Chapter 8

I couldn’t bring myself to leave.

I couldn’t bring myself to ing leave.

I don’t know why. But I stayed around the stadium foyer, sitting on the stairs. I didn’t want to go home yet. Even though I didn’t want to see Jaejoong again. I still could not say “I hate Kim Jaejoong.” My heart wouldn’t let me.

I was sitting across one of the main entrances on the ground level. And without much thought, I got up and walked over to the door. I pushed it open and closed my eyes. I walked forward imagining the fans chanting ‘Dong Bang Shin Ki’, ‘Oppa saranghae’ and ‘Always Keep the Faith!’, imagining the atmosphere. I opened my eyes, only to reveal the empty stadium. The props of the concert were still there. The lighting was still on. The loving atmosphere was still circling in the air.

I missed their smiling faces. Their cheeky, fun, loving nature. Their voices.

I stepped up onto the stage, using the boxes surrounding the stage. The aura of each of members was still here. Strangely enough I feel Jaejoong’s. The reports said that this performance would have been Jaejoong’s first performance in the last two months. I could imagine his smiling face, as he performed again to the thousands of people within this stadium. Along the wall of the stadium on the stage there was a poster of all the five men. They hadn’t changed much from memory.

Using a single finger, I outlined their faces remembering each one separately. Their face. Their laugh. Their smile. And even their smell. However, when I reached Jaejoong’s image I just brushed my hand against his cheek, cherishing the moments I spent with him. I could feel my heartache for what we had before. I didn’t realise I was crying until my vision became cloudy.

“This is goodbye I guess...saranghae.” I whispered as I turned around.

Once I had turned around to walk away, I heard a voice call my name. “Anna...please wait.”

I froze, knowing that voice too well. “Please, not now...” I whispered

“Anna! Let me explain!” I turned around to see Jaejoong standing there, he face filled with worry and remorse.

“I don’t want to hear it. I get it. You don’t love me anymore...I got the picture. I just came to tell you I...I want to move on.” He rushed towards me, embracing me.

“No, don’t. I didn’t mean to-”

I cut him off. “Don’t. Don’t tell me your excuses.” I pried his arms from around me. “I’ve had it. I told you in the letter. We were finished.” I spat out the last sentence, and stormed off the stage.

“I...I never read it.” Jaejoong confessed.

I stopped and let out a bitter laugh, “Well that clears up everything, doesn’t it? You don’t care about me enough to read a letter I wrote you. That’s rich.”

“I didn’t read it because I knew what it would have said. I didn’t read it. Because I couldn’t accept it.” He said, sadly. My head was reeling; my emotions were engulfing my entire body. “There were reporters who began to figure out that I was dating someone, when we had been dating around eight months. And that news reached SM co-ordinators and thus, my manager. He told me to get rid of you, or-”

“Or what?!” I spat. I didn’t what to hear it.  "Or what?!" I repeated. "You know what?! I cried for you. My heart ached for you. Did you even know-wait, did you even care? I waited. I did more waiting than you could have possibly imagined. I waited long into the night, hoping, wishing that you’d just let me know you cared. I waited alone and helpless, just wanting to just hear your voice. I waited. But I can’t wait anymore, and I’m not, Jae...It hurt. It hurt me so bad. ” I was shaking, and tears were streaming down my face.

Jaejoong was too shocked to speak anymore. But I continued.

“But, do you know what hurts the most? The fact that I still love you. The fact that I can’t function properly without you. It hurts to know that I’m stuck here, waiting. I’m still waiting.” I wiped my tears, letting out a bitter laugh. “I still love you. I’m still madly in love with you!” I shouted with the last of my strength, before I collapsed on the floor. My legs sprawled out, while I continued to cry. The truth I had been denying for so long finally hit me.

I still love this man. I still love him.

No matter the heartache he caused me.

That will never change.

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A/N: A big thankyou is in order for the creation of my lovely banner. So 3...2...1... "Thank you sakura!"

Hehe.

I hoped you liked that chapter.