Jaejoong. I’m Changmin’s step mother. Even though it sounds weird about a man to be a mother, but Changmin practically call me mother since he can speak, either do Jiyool, his younger sister. Maybe I am really a mother material…” His joke makes me frowning but smile after a second.

                “You… have this mother aura around you…” I admit it shyly and he chuckle even more.

                “I don’t know why, but I really like you, Junsu. Somehow, you remind me of Minnie and Yoolie’s childhood friend. He is somehow looks like you. Shy and quite, but then very determined with whatever he do. He’s not very talkative, just like you; and more to facial expression to show his feeling. Ah…, both of you have this beautiful faces and resemble girl more than a boy. I bet most people mistaken you as a girl, am I correct?” He’s so talkative and keep blabbering about I don’t even know who he is talking. I nodded slightly at his question and smile shyly. But his face turns into a grim. “It’s so unfortunate that he died on an accident. I remember Yoolie cried throughout the funeral, even Minnie couldn’t shush her. Minnie looks so pale at that day too, if I’m not mistaken… Oh, what am I talking…? You don’t even know him…” he smile sweetly to my direction and finally stop blabbering.

                “Err…, I need to get home early tomorrow… I have a class in the morning...” I tell him as he about to stand up.

                “Okay… I’ll send you home, myself. Now, you need to rest.” As he said that, he moves the small table along with the dishes and tucks me in the bed. I bet my mother will do like what he do right now. After fix my blanket, he place a peck at my forehead and then wish me good night. When he left, I finally questioning, why Changmin is really different from his mother? Even though he’s just a step-mom, but he’s the one who raised him. Why his mother is so gentle, when his son is like a monster?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

                This is so annoying! Since the day I go to his grave, his face come back and haunted me again. I’ve been through this hell last year, and now I have to repeat this again. Why I have to walk through this path again? Why everything in my life never placed in a right one? I hate my life even more since the day I ignore him and walk away from his life which is earn me a fatal lose. His life.

                I wasted my whole week just lying on my bed as the memories of him swirl around my mind. Shadow of the past really haunt me down, and I’m back to the state where I just stand still not to far away from him, where he lay lifelessly on the street with his head full with blood and surrounded by some people to help him. I, on the other hand, stay frozen and watching people call an ambulance for him, do nothing at all. I can’t believe it’s happen right in front of my eyes, someone that I dear the most beside my family now gone from my life.

FLASHBACK

                “Oppa, I want you to meet my boyfriend…” a fourteen years old Jiyool bouncing happily toward me with a wide smile that never leave her face.

                “Heh? Boyfriend? How old are you? How come you already have a boyfriend?” I ask teasingly, but she’s just shrugged it and sits next to me.

                “Oppa, you know this person very well, so I hope you’ll approve our relationship.” Frowning, I put my full attention to her and try to guess who it is. “Aish…how come you don’t know, when we practically grow up together.

                My heart suddenly loses its pace. “Is it…” Jiyool nod enthusiastically and continue what I want to say but couldn’t.

                “It’s Kibum oppa…”

                I could hear my heart shattered at her words but then compose myself and lit up a fake smile, which I hope she would buy it. “It’s so unexpected… But I’ll be happy if you are…”

                “Thank you, oppa… Now I need to tell mom about this, I bet he’ll be excited to know about this.” With a small nod, she makes her way to the kitchen where our mom is.

                After she’s gone, I can’t help myself but run to my room, slam my body to the bed and scream out whatever I couldn’t tell in front of my sister. She is my sister, even we’re not having any blood relation, but I grow up with her…and Kibum. I’ve never expect that we will fall for the same person. I admit I fall for Kibum, but I’m not gay, maybe a bi. All this time, I thought he have same feeling with me. But the reality now shows in front of my face; he’s actually fall for my sister. All the smiles, all the loving stares, and all the gestures it’s not for me.

                My phone suddenly ringing and I think I know who it is. I fished out the phone from my jeans pocket and the name that shown in the screen is no other than Kim Kibum. My sister’s new boyfriend. I laugh sarcastically at my own thought and press the red button. I immediately turn off the phone, to prevent him calling me continuously. I get up from the bed and shoved the device to the deepest drawer I have.

