Chapter 7

I don’t know why I’m doing this. But here I was in my jeans and dress top ready to leave, and face my fears.

I told Damien where I was going and he flipped.

“Why are you going back to him? After all he did to you?!”

“I never said I would go back to him. I’m only going back to see them again and to get answers.” I replied in a weak voice.

“I...I” Damien was lost for words, “I can’t let you.”

I hugged him, “It’s my mistake. Only I can fix it...thanks thou.”

The taxi stopped in front of the stadium. There were hoards of fangirls trying to enter the building. I stood patiently at the back of the queue waiting to enter, while I thought about the articles I had read during my departure.

                JAEJOONG ABSENT YET AGAIN!

Kim (Hero) Jaejoong, Asian boy superstar has yet again refused to perform. It has now been three weeks since the idol has gone into this depressed state. Representative of the hottest boyband, Dong Bang Shin Ki, spoke to the reporters stating Jaejoong had been going through a rough patch in his career. No one can confirm or deny whether it had to do with the scandal surrounding Jaejoong and his mysterious girlfriend. This mystery lady could have been the cause to all this sadness-

I had stopped reading after that section. Mystery girlfriend?! Me?

I hadn’t seen or heard anything about any scandals when I was dating Jaejoong. A voice inside my head questioned whether Jaejoong had been avoiding me for those last two months because of these scandals. I quickly pushed it aside. I was sure he would have told me...at least, I think he would have.

Jaejoong is a very protective man, over everything, and most the time he doesn’t like sharing his feelings. That’s why the other guys in DBSK were excited to see him finally showing emotions more often around the apartment, especially when I was there.

I want answers.

Finally it was my turn to enter the stadium. I handed the guard my ticket and he ripped it and gave me back the seating number. I made my way though the large amount of screaming fangirls purchasing the random DBSK merchandise. I held my shoulder bag close to my side not wanting to lose anything, especially the backstage pass. I quickly made my way to the bathroom, which was surprisingly empty, except for the giggly teenager here or there. I look at my image in the mirror.

I had done a light layer of makeup, and just applied a layer of lip balm on top. Vanilla. Which happened to be our favourite. He always used to love the taste of vanilla on my lips. It was a weird, but cute, thing he had. I remember how he made me promise that whenever he was around I’d always had to use the vanilla lip balm. He had brought me three sticks of the lip balm. One to keep in my pocket. Another to keep in their car. And the final one to keep in his room. He told me that whenever he wanted to see me he would use some on his own lips and it would remind him of me. When he told me I wasn’t sure whether to be disturbed or flattered. I decided on neither. Because about a moment after he confessed, he proved it to me. If you get what I mean...

We had some great times together. But the last two months...they were the worst...

The first time was when I greeted the members as they came back from work, and I had just prepared dinner.

“Welcome back!” I greeted the members as they entered the apartment. I went to give them their hugs, which everyone gladly accepted, but when it came to Jaejoong’s turn he just ignored me and walked away.

I was shocked at his actions. Usually he would have been the first one to rush into my arms, but not today.

Changmin comforted me, and gave me another hug saying “He’s probably just stressed. Work has been really tiring on us all.”

Which I replied with a “Yeah, you’re probably right.” Staring down the hallway which Jaejoong has just walked down.

Then a week later, I went up to his room to bring some food around 9pm because he hadn’t eaten anything since he had arrived home and I heard from the other members that they hadn’t eaten since around lunch. He refused to open the door, and then when he did he told me to go away. Which I bitterly complied to.

I was understanding although out the month and didn’t complain once. But it killed me. I could only feel that I did something wrong. But he wouldn’t tell what to do to fix it.

Into the second month of misery, I really had begun to give up. I had called Jae everynight, just to see if he’d pick up.

He never did.

I hadn’t received a call, a text, an email, a note, an anything from Jaejoong in the last month. It wasn’t until I the TV and I saw the guys getting on a plane to go to Japan for the weekend, to shoot a video clip for their new album.

I cried. I sobbed.

I threw a fit.

He had left the country and he doesn’t even bother to tell me anything.

The excuse “Work is too stressful” stopped working the third week into this facade.

However, though the love I had shared with Jaejoong for the past months told me to wait around longer. Just to make sure that this is what was going to happen.

Because it was quite clear to me he didn’t want me anymore. That he thought of me so lowly, that he couldn’t give me five minutes in a day to explain to me what was going on.

When they returned, I don’t know why, but I stayed. I pretended I knew they were going. I smiled. I laughed. And not even once did I hear the words “I’m sorry.”

That was it.

There was only so much a girl can take. And I, somehow, had managed to pass that line a long time ago.

I stare at my reflection in the mirror. The final calling of all the people to enter the stadium was long gone. And all I could do was stand in front of a mirror and cry. My makeup was smudging, as a felt my eyes release more tears. I had cried more than enough for one guy.

What am I doing here? Was I really going to go through all this again? Was I really this stupid? It didn’t matter if he had a reason to or not. He had no right to treat me that way.

I stumbled backwards to the tile wall, and as I slid down the wall my head filled with images of us together and the happy times, then images of all the misery I felt. My head was reeling.

I thought I was ready for this. But I’m not. I’m really not ready for this. The image of Jaejoong’ face yesterday at the store was so helpless and remorseful. The longing I felt in his embrace unravel all the feelings I had locked away. My heart was pounding.

I wasn’t sure how long I was sitting on the bathroom floor, but the next thing I heard was the crowds of girls exiting the hallways and entering the bathrooms. All chattering about how great the concert was, and how the boys looked better than ever. All chatting seem to stop when they saw me sitting on the floor crying over something I could never explain to anyone.

A few girls asked me if I was okay. I nodded, stood up, and thanked them in the steadiest voice I could muster for their help. I was sure all the makeup on my face had washed off, and I accepted the tissue a girl had handed me. Trying to wipe away my tears and the rest of my makeup. My eyes were bloodshot and my nose was slightly runny.

I washed my face. Dried it off. And as best as I could walk out into the foyer.

The concert, I assumed, had ended, as everyone else seemed to vanish out the front door. I reached down in my bag and felt the backstage pass. I pulled it out of my bag and looked at it, before I threw it in the bin.

Goodbye.