                All of his act is fake! I concluded inside my head.

***

2 weeks later

                “Oppa, you seem too busy lately…” Jiyool sudden question at the dinner make me uneasy. My mother eyed me, questioningly. I bet Jiyool already talk about this to my mother. In fact, I was faking up about me being busy. I just want to avoid both of them, especially him. Meet him will just trigger me to flying a punch or two to his face. I know I couldn’t contain myself if I met him face to face.

                “Because I am…” I reply shortly.

                “But you’re never been busy like this. Is it because my relationship with Kibum oppa?”

                I sighed before turn to face her. “What the connection between my busy schedules with your love life? I’m seriously been busy for this past weeks, in fact, this whole month I’m busy to arrange some things that I need to do.”

                “Are you sure about that? Is this things related to school stuff?” This time, it’s my mother turn to ask.

                “Some of it are school stuff, the other are personal stuff.” I reply to my mother, who now eyed me suspiciously. When I look at my sister, she already copied my mother’s action and now there is two pair of eyes that stare at me with disbelieve clearly shown in their eyes. “Could we just drop this matter? Am I can’t have any personal stuff out there without both of you accuse me? I swear it’s not something illegal…”

                “Fine… I let you this time, but I hope you’ll tell me what’s happen actually with you.” As my mom said that, my sister finally turn to face her food but still not satisfied. I relieved for a moment, but then Jiyool whispered something to my mom while eyed me. My mom just nodded then smiles a bit, and I swear I feel something would be coming in a not so right way.

***

1 week later

                Finally I could go home earlier than I thought. Three weeks ago, I join many clubs to fill up my schedules and make me go home late everyday. I try my best to avoid meet them, because Kibum usually go to our home straightly from his school. He spent three or four hour at our house before goes home. Usually, I really wish the clock to tick faster, so I could go home early and spent my time with him, but since Jiyool announce his relation with Kibum, I retreat myself.

                Arrive at home, I immediately go to my room and change my clothes. He’ll be here any minute and I want to get out from the house before he’s here. Fate is really unavoidable. My plan to move faster failed when my sister’s head poking in from my door and smile happily when she sees me.

                “Oppa… You’re early…” She stated. Her whole body now exposed and all I can do just smile bitterly.

                “Well, I just go home to change, since my friends already wait for me. We planned to go… err… somewhere… Just hang out…” I lie a bit to her. I never like to lie to my mother or my sister, but I need it now.

                “But…oppa… I thought we could go to amusement park with Kibum oppa. He’s here, and he misses you. You’re never hanging out with us anymore…” She pouted and I’m sure she wants me to feel guilty, but my heart flattered a bit when she said about Kibum miss me. Is it true? I shook my head, not wanting to raise my hope, when he actually said it just to be polite.

                “Maybe another time, okay? I’m already late… I’ll see you guys later…” quickly I dashed out from my room and go straight to garage. I pretend to talking on the phone, to avoid greeting Kibum that sit nicely in the living room. When I settled down inside my car, I sighed and close my eyes. His eyes look so sad when I just pass him by, not saying anything. I tossed my brand new phone to the backseat and start the engine. I’m not sure where I’ll be going, but stay at home definitely not a choice.

                It’s two in the morning and I believe there’s no one still awake in my house. Maybe my mother, but I bet he will let me sleep first before give another lecture at breakfast time. I walked slowly toward the kitchen, because I need something to ease the alcohol a little bit. The room almost dark and I couldn’t see anything at first. After my eyes adjusted to the darkness, I could see there is someone in front of refrigerator, thanks to the light that comes from inside it. Think that it will be my mom, I walk toward him. “Mom, could you make me a coffee please? I got a headache now…”

                The person turns around to face me and to my surprise, it’s Kibum. What he’s doing at this hour in my house? Don’t tell me he slept over tonight! Is he slept with my sister already? What should I say to him? His eyes grew bigger also when he sees my shadow.

                “Min… I… What you want to drink? Maybe I could make some tea for you… Just wait here…” He immediately tries to find the tea leaves after close the source of the light but to no avail. It’s so dark here, and I believe he even couldn’t see where he’s going. He tripped his leg and fall toward me. Catch by surprise and thanks again to my headache, both of us landed on the floor successfully.

                “Argh…” I groaned in pain as my head bang softly to the floor. I closed my eyes due to the pain that spread around my head.

                “Min, are you okay? I’m sorry… I’m…” Listen to a panic Kibum, I open my eyes and the moonlight that come through the window show his worried face perfectly in front of my face. My left hand wrap around his waist, while my other hand make its way to his nape, push his face down to mine and bring my lips to capture his. His eyes widen to the realization about what happen, and I expect him to push me away, throw some harsh words, and tell me how drunk I am. But those thought never come, in fact, he place both his hand onto my shoulder and reply my kiss. I know I’m not drunk yet and I don’t imagine this either, but even though I can’t believe he actually open his mouth for me to devour him, he did. My hope raise with every kiss and every cute sound he let out that sounded like a moan of pleasure to me and make me go bolder. My left hand slips inside his shirt and caress his waist, up to his back spine. Slowly I lift up my body from the floor, but still locked my lips with him, taste everything I could get there. I don’t care anything or everything around me right now; as soon as he kissed me back, all I know is I have to get him, make him mine, mark him as mine. My mind just filled with Kibum. How pathetic of me to attack him when I’m on my state now, but I don’t care anymore.

                Thanks to the darkness and my ability to see in the dark as well, both of us arrive safely at my room without anyone notice. His leg wrapped around waist and I could feel his harden member on my stomach. I squeezed his -cheeks; earn a loud moan from him. Fortunately, I already close and lock my door, so there is no one could interfere what will happen the next hour. Even though I doubt it if my family would hear some coming from my room, since my room built with sound proof wall in it. And tonight I’m planning to make use of it with making him screaming my name out loud.

The Day

                It pissed me off! He just left me there, not say anything, and not leave any note. He left a note for my sister, but not for me? I though I am his first, I show him enough how do I feel actually to him. Am I just some kind of replacement for his ? Why he run away like that? I even braved myself to fight with my sister just to have him, and where is he now? Gone!

                “Oppa, what’s happen with this?” suddenly Jiyool’s face already in front of mine as she poking between my eyebrow. I scan around the table just to have my mom and grandpa look at me concerned.

                “Lately you’ve been so quiet; frowning a lot, even rarely to have dinner with us anymore. What’s happen? Is there something bothering you?” My mom asked and I just sighed at his observation.

                “No. It’s fine. Maybe I’m just stressed out about something at school. Not a big thing.”

                “If it’s about school, you always welcomed to discuss it with me; you know that right, Min?” I smile gratefully at my grandpa before continue my breakfast.

                “Yoolie-ah… how’s your relationship with Kibum? Since the slept over last week, I've never see his glimpse here anymore. Is he's busy much this week? But yesterday I met with his parents at the party our company held, and they are so delightful about your relationship. They even already talk about engagement and marriage.” My mom’s words make me choke, and quickly I gulped down whatever I ate, pushed it down with the water. “Min-ah… are you okay?”

                “Yes… No problem…” I manage sat between coughing. After make sure I’m okay, he turn around to face my sister again.

                “Mom, isn’t it too early about that? Jiyool not even seventeen…” Even though it’s seems like I care enough about my sister, what actually inside my head is not even close to that. I know I’m being selfish, but what I don’t know is there’s something big will happen and turn my life upside down.

                “Well, it’s not matter… They could engage first and when they old enough, then we can discuss about marriage…” It’s not the best time to argue with my mom, so I just shrugged it off, finish my breakfast in no time and go to school immediately.

                I got no mood whatsoever to study or even pretend to do it. Only took 15 minutes before I finally dashed out from the classroom and out from school completely. My mind couldn’t focus much on school and I prefer to just hang out alone, not bother to call my friends. When I walk at the park, that’s when I see him again after a week. He’s sitting on the bench near the pond; stare blankly at none particularly, still in his uniform. He looks so pale but still gorgeous as ever, but the sadness clearly written on his face. Rushed to his direction, I don’t even know what I would like to say at him. All the thought from this one week accumulated inside my brain.

                All the words I like to say to him swirled around my head but all I could muster is, “Why…?”

                A little bit shock painted his face as soon as he saw me. After seconds abused his bottom lip, finally he looks at me. “I’m sorry… I know if I say I love you it will be a burden to you, but I’m sorry… I’m falling for you, even before I become Jiyool’s boyfriend. I accept her so I could closer to you than before, but now everything is a mess. They want me to marry her, no… they me force me. I’m sorry…”

                I don’t know how many times he says he’s sorry. His tears threatening to fall as his hand cover his mouth, probably prevent any sobs come from it. “Are you trying to say about you playing my sister’s heart now? No, you play with both of me and my sister’s heart right now!” Even though I try to suppress my anger, it doesn’t work. I yelled at him, my heart slowly but sure breaking down in every way I don’t even know. He’s crying now in front of me and keeps muttered ‘I’m sorry’ over and over again.

                “I… I even think about snatch you away from my own sister, plan how I’ll tell her about our… I don’t even know what we have between us.” His eyes grew bigger at every word that comes out from my mouth. “But seeing you now… You don’t even willing to sacrifice anything for us. Wait, there’s nothing between us for you, right? There' no us in the first place! No need to do anything... You’re right… You’re burden for me, and now I want to get rid of it…”

                As soon as I finished what I don’t really want to say, I turn around and start walking away from him. Faintly I heard his phone ringing and what makes me quicken my pace is Jiyool’s name. I don’t want to hear their conversation, or mostly because I know how weak he is to refuse his parents greediness.

                Just when I’m about to cross the street before the lamp turn red, I heard him calling me. Even in the crowd, I’ll always know it’s him. My anger and jealousy blinded and deafening me thus make me ignore his call. I keep walking and what I didn’t know is he keeps following me, even though the lamp already turns red. A screeching sound and follow by a loud scream makes me turn around to see people gather in the middle of street. Frowning at a possibility of Kibum just had been hit, makes me uncomfortable, but I don’t budge from where I stand. Hoping he’s still on the other side of road, I stand still but just to have another reality show right in front of me. Even with the people surround him, I get a glimpse of his uniform when medics lift him up and pushed in to the ambulance. I couldn’t believe it and stand frozen for another fifteen minutes. What I do this time?

                My ringing phone brought me back from my frozen state. It’s Jiyool. “Yes…?”

                “Oppa…” instead continue whatever she wants to told me, she crying on the other line. Another bad feeling is slowly creeping inside my heart. I’m waiting for another minute just to get a good for nothing information. “Kibum oppa get into an accident. He’s… he’s gone…”

PRESENT

                And now, what’s more annoying is the nerd that being a constant guest in my house due to my mom plea. He’s fall for the nerd when he knows about that nerd’s tragic story about his parents. I, myself, not believe the story, but then when I search about him, the story proves to be true. He’s just live with his grandmother, who apparently a CEO of Kim Corp., one of Jung’s Co. big clients.

                Even though his background really unexpected, what’s more surprised me most are my own feeling. My mom’s words surely make me enter a denial state before finally I give up and admit it, the nerd, the one that I keep calling my toy, now become someone that nailed his presence inside my heart. I freak out for a moment, maybe three days at top, before my mom calm me down and suggest me something that I’ve never done it before to anyone out of my family.

                Should I do it?

***

Mianhae.... T___T *kneel down and bow deeply*

This is not the last chapter...

I know I've promised this is going to be the last chapter, but my mind couldn't put the end of this story in just one chapter...

I'm going to put a scene, but this chapter already long enough so I have to cut it...

The next chapter really going to be the last chapter, so please anticipate ne~~

Thank you for all my readers and subscribers^^

Please do comment ne~~~~